We went to mediation about a year ago for a schedule change. I had a set work schedule and couldn't afford child care anymore so DD began going with her father about 40% of the time. She had 3 overnights with him, 2 overnights were in a row.
Her behavior began to change severly...I've taken into account her age and how she's bound to have shifts in behavior...but these changes have been noticed by family and friends on my side.
ALL my friends and family that have met xMIL have mentioned they are "creeped out" by her. Ive had some pretty strong feelings of dislike, now I don't want to come off judgmental...but the intuitive feelings are there...not to trust her. Now, xFIL has an unreported (xDP told me stories) sexual abuse, physical abuse, and verbal abuse history...xFIL was the abuser. I also left xDP when DD was around 6mo because he was verbally abusive, manipulative, etc. I should also mention, every time she is with her father, she most definitely sees her grandparents.
Now, back to the current issue...DD absolutely REFUSES to see her father. On his days with her, he shows up and she has terror in her eyes, she pleads, she kicks, she literally screams bloody murder...she even runs to the back of the house and hides in a corner screaming "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!" This is obviously not normal behavior when a child sees their father. I have brought this up to him and he claims she is fine after they leave and she just doesn't like the "switch off"... I have asked him and his mother straight-out if they are spanking or yelling at her, they have both said they use positive discipline without spanking or yelling. I have also brought up the possibility of xFIL sexually abusing her and xDP called me crazy and paranoid, said his father would never do that.
xDP has been taking domestic violence classes for the past year, so I'm hoping that has helped him control his anger.
Now, due to other information being passed onto me from other sources (xDP possible drug use *which he denies and has volunteered to do a drug test*), I have decided to keep DD with me for the past month.
The other day while I was folding laundry, she was without a diaper (we are potty training) and she laid on the couch and grabbed my hand and moved it toward her and said "Touch me, touch my squirrel, c'mon touch me." I have a past of childhood sexual abuse and this is NOT OK for a 2 year old to say, she MUST have heard that from somewhere, right?! I also questioned whether or not I heard her right, thinking since I do have a past of trauma...I could just be paranoid and being over-dramatic?
We have mediation scheduled for Jan 18th...next Monday, but I am nervous. I want to revoke his overnights. I'm also weary of letting him have her while I work weekdays... I cannot afford child care right now and I'm not sure what to do about this situation.
I have contacted child psychologists who work with toddlers. Left voicemails and have not heard back yet, until I do...can someone, anyone PLEASE give some advice or share a similar story?!