Does this seem dysfunctional to anyone? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 02-10-2010, 11:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, xDH and I separated in August, which included me and the 4 kids moving to PA (from CT). It wasn't a bad break up, just a loooooong time coming! I am very much over my ex, ready to move on, blah blah blah.

He has a girlfriend now, lets call her S. I'm thrilled for him. He isn't the type to be alone and frankly, he was making my life hell before S came into the picture. Now he's all happy and distracted. All the better for me.

He comes to PA 2x a month to see the kids and this last visit he and I told the kids about his girlfriend. They were fine about it. XDH took our 3 year old DS home with him to visit one-on-one for a week (my former in-laws are coming down this coming weekend and bringing Casey back with them).

So Casey met the girlfriend and she really liked him (no kids of her own) and Casey was noncommittal, what with being 3 and all. Anyway, I was talking to XDH tonigh on the phone, finding out about how the girlfriend intro went and I mentioned that our DD (she's 6) had made a Valentine for S. She wanted to be nice and made a little card with buttons glued on in a heart shape.

My ex got all weird and said that was dysfunctional and that the kids should be more upset that Daddy loves someone new.

WTH?

I say just be happy they are cool with it and that they are trying to think of ways to include S.

What say you all? Weird or good?
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#2 of 6 Old 02-11-2010, 12:27 AM
 
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Why would he want his kids to be upset? That seems so cruel. I think it is wonderful that you are helping your kids view their life as happy and normal. I have never understood why someone would want their child to be unhappy about their parents seperation and parents dating or remarrying when they are actually fine with the situation. I remember people expecting that my brother and I would care that my mom got divorced and later remarried. I was perfectly fine with both events as was my brother (as far as he has said). I think you should tell him that you and the kids are happy for him and that he should be glad that his choices haven't caused the kids anguish rather than wishing bad feelings onto his own children.
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#3 of 6 Old 02-11-2010, 12:34 AM
 
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Sounds to me like he was expecting (hoping for?) drama and didn't get it.
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#4 of 6 Old 02-11-2010, 07:06 AM
 
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his reaction? WIERD!!

your dd's reaction - right on!!! just the way it should be.

so your kids 'should' have been upset rigth from the beginning? because 'breaking up' is about daddy not 'loving' mommy. crazy!!!! which planet does he live in.

dd loves ex's present gf and would love for her to be her stepmom. except i have to gently remind her daddy may not end up marrying her. or moving in with her.

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#5 of 6 Old 02-11-2010, 02:15 PM
 
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Sounds like he's projecting how he thinks *you* should feel (upset, jealous) on the kids.
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#6 of 6 Old 02-11-2010, 06:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So I am not crazy!

I think he feels some sort of guilt because the break up was totally his fault (chronic, long-term adultery) and its been super easy for him. He found a new woman, I am still very nice to him, the kids aren't all damaged....

Crazy man....he should consider himself lucky!
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