How many of us are never married mothers? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 37 Old 03-08-2010, 09:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just out of curiosity, are most women here divorced or never married?
And, how many of us are SMBC, or SMBHA?

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#2 of 37 Old 03-08-2010, 10:09 PM
 
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So I had no idea what those acronyms meant, so I googled them. The first hit for SMBHA was the Show Me Buckskin Horse Association. After that was the Scarborough Muslim Ball Hockey Association. I'm totally not kidding here. Then I googled SMBC and I got the Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal, the South Main Baptist Church, the Santa Monica Beach Club, and the abbreviation for the orchid genus Schombocattleya. I'm totally intrigued here.
As far as the other question goes, I'm never married. I'd guess that it's maybe 50-50? Or maybe slightly more divorced? Interesting question.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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#3 of 37 Old 03-08-2010, 11:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh goodness!
SMBC = Single Mother By Choice (a woman who intentionally got pregnant on her own)
SMBHA = Single Mother By Happy Accident (a woman who did not plan to get pregnant)

Sorry, those are in common use in my other single mom forums. I think what came up for them is a riot!

I'm never married as well. Single mother by happy accident. Best birth control oops ever!

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#4 of 37 Old 03-09-2010, 01:01 AM
 
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I have never heard of single mother by happy accident but I like that..... I'm a solo mama (by happy accident) and I have never been married. I'm totally LOVING being a solo never married mama and think I am wiser in my approach to life - career, relationships, maturity, etc.

I think this group of women is a mix - mostly divorced, many never married and a small but great quality presence of solo mamas and single mother's by choice!

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#5 of 37 Old 03-09-2010, 03:14 AM
 
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I'm in the never married single mother by happy accident group. Funny, when I was much younger, like 20 years ago, I used to think that if I was ever in this position it would be the end of my world. Instead it has been the start of an amazing new one.

eta: I was in a relationship with DD's father, it obviously didn't work. We were also TTA conception..... so still a happy accident.
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#6 of 37 Old 03-09-2010, 03:27 AM
 
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Solo Mama by Choice via adoption here. Best decision I ever made.

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#7 of 37 Old 03-09-2010, 09:48 AM
 
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I was married back in the day, but we divorced. I had my dd with a man that I did not marry and thank god for that. I would have really been in a tricky spot to get rid of him then. Sheesh!

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#8 of 37 Old 03-09-2010, 11:26 AM
 
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I'm never married. I'm not sure I fit into either acronym since I was in a relationship and it didn't work so now I'm single. Lincoln's dad is very involved though - and Lincoln was a very very happy accident!
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#9 of 37 Old 03-09-2010, 02:37 PM
 
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Ex and I got married after baby #2, separated immediately after baby #3. We are currently separated (not divorced yet). Baby #4 is with my partner of 2.5 years (friend for 10). Not sure if DP and I will ever get married -- not sure if either of us really want too.

So...SMBHA?

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#10 of 37 Old 03-09-2010, 04:53 PM
 
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im in an "other" category. So I was married when we had our first who was sadly stillborn. I got pregnant with #2 when we were married but he left a week after the bfp so I really wasnt a married mother because I had no living children to care for at this point. i would consider myself a SMBHA but not because the pregnancy was a surprise... I consider myself one because dh leaving me and me suddenly being a single mama was the surprise. It turned out to be a great thing though. Anyway, Ive been doing it on my own since the beginning and planning on doing it again this time as a single mama by choice. So in short... Ive always been a single mom since dh left before the baby was born.


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#11 of 37 Old 03-09-2010, 10:19 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jessimonster View Post
Just out of curiosity, are most women here divorced or never married?
And, how many of us are SMBC, or SMBHA?
SMBHA for me!

DS' father and I were in a relationship that ended when DS was conceived; he's dropped in and out of DS' life.
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#12 of 37 Old 03-10-2010, 02:13 AM
 
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SMBC through birth, adoption, and foster care.

Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
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#13 of 37 Old 03-10-2010, 04:11 PM
 
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I'm a single mother by both and I love it! Sure it gets rough sometimes but you know what? We women are awesome and strong. We can accomplish anything!

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#14 of 37 Old 03-10-2010, 04:45 PM
 
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Single Mother, glad I never married my sons father, very controlling.

Happier now than ever! Except this custody stress!
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#15 of 37 Old 03-10-2010, 04:49 PM
 
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SMBC x2 here.
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#16 of 37 Old 03-10-2010, 05:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by voilamomma View Post
Single Mother, glad I never married my sons father, very controlling.

Happier now than ever! Except this custody stress!
Oh man, I know how you feel!! Custody stress is tough!
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#17 of 37 Old 03-10-2010, 06:50 PM
 
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I guess I fall into the SMBHA category. My DS was a result of a summer fling with a guy I didn't know very well. He's not involved at all.

While I often wish I had an extra set of hands, I really think this might be the easiest way to parent. I never have to argue or compromise on parenting issues. I make every decision on my own. One possible downside, though, is that I think if I ever do meet "the one" and decide to get married and have more babies, it might be really hard for me to coparent.

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#18 of 37 Old 03-11-2010, 01:55 AM
 
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Wow--how to answer this question--and not just on here but IRL too?!? I believed that I was married, but when STBX and I were seperated I discovered that he never divorced his first wife--making our marriage not a valid union.

Single HB mama to 2!
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#19 of 37 Old 03-12-2010, 11:57 PM
 
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Trying to write this is confusing me. Married, separated, pregnant(not with husband), divorced, gave birth, tried with the dad but it wasn't good, now it's me and baby. Daddy is around but not very responsible but his mother is the most wonderful surprise and I usually feel like she and I are raising ds together. I had thought about adopting and knew I wanted to be a mom and in retrospect have often thought that on some level my hormones took over my sanity and caused me to get my self into the situation. so I guess happy accident???
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#20 of 37 Old 03-17-2010, 02:19 AM
 
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Originally Posted by SamiPolizzi View Post
I guess I fall into the SMBHA category. My DS was a result of a summer fling with a guy I didn't know very well. He's not involved at all.

While I often wish I had an extra set of hands, I really think this might be the easiest way to parent. I never have to argue or compromise on parenting issues. I make every decision on my own. One possible downside, though, is that I think if I ever do meet "the one" and decide to get married and have more babies, it might be really hard for me to coparent.


SMBHAx2

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I'm a witchy mama to DS ('06) and DD ('10) with DH, Stormie, a heathen homemaker daddy.

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#21 of 37 Old 03-20-2010, 11:05 AM
 
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Originally Posted by AKA_PI View Post
I'm a single mother by both and I love it! Sure it gets rough sometimes but you know what? We women are awesome and strong. We can accomplish anything!
This is exactly how I feel. Never married my kids dad and I thank the goddess every day. It made separating so much easier, and that was just inevitable

Happiness despite misery is a great victory, I think...

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#22 of 37 Old 03-22-2010, 02:04 AM
 
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Solo-parenting SMBHA...feeling a little lonesome and lonely. While I am happy that my son is here, I don't think I would choose to do this alone.

Rebekah , single working mom to Micah (04.12.2007)
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#23 of 37 Old 03-22-2010, 04:22 AM
 
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ShyDaisi- Hugs for you.
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#24 of 37 Old 03-30-2010, 05:54 PM
 
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SMBC here : )
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#25 of 37 Old 01-02-2012, 04:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SamiPolizzi View Post

I guess I fall into the SMBHA category. My DS was a result of a summer fling with a guy I didn't know very well. He's not involved at all.

While I often wish I had an extra set of hands, I really think this might be the easiest way to parent. I never have to argue or compromise on parenting issues. I make every decision on my own. One possible downside, though, is that I think if I ever do meet "the one" and decide to get married and have more babies, it might be really hard for me to coparent.


Oh man, I totally get what you're saying!!  I actually just got married in August and now we're expecting a baby.  There's going to be some compromises, I'm sure.  Like we're getting a next to the bed cosleeper for this one, because my husband isn't cool with bed sharing.  But he's cool with home birth and consented to keeping baby intact, so I'm happy to compromise on cosleeping.

Actually, part of the way I knew he was Mr. Right is because we agreed on so much when it came to parenting!

 

On a side note, since I'm no longer a single mom, can I still stay on this board?  I still consider myself a single mom advocate.


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#26 of 37 Old 01-02-2012, 04:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SamiPolizzi View Post

I guess I fall into the SMBHA category. My DS was a result of a summer fling with a guy I didn't know very well. He's not involved at all.

While I often wish I had an extra set of hands, I really think this might be the easiest way to parent. I never have to argue or compromise on parenting issues. I make every decision on my own. One possible downside, though, is that I think if I ever do meet "the one" and decide to get married and have more babies, it might be really hard for me to coparent.


Oh man, I totally get what you're saying!!  I actually just got married in August and now we're expecting a baby.  There's going to be some compromises, I'm sure.  Like we're getting a next to the bed cosleeper for this one, because my husband isn't cool with bed sharing.  But he's cool with home birth and consented to keeping baby intact, so I'm happy to compromise on cosleeping.

Actually, part of the way I knew he was Mr. Right is because we agreed on so much when it came to parenting!

 

On a side note, since I'm no longer a single mom, can I still stay on this board?  I still consider myself a single mom advocate.


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#27 of 37 Old 01-02-2012, 04:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Whoops! Stupid double post!


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#28 of 37 Old 01-03-2012, 10:25 AM
 
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I was not married on purpose, rather in a long-term (more than a decade) domestic partnership including mortgages together, power of attorney, etc.  We got pregnant by choice both times for both kids.  But now we are in a horrid custody battle as I left him and he didn't want it to end.  Also in court (separate action) about settling the assets.  Totally exhausting....but being without him is ultimately worth it!


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#29 of 37 Old 01-03-2012, 03:49 PM
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l   I'm a single mom by choice as my sig states.

l

l

l

v


Single mama by choice to sonbabyf.gif 2/2011.
I love showing my little sweetheart (now a busy preschooler!) the world!

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#30 of 37 Old 01-04-2012, 04:06 AM
 
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i suppose both?  I was in a relationship with DS's father for 7 years prior to conception.  When I accidentally got pregnant XP gave me an ultimatum: lose the baby, or lose him.  He never wants to be anyone's father.  Anyway, I chose the option where he hits the road, and I've been all the better ever since!


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