Any single Mamas that don't plan to date? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 79 Old 04-05-2010, 05:24 PM
 
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add me to the club. My ds is my world and takes most of my time...ok who am I kidding... all of my time when I am not at work. And I have another one on the way that will probably do the same. I love being a mama and know they need me especially when they are young. I dont plan on dating any time soon. I do get lonely... but then my ds gives me something to do to keep me busy I dont make friends easily either so I will be keeping an eye on this thread.


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#62 of 79 Old 04-06-2010, 11:22 AM
 
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I was single for 3 years before going on my first post-marriage date. In 8 years, I only dated a handful of times and I have to say, for me, personally, it was the best thing I ever did.

I had always bounced from one relationship to another and when my marriage ended and I was just pregnant with my second, I realized I wasn't going to be dating anyone, anytime soon. That helped me break through those feelings of loneliness and needing somebody and gave me time to work on myself and figure out who I am and what I really want.

I was very busy with 2 kids for the first few years of my divorce. I had a newborn and a toddler and I loved it just being the three of us and me having time to give them my total focus. It was a great time for us.

As my little one got older, I realized I was wanting something more. I started to take classes, learn new hobbies and skills and just spent time getting to know who I was and what I was all about. And I started to know me and like me and I kept building our circle of friends, our interests and I focused on my personal growth.

When I did finally decide to seriously look for someone to date, I found I was in a fabulous place and really met the most exceptional men you could ever know...including my partner, whom I've been dating now for a year.

Taking time can be a great thing. Getting to know yourself is the key to finding someone great and having a wonderful & healthy relationship.

Yes, it's hard sometimes to feel alone...but we have to remember we often feel lonely in a relationship too. It is something that comes from and can be healed from within.

I'm wishing everyone well, regardless of where you are on this journey and where you decide to go from here.
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#63 of 79 Old 04-07-2010, 12:04 AM
 
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That was a beautiful post, Ms. Chats

Single mama to one active lil pill, aged 6. Getting my Masters in Counseling while playing as much Farmville as possible
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#64 of 79 Old 04-07-2010, 12:10 AM
 
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That was a beautiful post, Ms. Chats
I agree. I nodded a bunch.
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#65 of 79 Old 04-09-2010, 05:11 PM
 
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I am newly single (4 months) andI don't ever want to date again! Most of my friends say I will change my mind though.

Maggie, wife and mom to three
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#66 of 79 Old 06-05-2010, 02:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How is everyone doing?!

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#67 of 79 Old 06-06-2010, 01:59 AM
 
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Doing well. Still not dating. Although I've had dreams of being with both men and women, so who knows what that is all about? In the midst of some intense stuff with counseling which is good. I'm waiting for some super good news to come to me that will allow me to do some of the things I need and want to do. And I'm watching DD grow and change! Holy cow! It's so amazing the changes she is going through right now. So I'm still loving being a single Mom and I have no desire for things to be any other way right now.
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#68 of 79 Old 06-07-2010, 11:14 AM
 
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I'm doing ok. We're getting closer to having all this custody BS taken care of. The final hearing is in September.

I'm still not dating, not even thinking about dating. I'm so wrapped up in myself and DS that I don't have the emotional energy for anyone else.
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#69 of 79 Old 08-11-2010, 01:08 PM
 
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Thought this thread was worth bumping. :-)

I'm definitely not planning to date for quite a long while after the divorce is final, and I'm conflicted about it. Mostly, I have no desire to be involved with anyone and am enjoying life. But, I'm getting older and would like to have more kids (although there are options for that other than a relationship!), and I can't imagine what single life would be like way down the road after DS leaves home. Luckily, that will be awhile! ;-)

Mama to DS (5)

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#70 of 79 Old 08-11-2010, 02:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MsChatsAlot View Post
I was single for 3 years before going on my first post-marriage date. In 8 years, I only dated a handful of times and I have to say, for me, personally, it was the best thing I ever did.

I had always bounced from one relationship to another and when my marriage ended and I was just pregnant with my second, I realized I wasn't going to be dating anyone, anytime soon. That helped me break through those feelings of loneliness and needing somebody and gave me time to work on myself and figure out who I am and what I really want.

I was very busy with 2 kids for the first few years of my divorce. I had a newborn and a toddler and I loved it just being the three of us and me having time to give them my total focus. It was a great time for us.

As my little one got older, I realized I was wanting something more. I started to take classes, learn new hobbies and skills and just spent time getting to know who I was and what I was all about. And I started to know me and like me and I kept building our circle of friends, our interests and I focused on my personal growth.

When I did finally decide to seriously look for someone to date, I found I was in a fabulous place and really met the most exceptional men you could ever know...including my partner, whom I've been dating now for a year.

Taking time can be a great thing. Getting to know yourself is the key to finding someone great and having a wonderful & healthy relationship.

Yes, it's hard sometimes to feel alone...but we have to remember we often feel lonely in a relationship too. It is something that comes from and can be healed from within.

I'm wishing everyone well, regardless of where you are on this journey and where you decide to go from here.
This was very inspirational as I'm in that pregnant with a toddler single journey now. Thanks for this.

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treehugger.gif  DD ~ 1/7/09   shamrocksmile.gif  DS ~ 9/22/10

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#71 of 79 Old 08-12-2010, 02:28 AM
 
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I've been a single mom for 5.5 years now, wth no interest in dating. My life is so full with homeschooling my 3 kids, working from home as a writer, running a cat rescue, teaching UU kids, friends, family, graduate school, self-reflection and growth, and so much more... I enjoy being the only adult in the household, and when I start dating again, she will need to understand that cohabitation is incredibly unlikely. A long-distance relationship would be ideal at that point. lol
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#72 of 79 Old 08-12-2010, 01:32 PM
 
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ME! I find it entirely too scary. My ex and I have been together since high school. 3 kids and a FT job keep me busy as well as preparing to take the CPA exam. I also would need to lose about 50 pounds before I would even feel comfortable enough to think about it.

I am 5 years out and still very content being single.
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#73 of 79 Old 08-12-2010, 07:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hello everyone! I am doing well. Ex and I have been separated for 6 months now, and divorced for 4 months. He has moved on and started dating. I am still firm that right now I need and want time to work on myself (lose weight, go to school, counseling, etc) and to spend time with my kids, my family and friends. Overall I am very happy right now. I do feel lonely sometimes, but it is worth it because I know when I do date I will be in a much better place in every way and I am sure I will be glad that I waited.

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#74 of 79 Old 08-14-2010, 06:46 PM
 
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I don't really date and have a hard time with the loneliness sometimes. I figure if things happen, they happen, but I stopped going out and searching. I have been seperated from x since 1/09 and our divorce is almost finalized. He moved his gf into his apt with him back in Mar (they had been dating since Oct 09 ish) and I can see the affect it had on the littles.

I figure it's more important right now to work on me and spend as much time with my kids as I can just like you said FreedomMama.
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#75 of 79 Old 08-14-2010, 10:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sparklefairy View Post
I didn't date for a long time. It was definitely a good thing for me. Then I had a relationship which has just ended which lasted for about a year and a half (just wasn't going to go to "the next step" which was so irritating to me that I wasn't enjoying what it had to offer anymore).

I was one of those "functionally single" parents while married (no, really, he did nothing around the house or for the children and went months without income) so I actually felt less lonely once I finally was alone and there was no one there who should have been company but actually refused to speak to me much of the time. I was finally able to have phone conversations and spend time with friends without being criticized for it.

I think what's most helpful is changing the mindset from being a person without a mate and a family without a member to deciding that you are complete and whole just as you are and building life from there. It can be difficult to keep that in mind and there are plenty of people and situations to remind you that being single/being a family without two opposite-sex adults in a romantic partnership is not the expected "norm." Be whole and be well anyway.
Sometimes people say the smartest things on this board...and I'm being totally serious here, not saracastic at all. This says it all.
Thanks for posting--this really resonates with me.
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#76 of 79 Old 08-15-2010, 11:02 PM
 
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Hello All!
I’ve been legally separated with a full court order since 2007 (not officially divorced still) and have not started dating yet (casual or otherwise). I’ve spent my alone time healing myself physically & mentally> still working on my head issues (like others I suffered YEARS of abuse) but at least I’m in the best physical shape I’ve EVER been!!! I have no intention of bringing a man into our lives at this stage of the game. My dating would not bother my oldest (almost 19) at this point but I know that it would be upsetting and confusing for DS#2 (almost 8). I also do not want DS#2 to develop any sort of connection with someone that may not be around a year later IYKWIM. When the time comes that I feel the need and I’m finally ready for some intimacy it will be discreet and I will not bring it around the house!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just don’t want the whole step parent thing again>>ex was not DS#1’s biodad but we started dating when he was only one and still had the classic issues. Not going there again or even setting the family up for the possibility of it happening.

Rosie
Single mom of 2 boys~ DS#1 (18.5) & DS#2 (7.5)
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#77 of 79 Old 08-16-2010, 04:15 AM
 
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Sometimes people say the smartest things on this board...and I'm being totally serious here, not saracastic at all. This says it all.
Thanks for posting--this really resonates with me.
Thanks so much -- this made my night

And it was super helpful to read it again myself -- sometimes we "teach" best what we most need to learn. (And I put "teach" in quotation marks because I'm not actually teaching anything, just typing words as they come and sharing an experience.)
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#78 of 79 Old 08-17-2010, 12:31 PM
 
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add me to the "won't be dating for a long time" list. I can't even imagine trying to be with someone not to mention I have no desire to introduce anyone to my child. I am having a hard enough time trying to introduce child to stbx since he has never been in his/her life and dealing with the fallout of that.
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#79 of 79 Old 08-18-2010, 04:48 PM
 
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I think I'm about to go back to being single again. We've been dating for about 13 months now and some of the stuff going on is too much for me. I know I'll miss him for awhile, but I guess that's part of it when you end it with someone. In a way I think I'd like to focus on the kids and me only. Seems like there's less stress and drama when it's just the 3 of us.

I'm a single, self-employed, homeschooling mom of 2 great kids. Girl 9/95 and Boy 3/99.
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