Join Date: Dec 2008
Mentioned: 13 Post(s)
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Mama to DS (5)
I was single for 3 years before going on my first post-marriage date. In 8 years, I only dated a handful of times and I have to say, for me, personally, it was the best thing I ever did.
I had always bounced from one relationship to another and when my marriage ended and I was just pregnant with my second, I realized I wasn't going to be dating anyone, anytime soon. That helped me break through those feelings of loneliness and needing somebody and gave me time to work on myself and figure out who I am and what I really want.
I was very busy with 2 kids for the first few years of my divorce. I had a newborn and a toddler and I loved it just being the three of us and me having time to give them my total focus. It was a great time for us.
As my little one got older, I realized I was wanting something more. I started to take classes, learn new hobbies and skills and just spent time getting to know who I was and what I was all about. And I started to know me and like me and I kept building our circle of friends, our interests and I focused on my personal growth.
When I did finally decide to seriously look for someone to date, I found I was in a fabulous place and really met the most exceptional men you could ever know...including my partner, whom I've been dating now for a year.
Taking time can be a great thing. Getting to know yourself is the key to finding someone great and having a wonderful & healthy relationship.
Yes, it's hard sometimes to feel alone...but we have to remember we often feel lonely in a relationship too. It is something that comes from and can be healed from within.
I'm wishing everyone well, regardless of where you are on this journey and where you decide to go from here.
Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula
Student, Aspiring CNM
DD ~ 1/7/09 DS ~ 9/22/10
to DD 1 & DD 2 & engaged to DF
I didn't date for a long time. It was definitely a good thing for me. Then I had a relationship which has just ended which lasted for about a year and a half (just wasn't going to go to "the next step" which was so irritating to me that I wasn't enjoying what it had to offer anymore).
I was one of those "functionally single" parents while married (no, really, he did nothing around the house or for the children and went months without income) so I actually felt less lonely once I finally was alone and there was no one there who should have been company but actually refused to speak to me much of the time. I was finally able to have phone conversations and spend time with friends without being criticized for it.
I think what's most helpful is changing the mindset from being a person without a mate and a family without a member to deciding that you are complete and whole just as you are and building life from there. It can be difficult to keep that in mind and there are plenty of people and situations to remind you that being single/being a family without two opposite-sex adults in a romantic partnership is not the expected "norm." Be whole and be well anyway.
Sometimes people say the smartest things on this board...and I'm being totally serious here, not saracastic at all. This says it all.
Thanks for posting--this really resonates with me.