Any single Mamas that don't plan to date? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 12:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am very excited to date one day but for now I have two LO's, have years of school ahead of me and need time to heal (STBX was abusive).

I am just wondering if there are any other Mamas here that are not planning on dating for a long time (by that I mean years) and if so how do you keep yourself from getting lonely? I am already lonely but know this is what I personally need to do for myself.

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#2 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 12:38 AM
 
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I am not planning on dating for a very long time. I have my babies, I have a job that takes up enough time from the kids, and I have things that I need to do.

I don't know what I'm going to do to keep from being lonely, I don't make friends well and I don't have time to try and meet anyone anyway.

I'll be watching this thread.

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#3 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 12:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am the same way.

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#4 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 01:02 AM
 
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I am planning to wait until my divorce is final or atleast a year. I have too much going on to give any attention to dating really. I am looking for friendships and praying for a partner someday. But if that never happens that would be ok. So long as my kids and I get thru this. Sometimes I think my son needs a stepdad desparately but he doesn't need me to pick the wrong guy. I'm in a new town and not even back to work yet.
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#5 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 01:13 AM
 
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Not planning on dating here, either. I'm not sure that I'll ever be ready, but then again, this is so new and raw. I don't make friends easily, either, so I'm not sure what I'll do about loneliness. I'm planning to go back to school as well, so between that and 5 kids, I think I'll have plenty to keep me busy.

I've spent a lot of my married life alone with the kids already (STBX is military) so I think it will be more of an emotional and financial adjustment than anything.

But I'll be watching this thread too.
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#6 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 02:59 AM
 
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I'm not interested in dating. My ex and I actually share a house at the moment until I finish school, so in the short term I worry that dating would make him uncomfortable. In the long term, I just feel I need to focus on my son. And it's not like I'm such hot property that the men would be beating my door down. I feel like it's too much effort to do the dating thing again at this point.
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#7 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 02:59 AM
 
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I didn't date for many years when my kids were younger. Keep busy and be involved in family activities...not hard when you're alone with kids
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#8 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 04:42 AM
 
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I'm in this club too. I've been out of my abusive relationship for just over a year. I'm so not ready to date. I'm trying to make local friends. I am also trying to get DD (2yo) involved in activities that will hopefully lead us to people for both of us to be friends with. I want friends before I date again too. That is a big criteria for me, to have local friends and a full life that I've built for DD and I.

I'm not putting a time limit on when I will let myself date again. I'm going to see how I feel. I'm working closely with a counselor towards the goal of eventually being able to have a healthy relationship. But right now the thought of seeking one out scares the bejezzus out of me. I can't even make eye contact with a cute stranger when I'm out shopping. Besides, DD is so much fun right now and any time I would devote to seeking a relationship would be taken away from her, and I think she needs me a lot right now.
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#9 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 01:05 PM
 
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I don't plan on dating anytime soon. This is all still very new, and I know if I rushed out I would be doing it for the wrong reasons and would most likely end up hurt again. STBX and I plan on staying legally married for awhile for benefits, and will probably live together for awhile in a co-parenting arrangement, so bringing someone home wouldn't even be an option! Plus I really need for my heart to heal. I also don't have a ton of friends here so my plan in the next few months is to go out and find things to get involved in. It will be hard for me but I know something that I need to do.

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#10 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 01:16 PM
 
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Count me in! I'm single, and for now loving it! I'm an introvert, so I like my time alone. And right now, my home is so peaceful with just me and Lincoln that I love it.

I'm so busy I don't have time to get lonely - so that solves that problem! I also make a conscious effort to leave my apartment at least once/day. Even if its just a quick run to the store up the street on a rainy day I make myself leave! Or if its just to do laundry, I make sure I do something that will expose me to other people. Lincoln likes getting out and about too - so its great!
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#11 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 02:16 PM
 
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I didn't date for a long time. It was definitely a good thing for me. Then I had a relationship which has just ended which lasted for about a year and a half (just wasn't going to go to "the next step" which was so irritating to me that I wasn't enjoying what it had to offer anymore).

I was one of those "functionally single" parents while married (no, really, he did nothing around the house or for the children and went months without income) so I actually felt less lonely once I finally was alone and there was no one there who should have been company but actually refused to speak to me much of the time. I was finally able to have phone conversations and spend time with friends without being criticized for it.

I think what's most helpful is changing the mindset from being a person without a mate and a family without a member to deciding that you are complete and whole just as you are and building life from there. It can be difficult to keep that in mind and there are plenty of people and situations to remind you that being single/being a family without two opposite-sex adults in a romantic partnership is not the expected "norm." Be whole and be well anyway.
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#12 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 02:36 PM
 
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I just wanted to jump in here to support you ladies! I left ds's bio-dad when ds was just under 2 months old. I didn't date AT ALL until he was 3 years and 5 months. I am so glad I made that decision. It allowed me to focus on my ds AND to focus on myself. When ds was 2 a friend of mine gave me a phone number to a friend of hers. I ended up calling him and we became good friends, talking half the night away We talked on the phone and via email for over a year before we decided to meet in person. During that year I had NO intention of it being anything more than a friendship. Once we met though, sparks flew. Long story short, 4 months after we met, ds and I moved 2 states away to dp's town to live with him. This was one of the best decisions I could have made. DS has made HUGE progress down here (he has autism and the help we could get in Michigan left much to be desired, there are so many more options where we are now). DS loves dp so much and considers him daddy. This summer will mark 3 years since ds and I moved here and we are a happy little family DP and I are engaged and everything is going great. I think the fact that we were friends first (for a long time before we met) really helped. Our relationship is not built on the sexual aspect, but on a deep friendship (the sex doesn't hurt though ).

And speaking of that.... there's nothing wrong with using a BOB while you're single

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#13 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 02:58 PM
 
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Man, this kind of thread brings back some fun memories filled with some old MDC buddies (Mocha... miss ya!) that I don't see anymore, as we had also started a similar thread.

Anyway, in the beginning of my single mama journey (wow... almost 7 years ago), I was feeling exactly the same way. Since then, I have been in two wonderful long-term relationships, but I am currently single.

I wouldn't say that I have NO desire to date, as I am open to the possibility, should someone strike my fancy. But, I am definitely not actively searching or looking to date.

In my almost 7 years of singledom, I have learned that there is a time and place for both NOT wanting to date, or even being open to dating, and being out there actively searching. It's an individual process and everyone needs to go at their own pace and readiness level.

The best gift you can give to both yourself and a potential partner/relationship is to be 100% happy and fulfilled with your life... as is!
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#14 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 04:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so glad I started this thread. It really is making me feel empowered and like I am making the right decision in taking my time to date. I think sometimes I am still of the mindset that if you (people in general) aren't in a relationship that something is missing from your life. I see though that being single and having the time for other things (focusing on children, yourself, goals etc) can be a very rewarding and exciting time.

I hope to keep this thread up so we all have a place to check in with our non dating lives and how we are doing with being and staying single!


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#15 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 06:45 PM
 
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Yay! I am so glad you started this thread too! I think there is definitely a time to be single and focused on ourselves and our children. The most important relationship we will ever has is the one we have with ourselves.

Thanks the the experienced posters who came along to encourage us in our singledom.
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#16 of 79 Old 03-27-2010, 08:29 PM
 
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Well, I'm just sticking my toes back in the dating waters now, but it's been almost 5 years. I really think the mentality that most people have that they're lacking something if they're single is really unhealthy. If you're not in a healthy place, or lacking something on your own....combining your life with someone in the same circumstance is NOT going to help. And it's very important to allow yourself a kind of emotional reset and recovery after coming out of any relationship. Just like it's important to give your muscles a rest after heavy exertion. If you just keep going and going, something's going to cramp up or sprain or even tare.

How to keep from feeling lonely, though. A creative outlet helps a lot. A lot of women are very crafty, and making sure you give yourself time for that kind of thing can help a lot. I'm not crafty, but I write...and I put my creativity into things for the kids. They had the most awesome bday parties and bedrooms when they were younger. We homeschooled, and I put a lot of thought and energy into planning field trips, leading in the homeschool group, lesson plans that felt like playing, etc.

Also, making sure to find some time for yourself. When they were little and I had no support, that just meant arranging our schedules so I was up later or earlier than the kids from time to time...and spend that time doing something NOT kid friendly. Watching a rented movie, tivo'd show, playing a video game, something I could never do with them around.

As they got older, they wanted less of my attention (no more cool bday parties, decorate their own rooms, take control of their own education)...but they are also old enough that they do things on their own some. If you have access to babysitting, this part applies too. I was able to have a bit of an actual social life at that point. Honestly, I still usually just do things on my own. I'm comfortable with me, and after the constant chatter of kids all day I really enjoy going out to dinner or a movie or what not without anyone else. I think the fact that I'm at that point kind of shows me I'm ready to start dating again....now I just have to figure out if I WANT to be.

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#17 of 79 Old 03-28-2010, 01:16 AM
 
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It's very heartening to read this. My separation is pretty fresh, and getting into a relationship right now, or even in the next couple of years, is pretty much the last thing I have on my mind.

For now, I'm sticking to the basics- the kids, food, shelter, finding work- for now. I'm enjoying my peace at home and even starting to get a bit into the visitation schedule. I had my first job interview last week (fingers, toes, everything crossed!) and am excited at the prospect of being financially independent. There is just so much to do- once I get a job, I am going to be able to use my equity in the house to buy a house of my own.

But really alongside with having so much to do, I really have to think long and hard about myself alone and myself in a relationship. I was with my stbx for 22 years (12 of them married) and in so many ways that was not good for me (living with someone chronically depressed, his infidelity, his sense of entitlement). I lost myself trying to make him happy, which was an impossibility, to the point that I didn't know what made me happy anymore. My job now is to find that happy place within myself before I can share it with someone else.

I do worry about loneliness, but I am pretty outgoing and have a great, supportive circle of friends that are in my life. So far I haven't been lonely per se, but I have really missed my kids on their alternate weekends with stbx. I keep waiting for what everyone tells me what will eventually happen, that I will come to look forward to and enjoy these times, but I'm not there yet.

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#18 of 79 Old 03-28-2010, 01:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by ExOfficia View Post
But really alongside with having so much to do, I really have to think long and hard about myself alone and myself in a relationship. I was with my stbx for 22 years (12 of them married) and in so many ways that was not good for me (living with someone chronically depressed, his infidelity, his sense of entitlement). I lost myself trying to make him happy, which was an impossibility, to the point that I didn't know what made me happy anymore. My job now is to find that happy place within myself before I can share it with someone else.
I was only with my STBX for 8 years but it was a very toxic relationship so I can understand what you mean about finding out what makes you happy. That is what I am trying to do as well.

BTW good luck with the job. I am crossing my fingers for you!

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#19 of 79 Old 03-28-2010, 02:45 AM
 
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LOL, So I answered this thread and the neighborhood cutie came knocking and asked me out for tonight. To go to some friends to a neighboring town for drinks and dancing. He got my number and said he'd call me when he got done with this other event he had going on and now it's late and he hasn't called. I am so puzzled. But I really wanted to go OUT tonight.
Not so much to get in a serious relationship but just to get to know him a bit better. We do flirt here and there and I just thought he might be FUN to hang out with and I know none of the singles hangouts here and if I don't get some adult conversation I'm going to lose my mind.

When he asked me out I had just come back from walking the dogs. LOL. He just said fix your hair and I'll be back later. So here I am all dressed up and no place to go.

Edited to add: I shaved my legs and everything. I'm checking my phone like a school girl. LOL. Yes even called my sister and it is working properly.
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#20 of 79 Old 03-28-2010, 11:28 AM
 
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Oh, good.

The love of my life is 2 yrs old. I divorced while less than 2 mo pregnant. I'm kind of like someone here, I don't have time for anyone, not even old friends on the phone.. That kind of sucks because, one recently wasn't too pleased when I admitted to not having time to even pick up the phone and listen to a message she left a week prior. I work full time out of the home, when I pick up my son from his babysitter granny, it's about him and I.

Also, I am afraid.. I watch reports about these boyfriends not being so nice to their girlfriend's child while she is away. Yeah, I am a bit paranoid..
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#21 of 79 Old 03-28-2010, 01:09 PM
 
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Oh, good.

The love of my life is 2 yrs old. I divorced while less than 2 mo pregnant. I'm kind of like someone here, I don't have time for anyone, not even old friends on the phone.. That kind of sucks because, one recently wasn't too pleased when I admitted to not having time to even pick up the phone and listen to a message she left a week prior. I work full time out of the home, when I pick up my son from his babysitter granny, it's about him and I.

Also, I am afraid.. I watch reports about these boyfriends not being so nice to their girlfriend's child while she is away. Yeah, I am a bit paranoid..
It is very easy to isolate yourself as a mother by making your primary and ONLY focus your child. Please be very careful. Isolation is unhealthy for both a mother and a child.

When I don't take care of myself, I am a miserable, disconnected and grumpy mommy. Maintaining my friendships, doing someone fun for myself (a manicure, pedicure, a quick trip to the bookstore ALONE, etc.) and taking care of myself (physcially and emotionally) are fundamental priorities for me as both a mother and a human being.

Additionally, it is how I would want my son to take care of himself and live his life. As I am his greatest role model, I believe it is imperative that I walk the walk.
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#22 of 79 Old 03-28-2010, 04:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh wow! Good for you! How did it go?!! Give us the details!!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Labbemama View Post
LOL, So I answered this thread and the neighborhood cutie came knocking and asked me out for tonight. To go to some friends to a neighboring town for drinks and dancing. He got my number and said he'd call me when he got done with this other event he had going on and now it's late and he hasn't called. I am so puzzled. But I really wanted to go OUT tonight.
Not so much to get in a serious relationship but just to get to know him a bit better. We do flirt here and there and I just thought he might be FUN to hang out with and I know none of the singles hangouts here and if I don't get some adult conversation I'm going to lose my mind.

When he asked me out I had just come back from walking the dogs. LOL. He just said fix your hair and I'll be back later. So here I am all dressed up and no place to go.

Edited to add: I shaved my legs and everything. I'm checking my phone like a school girl. LOL. Yes even called my sister and it is working properly.

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#23 of 79 Old 03-28-2010, 07:46 PM
 
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Honestly, I don't think dating or being with someone is in the cards for me. period. I would love for that to be a possibility but with the all other drama sounding my life, its not likely. Probably not until my son is out of the house and I have 17 more years before that happens. In the meantime, I'll just date myself.

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#24 of 79 Old 03-28-2010, 08:12 PM
 
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BL, Nothing happened, Not a darn thing. He didn't call me. I'm hoping that there's some misunderstanding.

I really did feel alive, excited.

How does this sound ladies?
I think I'm going to say" R. Your Last Name," That's how mad I am that I'm going to call him by his last name when I find it out. LOL.

you have one chance to take me out on the town if you still are interested in me,Cuz I was really looking foward to getting to know you better.

You don't leave a lady all dressed up with no place to go on a saturday night. Especially not a fiesty red-headed one. (He is constantly flirting with me about my hair)

HE really does have good manners and what attracted me to him at first was he saw my rose bushes outside and asked me where I wanted them planted. LOL I want a guy who will PLANT a rose bush not bring you a single rose. ;-)

It was a good test run to see how the kids feel about it and handle it.

My youngest had a hard time with it though.
She was like mom you are never home at night you are always at the ER. (3 times in 3 months, 2 of em for her brother.) Anyhow, she was crying her eyes out begging me to stay home and I was like look I'm not even sure I'm going out... "but I want you all to myself." "I don't want a new stepdaddy." And so went the waterworks. I got her all calmed down.

When I do go out I'll make sure she has a fun activity scheduled to take her mind off what I'm doing.

My oldest thought it was cool. She's moping over her bf back home, 13 hours away.

My son gave me a lecture on safe-sex. (Blushing) Well atleast someone knows his stuff. His love life is dead. LOL. He just got an email from the love of his life back home wondering where we went.


I was like who said anything about marrying anybody? I just want to go out dancing and have ONE margarita. Is that SO much to ask for???

If had gf's here I would have hit the town with them and declared it Girls Night OUT! But all I have is my sister and she is way hotter than me. LOL.

Jeez louise their dad already moved in with his new flame like 3 months ago, Is it too much to ask for that I get one night out?

I did tell her HECK even you have had TWO dates since we got here! I took her and a girlfriend to PuttPutt Golf for go-carting to meet up with her first crush. Then the next weekend I took her crush to Alice in Wonderland the movie with us.

I mean come on now. My almost 12 year old dd has a more exciting love-life than me. Pathetic.

I was so mad and bored I cleaned the heck out of this place.

Then I went over there all made up this morning with my dogs and some bs reason to go over to tell his friend W that I was going to church now, to repent of my wicked wicked ways, LOL, and find me a good man of upstanding character. W remarked how good I looked and smelled and that wow I got all that dressed up for that hound dog, R. His best friend hugged me and said R. was a fool. They have been friends since high school.


So I'm gonna have to like curl my hair and put makeup on and stuff when I walk around this town. NO more sweatpants. ;-)

I asked his best friend if he said anything that scared him away. LOL Because I told W I'm not the kind of girl who goes all the way on the first date because it came up that R. was planning to stay overnite in the next town over and W. wanted me to leave him my car keys so he could go get me if I decided to come home.

Well I had already had a plan to do that and called my sister to let her know I had a date. ALso I wanted access to her wardrobe because I have nothing the slightest bit sexy in my closet. LOL.

And at this point I might be that kind of girl. but I don't want my kids and the whole neighborhood knowing my business!!! But anyhow if that's what he's after then I'm glad I didn't go.

His best friend had told me to stay away from him that he'd break my heart. I told him "I'm heartless." And my heart is already broken so not a problem. (That's the rumour anyway from my ex and my kids) and that maybe R. Should stay away from ME. I am nothing but trouble. ;-)

But anyhow if R. comes around I'll ask him what happened I thought we were going out last night and ask him if still wants one shot to take me out.

His best friend, W. is going to introduce me to some guys he thinks would be better for me. :-)

So it's not a total waste. His best friend W and W's gf M feel sort of parently towards me. I adore M and W I don't want them all thinking I'm skeevy. They might know someone good for me.

I just want a night out and a little affection. Nothing serious. It would be nice to dance with a fellow.
Ok it would be nice to learn to dance. My ex did not dance and I have two left feet.

Anyhow, no my hormones are not in check and I probably just need to get this out of my system. I can't remember the last time I had a proper intimate time. Sorry if that's TMI. But yeah, I was all excited, I packed a toothbrush for goodness' sake. All he had to do was show up and be his charming self.

But you know I have to set a good example for my kids and all that.


So I cooled my jets at church this a.m. and am joining their once a month singles again ministry. Will give me something to look foward to atleast.

Oh I'm so frustrated because I don't know why he didn't call me. I mean maybe he lost my number or just got busy or found someother date or decided not to go or went thinking I wasn't that kind of girl. Idk. But for Pete's sake, call and make something up. I hope he shows up because I'm wanting to know what happened and hoping we can still go out one night. Like tonight. LOL. I am so restless now.

I haven't been stood up since I was 16 and it p's me off because this is the first real date invitation I've had and it went so pathetically. IF that guy hadn't stood me up I wouldn't have been with my ex! So I'm a tad worried. LOL.

It's probably a good thing I didn't go and I need to go take a cold shower. But I have needs tooo..wah. wah poor me.

And it's got me thinking y'know I deserve some kind of life other than cleaning and driving ungrateful ppl around.
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#25 of 79 Old 03-29-2010, 12:42 AM
 
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It's been 2 years since I left and I have no plans to date for another 2 years, at least. Between my Masters classes, FT job, and single parenting I'm lucky to have time or energy to do laundry. Let alone let someone yap at me about their life for 2 hours while I pay for a sitter. (No, I'm not cynical at all!) I'd rather use that 2 hours to get a pedicure or sit at Barnes & Noble with a coffee.

Single mama to one active lil pill, aged 6. Getting my Masters in Counseling while playing as much Farmville as possible
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#26 of 79 Old 03-29-2010, 02:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Holland73 View Post
It is very easy to isolate yourself as a mother by making your primary and ONLY focus your child. Please be very careful. Isolation is unhealthy for both a mother and a child.

When I don't take care of myself, I am a miserable, disconnected and grumpy mommy. Maintaining my friendships, doing someone fun for myself (a manicure, pedicure, a quick trip to the bookstore ALONE, etc.) and taking care of myself (physcially and emotionally) are fundamental priorities for me as both a mother and a human being.

Additionally, it is how I would want my son to take care of himself and live his life. As I am his greatest role model, I believe it is imperative that I walk the walk.

My dear mom, I'm confused? Where have you read in my brief introduction that I isolate myself?

I'm a fulltime mom who works out of the house.. M-F my son and I are apart 9hours each day.. I want to be with my son for the few hours at night and the whole weekend. We do things together.. I am 44 yrs old, only have enough physical and mental energy for my son and close family. The friend I spoke of.. She just called me out of the blue after a year, and several before that.
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#27 of 79 Old 03-29-2010, 03:23 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MomofMusa View Post
My dear mom, I'm confused? Where have you read in my brief introduction that I isolate myself?

I'm a fulltime mom who works out of the house.. M-F my son and I are apart 9hours each day.. I want to be with my son for the few hours at night and the whole weekend. We do things together.. I am 44 yrs old, only have enough physical and mental energy for my son and close family. The friend I spoke of.. She just called me out of the blue after a year, and several before that.
i'll speak for Holland (instead of doing my chem hw).

even i read 'isolate' when you said you dont even pick up the phone.

what holland is saying is what many of us single moms all suffer from. we tend to put everything into our children without saving anything for us. and then one day it hits you - it really hits you that you really have done nothing for yourself. she is just saying save a tinee bit for yourself that is not your son related.

i would tell you teh same thing. i hope you do little things for yourself and just not focus all the time around dd. i speak from experience and i discovered when i take care of myself i also take care of dd. i am an older mom too. i remember so well my xmil (also my best friend) and my mom asking me what i was doing for myself and telling me 'no tell me what you did for yourself that did not include your dd'. could be anything. just sitting and enjoying a cup of hot chocolate after dd was asleep or taking a midnight shower or even going out with friends. but they always asked what was i doing for myself.


DATING!!!!! I have never ever said no or yes to it. it happened naturally. the first year and a half i was so messed up emotionally that i never noticed anyone. a year and a half later i picked up my head and hey hello!!!!

i have never wanted to close any options.

i have had fun. some not so. but i realised i am so different now than when i was dating before. i have become far more choosy.

i have met a couple of hopefuls. one whom initially i really liked. but then i found i am really enjoying my single life. the fun i was having with them was not enough for me to change my life. many of them i loved as friends - but oh boy not partner material.

i have not actively pursued dating. nor will i ever do it in the future. nor have i actively stayed away from dating. i am content where i am. i dont have the problem of loneliness because i was FAR more lonely in our relationship rather than out of it.

i just dont ever want to put up with anyone's bs again. and these days i seem to find that everyone seems to have some baggage.

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#28 of 79 Old 03-29-2010, 04:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by MomofMusa View Post
My dear mom, I'm confused? Where have you read in my brief introduction that I isolate myself?

I'm a fulltime mom who works out of the house.. M-F my son and I are apart 9hours each day.. I want to be with my son for the few hours at night and the whole weekend. We do things together.. I am 44 yrs old, only have enough physical and mental energy for my son and close family. The friend I spoke of.. She just called me out of the blue after a year, and several before that.
In your initial post, you wrote:

Quote:
I don't have time for anyone, not even old friends on the phone
AND
Quote:
I work full time out of the home, when I pick up my son from his babysitter granny, it's about him and I.
AND then this:

Quote:
I want to be with my son for the few hours at night and the whole weekend.
It is from the first two quotes that I drew my isolation-potential conclusion. The last one just makes me wonder further.

You work full-time and take care of your dc all the rest of your time. When do you have time to yourself? To nurture yourself?

I am also an older, 100% solo mama... it's just me and ds, no family, no X involvement, etc. And, I work full-time as an elementary school teacher.

Speaking ONLY for myself, if I didn't make the time for myself and to nurture myself as a human being, I would be an emotionally and physically unhealthy and miserable mama. Additionally, it wouldn't be the kind of life I would EVER want my ds to have in his future, but that would be what I would be modeling for him.

Therefore, I do go to the gym 3-4 days a week and ds goes to the gym childcare, which he loves. I also make sure to stay connected with my friends by calling them after ds goes to bed or going out for a quick dinner or cup of coffee on a weeknight or weekend. Oh, and I also splurge on a pedicure every 2 weeks.

Regardless, everyone's needs are different. I imagine at 44, you know what you need. Therefore, I meant no offense.

Quote:
Originally Posted by meemee View Post
i'll speak for Holland (instead of doing my chem hw).

even i read 'isolate' when you said you dont even pick up the phone.

what holland is saying is what many of us single moms all suffer from. we tend to put everything into our children without saving anything for us. and then one day it hits you - it really hits you that you really have done nothing for yourself. she is just saying save a tinee bit for yourself that is not your son related.
Thanks meemee!
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#29 of 79 Old 03-29-2010, 04:29 AM
 
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I have no plans to start dating anyone anytime soon. I got divorced in 2008 and had a on/off relationship for a short while after that and then reconnected with an old high school boyfriend this last summer who left me alone and pregnant. So, I am pretty much done with men for the moment. I really feel I need to focus on my babies and myself as that is what is really important. I would like someone to go out with occasionally but not someone to date. I am so not ready for that.
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#30 of 79 Old 03-29-2010, 10:07 AM
 
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In your initial post, you wrote:



AND

AND then this:



It is from the first two quotes that I drew my isolation-potential conclusion. The last one just makes me wonder further.

You work full-time and take care of your dc all the rest of your time. When do you have time to yourself? To nurture yourself?

I am also an older, 100% solo mama... it's just me and ds, no family, no X involvement, etc. And, I work full-time as an elementary school teacher.

Speaking ONLY for myself, if I didn't make the time for myself and to nurture myself as a human being, I would be an emotionally and physically unhealthy and miserable mama. Additionally, it wouldn't be the kind of life I would EVER want my ds to have in his future, but that would be what I would be modeling for him.

Therefore, I do go to the gym 3-4 days a week and ds goes to the gym childcare, which he loves. I also make sure to stay connected with my friends by calling them after ds goes to bed or going out for a quick dinner or cup of coffee on a weeknight or weekend. Oh, and I also splurge on a pedicure every 2 weeks.

Regardless, everyone's needs are different. I imagine at 44, you know what you need. Therefore, I meant no offense.



Thanks meemee!
I am offended... I didn't come here to be judged, lecturecd and have my small post picked apart.. I answered a question that was asked and only tossed in a tiny bit of who I am..

I don't pick up the phone becuase, we get home late, we have activities and dinner with my son and then, we are sleep... Weekends are for us to play and do what we want to do..

As mentioned.. My friends are peakers.. They peak in and out of my life.. I don't have time for that kind of friendship.. My family does not peak in and out of my life...

Again, I am being judged and lectured on a thread that asked a question about dating, I just happened to mention a tiny part of what isn't all of me...


Don't read between the lines of a person you don't know.. A book should not be judged by it's cover..

Peace out to you all.
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