Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Bronx, NY
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Ruth, mum to B (9), P (8) and T (5)
Mama to DS (5)
Hey moms, were any of you in the situation before you and your ex broke up where things were just fine on a day to day basis but on a deeper level, you were totally dissatisfied and unhappy?
That's basically where I am. DP has many great qualities like being helpful, trustworthy, considerate, responsible, etc. But I just don't love him, and I don't even really like him that much- we have different interested, different worldviews, different ideas of what is important in life, and very, very different values. I KNOW in my heart of hearts that I CAN'T stay with him and be happy- I have given it my best shot and he just isn't the man for me. I'm sure of it.
I haven't left him bc our daughter is only 22 mos. But now she's getting old enough where I can imagine being away from her a few nights a month.
The problem is I just don't see how I will extricate myself from this relationship. On a day-to-day basis things are okay- we handle logistics well and get along fine about who's doing what when and money etc. It's not like we are having screaming arguments every day or even every week. We do disagree a lot but we're so used to it that it doesn't get out of hand, its just depressing. Our home is kind of depressing, not a happy place really.
Anyway so if you were in a situation like this, how did it end? How did you finally find the courage to dissolve something fuctional so that you could find happiness. DId you just have to break it down one day to your loving nice partner that you were unhappy? PS I KNOW counseling would NOT help because it would never change his values which i find to be abhorrent.
Yep, I was in this situation exactly. Married to a good man, basically, and we were seemingly happy and all that but deep down I was really unhappy.
I'll be honest and say that what motivated me was meeting and falling in love with someone else. I'm not proud of it or saying that this was a great way of going about things but it was my path and it was what got me thinking about things.
It was never for one moment an easy decision, especially because STBX was DESPERATE to save the marriage (that's not to say, however, that he was able to actually BE the man that I needed to him to be, and fair enough; it's not who he is).
Mother to R- 2/09, & C- 5/11
Oh god. This is how I feel and what I am terrified will happen.
I am not in love with DH, so what if I fall in love with someone else? Then I couldn't tolerate our mediocre situtation anymore.
But he begs me to stay.