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#1 of 30 Old 04-11-2010, 01:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So...My son was Baptised. Great right? NOT - I wasn't there, wasn't invited, wasn't told it was happening, and wasn't even told after the fact!!!!!!!!! No, I had to ask ex THREE times in order to get, "We did something small" in response. UAV.


AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!

He's MY SON!!! I'm not some inconvenience that you have to put up with you UAV!!!! I'm my son's MOTHER, I pushed him out of MY VAGINA and I should be INCLUDED IN BIG EVENTS!!!!!! I hate that his dad is keeping part of his life a SECRET from me, and that I have to wait until he TALKS to know whats happening!

What else has happened without me knowing it? Huh? I'd really like to know. I'm pissed right now. Thanks for letting me vent.
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#2 of 30 Old 04-11-2010, 04:35 PM
 
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Yikes that is awful and a little disturbing. That is such a rite of passage and for him to not even include you is very sad. Nothing like putting the kids first right? I'm so sorry. You should do something special with your son to celebrate in your own way.
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#3 of 30 Old 04-11-2010, 04:57 PM
 
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I would be livid! I do hope it was at least in the same religion you are a part of? It surprises me that they would even baptize a child so young, I was under the impression it wasn't usually done until a child was old enough to agree to it and truly understand what they were agreeing to uphold as part of there beliefs?

Seriously?
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#4 of 30 Old 04-11-2010, 05:08 PM
 
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I would be livid! I do hope it was at least in the same religion you are a part of? It surprises me that they would even baptize a child so young, I was under the impression it wasn't usually done until a child was old enough to agree to it and truly understand what they were agreeing to uphold as part of there beliefs?
Lots of faiths do infant baptism. I was more surprised when my husband's family didn't want to do anything when DS was teeny. It wasn't something I was familiar with. I wasn't upset or anything: rumor has it that I was baptized as an infant, but I think that was the last time I was in a church as a member!!

But yeah, OP, I'd be seriously hacked. Hopefully it's a religion you participate in or at least don't mind. But that's something you should have been involved in!
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#5 of 30 Old 04-11-2010, 06:57 PM
 
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Oh wow, that is absolutely infuriating!!! I'm so angry for you

If it were me, I would continue with any of my own religious baptisms/celebrations/etc. that I wanted to do and ignore whatever was done without my consent. Hard to do I'm sure.

I'm actually surprised that a church would do a baptism without Mom being present or even consenting to it. It just seems so wrong!

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#6 of 30 Old 04-11-2010, 07:35 PM
 
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I am sorry your hurting mama. That said I delayed having my daughter blessed because I would have had to choose between inviting her dad and inviting my family..... that all dislike what he has done, he dislikes them so it would not be an enjoyable day for anyone.

I do think he should have told you but when the separation is fresh sometimes it's best you both do your own things. It does not hurt or confuse a baby to be baptised twice but the stress and tension between parents is very noticable to children.

He may have not told you because you would have been pissed or fear you would tell him no. I would not show him your pissed because of the actual act but because you should be parenting as a team which means communicating openly........ get to the heart of the matter, ask (nicely) what can we do so you feel comfortable being honest and open with me in the future?

"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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#7 of 30 Old 04-11-2010, 07:43 PM
 
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That is unbelievable.

I would be completely enraged & hurt.

I'm so sorry mama.

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#8 of 30 Old 04-11-2010, 08:03 PM
 
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I am sorry your hurting mama. That said I delayed having my daughter blessed because I would have had to choose between inviting her dad and inviting my family..... that all dislike what he has done, he dislikes them so it would not be an enjoyable day for anyone.

I do think he should have told you but when the separation is fresh sometimes it's best you both do your own things. It does not hurt or confuse a baby to be baptised twice but the stress and tension between parents is very noticable to children.

He may have not told you because you would have been pissed or fear you would tell him no. I would not show him your pissed because of the actual act but because you should be parenting as a team which means communicating openly........ get to the heart of the matter, ask (nicely) what can we do so you feel comfortable being honest and open with me in the future?
I don't think most christian denom. will do two baptisms. She would have to lie and say he wasn't baptised yet and...well that wouldn't be good.
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#9 of 30 Old 04-11-2010, 08:26 PM
 
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I dont suppose I need to remind you to document the H*LL out of this situation. No, I dont believe I do.

mama. Just another reason why its sucha good thing you got away from him. Thats just dispicable.
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#10 of 30 Old 04-11-2010, 09:25 PM
 
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I'm so sorry mama, if I was in your position I would be infuriated. I don't baptize and DP wants to baptize our newborn in a catholic church (we both have catholic families). I'm very much opposed and it's an issue we haven't resolved yet. I'm hoping he forgets/drops it.

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#11 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 10:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone. His family is Catholic (ex is NOT - unless he's started going to church once we split). Yeah, I'm just pissed b/c I wasn't told. I had to ask THREE times before he even answered my question!! Ugh. I still don't even know when or where it was! I can't even contact the priest to ask him about it b/c I don't know WHO DID IT!!!!!! Grr.....I could just call all the catholic churches in my ex's home town to find out - do you think they would release that info to me? I think they might have to since I'm DS's MOM!
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#12 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 10:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am sorry your hurting mama. That said I delayed having my daughter blessed because I would have had to choose between inviting her dad and inviting my family..... that all dislike what he has done, he dislikes them so it would not be an enjoyable day for anyone.

I do think he should have told you but when the separation is fresh sometimes it's best you both do your own things. It does not hurt or confuse a baby to be baptised twice but the stress and tension between parents is very noticable to children.

He may have not told you because you would have been pissed or fear you would tell him no. I would not show him your pissed because of the actual act but because you should be parenting as a team which means communicating openly........ get to the heart of the matter, ask (nicely) what can we do so you feel comfortable being honest and open with me in the future?
I know you weren't being snarky - but I don't think you know the situation. I won't ask him this b/c I'm really afraid the answer would be something along the lines of, "I want you to go to Seattle and live with your family and never see DS again."

Which is fine if thats what he wants, but it sure as hell isn't what he's going to get. I'M NOT GOING TO ABANDON MY SON YOU A**HOLE!!! (Sorry Mods, I'm sure that was against the UA - but it sure felt good to type out.)
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#13 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 10:15 AM
 
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Thanks everyone. His family is Catholic (ex is NOT - unless he's started going to church once we split). Yeah, I'm just pissed b/c I wasn't told. I had to ask THREE times before he even answered my question!! Ugh. I still don't even know when or where it was! I can't even contact the priest to ask him about it b/c I don't know WHO DID IT!!!!!! Grr.....I could just call all the catholic churches in my ex's home town to find out - do you think they would release that info to me? I think they might have to since I'm DS's MOM!
It's worth a shot. Explain it to the churches calmly and politely that you know your son was baptised in the past year (?) but you're not sure which church since it was done without your knowledge. Request a copy of the baptismal certificate for your records. It's not that out-there of a request. If your son is ever going to be involved in the Catholic church, it's an important document--even if he's not, it's still good to have that document in your records. See what they say. That will tell you when, where, and who the god-parents/sponsers were.

p.s. The one nice thing about it being Catholic---they're awesome record keepers!!! If it was done, a document was created. After that, you can have a little chit-chat with the priest about doing this without at least your consent. I'm really surprised about that!
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#14 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 10:27 AM - Thread Starter
 
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It's worth a shot. Explain it to the churches calmly and politely that you know your son was baptised in the past year (?) but you're not sure which church since it was done without your knowledge. Request a copy of the baptismal certificate for your records. It's not that out-there of a request. If your son is ever going to be involved in the Catholic church, it's an important document--even if he's not, it's still good to have that document in your records. See what they say. That will tell you when, where, and who the god-parents/sponsers were.

p.s. The one nice thing about it being Catholic---they're awesome record keepers!!! If it was done, a document was created. After that, you can have a little chit-chat with the priest about doing this without at least your consent. I'm really surprised about that!
Thanks! I didn't know this about the certificate. Do I just go to any Catholic church? Or can I call? Hmm....I sense a homework project for the next weekend DS is with his dad.
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#15 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 10:36 AM
 
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Thanks! I didn't know this about the certificate. Do I just go to any Catholic church? Or can I call? Hmm....I sense a homework project for the next weekend DS is with his dad.
Looks like you have to find that local parish--not just any church. I'd start by making a list of the Catholic churches in your x's home town, or where his parents are. (Chances are, it's his parents church. Some parishes are pretty strict about who they baptise...I've heard some interesting stories.) Call them and just explain what you're looking for: a replacement baptismal certificate. They'll know exactly who to talk to and the process.

I'm not Catholic but my extended family is, so I know just enough about the processes to navigate when I need to. Rumor has it I was the only kid in my family baptised (until my sister did it before she got married) and there's a nice little certificate in my baby book with the date, location and god-parents in there. That's the piece of paper you're after!

You may be able to do some of the leg-work at a local church by explaining the situation and asking them who you should call.

I don't know for sure, but if you have any time at all during the week, you're more likely to catch the right person. I think most of them do the administrative stuff during regular office hours.
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#16 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 10:40 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Dang. This could be hard. I don't know where his family goes to church, only which towns they live in (which are small, so hopefully there are only one or 2 possibilities). They also live about an hour from me, so I can't go visit them, but I'll call around.

Thanks for the info!! Oh, can I get the cert if I'm not catholic?
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#17 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 10:45 AM
 
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Dang. This could be hard. I don't know where his family goes to church, only which towns they live in (which are small, so hopefully there are only one or 2 possibilities). They also live about an hour from me, so I can't go visit them, but I'll call around.

Thanks for the info!! Oh, can I get the cert if I'm not catholic?
Here's what I'd do:
Start by calling the local church. Explain the situation. Ask them for the contacts in the churches where your ex-inlaws live. OR if they have a database that could confirm where they're members? They might! I seriously don't know! Esp since they're only an hour away. They might be linked up higher up the food-chain--share a bishop or something.

The process I was seeing was to send a letter requesting the document...you can do that once you confirm where to send it. So hopefully a few phone calls will sort that part out.

And it's your son's document. There's no reason I can think of why you shouldn't be able to have a copy for his records. It's worth a couple of phone calls anyway!!!

GOOD LUCK!!
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#18 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 11:03 AM
 
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Just a thought if you share custody, physical and legal, go through the court/lawyer/mediator requesting the baptismal document. Or tell your ex you are taking him to court ex parte to demand the certificate since it is your legal right if he does not provide it to you asap. Maybe that will you get it quicker?
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#19 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 11:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I just did a quick internet search and I *think* I found the church he was baptized in. I'm going to call them as soon as my class is over and find out what happened.

As far as going through the court, there is no custody order yet. I have "de facto" custody according to the court, but there is nothing formal yet b/c we're probably going to have a hearing in a year or so. We're going through the forensic eval's right now.
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#20 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ok, there's not record of the baptism at the church I thought it was at. So...how do I find the local church? I'm so unfamiliar with Catholicism that I don't know what to do....
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#21 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 12:23 PM
 
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Im so sorry Lincolns father is still acting like this, thyra. So not fair!
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#22 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 12:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Found the church! The lady I talked to was really nice, and she's going to send me a certificate.
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#23 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 12:42 PM
 
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That is so wrong! I'm sorry he snuck around behind your back like that and wasn't even going to tell you about your own child... the child he would not be able to have baptized if it weren't for you!

A few times I suspected my ex would do the same thing; he's Catholic (though a barely practicing one) and I am not. I would be pretty ticked.

But as you do go through the legal system, be SURE you mention this. I have physical custody, and share legal custody with my ex, which theoretically means we both have input on educational, health and religious stuff. So considering your ex does not have primary custody nor primary decision-making, he didn't even have the right to do that. A very good reason to go for full physical AND full legal custody of your child - you can point out that look, he didn't even include you in a major decisions about your child. So I hope his action bites him in the butt big-time, ultimately.

Plus, when you do find the church, I would let them know their policies to do that without the mother's consent was really uncool. (I know nothing about Catholic rules, but I know they do annull marriages sometimes... can they annull baptisms if it turns out both parents did not give consent?)
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#24 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 12:43 PM
 
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Found the church!
Hooray!! That was quick!
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#25 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 12:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That is so wrong! I'm sorry he snuck around behind your back like that and wasn't even going to tell you about your own child... the child he would not be able to have baptized if it weren't for you!

A few times I suspected my ex would do the same thing; he's Catholic (though a barely practicing one) and I am not. I would be pretty ticked.

But as you do go through the legal system, be SURE you mention this. I have physical custody, and share legal custody with my ex, which theoretically means we both have input on educational, health and religious stuff. So considering your ex does not have primary custody nor primary decision-making, he didn't even have the right to do that. A very good reason to go for full physical AND full legal custody of your child - you can point out that look, he didn't even include you in a major decisions about your child. So I hope his action bites him in the butt big-time, ultimately.

Plus, when you do find the church, I would let them know their policies to do that without the mother's consent was really uncool. (I know nothing about Catholic rules, but I know they do annull marriages sometimes... can they annull baptisms if it turns out both parents did not give consent?)
The church teaches that if one parent consents then its ok. I feel so cheated.
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#26 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 12:56 PM
 
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The church teaches that if one parent consents then its ok. I feel so cheated.
That is just wrong Will you be able to get a copy of the cert? I would make sure to then bring it to court. This is a major thing! I would be furious if this was done to my children, you can bet your arse that person would not be seeing my children again if the were so disrespectful to me as to initiate them in a religious ceremony that I wasn't even invited to much less had the matter discussed with me.

Seriously?
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#27 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 02:20 PM
 
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I'm not Catholic, but my Dad's side is and I grew up attending church with them a lot. I'm surprised that the church would baptise a child without the Mother or at least a call to the Mother. When my Godson was baptised they asked me to get two , since I'm not recommendations Catholic, to become his Godmother. Plus his Father (who isn't Catholic either, but attends church with his family) had to sign papers stating that he would raise this child and all future children in the Catholic church.

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#28 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 03:33 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Here's the clincher. IT'S MY FAULT!!!! Wait - how is it MY FAULT that YOU FAILED TO TELL ME THAT MY SON WAS BAPTIZED??????

Oh yeah, that order of protection prevents you from communicating with me about my child. I forgot.

That's his excuse anyway. B/c he has an order of protection against him, he can't invite me to important events in my son's life, and can't even INFORM me of them. Ugh.
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#29 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 03:40 PM
 
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You are very quietly and strategically documenting all this stuff right? Of course you are. You are one smart cookie. And now you are a pissed off smart cookie.
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#30 of 30 Old 04-12-2010, 08:41 PM
 
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I am pretty surprised that the church didn't require something stating that you give permission or were at least informed about it. My own denom. would never have done this. So sad, my babies baptisms were very important to me. If you belong to a non-infant baptism denomination then this one won't count anyway.
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