Any Single Mom birth stories? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 11:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
Phoenix~Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Lehigh Valley, PA
Posts: 5,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Have any of you birthed without your partner? Or without a supportive partner? Would you be comfortable sharing your birth story?


I'm getting a little freaked out by how partner focused a lot of homebirth stories/documentaries seem to be... those who know me know I can't depend on my partner for anything.

And if God smiles down on me... I may not even be with him for the birth of my new LO.

But anyway... it's a weird hang up in my mind that I'm trying to work through right now. Even though I basically labored on my own last time... I'm still doubting myself and getting really upset with all the couples focused stuff I've been seeing in regards to birth. I mean I get why that is... it takes two to make a baby... but gosh, in this crazy day and age I know there are a lot of Moms who end up birthing alone... and I really need to find some empowering stories of single Moms having a great birth experience...

I know what I am asking is very personal... and I thank you in advance for anyone who is comfortable with sharing.

ribbonpurple.gif  Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula

Student, Aspiring CNM 
treehugger.gif  DD ~ 1/7/09   shamrocksmile.gif  DS ~ 9/22/10

Phoenix~Mama is offline  
#2 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 12:32 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Cover letter he!!
Posts: 6,548
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't have a story to share with you, but I just wanted to tell you that you can do it!!

Since you can't depend on your H, find someone else to support you!!!

I'm glad your doing OK right now, I think about you alot.
Super~Single~Mama is offline  
#3 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 12:48 PM
 
MsChatsAlot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 5,102
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I did!!!

My partner left at the VERY beginning of the pregnancy, so I did the entire pregnancy and birth as a single mom.

I have to say, the birth of my son was one of the most empowering, beautiful and healing experience of my life.

I loved the time near the end of my pregnancy, when I was just hanging out alone with my toddler and enjoying every blissful moment, the two of us. It was a beautiful time for us to bond and really share a connectedness that remains to this day one of the happiest times in my life.

I was a little nervous about birthing alone and had a few anxious nights leading up to the birth, but I would always feel better and more confident the next day.

I went into labor and it was moving quite quickly. I was blessed to have 2 midwives and they also had a nursing student doing training with them at the time. I still use that moment as a touchstone for strength. I gave birth on the edge of my bed, a midwife in front of me and the other midwife and student physically and emotionally supporting me on either side. They formed a trine around me and I can say I have never felt such power and strength in my life!!!!!

My son came into the world in a room filled with powerful feminine energy and I felt like I could move mountains! It was an incredibly powerful and healing moment in my life.

As I said, I often think back to that moment, being surrounded by strong and loving women and remind myself of the strength and power I felt. I look at myself and feel proud of the strength and courage I had throughout the pregnancy and birth of my son.

Whatever happens, I am wishing you an equally beautiful and empowering birthing experience.
MsChatsAlot is offline  
#4 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 12:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
Phoenix~Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Lehigh Valley, PA
Posts: 5,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you for sharing MsChatsAlot.


And thank you for your support Thyra. I'm hanging in the best I can...

ribbonpurple.gif  Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula

Student, Aspiring CNM 
treehugger.gif  DD ~ 1/7/09   shamrocksmile.gif  DS ~ 9/22/10

Phoenix~Mama is offline  
#5 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 01:00 PM
 
organicpapayamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,523
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I did too! My post starts off the same as MsChatsAlot.


My husband left me just a week after I got my BFP. I too did the entire pregnancy and birth as a single mom. Giving birth to my son was also the most empowering, beautiful and healing experience of my life.

My mom was with me for emotional support... I had a stillborn daughter the year before and I was nervous to make sure everything was ok this time. I also hired a doula to help support me in the hospital. I was out of work and had no money and was able to find an experienced doula who would take me as their charity case. It was awesome.

Like I said, it was so life changing and empowering that I decided to become a doula after I gave birth to my son to help other mothers out there. I have been known to take charity cases as well to help other single mamas out there in need and pay it forward. It has changed my life.

I am so confident now as a single mama and with having given birth to my son that I decided to be a single mama by choice and got pregnant again. I am due in 10 days and have no doubt I can do this again. Of course my mom and same doula will be there again. (so in my case it didnt take two to make a baby )

You can so totally do it! you can find a doula to support you online. You may be able to find an experienced doula who may take you on as their charity case or a new/in training doula may work for free. I highly recommend it. I cannot imagine giving birth without a doula. There is something about having a knowledgeable, supportive, strong woman by your side supporting you the entire time.


BFPChart2.gif

organicpapayamama is offline  
#6 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 01:03 PM
 
~Charlie's~Angel~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 4,520
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OP, I saw this thread, and I remmebered MsChatsAlot tell this story in one of your other threads. I was hoping she would come back.

Her story brings tears to my eyes. Good, strengthening, empowering tears.
~Charlie's~Angel~ is offline  
#7 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 01:20 PM
 
BunnySlippers's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Fluffierville
Posts: 2,735
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I did too

I loved having my pregnancy all to myself (with a few lonely moment feelings)

The labour was AWESOME!
I did not take any childbirth classes.
I was all by myself-entire pregnancy and labour.
During labour I ate when I wanted, slept when I could, I had 3 showers and 1 bath with no distractions. Labour was 3 nights, each getting progressively stronger and more intense with fairly quiet days in terms of contractions. She was born on the third morning.
I felt really really in tune with myself, body and baby. What an amazing feeling that was.

I did go to the hopital for birth, I was annoyed at the distractions, noise, questions, and people. I was especially annoyed when people came intot the room, and when the midwife tried to tell me how and when to push.
I was sooooo grumpy whenever something brought me out of my ..'inwardness?' <---that was so me!
but that part was still great and I have fond memories.
After, I stayed in the hospital for three days, so that I could be catered too
At home there were some difficult moments, sleepless nights and days, but over-all I took it one day at a time and came out a much stronger, mature person for it.

In hindsight...I could have just stayed put and birthed UC quite happily.

Decluttering 500/2010
BunnySlippers is offline  
#8 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 01:28 PM
 
kirstenb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: San Diego County
Posts: 5,295
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was still with STBX when DS1 was born, but he was deployed during his birth so he physically wasn't there. I had a good birth experience with DS1. He was born in the hospital, but I had a really close friend with me the whole labor and delivery who had given birth before. She acted as a doula. I was sad that STBX wasn't there, at the time, but it was really awesome to give birth with my friend there who had already experienced it and knew what I was going through.

Kirsten, mama to Monkey since May 2007 and Bean born 11/7/09
kirstenb is offline  
#9 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 05:38 PM
 
sunfish21's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 299
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I got pregnant just when we realized there was no saving whatever we thought we had. There were enough bad feelings that I had told him that I couldn't have him at the home birth of our DS--ex was bringing so much negativity up in me I knew it wouldn't be good to have him there. The pregnancy went well, but truth be told it was much more fun to be doing that with someone to share everything with. At least I had that for my first...so I had some experience.

As it turns out several hours (days?) into labor I called ex and said he could come over to be there for the birth, if he stayed "out of my face". It wasn't guilt, but I knew it was a huge moment that could never be gotten back if he missed it and I think I hoped that it would help bond him to the son he would never live with. He arrived and sat silently a little ways away--my main support was my doula, who had been there for my DD's unplanned home birth two years earlier. I also had the support of friends and family...but in that moment it was me and my baby. It was amazing and I am glad I did it. I would be lying if I said that it didn't seem like something was missing. Maybe that is because everything was so recent (found out 8 months pregnant that ex had never divorced his first wife, meaning we were never legally married in the first place...). With a little more space I think it would have been even better than it was.

birth slide show here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fd57i4kKotY

Single HB mama to 2!
sunfish21 is offline  
#10 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 05:42 PM
 
lolar2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 6,584
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not, and wasn't, single, but I took a Hypnobabies class with DH. It's advertised to be good for single mothers as well as partnered mothers, and there is a home study version.
lolar2 is offline  
#11 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 05:51 PM
 
beckyand3littlemonsters's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Leeds, England
Posts: 3,277
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm ttc using a donor so will be doing my pregnancy and birth single, i'm also planing a uc although will book a hb with my mw incase i change my mind once the time comes plus i'll need the mw to sign my maternity grant form so i'll have the money to buy a nice sling/wrap or both and some washable nappies lol.
i'm not worried about not having a partner as i believe 100% i can do this alone and reading pp's stories makes me believe this even more.
you CAN do it hun .

Becky, sahm to angel.gif25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 angel.gif24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008

Xander 19/05/2011
angel.gif 19.05.2012 angel.gif 18.08.2012 angel.gif 24.05.2013 angel.gif 25.6.2013 belly.gif 04.09.2014 uc.jpg

beckyand3littlemonsters is offline  
#12 of 18 Old 04-29-2010, 10:19 PM
 
singin'intherain's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 879
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I was unpartnered for my entire pregnancy and birth with my first child. I had never been pregnant before, so I didn't know to miss having a partner! My mom came for my home birth, but in the final stages it was just me and my two midwives. I labored for almost 24 hours, then wanted to sneak up to my dark bedroom- that's how I knew I was ready with all of my kids.

For me, the essence of birth is that it's just you and the baby and the Mystery of life beginning. Others can look out for your safety and try to bring you some comfort, but it's not about them or what they're doing. One of the things that has brought me so much strength as I was preparing for birth (four times!) is to imagine the legions, the absolute infinity of women who have gone before me, in every circumstance, fulfilling the need for Life to continue. If women can give birth in shackles, in mud huts, in jungles and rice paddies, alone or surrounded by loved ones, then I can do it in my safe, warm home with birth professionals and close friends! Those times when I was laboring alone, in the late hours when everyone seems to fall asleep, I have felt them surrounding me, a roomful of old grandmas speaking in every language, encouraging me to soften and open and welcome my baby.

I know you can do this, you will! Even partnered mamas often don't get a lot of help from their partner during labor- I never did! I know how it feels to be the only one at the birth class who shows up alone every week. But honestly, those looks of pity I got were completely unfounded, as I later found out when I was one of the partnered ones!

Mama to: Asterbanana.gif ,          Augustblueman.gif,              Emmett:nut.gif,              Ruthie: kiss.gif
 
 
Step mom to Malakiesuperhero.gif, Cameron af.gif, and Aurelia partytime.gif
singin'intherain is online now  
#13 of 18 Old 04-30-2010, 01:06 AM
 
homewithtwinsmama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Maryland
Posts: 3,331
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have been doula for three women who birthed without partners and they had beautiful births at home. Yes, the lack of partner was emotional and hard, but women birthed without the men present for centuries. Their inclusion is a relatively new thing. The circle of women is the traditional model and sometimes for the best!!
homewithtwinsmama is offline  
#14 of 18 Old 04-30-2010, 10:21 AM - Thread Starter
 
Phoenix~Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Lehigh Valley, PA
Posts: 5,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thank you all so much! Your words and stories truly are helping my head get in a better place.

ribbonpurple.gif  Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula

Student, Aspiring CNM 
treehugger.gif  DD ~ 1/7/09   shamrocksmile.gif  DS ~ 9/22/10

Phoenix~Mama is offline  
#15 of 18 Old 04-30-2010, 11:04 AM
 
Avani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,958
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I was lucky to find the support of a really strong and wise midwife who did everything in her power to ensure i felt supported throughout my entire pregnancy, birth experience and postpartum. I had little money and no family (other then my small children). She set up a blessingway for me, people to bring me food after birthing, and set up people to watch my other kids for whenever i needed it. The biggest thing was she was always a shoulder to cry on. I was sad for much of my pregnancy over the babies dad leaving me and ignoring me for much of the pregnancy. We live in a small town and it was just devastating for me. When i went into labor my midwife brought another midwife friend with her and they brought a midwife in training also. One of them played with my other kids and the other two gave me the space i needed to feel supported, loved and capable while birthing. It went beautifully i did have a moment about 5 minutes before birthing where i really cried and let it all out then with the help of the two midwifes i birthed my beautiful and sweet girl at the edge of my bed. The midwife assistant brought my other kids in and we all reveled in the new sweet energy. The midwives cleaned everything up, made sure we were safe and comfortable before we were leaving and also made sure we had help all lined up for the next two weeks. I was checked on and doted on for the weeks and i always felt really peaceful. For me it was really important to have the healing power and energy of so many great females. It carried me through the sadness and helped me feel empowered. I found through the community a group of healers willing to help me for free or very sliding scale also. I got weekly accupuncutre, massage and chiropractic care which helped me immensly through the pregnancy and after. I was very blessed and honestly it was my best pregnancy and birth ever, not having the stagnant and unhealthy male energy in my life. Just beautiful, strong and empowering women. Good luck, just remember you can create whatever you want with your life and your experience.
Avani is offline  
#16 of 18 Old 04-30-2010, 11:04 AM
 
organicpapayamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 2,523
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by homewithtwinsmama View Post
I have been doula for three women who birthed without partners and they had beautiful births at home. Yes, the lack of partner was emotional and hard, but women birthed without the men present for centuries. Their inclusion is a relatively new thing. The circle of women is the traditional model and sometimes for the best!!
This may be true for some but the fact that my stbx wasnt there was NOT hard for me, if anything maybe it was a little emotional after the birth. But I think thats due to hormones and being so happy with your new little one, I think your partner may have little to do with it. It was actually better I did it alone.

oh and as a side note... when dd1 was stillborn my DH (at the time) was with me during the induction, labor and delivery and he was NO help at all.


BFPChart2.gif

organicpapayamama is offline  
#17 of 18 Old 04-30-2010, 02:47 PM
 
thepoet's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: in your shirt pocket
Posts: 523
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
here's a link to mine

http://www.noelove.com/noeloveblog/?p=434

I was single throughout my whole pregnancy and birth and beyond! I did it and it was amazing.

UCing loud mouth, Fierce Protector of King Aiden, King Isaiah and Empress Estella
thepoet is offline  
#18 of 18 Old 05-02-2010, 05:13 PM
 
peachymomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Poteau Oklahoma
Posts: 514
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have BTDT.
Was married for 11 years and had four kids with my ex. Things got really bad though after I got pregnant with our 5th child. I gave him the boot four months into my pregnancy. It was a tough pregnancy, emotionally. I had my baby at home, was alone all night as I labored. I just focused on taking care of myself. I made periodic calls to the midwife to update her. I called my ex a few times begging him to come help me through it. He was the only person I wanted here. He failed to materialize until I put that last call in where I was telling him I was gonna shoot him if I ever saw him again and let out a long string of profanaties with it.
Here is one link.
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...098&highlight=

And here is a retrospective view. http://blogs.myspace.com/index.cfm?f...ogId=524978094

~Carla~ LOVING~ LIFE~
Homebirthing, somewhat crunchy, single mom of ~5~.
peachymomma is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off