Hi, I guess I am new here - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 9 Old 05-02-2010, 04:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
fawnanddoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Elgin, TX
Posts: 583
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Technically last night was my first official night on my own. I packed up as much of DS's stuff, all my sewing stuff (I have an online business and NEED my sewing stuff) and came to my friends house.
It's been a long time coming. DH and I were pretty ok until pregnancy. We would fight sometimes but nothing like it has become.
When I was pregnant I had some serious hormonal shifts. DH and I started fighting ALL the time. Crying, yelling the works. I began getting very depressed (I think my PPD started kicking in early). Then, the ice cream on the cake, I was diagnosed with cancer while I was 36 weeks pregnant.
Finally DS was born just 2 days after his EDD, I have surgery 12 days later, and then the bad news that the cancer had spread to my lymph nodes came.
Through all of this DH and I barely had a relationship at all. Fighting all the time, he would call me names and put me down. Insult after insult after insult. We fought the entire 3 hours in the car on the way to Houston for my 2nd cancer surgery.
Since then he's called me crazy, a basket case, used my son against me when I am freaking out crying and miserable and saying sorry your mom is so crazy, which is awful. He tells me I'm a piece of shit, he hates me, I suck, that I am going to be miserable forever, that no one likes me, no wonder my only friends are online. The list goes on and on and on and on.
On several occasions he has destroyed stuff of mine, he smashed my entire vintage owl collection, destroyed every door in the house (in fact he is replacing the entire door frame and door to the bedroom right now), he broke my sewing machine and had to replace it, broke my dress form which he hasn't replaced. I spent $15 on the credit card and he canceled it. Anytime I post anything online about him he takes the router away unless I agree to delete it. He's taken the car keys and tried to not let me leave. I have $0 - NOTHING. Yesterday he smashed a lamp in the bedroom and tiny pieces of broken lightbulb were all over DS's stuff. Blankets, toys, everything. I vacuumed for hours and had to wash everything. I don't even have any groceries and I can't call for emergency food stamps until tomorrow.
He has gotten physical on a couple occasions, pushed me into the bathroom by my neck because I was pulling books off the bookshelf because I was SO frustrated that he wouldn't just leave me alone. I called the cops and they had HIM fill out a victims report against me. I was sitting there crying in my underwear, holding my baby. How is it this man is the victim?
He's emotionally, verbally, and financially abusive, and on a few occiasions, physical. He somehow makes me feel guilty, like I am doing something wrong, he constantly tells me that I make him do the stuff he does. He refuses to go see a psychiatrist.

I am so scared. I have no money, I am scared about losing health insurance because of cancer. If I lose insurance I don't know what I am going to do. I have a greater than 50% chance of it coming back. If it does come back how am I supposed to take care of a baby alone and deal with that.

I have NO support. I have about one friend who doesn't understand, doesn't have kids. I am staying with her right now but it's not ideal at all. It's better than nothing but we're confined to this small room cause there are tons of animals everywhere and the house is not babyproof and kinda dirty.
I have no family here and I am not going to be allowed to leave the state.

I feel so broken, and sad. I feel hurt, destroyed. Lost.

Help me mamas

Elijah Mercury (7/2009), TTC #2 with my new soon to be DH! Tattooed, 29 year old cancer survivor! treehugger.gif

fawnanddoe is offline  
#2 of 9 Old 05-02-2010, 09:22 PM
 
Avani's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,958
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hi, welcome. I thought i recognized your name, we both have babes from July of last year. There is alot of great support here. It is hardest in the beginning but things will get better. I was single through my pregnancy/birth and now. Sometimes not having a partner, especially an abusive one, can lead to a much more peaceful life. My thoughts are with you.
Avani is offline  
#3 of 9 Old 05-02-2010, 11:27 PM
 
MissLotus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 3,212
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh my goodness. I am so sorry to hear of all you've been enduring. I hope, first of all, that you are still getting the treatment you need for your health; that needs to come first!

And as chaotic as things must feel, you just took a huge step - you got out. Your H has been horrible; nobody, nobody deserves that treatment, and not the mother of this child, and not someone who needs to be treated with kindness as they go through treatment for an illness. So yes, you had to get away from that, step one, and you did it. If you haven't already, I would ask a women's shelter about how to seek assistance (I don't mean to live there, as long as your friend lets you stay), but tell them you left an abusive man, and what you're going through physically, and ask them about getting legal advice as you divorce.

If you do have family out-of-state who would be supportive of you, I would go because you are not divorced yet. Do seek legal advice before you do this, but don't give up hope that it might be an option for you. I'm sure things seem all out of sorts right now, starting out. The pieces will fall into place.
MissLotus is offline  
#4 of 9 Old 05-03-2010, 07:02 AM
 
ilanaRose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 82
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
a couple words of encouragement, one of my best friends was diagnosed with cancer right after she birthed her son; she was also a single mama and even though it was hard, she got through it all and is now cancer free and all the stronger for her experiences. so no matter what life throws your way, know that other women before you have handled it and you can handle it too.

secondly, it seems like you would benefit from staying in a women's shelter right now so definitely check into that...they can help also with things like job searches, personal development, etc. good luck!
ilanaRose is offline  
#5 of 9 Old 05-03-2010, 07:23 AM
 
sosurreal09's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 3,446
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
well mama im in the same boat as you essentially. me and DD are going to a shelter next week...they can help us there if i work really hard to get housing...

i only have a sister for family and she has mantal problems so i have no support too all i can say is be strong for you DS and think of everyday as a blessing you have him thats how i have been getting through it all...good luck and if you are religious at all trust in God and pray...it really helps

 Young born-again mama and loving wife peace.gif to DH jammin.gif and SAHP to two crazy girls dust.gifwehomebirth.jpgfly-by-nursing2.gifslinggirl.giffamilybed1.gif and believe gd.giflactivist.gif  signcirc1.gif !

sosurreal09 is offline  
#6 of 9 Old 05-03-2010, 07:14 PM
 
Latte Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: In toddler tantrum land
Posts: 1,261
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh mama, I'm new here too but your story is far, far worse than mine. However, I do know what it is like to be with an abusive man. Do NOT let him convince you to go back. You have done an awesome and powerful thing by getting out. You WILL make it on your own with your DS. Our sons have the same name BTW. Just hang in there, there is help out there. You can try domestic shelters for counseling services or housing assistance. Food stamps, medicaid, section 8 and child support at some point.

Keep us updated ok?

Mama to one 2 yr. old tornado banana.gif
Latte Mama is offline  
#7 of 9 Old 05-05-2010, 12:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
fawnanddoe's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Elgin, TX
Posts: 583
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for all the replies mamas.

I was staying at my friends but she has 9 animals, it smelled like cat pee everywhere and it was just a total mess, dust everywhere. Not baby safe.
There's an apt out back of the house that soon to be ex DH was staying in, he moved to the house and I am here now, except I need out as soon as possible. I can't even be near him, he just makes me feel so sick to my stomach.

He was going to file divorce papers yesterday but apparently didn't realize it costs $274 so he said he has to wait until he gets money (I am guessing he is waiting until the credit card he cancelled comes in the mail).

I have a phone interview tomorrow so I can hopefully get some assistance, TANF, food stamps, hopefully health insurance so I can be covered for when my current insurance goes away. I am so scared about not having insurance, I am terrified of cancer coming back.

This is all just such a nightmare. I have been working from home sewing and selling cloth diapers, wool covers and i am trying to expand to other baby stuff, I just want to keep doing that. Getting an outside job will just force ds into childcare and half of what i would make would just go to that anyway.

Elijah Mercury (7/2009), TTC #2 with my new soon to be DH! Tattooed, 29 year old cancer survivor! treehugger.gif

fawnanddoe is offline  
#8 of 9 Old 05-05-2010, 03:03 PM
 
Phoenix~Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Lehigh Valley, PA
Posts: 5,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Don't have time to post right now but couldn't log off without sending you a ton of hugs first!!!

ribbonpurple.gif  Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula

Student, Aspiring CNM 
treehugger.gif  DD ~ 1/7/09   shamrocksmile.gif  DS ~ 9/22/10

Phoenix~Mama is offline  
#9 of 9 Old 05-05-2010, 03:29 PM
 
Chantelle691's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Philadelphia, PA
Posts: 392
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thinking of you - you took the hardest step of all! You can do this, you have to do this! Thinking of you...
Chantelle691 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off