visitation over time - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 05-22-2010, 03:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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do ex's get more into visitation over time?
i was told that most dads are really into visitation in the beginning, but often fizzle out over time.
currently, stbx only visits when he needs to do laundry, and leaves right when it's done. doesn't leave much room to fizzle out!

mom to 14yr dd and 4yr dd
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#2 of 6 Old 05-22-2010, 05:03 PM
 
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That depends on the person and the situation. You could always say no laundry at your place and then see what he does.
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#3 of 6 Old 05-22-2010, 07:03 PM
 
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I agree with PoppyMama.... it really depends. With my ex he fizzled quickly. He took me to court when ds was 8 months asking for full weekends and every wednesday night, he started visitation at 9 months old (with 1 hour visits- he was supposed to work up to overnights then weekends). He had 3 hour visits by the time ds was 12ish months old. He was supposed to be taking him 3 times per week (Mon/Wed/Fri) for 3 hours each but he almost never came 3 times per week. Maybe once or twice. At 14 months old he was supposed to move to 4 hour visits but he refused. Between 14 months and 25 months he saw him maybe once or twice a week (sometimes none that week, rarely all 3 days in a week). Most of the time he brought him back before 3 hours was over. At 25 months he stopped showing up for visits or calling or anything. Now ds is 6 1/2 and ex has almost disappeared. I bring ds back to ex's state about 6 times per year and he may or may not see ds during those visits. All are supervised by me and most only last 2-3 hours. Other than that we don't see or hear from ex, ever.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#4 of 6 Old 05-22-2010, 10:18 PM
 
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Give him a kick in the butt.

Tell him his visitation time is supposed to be to spend real time with his kids. Don't let him do laundry there. Don't let him do anything except focus on them -- play, help with homework, have a meal, whatever.

Can visitation take place somewhere else altogether?
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#5 of 6 Old 05-22-2010, 10:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
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since were in the beginning stages of the divorce, there's nothing official, so he technically has just as much right to be in the home, and use the laundry. only reason he isn't in the home is that i told him his girlfriend isn't allowed anywhere near here.

currently stbx is staying in a motel with the other woman 45 minutes away, so while he could take dd to a park or out to eat, he was never that type of dad. for the first week they would play video games together, but hasn't lately. poor dd said he might as well not even come


i did lay down the law and told him not to txt his gf during his visits. before i found out about the affair, he said his constant txt was work related
i can so see him not being involved with 4m old dd2, but i never expected him to do this to dd1

stbx has 2 other dd (18yr and 20yr), and always hated that they would never call, txt, or be excited about visiting. here is our 9yr old trying so hard (calling, txt, asking to go places) and getting little response.

mom to 14yr dd and 4yr dd
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#6 of 6 Old 05-23-2010, 12:10 AM
 
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My ex started out doing his visitation then stopped. We sometimes see him but not that often, maybe for an hour a week for three weeks every four months.
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