Let's talk about all the GOOD things about being a single mom! - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-04-2010, 11:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Lately I've been overwhelmed, exhausted, lonely, etc, etc.
I know I can choose to focus on all the good things about being a single mom, but sometimes that's hard. So let's all do it together!

-Never having to argue, disagree, or compromise about parenting. My sister and her husband are expecting their first in September and they're already arguing about parenting. Nothing major, but enough to make me think "thank God I don't have to deal with that!"

-Cosleeping is a lot easier (I imagine.) There's only room in my bed for me and my DS... oh, and a dog and two cats.

-Getting to pass on my name. The more I think about it, that more absurb it seems that women lend out their bodies for nine months (or more) then go through labor and birth, and then continue to be a food source for an indefinite period of time, while men, who don't have to do any of that, get to pass their name on.

-No in-laws.

Single Mama to Vincent 3/30/09
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Old 06-04-2010, 12:55 PM
 
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Well, I'm still a newbie, but I'll join in with a few little things I've already noticed... :-)

*less laundry, less food to buy, the bathroom stays clean (!)

*the TV is not constantly on (why does that drive me so crazy? I do actually like some TV shows.)

*no one complains if we just have a sandwich for supper

*when DS is asleep, or with his dad, I can focus on ME, and me only, if I choose to

*getting a good night's sleep with no loud snoring, grumbling, etc.

*a house full of more laughter and warmth than I've seen in a while

Mama to DS (5)

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Old 06-04-2010, 01:46 PM
 
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I love the freedom to make little choices without having them turn into a big argument and name calling.

Being able to enforce only the rules that I think are important without having to compromise.

Knowing that my dd is being raised in a gentle, non-violent home.

Having the security that comes with knowing that my money isn't going to suddenly be gone from the bank when bills are coming due.

Not having anyone grumble at me for making vegetables a part of our daily lives, my dd loves veggies but my ex did not.

Being able to go to bed and get up when I want to without it turning into a fight.
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Old 06-04-2010, 01:59 PM
 
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Freedom!!

I can make plans with friends and know I can go to any Mom event I want to go to without my stomach clenching up and bracing myself for the fight w/ STBX about going. I can just go and enjoy time with friends and DD!!

I now have more energy to actually enjoy my DD and play with her more because I'm not being pulled into a fight and beaten down.

It's nice not to have to share her cuddles all the time. lol

I'm going to be able to pay off MY debt and secure a better future for my little ones and me without STBX blowing all our family money on his frivolous fancies.

I can decorate and put pictures wherever I want to without a battle!

I can let DD's toys on the floor if I want to and don't have the energy or feel like picking them up at night.

Really freedom says it all... freedom to be me, freedom to be happy, and freedom to be the Mom I want to be.

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Old 06-04-2010, 02:02 PM
 
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*I can make my home healthier and buy organic food without being told I'm following trends/jumping on the bandwagon.

*Decorating however I want!

*Co-sleeping with DS. Not full-time, but he joins me most nights when he wakes up.

*The power to make plans for my future and act on them. I can think about next year or 5 years from now, not just next month. And know that it's in my power to make those things happen.

*Financial stability. *****HUGE***** This is what gives me the emotional peace to make plans beyond this month.

*I actually enjoy visitation weekends when they happen. Having Sat and Sun to myself is a luxury! It's been years since I had any time to myself!

*Cooking is easier, healthier and much cheaper.

*Peace in my home.

*Being able to spoil myself. (this wasn't ever prevented, but I had to be the one to make sure we could pay the bills this month, so things I wanted tended to be postponed indefinitely.)
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Old 06-04-2010, 02:20 PM
 
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Getting out of debt, cleaning up my credit, and slowly saving up *** This is #1 for me and was not even on XH's list of important things.

Not having to watch cheesy sci-fi and horror movies all the time, or having to listen to/watch violent videogames

Being frugal and not being made to feel guilty about it!

Eating HEALTHY foods (XH was all about fried crap)

Having a clean home and maintaining it that way.

Cosleeping without being made to feel bad about it.

Raising DD in a gentle, loving fashion, without having to defend my choices to a bully of a partner.

Living where and how I want.

Choosing the furniture I want.

Not having to justify who my friends are to anyone.

No more yelling, fighting, swearing, broken objects, slammed doors, drama drama drama.

Being able to treat myself once in a while without having to treat someone else "because it's only fair".
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Old 06-04-2010, 02:22 PM
 
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The best and scariest is having full control of our lives (within my limits, of course).
I like not having to compromise on decisions I feel are most important to me and my son's life.

The power to make us financially stable without worrying that I'm going to come home to an unsanctioned purchase of a HUGE ticket item.

Having 90% of my son's time where I have the biggest impact on his core values.

Getting to chose the temperature of my A/C!! Lol. I don't like the house cold and it was always kept at 60-somthing. BRRRRRR!

Not having to share the garage. I always know it's MY car that's going in when it rains/snows.

Knowing that I can give my son a day or two where he calls all the shots where he can learn decision making...becuase there's not another "adult child" vying for decision control over everything.

Be able to go to bed without having to have the TV blaring in the other room.

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Old 06-04-2010, 02:22 PM
 
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(can't.wait.)
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Old 06-05-2010, 04:41 AM
 
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I so love this thread. It gives me so much hope for the future. I have only been separated for about 2 months and already so much of this is true for me. My daughter and I are eating healthier, getting outside more, and just enjoying spending time doing what we like. My husband is such a negative person, it's just nice not to have to hear his complaining and grumping all the time.
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Old 06-05-2010, 10:57 AM
 
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Originally Posted by jorismom View Post


I so love this thread. It gives me so much hope for the future. I have only been separated for about 2 months and already so much of this is true for me. My daughter and I are eating healthier, getting outside more, and just enjoying spending time doing what we like. My husband is such a negative person, it's just nice not to have to hear his complaining and grumping all the time.
There's a HUUUUUGE thread like this somewhere...it's been a while since it was active so it's probably archived somewhere. But it gave me peace/hope when I was in the difficult transition. I think I started reading it a year before I finally faced up to my decision.

I know a lot of people have negative things about being a single parent, but for me it's so much easier! And since STBX is local and likes to be involved, it sometimes seems like I have more back-up than when we were living together! I had to face the extremely difficult decision. Then sharing that decision and having guilt....but it's a year past that point now and things are very bright!

STBX even thanked me recently for how I've been managing things, esp as it concerns DS. He's a child of a nasty divorce and went through one himself. So he didn't know such a thing as an amicable divorce even existed. It's not easy, but it certainly pays off in the long run!
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Old 06-05-2010, 02:19 PM
 
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And since STBX is local and likes to be involved, it sometimes seems like I have more back-up than when we were living together!
I'm optomistic that this is how things are going with my STBX as well. He lives 1/2 mile away from us, picks my daughter up from school everyday and pays me the money he has agreed to pay without complaint. He is still trying to be emotionally manipulative and I honestly think he would be more comforable if I were falling apart and pining after him. But I'm hopeful that I continue as I continue to communicate and maintain boundaries some of that will fall away and we can focus on co-parenting our daughter and being on friendly terms.
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Old 06-05-2010, 03:26 PM
 
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Less food to buy and make.

Way easier to keep the house clean.

When I leave something somewhere I know where it will be!

No fighting over the ipod or music.

I'm not constantly worried about money he could access or lies he is telling me.

I'm not always bitter that he is always outside smoking.

No need to justify my purchases.

I can go out to eat cuz its not going to be 30 bucks every time.

I can check out any guy I please lol.

Most of all, I'm a better mom, I know I can't just say go ask your dad and have to do things myself. So things get done faster, and I feel so much more independent. I'm a lot less tense and have just been having lots more fun lately.

Amri- mama to Indica 12.08.06 and Kytan 04.04.10
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Old 06-05-2010, 03:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SamiPolizzi View Post

-Getting to pass on my name. The more I think about it, that more absurb it seems that women lend out their bodies for nine months (or more) then go through labor and birth, and then continue to be a food source for an indefinite period of time, while men, who don't have to do any of that, get to pass their name on.
I don't understand that either i wish i'd given my dc my surname my eldest wants to change to mine but i doubt her dad would agree

*being able to go into my bedroom without being greeted by the smell of stale cigarettes, alcohol and sweaty feet

plus pretty much everyone else's responses lol

Becky, sahm to angel.gif25/04/2000 Chloe 12/04/2002 Cameron 19/02/2004 Caitlin 28/06/2005 angel.gif24/07/2006 and Caden 14/03/2008

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Old 06-05-2010, 09:24 PM
 
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the decision I make stands! I don't need to consult with anyone or fill in anybody about what's going on.

no stinky bathroom

no "surprise--we are out of toilet paper"

not being played by the child.


(and I am so looking forward to being a single parent again)
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Old 06-05-2010, 10:30 PM
 
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I only have one child to care for -- not two.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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Old 06-06-2010, 01:42 AM
 
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I only have one child to care for -- not two.
So true!
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Old 06-06-2010, 05:00 PM
 
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This is an awesome thread.

Not having to wrap my brain around passive-aggressiveness. The kids say what they mean and mean what they say. I don't have to guess what anyone really means around here.

Not having the mood of the house dictated by one person's mood. XH was one of those people whose energy completely dictated the energy of everyone else.

Not having someone get mad if I leave the dishes in the sink overnight.

Being able to have a fend-for-yourselves dinner night. The kids love it and so do I.

Being able to listen to music that I want to listen to and not having to hear the full history on every band that plays and/or be quizzed on random music stuff.

No more snoring keeping me up and/or making me feel guilty for sleeping on the couch so I can get some sleep.

Being able to plan an outing and not worry whether someone else's mood is going to ruin the day.

Having at least one night per week and one full day to myself!

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Old 06-06-2010, 06:57 PM
 
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- I can feed my daughter whatever I want
- I dont have to argue with someone about feeding her hot dogs or sausage, or soda or juice or chemical popcorn
- I can let her cosleep as long as she wants
- I can give her all my spare time
- I dont have to worry about exposing her to abuse because there`s no one to abuse me
- I can spend 3 months in Europe without having to worry that my house will turn turn into a dump while I`m not there to pick up the messes and clean 24/7 (it`s his house now and his dump)
- I dont have to flood someone with data repeatedly to make him understand why it is so important to minimize toxic exposures (via household cleaners, cosmetics, etc)
- We (my DD and I) can enjoy PEACE and QUIET
- I can take my DD outdoors whenever we please
- I can do the things I love without having someone making me feel guilty
- I feel empowered to do what I feel is right without having someone constantly wearing me down or criticizing me
- I can love myself more because I don´t have someone pointing out the negative in me all the time
- I can give my daughter a clean religious slate so she can exercise her free will when she has use of reason to belong to the religion of her choosing


I really like being a single Mom
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Old 06-06-2010, 08:28 PM
 
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I came across another one today...

I can fold the bathroom towels anyway I want and nobody gets annoyed.
I mean, they're tucked in a closet and nobody but us sees them! Why should I be made to feel bad that they're not folded a certain way if I don't care?!?!.

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Old 06-06-2010, 10:40 PM
 
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Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post
I only have one child to care for -- not two.

I agree!! It has so been like another child to care for, but worse unfortunately

And generally "Freedom".
I moved us 18 or so hours away and it is so nice to be able to live life like i think it should be without alot of conflict and heartache. And we try and go up to where dad lives 1-2x a year. Works out much better for all I think
Thing is i love being single w/ kids most of the time..the advantages have always seemed to outweigh the disadvantages
I'm sure there are some nice husband's out there, but i haven't come across them lol

Life Learning Momma to DS17, DS16,DS9jumpers.gifas well a dog, a cat, two birds...ttc babygirl.gif homeschool.gifnamaste.gif
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Old 06-07-2010, 02:21 AM
 
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Being able to listen to music that I want to listen to and not having to hear the full history on every band that plays and/or be quizzed on random music stuff.
Me too!!! That's kinda funny as that seems so random but I know exactly what you mean!
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Old 06-07-2010, 04:55 PM
 
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Me too!!! That's kinda funny as that seems so random but I know exactly what you mean!
Haha! Good times, huh?
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Old 06-07-2010, 05:21 PM
 
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Being able to interact with my kids in my home without being demeaned, mocked, or undermined. (Not to say it never happens, but it isn't a constant.)

Being able to prepare and consume food that I enjoy without hearing how disgusting it is or how miserly or puritanical I am. (I didn't purchase or eat bell peppers for over 10 years because he wouldn't STFU about them and behaved as if I was force-feeding them to him if I so much as ordered them FOR MYSELF.)

My ex smokes, drinks, and has appallingly poor personal hygiene. He also thinks it's hysterical to let the farts fly as they will, and they do frequently. (Yes, it can be funny. Yes, the kids and I both do it. But being asked not to and continuing to do it is just not cool!)

I HAVE MY OWN SPACE.

Nobody gives me a guilt trip for expecting to enjoy and have some control over my own sex life.

Wow --- just realized that most of these don't have to do with being a parent or being single -- they all have to do with my ex.
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