Little update on summer vacation *updated post 53*NEW one 62 - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 69 Old 06-14-2010, 11:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Just for those that follow my saga. I was really worried my ex was going to summer break with the kids after what happened with spring break. Summer wasn't ordered the judge just left an open judgement with me and ex having to hash it out between each other. Which makes no sense considering our restraining order. So right after spring break we had a hearing in regards to contempt for non payment of child support. He owes me over $7000 right now. The judge told him he was going to get a week in jail if he didn't pay me the arrears ASAP. My ex started calling me begging me to get the kids for summer break. I didn't take the calls and had my lawyer send him a letter stating that we wanted proof he completed his 52 week batterer's program that was ordered back in 2007. The order states once he completes that then he could have more visitation and our current judge never upheld that with the whole spring break visit but i personally am upholding it since it is in our order and i actually do have sole custody. Since the contempt hearing and since that letter we have not heard from him again. He has not called the kids once since April. We were supposed to have another contempt hearing where he is supposed to either pay up or go to jail ( he will still have to pay) and he continued it further. I am so thankful he has stopped contacting us and won't have to deal with any more visits for now. I look forward to getting all the child support, some day. Having peace again is the best gift ever. I am glad my lawyer and i were able to find a way to get past the new judge and take some control over the fact that ex has paid zero child support and has never completed that batterers program. I guess it was good the judge said it was up to us to hash out the rest of the visitation schedule. That's all! Happy summer mama's!
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#2 of 69 Old 06-14-2010, 04:55 PM
 
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phew! that's great news, for you & your kids.
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#3 of 69 Old 06-15-2010, 01:55 AM
 
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Oh wow! That's a good break! I hope you get some of the back CS in time to use this summer.
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#4 of 69 Old 06-15-2010, 02:46 AM
 
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That's so great, Avani! I'm so happy for you and your kids.
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#5 of 69 Old 06-15-2010, 12:23 PM
 
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I'm so glad for you! And wow, look what happens when a judge threatens to slap him on the wrist - he scuttles back under his rock. Showing just how much he really cares about those kids. So good that even though this other judge isn't in charge of the entire case, it shows the crazy judge that someone in authority feels there are consequences for this man's (lack of) actions. And if I remember correctly, you sent some letter a while back offering minimal visitation in the summer (not that your ex deserves a single moment!)... so if ever necessary, you can prove to the crazy judge you tried to set up an arrangement but ex did not respond. And even better would be if you could say to the crazy judge, "Sorry, but he couldn't take the kids for visitation because another judge put him in JAIL."

I have a feeling you'll be dealing a lot less with ex from now on!
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#6 of 69 Old 06-16-2010, 02:38 AM
 
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Glad it all is working out!!!!

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#7 of 69 Old 06-17-2010, 10:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Actually i guess i spoke too soon. He filed an ex parte hearing today for tomorrow morning (cuz it is an emergency!) stating that i have not allowed the kids to take any of his phone calls for the last few months and that i refuse to discuss summer vacation with him. So i went through the phone records and he has not called once since the beginning of May. There are no voice mails, nothing. Also when he asked my lawyer for half of summer we sent him a letter counter offering one week in June and one in July because we felt that 5 weeks was far too long for the toddlers. The court ordered that he have alternate weekends and he hasn't ever taken one of those. He took the week at spring break and is now shooting for 5 weeks this summer. He hasn't even attempted to come and see them for a weekend. Ever. In four years! But he wants half of summer. So i guess we will see what tomorrows hearing brings. I suppose the judge won't care that he hasn't paid any support and owes me nearly $7000 plus another $1500 in medical expenses. I just don't see how he constantly can pull us into court with these emergency hearings with lies. This is the fourth one within 6 months. My lawyer has to race around getting a declaration and signatures from me, dropping her schedule to drive an hour away to that court house. Sometimes he doesn't even show. Ugh.
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#8 of 69 Old 06-17-2010, 11:54 PM
 
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Crazy! How does he go from being completely MIA to having an "emergency" and expect everyone to go scurrying at his whim? But aren't you smart to have those phone records - proof that he DIDN'T call. And weren't you smart to send a letter countering his offer - proof that you DID respond. You've done everything you can, and there is a certain satisfaction in that, at least.

And he still owes you lots of money and he still might end up in jail. He has a lot of gall to pull this latest thing but his moods seem to come and go. Keep your chin up!
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#9 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 12:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know, i know. It just disturbs me how he constantly pulls us in and out of court with these emergency hearings! Where is the freaking emergency? He says i am refusing to allow him to speak with the kids. Which this is the third hearing alone on that. Everytime he has filed contempt for me not allowing him to talk he never shows for the hearing. My lawyer spoke to him yesterday and he told her that she was refusing his phone calls also. My lawyer said she went through her own phone records and saw nothing. As far as summer vacation we sent him that letter and he never responded. But outside of the contested summer vacation he already has the right to take them every other weekend. He has never once done that. So this whole thing is just absurd. and stressful. I had 2 hours notice to get a declaration ready, filed, pull up months of phone records and print them out and oh yeah, take care of six children.Meanwhile he pulls me in and out of court with emergency after emergency and really isn't him not paying support for four years and harrassing me with court more of an emergency?
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#10 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 02:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So he didn't show up in court today. This is the second time he has filed an emergency hearing and didn't show but the third hearing altogether that he hasn't showed for. I feel bad for my lawyer who, bless her heart, dropped her whole schedule to drive an hour to court and deal with all of this. When will a judge see through his games?
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#11 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 02:35 PM
 
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Geez how bored is this guy, to keep harassing you with hearings all the while neglecting his visitation with his children?
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#12 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 02:50 PM
 
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Has your lawyer requested that your Ex be required to pay your legal fees (of if she's doing this for you pro bono, for her costs/lost income) incurred as a direct result of his "frivolous filing"? Especially now that he has a track record of doing this.
Because in many places this is a possibility. And that is something that might get him to calm down a little.
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#13 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I like that. We have requested he pay before but the judge denied it. I will ask we try again though. He keeps saying he is unemployed, can't pay child support blah blah blah. Then recently he went back in requesting his child support be eliminated because now he is in school full time. We haven't had that hearing yet. This is for a man with zero custody. I pray a judge laughs at him and gets him to finally pay up!
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#14 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 04:03 PM
 
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FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!!!! I can't believe you are forced to deal with this! Is this the same judge every time? Can your lawyer request a new judge? Is there anyone else you can petition for help like a local lawmaker? I can imagine that an enterprising lawmaker would be interested in helping you with this craziness.

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#15 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 05:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So it gets better, if that is possible. He texts me today that he wants the kids for half the summer. Now keep in mind the kids are already out for the summer and we scehduled out our whole summer based on the fact he never responded to my lawyer's letter in regards to summer vacation back in May. So he says he is going to get a lawyer and petition for the summer visit or he can use the money for the lawyer to give to me instead for all the back support and i can just agree to half the summer. He says that either way he will get half the summer and if i just agree then i'll have all the money he owes me. Also he says the judge ordered i have to pay half the transportation costs so i will be saving myself money. The judge actually ordered he pay all transportation costs. I text him back that i needed to speak with my lawyer and i will get back to him next week. He responds that he will give me until monday and then he will go in ex parte and file for the visit. He wants them in two weeks and that should give me plenty of notice.

Does he realize he is basically blackmailing with the back child support money? He also does not have a clue that he can't petition the courts for summer visitation at all until our contempt hearing is finalized and he just continued out that hearing for another two months.
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#16 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 06:10 PM
 
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So he says he is going to get a lawyer and petition for the summer visit or he can use the money for the lawyer to give to me instead for all the back support and i can just agree to half the summer. He says that either way he will get half the summer and if i just agree then i'll have all the money he owes me.

Does he realize he is basically blackmailing with the back child support money? He also does not have a clue that he can't petition the courts for summer visitation at all until our contempt hearing is finalized and he just continued out that hearing for another two months.
yes, he realizes this and it is so sad that he thought you are the type to go for it. i would tell him that i will see him in court and be done with it since it seems as though he likes to pay his attorney more often than he pays his children. i would also find a way of referencing that with your attorney because he is not the first person that i have heard to cry broke when it comes to suuport, but magically there is money available when he has to pay his legal costs. this lot of "parents" is quite sad really. not to mention predictable...

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#17 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 06:28 PM
 
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((((Avani)))))

I was so happy to read your first post, and say "Halle-freaking-lujah! You and your kids deserve a break!"

But no, that UAV just won't quit, will he? Hang in there, I think you and your lawyer are on the right track, and hopefully all his shenanigins will finally blow up in his face.
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#18 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 06:44 PM
 
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If that text really say's all you say it does KEEP IT!!! And show it to the judge!

Jeez. Just tell your atty, and have him contact you through her. Isn't him contacting you directly a violation of the RO anyway??
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#19 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 07:38 PM
 
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He'll "give you until Monday" - HA! Like he's in control of this. What a clown. It's just... beyond. I don't even know what. But I would have your lawyer - not you - respond to him. I would not respond personally to him at all. This is where he gets his thrills, bullying you personally. Make it totally boring and mechanical for him and let your lawyer answer, citing the restraining order in place. And let her tell him that he did not even bother to show up in spite of his latest "emergency". (And I'm not sure what happened in court because of that - did they continue the case? Does the judge ever seem annoyed at all the time this guy wastes for him? Does he acknowledge that this keeps happening? Seriously. Is your ex sleeping with the judge?) and have your lawyer tell him that if he feels he must, he can file to visit the children, but that based on his absence in court this week, his lack of response to your counter-offer, as well as the fact that he has not taken the weekend visitation availed to him, and pending the programs he is supposed to complete before such visitation occurs, AND the pending child support case, well, let her tell him that sure, she'll see him in court. Make him take that step. Oh and have her give him a copy of the thing about the transportation costs and to tell him that you will not be paying for his visits. I hope something bad happens to him.
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#20 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 08:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh that text was forwarded to my attorney. My only response was that i would confer with my lawyer and get back to him. The restraining order specifically states that he and i have peaceful contact for visitation purposes. So he is allowed to contact me in regards to the kids. The other judge specifically stated in our court order that he and i must figure out summer vacation and all holidays between each other. He can even break the 100 yd allotment on the restraining order if it involves peaceful contact during visitation switch offs. So what is the purpose of the restraining order? So ridiculous. But i'm not getting back into all of that. My lawyer wants me to offer him some time so that we can look reasonable to the judge. So we don't go back to court and the judge orders something insane because i'm not giving him more visitation. And i've been pretty clear on how crazy the judge already is. We offered him a week and requested proof of him completing the 52 week batterers program. His response was todays text message. At least his text says he is working and has enough money to pay for a lawyer. That will be good to use for our contempt hearing He says he is unemployed and a full time student and is requesting child support be eliminated. I like that text a whole lot!
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#21 of 69 Old 06-18-2010, 08:35 PM
 
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they tell on themselves so often. no one even has to flush them out.

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#22 of 69 Old 06-20-2010, 01:59 PM
 
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At least his text says he is working and has enough money to pay for a lawyer. That will be good to use for our contempt hearing He says he is unemployed and a full time student and is requesting child support be eliminated. I like that text a whole lot!
I would like that text a whole lot too if I were you!! It makes him look so bad its not even funny!

Good luck to you, I hope that you are finally successful in putting this "man" in his place.
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#23 of 69 Old 06-20-2010, 06:44 PM
 
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I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. I am not sure who disgusts me more, your ex or the judge. Maybe the judge because he is expected to uphold the law and he is basically allowing your ex to continue to use the system to abuse you. If the judge does not address his behavior and punish him for it I would do whatever I had to do to get a new judge. Good luck momma.
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#24 of 69 Old 06-21-2010, 12:34 AM
 
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Ugh, what a creep! (((((((HUGE HUGS)))))) mama. I'm so glad you have a good attorney. I'd definitely ask again for him to pay legal fees, especially after all these emergency hearings he's requested and then bagged out on. What a jerk.

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#25 of 69 Old 06-21-2010, 01:08 AM
 
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I'm coming out of lurkdom for a minute to say.... what a tool! Ugh. Guys like him just creep me out. Let him dig his grave deeper and deeper. If he's anything like my ex (and it sounds like he is) you won't even need to help him. Good thinking sending the text to your lawyer!

My ex sent me an email in March saying that he was upset about our current visitation (I bring ds to his state 4-6 times a year for a weekend, all visits are supervised by me but he refuses to see him for more than 2-3 hours at a time and usually skips all visits anyway. He doesn't contact ds at all between visits) and that he was going to take me to court to have a judge order more visitation (he wants every school holiday and half the summer vacation). I sent him a polite email back telling him to have his lawyer send all correspondence to my house and gave my address. I haven't heard from him since

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#26 of 69 Old 06-21-2010, 10:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone. He texted me that he actually forwarded his own texts to my lawyer?! Seriously? So he is threatening me with not paying the back support if i don't cooperate with him and he forwarded that to my attorney. Nice. Yesterday was father's day and the kids never once asked to call him so i just left it at that. I'm sure he will tell the judge i wouldn't let them or whatever. So today is Monday, the day i'm supposed to let him know what day he can pick the kids up. His text said that he would give me until today or he would file an emergency hearing in court. He demands 4 weeks minimum and he would like them no later then July 1st. I'm wondering exactly what he is thinking. My lawyer and I sent him a letter in May discussing what I was willing to offer and he never wrote back, never called and never texted. In fact he stopped calling the kids. He told me and my lawyer he lost their number and was only now able to reach us because he called my lawyer asking for help??!! Huh? I'm sensing mental issues here. The kids are already two weeks into summer break and i signed them up for various camps etc that all cost money and are nonrefundable. and i'm supposed to jump to make 4 weeks available to him when he couldn't even take the time to figure this all out before summer was here. Let's not even discuss sending two little toddlers away for 4 weeks with a man they have seen once in 4 months. Also he is being arrainged for our contempt hearing on August 9th. So maybe he is trying to fit in a visit before going to jail? Anyways last night my lil boy broke out two of his teeth so we will be at the dentist today and i'm not sure i'll have time to respond to his blackmail. Darn.
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#27 of 69 Old 06-21-2010, 10:50 AM
 
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That guy giving himself away. Pocket that little text and yes, it will be a nice little addition to the contempt hearing.

About the corrupt judge: Can you find out who the congressman is in your district? Well, I don't know if that's the right person - but in my area there's a congressman who's very active in local issues and makes himself rather accessible, it seems, in taking up causes. I think you should write a letter to someone like that - not complaining, per se, about the judge's decisions (because you don't want it to appear as if you're simply complaining) but to say you are concerned that a judge in your area does not require involved parties to UPHOLD his decisions - thereby rendering them useless. Cite the restraining order issue. I would keep it fairly brief, but it is possible that other people will have complained about this same judge, and you want to add to that voice, or to have them re-direct your concerns to the appropriate person.

I don't know how to go about making this judge more accountable, but he is the reason your ex is getting away with this garbage. He is corrupt and I think you should send the letter to everyone you can think of. (I know you have enough on your hands right now - but it surely wouldn't hurt and it might help.)
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#28 of 69 Old 06-21-2010, 10:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, i will have to look into. It's a judge in San Diego if anyone knows anything about that area. I would actually like to get the case moved to where i am because that would totally dispell him being able to run into court at any moment to file these emergency hearings. I've been living with the kids here for nearly 4 years and i know typically jurisdiction lies where the children reside. Technically everything is done except the judge still hasn't signed off on the divorce (seriously, 4 years later?) and my ex has never responded to my attempts to get all my belongings back. The judge set custody at my ex gets spring break and alternate weekends and he and I figure out the rest. So if i can get it moved to here then my ex would have to travel a long way to do anything!
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#29 of 69 Old 06-21-2010, 10:59 AM
 
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Just saw your newest post (we were posting at the same time I guess) - what does your lawyer say about his "deadline"? If he follows through with filing - and that's a big IF - do you think he'll even show up for court, anyway? He's hoping to make it easy on himself by scaring you, rather than taking you to court.

My temptation would be to let it go, or at the most have your lawyer tell him to refer to the former correspondence regarding the issue (and cite the date you sent it, even better if it was registered mail so he can't say he didn't get it).

I'm wondering something else. Is your lawyer a woman? Your ex does not seem at all intimidated in dealing with your lawyer, and I'm wondering if it's because it's a woman. He certainly seems disrespectful of women, and I wonder if having a male lawyer would help you at all. (Sad that it would have to come to that, but seeing that he's at the Neanderthal stage of evolution, sometimes that's what it takes.)
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#30 of 69 Old 06-21-2010, 11:14 AM
 
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Yes, i will have to look into. It's a judge in San Diego if anyone knows anything about that area. I would actually like to get the case moved to where i am because that would totally dispell him being able to run into court at any moment to file these emergency hearings. I've been living with the kids here for nearly 4 years and i know typically jurisdiction lies where the children reside. Technically everything is done except the judge still hasn't signed off on the divorce (seriously, 4 years later?) and my ex has never responded to my attempts to get all my belongings back. The judge set custody at my ex gets spring break and alternate weekends and he and I figure out the rest. So if i can get it moved to here then my ex would have to travel a long way to do anything!
I think you can have jurisdiction changed without a judges permission. I think you might need to do a little legwork to have it done, but if you go to the family court in your town you can ask at the desk who you would talk to, and what is required. Take your paperwork (all prior orders, etc) and go ask - it can't hurt!!
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