Father's Day - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-17-2010, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is our first FD since the separation. I used to make a nice dinner, a cake with the kids, and had them make cards. Should I get them to make him cards? I have no desire to celebrate FD with him but I wouldn't want to hurt them in any way or confuse them. Do we, as the mothers, hold any responsibility in the celebration of this holiday for the sake of our kids?

What do you all do?

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Old 06-17-2010, 03:14 PM
 
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We rearranged our schedule so DD would spend the day with him, and I'll get him a card and probably a small token, like a book about daddies and daughters or something. He's still the father of my child, even though we're no longer together, so I'd like to acknowledge that. But, we're on good terms. Not sure what it would be like if we weren't.
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Old 06-17-2010, 03:35 PM
 
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How old are your kids? If they're pretty little I would probably help them make cards and maybe if they're old enough a cake or some other small token. If they're older I would remind them that father's day is coming up and leave it up to them to make something or not.

Our divorce agreement says he gets the kids on the afternoon of father's day. This is our second year post divorce. Last year I did have them make cards which they brought to him. This year he's chosen not to see them on Father's Day.
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Old 06-17-2010, 04:00 PM
 
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I think the key is to make sure the kids honor their Dad. Now that my husband's remarried (and before, when he lived with the same girl for a few years), I assumed that his significant other had plenty of opportunity to take our kids to pick out cards and gifts - and that she knew best what he would like. But while he was single, I had the kids make/choose cards for him, or even a modestly-priced gift - when there was no one else to see that they did these things.

However, this year I did take the kids to buy cards for him, because he (or his wife) took them to buy cards for me, on Mothers' Day, even though I'm now married, too and my husband takes care of that. I felt I should reciprocate.

My step-son lives with us. According to him, his Mom's been living with a guy for a while, BUT:
1- We don't officially know that. She has never mentioned him to us.
2- Since Mom lives across the country, the BF can't take my step-son to get Mothers' Day stuff for her.
So, I take my step-son to buy Mothers' Day stuff for his Mom (or help him make it) and I send it to her. It would've been nice if she'd done the same thing for my husband, when my step-son lived with her, but she didn't. In fact, even when my husband flew out there to visit his son on Fathers' Day weekend, she didn't let him see him. But that's another story!!!!

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Old 06-17-2010, 04:09 PM - Thread Starter
 
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They're 6, 4, and 10 months. I'll get them to make cards as usual


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Old 06-17-2010, 07:59 PM
 
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Even though I have a significant other who takes my girls shopping for birthdays, Christmas, etc. my ex still takes the kids and gets something small for me. The kids make something for him at school usually, and we go buy a book to go with it. It's sort of become the new 'divorce tradition' - a book for dad for every holiday.

My gf has no issues with my ex taking the kids to get me something. It's very non-pressure for everyone involved.

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Old 06-17-2010, 08:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NolaRiordan View Post
How old are your kids? If they're pretty little I would probably help them make cards and maybe if they're old enough a cake or some other small token. If they're older I would remind them that father's day is coming up and leave it up to them to make something or not.
This.

The key is that it's from the kids, not from you. He's not your father, after all.

Also, if he has a significant other or wife, she may prefer to do this with them if she has the opportunity. But I don't think anyone would be offended by you having them make cards. Even schools do that much with the kids.

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Old 06-18-2010, 12:57 PM
 
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Shutterfly was having a decent sale on photo books, so I threw one together for stbx. I'm the photographer in the family, and I thought it would be a good thing to share some of the photos I'm constantly taking of our son. Otherwise, he honestly wouldn't have *any*.

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Old 06-18-2010, 03:42 PM
 
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I plan on having DD color on a piece of paper and I'll write Happy Father's Day on it. I'm not spending any money on him.

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Old 06-18-2010, 03:58 PM
 
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Given that:
(1) when we were married, mother's day was, according to my ex, a bogus commercial holiday designed to sell crap cards and flowers that didn't deserve any celebration, (father's day, was, of course, something to celebrate), and
(2) since we've been divorced, my ex has made not even the slightest token of a effort for any holiday (mother's day, my birthday, Xmas) in regard to me, and
(3) all the help DD's wanted/needed getting stuff for me or making cards for me, etc. (for any holiday) has come from my mother,

I will suggest and encourage (gently) that DD make him a card, help her make one if she asks for my help, and have her call him on father's day and his birthday.

Beyond that, nada. Zip. Not from me.
His girlfriend is welcome to take DD out to buy my ex something for his birthday, Xmas, father's day, whatever, when she's with them (in anticipation, late, whatever).
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Old 06-19-2010, 11:28 AM
 
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Last year, we had STBX's birthday and father's day immediately preceding my decision to divorce. At that point, I found my comfort zone...presents/cards from DS to STBX. My name wasn't on it.

This year, STBX is out of state for a few weeks, so DS drew him a picture in a card with a little record-a-message thing in it. We sent that. That seems to be where we've landed. He had DS write me a birthday and mother's day card. I'll do the same for him.

It's polite and it teaches DS to be considerate on other people's special days.
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Old 06-19-2010, 11:57 AM
 
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It's our first Father's Day separated, too. I took my cue from stbx's approach to Mother's Day. He got me a card and had the kids sign it, so that's what I did for him.

We also agreed that I would have them Mother's Day weekend, and he has them this weekend.
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