Going from married to living w/parents to living on your own - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 07-07-2010, 05:40 PM - Thread Starter
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I'm sure I'll eventually have more questions, but a couple of things I've been worrying about lately...

DS and I are staying with my parents until things get a little more stable, and DS is loving all the attention from his grandparents and great-grandmother. Plus, there is a dog, and cats, and horses...it's a kid paradise over there. It's wonderful, of course, and I know it's silly, but I'm worried about what will happen once DS and I are on our own. I'm afraid DS will be totally bored and upset with just me for company after living in a house full of people, and I'm a little worried about handling his needs and daily household needs after having so much help. Well, I didn't have help when we were still living with stbx and we managed fine, but still...

I've also never lived on my own except for less than a year in college before getting married, and then it was in a little place more or less across the street from my parents. I'm not sure you could really count that as "living on your own"! I'm a solitary person by nature, but I'm really nervous about being alone. Not so much the being alone itself, but for security reasons. I can so see myself being paranoid and freaking out at every little noise and having to check every closet, under the bed, etc. every night.

Any words of comfort?

Mama to DS (5)

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#2 of 8 Old 07-07-2010, 05:44 PM
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It's great to have a place of your own!!! Seriously - you'll feel better once you're there than you realize now. It's so wonderful - I was nervous about it too, but I love it and don't know if I can ever go back to living with another person (besides DS that is!)
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#3 of 8 Old 07-07-2010, 06:29 PM
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If you like animals and think you could handle the care and lifetime (10-15 year committment), you might consider getting a dog (I would say get a rescue dog over a year, no potting training, no teething, and you can usually get a lot of details about the animals personality and they usually do basic training as well). It also sounds like your DS likes animals. Depending on his age and level of responsibility, he may enjoy caring for an animal.

Not that a dog is a security system or even will do anything about an intruder (most won't), but I find that having my dogs around makes me feel more secure because they do react to noises, are there to greet me when I get home, and if someone knocks on my door, my dogs go crazy barking and that does make me feel a sense of security. I also have big dogs, so that probably helps. A Chiuahaha might not do it for you.

Hugs. Living alone can be hard, but you get used to it and you will like the freedom to keep things the way you want.

DS September 2008 and DD September 2010
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#4 of 8 Old 07-07-2010, 11:04 PM
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I lived on my own for a year (with DS and DD) after getting divorced. Then I moved back "home" across the country and back in with my parents. The support has been wonderful but I can not wait to get back out on my own. I am getting my own place in less than 2 weeks. I will be about 10 minutes away and will still utilize the support that my family has provided me over the last year but I will have my own home again!

You will love living on your own with your DS. You get to make the rules, pick the groceries, set the thermostat where you like or open the windows, make noise or not, leave the kitchen messy or neat, turn on music, tv and set the volume where you like or have quiet time, etc. etc. As far as your son missing the company and the animals, I am sure that when you move out on your own you will pick someplace close by to your support system and he can go visit regularly. You may even get to send him for a night or 2 on his own and get some real space to yourself every once in a while.
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#5 of 8 Old 07-08-2010, 10:35 AM
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Hi there,
I just wanted to chime in as a mama who moved in with her parents after her separation from her XH. I was reluctant to do so at first, but when XH started getting out of hand and making threats, I felt I had no choice. I worry about the same things you worry about (lack of stimulation, boredom, resentment), and I do struggle with some feelings of inadequacy as a parent sometimes, because my parents are naturally inclined to "take over" where DD is concerned. Also, I thought I'd only stay until this summer (it would have been 10 months since my separation), but I elected to stay another year because I'm considering a career change.

Have you considered moving out on your own but really close to your parents? Is that a possibility? If not, could you perhaps plan the transition into true singlemommyhood with many visits from your parents, to ease your DS into his new lifestyle?
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#6 of 8 Old 07-08-2010, 10:44 AM
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I went from being married to living with grandparents, to fianlly moving out on my own. It worked out great. Don't worry about it. If anything, by the time we moved out, ds and I were glad for the peace and quiet. Of course, he would still spend the night over at grandmas if he missed them.
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#7 of 8 Old 07-08-2010, 12:52 PM - Thread Starter
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Thanks! I know once we get into our own place, we'll probably adore it, but the butterflies still keep fluttering whenever I think about it.

Kryztuh -- I love dogs, and this is actually the first time in my life I haven't had a furry companion! Our last dog (a beautiful, sweet golden retriever) died just before I got pregnant with DS, and another dog hasn't come into our lives yet. As luck would have it, there is actually a wonderful rescue organization nearby that I would love to adopt from...so hopefully that will happen soon. :-) My parents have a young black Lab who is a total goofball (and huge...and slobbery!! ;-) ), and I have loved borrowing him while we've been there.

Halfasianmomma -- I have! Like I mentioned in my answer on your thread, I seriously considered the possibility of building a home on their property, but I don't think that would be best in the long run. There aren't a lot of homes...well, homes in my price range...available in their area, but we will definitely be trying to get as close as possible.

Mama to DS (5)

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#8 of 8 Old 07-12-2010, 11:13 PM
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I just read what I was thinking of...building a home in their property! It sounds great!!! Don´t lnow what it looks like, but maybe seperated from your parents´ by trees? You could have privacy while your child has his family and everything else he loves and that is making this change easier.

I´ve been living with my mother for 1.6y now...less than a year but feels like forever! but we don´t get along very well and live in an apartment. so it´s not the same. I NEED my space, i NEED to get out of here. I am looking for places very close, a few blocks away, because I need the help and my son needs his g´mother. But each in her own place, no doubt.

Take it easy, look into what will make YOU relaxed and your child happy. if you get along and your child is happy, stay close.

good luck!
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