so im on zoloft now and im starting to have feelings for ex again - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 07-09-2010, 12:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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he certainly does not deserve it...idk what to do. he has put me through so much garbage he was not there for me when i gave birth or after and went to work the day after we got home! hes never helped me with DD and we had been struggling in our relationship the past 2 years anyways...we have had alot of drama...

so now i had kind of a breakdown and hes been helping alot and really taking care of DD and i was put on zoloft and am feeling better but im beginning to have feelings for him again...he wants to be with me but i know i dont want to be with him but i do KWIM? idk if its just the whole giving DD a household with two loving parents and having a helping hand and what not. we arent fighting for once and idk we are like friends again. i just feel some things coming back and i dont really want t feel that way b/c there is just wayyy too much bull in our past to "forget" about.

WWYD?

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#2 of 7 Old 07-09-2010, 12:30 PM
 
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I would write myself a long list of all the crummy things he ever did to me and post it somewhere very visible, so whenever I start to feel all mushy inside, I'd force myself to read the list.

If you're just starting on Zoloft, then perhaps your emotions aren't stabilized yet. Are you in counselling as well? It might help you see your way through this...

I understand how suddenly having a helping hand at home might sway your feelings, but try to realize that this is just the BASICS of a healthy relationship.
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#3 of 7 Old 07-09-2010, 12:43 PM
 
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Having feelings for him is perfectly normal. Acting on those feelings is probably not healthy. Even if you are going to reconcile, now is not the time- you're just starting on meds and you're not stable yet. The "right way" to go about reconciliation is to start "dating" him again while your'e still living apart, while going to couple's counseling, and give him lots of time to work on himself and prove to you that he's really changed before making any longterm committments. Right now is simply too soon.

It's probably healthier to think of him as a "brother" or a friend rather than a lover again. You both love your child and he's never going to be out of your life completely. You need to work together for parenting, even if you both marry other people. You can't afford an unhealthy romantic relationship to bloom and crash over and over again. For your daughter's sake, work on building a friendship with him, and nothing more. Maybe the friendship will eventually blossom into romance again- or maybe it won't. Either way, friendship is the foundation for either a good marriage or a good co-parenting relationship.

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#4 of 7 Old 07-09-2010, 01:04 PM
 
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mama even without the zoloft when our exs start helping more and being 'nicer', its so hard to be a single mom that one tends to wonder if we did the right thing and start feeling the attraction. i know i have done it too. not just that. sometimes my bodily needs (ex has the kind of looks i am partial too) sometimes have affected my head too. just the possibility of another baby (though i really wanted another) during rocky times is what brought me back to sanity.

please just hang in there and give it some time before reality hits. do what it takes to make sure you dont slip.

even after 6 years i still have those feelings. rarely but still do have them. till my feet touch the ground and i slap my forehead and go what's wrong with me. NO WAY!!!!!

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#5 of 7 Old 07-09-2010, 07:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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LOL TY ladies i know you all are right. im starting couseling on the 13th hopefully she will be a good one!

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#6 of 7 Old 07-10-2010, 08:23 AM
 
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been there often (without the meds); my exh is actually a wonderful man who i still love deeply, so it's easy sometimes to have amnesia about why we split and have nostalgia for our little family unit. you sound very clear though about why you split; counseling and maybe journalling could help you process your feelings without acting on them.

a side note, is the zoloft helping? after yrs of stress and trying every alternative treatment i'm finally considering meds, just from breaking under the pure stress of working single mamahood, but am so scared to try them...
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#7 of 7 Old 07-10-2010, 08:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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its only been a SHORT while like 4days but i definately notice a difference! i was really scared b/c i was flipping out on DD and was having some real anger issues and crying like non stop so i called the Dr b/c i knew i had to do something. im TERRIFIED of meds b/c my mom was on meds and committed suicide when i was 15 but i had to do something so i swalloewed my fear and decided it was best for DD and to see how it goes. im on 25mg which is low and its been helping. it can take up to 4 weeks to kick in but i prayed it would happen sooner and it did so TG im feeling alot better. not perfect yet but thats ok.

 Young born-again mama and loving wife peace.gif to DH jammin.gif and SAHP to two crazy girls dust.gifwehomebirth.jpgfly-by-nursing2.gifslinggirl.giffamilybed1.gif and believe gd.giflactivist.gif  signcirc1.gif !

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