August Dating Thread! A Gust of Passion in the air...?! - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 47 Old 08-22-2010, 06:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I've never transmitted it either, and I have had several boyfriends since I divorced with whom I did not use condoms with (I choose wisely and get tested between partners). It's only contagious before/during/after an outbreak; ergo if you have no outbreaks you aren't ever contagious, except for the infintesimally small chance that at any given moment you could be about to break out, which I guess is always possible in theory, but anyways.... I repeat, being exposed to & then developing resistence to this virus affects me about as much as chicken pox interferes with my life these last 23 years since I had it the one time.

But anyway glad to hear that the musician is awesome!!!
Ferra good luck with MO!
So sorry for your heartbreak, artgirl!

As for me and SS, I have a question for y'all:

Do you think that if SS will ever be enough for me if he can't express himself emotionally without great difficulty & in the end in very few words (frustrating!), or say romantic things to me, or be romantic, *verbally?* assuming that everything else is present/aligned/ideal in his actual emotions & intentions. But if he just can't tell me that I'm beautiful or say that he's been thinking about me all day or tell me he misses me or that he's never felt this way about any other woman (or some naughtier/exciting stuff as well) or the hundred other things that women love to hear...will I explode sooner or later that I can express my feelings to him, and he can hardly reciprocate? Will it make me question the strength of his feelings, if he can't *describe them or make them known to me verbally somehow? Will I feel his heart is vaulted up & kept private from me & will that kill me?

Not sure I can live with that. My inclination is to be intimate in every way, even verbally. Especially verbally!! I'm a verbal person.
*
But he gazes at my face with unmistakable emotion in his eyes when we are affectionate and he feathers tiny kisses all over my face and caresses me lovingly constantly when I'm within arm's reach, and reads my mood every minute and if he suspects I've taken any step away from normal Butterfly bubbliness towards any degree of subduedness or even melancholy, he is immediately & genuinely concerned, and probes for me to tell him my thoughts and seems so willing to do anything in his power to restore my mood back to chipperness, or just listen and let me be melancholic if that's what I seem to want. He seems to enjoy very much my strong personality and tendancy to be in control & seems so happy to sit in the passenger seat next to me, so to speak, on this journey we are on.... He apparently loves going along with any suggestion I come up with (about *anything*), & rather relieved that I have so many, at all times. Passive, almost. But supportive, giving, and solid as a rock in terms of emotional balance.

He's not a wimp, he keeps me on my toes with challenging my assertations in conversation with his sharp intellect (& is sometimes even gently teasing me) and has the calmess & proud posture of a man who is secure in himself & has nothing to prove to anyone. He's not needy or a cuckold. He doesn't need a woman, can be quite content celibate/single, and that is 1000% clear in his every molecule. But our last date lasted 48 hours. We just fit together in easy, relaxed harmony. I know it's an exclusive, rather serious relationship without needing to ask.

But will his reserved, passive, MUM nature start to eat at me? I'm the exact opposite!!!*

Wondering your guys' thoughts.
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#32 of 47 Old 08-22-2010, 08:59 AM
 
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Butterfly, if he's holding and using an ice scraper, you can learn to understand and HEAR his "ice scraper language"... because it is another language... a language of actions, not words. And if you can't learn to hear that language, then you don't really want a man with an ice scraper... because, in my experience, I would say that 99.9999% of ice-scraper-men are not gushy, verbal types. If they were, they wouldn't bother with the ice scraper.
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#33 of 47 Old 08-22-2010, 10:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Ione I love that. Very wise.

Someone asked about our terminology with the ice scraper and it's a euphamism for the kind of man who would secretly set his alarm in winter to sneak to your car and scrape the ice from the windsheild and slip back into bed before she notices anything because he knows if he offered she'd refuse, but she has arthritis and it's hard for her & she has morning errands to run.
i.e. My stepdad, as he lives each day to serve my mom, & vice versa.
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#34 of 47 Old 08-22-2010, 10:26 AM
 
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Love the ice scraper terminology.

Rox, HAPPY homeschooling AP single mama to the three joys in my life, DD (6), DD (4), and DS (2 months), and birth and postpartum doula.
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#35 of 47 Old 08-22-2010, 11:32 AM
 
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Butterflymom, yes, I hear you - it does sound like you were a rare case tho! I'm not into using condoms in long term relationships...don't like them and only put up with them while safety is still an issue (ie before both partners tested), but it is interesting what you said about so much of the population being undiagnosed, asymptomatic etc...so I guess I've always been exposing myself unwittingly.

As for the ice scraper thing and your question, Butterflymom...well, I personally as a verbally and physically demonstrative person would find that difficult, what you describe...but it does sound like he's into you... and that's the main thing. Some guys definitely do express their love through actions...and actually my ex was a very 'wordy' guy, very 'romantic', but when it came down to it he treated me with such lack of respect. So that taught me! I do think someone can be an 'ice scraper' AND verbally demonstrative though. I know it's only been 3 weeks and a bit, but so far Musician Guy fulfils both criteria. He's gone out of his way to be helpful with my son and is very aware and perceptive of what I need, AND he's saying some stunning things to me, writing me poetry etc...it's all making me melt really! I feel like I want him around a lot more, (and he seems to feel the same), but I kind of want to eke out this early stage a bit...and not lose my independence. In the past I would have been practically moving in with someone by now though if we clicked
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#36 of 47 Old 08-22-2010, 01:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Eke away, Devaya, eke things out as long as possible. No one ever looks back and says, things are great nowadays but gosh darn it if we would have gotten serious right away things now would be more solid. there's nothing to lose & everything to gain.

Trying to slow down my mental planning as well, with Sweetie Sweeterson.

But goodness beyond gracious..... I haven't seen him in just 48 hours and I'm gagging for it. Just dying of missing him. Part of me wonders if he feels the same way or if he did, I'd never find out I guess.

Poll: how many of y'all agree that there are men out there with both the silver tongue in their mouth *and* the ice scraper in their hand?
How many guys like that could there be out there, if they are??

Devaya apparently found herself a diamond!
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#37 of 47 Old 08-22-2010, 03:07 PM
 
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Wow. This thread has picked up

Ferra, I say hold out for the one you have a heart for to come back from Africa. I am *very* interested to see how this will play out

Butterfly, HOOORAY, for you finding your SS. I think Ione has it right. And I'm not sure how often the silver tongue and the ice scraper go together -- to many men with the silver tongue have developed the sweet words as a way to avoid going the extra step with the ice scraper.

Muse, thank you for your sweet words about why the new gf's feel threatened by me. I feel good about ATG -- he's make a point of emailing me and texting me more often since that converstation (when I told him flat out that I was afraid that his new gf would make him choose between us).


Last weekend I had 2 dates, neither of which sucked, which is amazing to me. The first was with a guy I'll call the Shy Commuter. I was expecting that to be a pretty boring date, actually. Our email exchanges had been pleasant but not terribly thrilling the pic he had sent me was truly bad picture, but didnt' leave me too optimistic about his looks. In reality, he is a bit on the dorky side, but Tall, which is always a plus for me, and our dinner conversation was pleasant, and flowed easily. And he bought us a really nice bottle of wine, paid for dinner...we walked around town and then back to my car -- when he kissed me good night..holy sparks! More details on that will come later, in private, but wow!

I then had a breakfast date on Sunday morning with a guy I'll call the Young Orphan. I had been much more interested in him, before meeting either of them -- he is my age, definitely attractive, etc. I dont' know if it was because I was just reeling from the night before still, but I wasn't nearly as interested in him as I expected to be. But still, we spent all day together -- had breakfast, he offered to help me stack my firewood, so we did that, then went back to town for a late lunch/early dinner at a fun little bar that I like.

So that was last weekend. I was away all week on vacation with my kids, and YO wasn't really on my mind, but SC was. SC and I exchanged some texts and emails during the week, and I saw him again last night. We had a good time, again, and I spent the night at his place this time, but I'm not as thrilled as I'd hoped to be. I think there are maybe just too many huge lifestyle differences.

But, it's fun to feel like I'm back in the game. I'm going to give YO another chance, and I'm not ruling SC out completely, but I don't see any long term potential, unless I see a very different side of him, soon. I've had a few other interesting bites to my online profile over the last few weeks, so I guess I'll respond to those, and see what happens.

Love to you all. I'm sorry I'm not doing a good job responding individually, I'll try to keep up better going forward!
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#38 of 47 Old 08-24-2010, 02:10 PM
 
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Artgirl-Wow, its kinda cool that guy was totally honest with you. Its a big time saver in the end....no worrying about if he is into you or not. Any other prospects?

sugarmoon, YES. I like that your dating life has picked up. You so deserve some tenderness and action.

butterflymom: sounds like things are going well.

I think I need to be updated with icescraper info....

As for me....I have been crazy busy starting a midwifery apprenticship which is helpful in passing time til MO comes home and just reinforces that the future is oh so bright things seem to be falling into place.
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#39 of 47 Old 08-25-2010, 08:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by ferra View Post
butterflymom: sounds like things are going well.

I think I need to be updated with icescraper info....

.
Thanks. They are. SS is a dream come true, i'm pinching myself each day.

as for the icescraper info........ it's a euphamism for the kind of man who would secretly set his alarm in winter to sneak to your car and scrape the ice from the windsheild and slip back into bed before she notices anything because he knows if he offered she'd refuse, but she has arthritis and it's hard for her & she has morning errands to run.
i.e. My stepdad, as he lives each day to serve my mom, & vice versa.


Your new guy is SO HOT!!!!!
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#40 of 47 Old 08-26-2010, 12:00 AM
 
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Well I know I've been hiding for awhile but I'm gonna try to keep up here more. I'm in a dilemma here now but I'll post more in private land. I'll be back when ive got time to read all the thread. Miss u girls!

Michelle mom to DD , DS , & lil DD plus and spending my days
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#41 of 47 Old 08-26-2010, 01:08 PM
 
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Slowing down the mental planning. There is a thought!!!! I have really got to do that. I am only getting myself frustrated while I wait for MO to come home. It is so easy to think, think think.

Oh, yes I remember that icescraper story from a while back. So sweet...and I think MO is that kind of person. He housesat for us recently and cleaned the floors, my bathtub and took care of all our animals. Later that day I was telling my roomate, "he had me at the tub" Ahhhhh....
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#42 of 47 Old 08-29-2010, 03:16 PM
 
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I'm in a real confusion about The Musician...any advice v welcome please! I am finding it SO hard dating seriously while being in a single mom...this is the first proper 'relationship' I've had since breakup with my X and I cannot believe (tho I did know, theoretically, that it would be!) how much harder it is. We do have time alone as well as with DS in tow, but both are proving very hard. When we're alone together, part of me resents having to give up my very limited 'alone time' (i'm a person with big needs for time alone), and he's SO intense and it's like one big therapy session...and yet he is the most sensitive, compassionate, understanding guy I've ever met... and then when we're with DS, it's SUCH hard work b/c I'm having to interact with both and MD keeps trying to have a proper conversation w me which is nearly impossible with a nearly three-year-old around, plus DS gets super needy etc (even though he likes Musician Guy, he obviously has some ambivalence b/c it's not Daddy).

Grr...I really wish a relat, at least in the first couple of months, could be more enjoyable...this is just uphill hard work. Issue after issue seems to surface (particularly for M.D.), and I also really put my foot in it a few days ago by answering a direct question of his: "Do you find me attractive? You never compliment my appearance." as honestly and sensitively as I could: "Well my usual 'type' is quite different from you, but obviously I find you attractive or I wouldn't be with you...the more I get to know you the more attractive I find you (sort of true) and I'm shy about giving physical compliments, I find it easier to give personality ones (true)". WHY couldn't i just say 'Yes of course I find you attractive'? NO, I had to be 'honest'!! and it caused no end of upheaval and emotion from him, it pushed all his buttons and he was really upset.

The thing is, i just really don't find him sexy. I really WANT it to work b/c he is SO perfect in many ways, and he isn't a bad looking guy, he just isn't sexy to me...I can get sexy with him, but it isn't anything to do with the way he looks. If you know what I mean! I'm starting to wonder if I can make it with ANY guy b/c if I can't make it with him, the most 'on my wavelength' guy I've ever met, I just don't know...Also don't know if I need all this complication in my already full life - I'm starting to long to go back to the 'simplicity' of single mom-dom where I just relied on my female friends for support and company and got on with it... anyone relate? Sorry for the massively long ramble...
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#43 of 47 Old 08-30-2010, 11:18 AM
 
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Sounds like you know you aren't into him, Devaya. I was with a guy for a while who was perfect in so many ways and was attractive too, but I just didn't develop feelings for him. I was really sad to let him go, but I had to once I realized how imbalanced things were between us.

I used to participate on this thread when I first started dating after my marriage broke up. It's always fun to share exciting stories and hear about other's experiences, so I'm dipping my toe into this fun thread again. I've just escaped from a very turbulent relationship, so I am trying to stay out of the dating pool right now.

I was doing the internet thing back then, but I've finally realized that it doesn't work very well. There are just too many people to weed through and it's impossible to tell who you might connect with that way. I think so many people doing online dating wind up looking for perfection, only to be disappointed because of those high standards. Or, you get frustrated and lower your standards too much and do things that are regrettable.

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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#44 of 47 Old 08-30-2010, 05:04 PM
 
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Mimim, yes I think this is really a case of using my common sense. In the past i've convinced myself that my misgivings about someone were imaginary, forced myself to stay with him and work things out, only to realise down the line it was never right in the first place. You'd think I'd learn I have made my decision to split with Musician Guy...just don't know quite how to do it since he lives fairly far away and don't want to do it on the phone, nor have him come down to visit and then feel forced into a big 'discussion'. I'm pretty sure he'll try to convince me it's my 'resistance' or something like that that's making me want to end it...

As for internet dating, I'm pretty disillusioned with it too, for the reasons you mentioned, Mimim. Met MD in real life but have been on some sites for a few months, with no success - and only one date. Think most men are put off by the fact I have a young son. I have also been uber fussy though. I'm not even sure right now to be honest whether I WANT someone serious in my life at all... I find myself really looking forward to having all that time 'back' after I end it with MD...time to myself...but I guess if I was really in love with someone I would WILLINGLY give that up for them. Sigh.
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#45 of 47 Old 08-31-2010, 08:59 PM
 
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Almost September!!!! Woot Woot!!! I hope we are going to have some wonderful action to report next month.

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#46 of 47 Old 08-31-2010, 09:22 PM
 
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Just because I am a single mama, and just because I kiss you, does NOT mean I will sleep with you the same night. Don't get pissy with me for sending you home. Not understanding that I have more to think about than just jumping in the sack and not respecting my wishes makes me want you all the less. </rant>
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#47 of 47 Old 09-02-2010, 01:53 PM
 
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[QUOTE=mimim;15787665]Sounds like you know you aren't into him, Devaya. I was with a guy for a while who was perfect in so many ways and was attractive too, but I just didn't develop feelings for him. I was really sad to let him go, but I had to once I realized how imbalanced things were between us.QUOTE]



It totally sounds like you need to move on! And it sounds like he is wanting more than you can give. Not all guys will give you a hard time about taking care of your child. This relationship sounds like a real chore. Listen to your heart.
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