You'd be a good wife... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 11:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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to someone who all that stuff is important to.
This, said by my STBX when I said something about having worked so hard to take care of him, our kids and our house.
Really? WTH does that mean?
Then he goes on to tell me that he's looking forward to dating again cause he hopes that "the grass is greener."
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It's so ridiculous. I'm just glad I can have the chance to raise my boys to NOT be like him.
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#2 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 11:16 AM
 
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Originally Posted by haydn'smommy View Post
to someone who all that stuff is important to.
This, said by my STBX when I said something about having worked so hard to take care of him, our kids and our house.
Really? WTH does that mean?
It means that he does not believe that he is a good man worthy of a good woman. It means he lacks the courage or the strength to fight for what is good and true. It means he does not want to believe that he can be good, kind, strong, true, etc.... IT is a battle that only he can fight.

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Then he goes on to tell me that he's looking forward to dating again cause he hopes that "the grass is greener."
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It's so ridiculous. I'm just glad I can have the chance to raise my boys to NOT be like him.
I am sorry that he said those things to you.

Your boys will learn a lot from their father. They will learn how he relates, how he backs off, how he does not believe in his own goodness.... They may not be that way themselves but they will still learn from him.

I am sorry you have to go through a divorce and hear such lies.
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#3 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 11:20 AM
 
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Originally Posted by haydn'smommy View Post
to someone who all that stuff is important to.
This, said by my STBX when I said something about having worked so hard to take care of him, our kids and our house.
Really? WTH does that mean?
Then he goes on to tell me that he's looking forward to dating again cause he hopes that "the grass is greener."
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It's so ridiculous. I'm just glad I can have the chance to raise my boys to NOT be like him.

Laugh.

Its absurd...

This is a tree on fire with love, but it's still scary since most people think love only looks like one thing instead of the whole world. *
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#4 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 11:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by haydn'smommy View Post
to someone who all that stuff is important to.
This, said by my STBX when I said something about having worked so hard to take care of him, our kids and our house.
Really? WTH does that mean?
Then he goes on to tell me that he's looking forward to dating again cause he hopes that "the grass is greener."
I don't know whether to laugh or cry. It's so ridiculous. I'm just glad I can have the chance to raise my boys to NOT be like him.
If you don't want to hear these things, don't say things to trigger the response in him. You aren't together anymore (If I remember right, I might be wrong, correct me if I am), so stop bringing up the past with him. The only thing you should discuss with him is the present and/or future - and only as it pertains to your children.
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#5 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 11:34 AM
 
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Yep, he has now taken on the roll of a troll. Never feed the troll!!!
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#6 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 11:44 AM
 
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Yep, he has now taken on the roll of a troll. Never feed the troll!!!
you just made me laugh out loud in class!!
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#7 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 11:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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You're right, of course. He's still here in the house and we have to live together until the end of October cause he has no place to go. He baits me. Says things that illicit a response like me saying, "I was a good wife. I worked hard to take care of this house and you and our boys." And, then he slams me with stuff like that.
It's hard not to respond and it's impossible not to talk to him cause he's always right here. I'll be so glad when his house closes and he can move out.
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#8 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 11:55 AM
 
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Then he goes on to tell me that he's looking forward to dating again cause he hopes that "the grass is greener."

Well, I wish him good luck with that. Because the market is really ripe for a man who ditches his family and openly scorns the efforts a woman puts into the love and care of his children. That's hot! Women will just flock to that like a magnet!
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#9 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 12:49 PM
 
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Well, I wish him good luck with that. Because the market is really ripe for a man who ditches his family and openly scorns the efforts a woman puts into the love and care of his children. That's hot! Women will just flock to that like a magnet!
Yeah baby, I want me one of those...HA!
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#10 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 01:53 PM
 
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I dunno....somehow my ex got one who thought so. But she seems to just want to party all the time with him anyway.
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#11 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 02:21 PM
 
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Ugh. Were we married to the same guy? Sorry mama. We'll raise up our sons to be more caring and respectful.
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#12 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 05:56 PM
 
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Does he mean he would have prefered you working or is he something else? Either way the dating thing was just mean. My ex and I agreed that I would stay at home when I had my dd but that changed once we actually had a child and were going through things. I am sorry that you are going through that. Hopefully he comes to realize all that you did for him and stops being a jerk. I agree that you shouldn't give him fuel for his cruel rants. Try to keep all talk to a minimum.
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#13 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 08:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Does he mean he would have prefered you working or is he something else? Either way the dating thing was just mean. My ex and I agreed that I would stay at home when I had my dd but that changed once we actually had a child and were going through things. I am sorry that you are going through that. Hopefully he comes to realize all that you did for him and stops being a jerk. I agree that you shouldn't give him fuel for his cruel rants. Try to keep all talk to a minimum.
No, I work full time. I do all the taking care of the kids, all the cleaning of the house, all the laundry. I would get up at 4am to get ready so I could cook him breakfast and make him coffee and get dinner started in the crockpot then get the kids up and ready for daycare. I am a GOOD wife.
He says my personality is wrong. That he wants someone more like himself (I'm guessing that's angry, hateful, rude, pessimistic, and paranoid) and someone he can get along with better.
BAH! Whatever. Just posting it makes me dislike him more.
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#14 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 09:24 PM
 
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[QUOTE=haydn'smommy;15822133]No, I work full time. I do all the taking care of the kids, all the cleaning of the house, all the laundry. I would get up at 4am to get ready so I could cook him breakfast and make him coffee and get dinner started in the crockpot then get the kids up and ready for daycare. I am a GOOD wife.
He says my personality is wrong. That he wants someone more like himself (I'm guessing that's angry, hateful, rude, pessimistic, and paranoid) and someone he can get along with better.
BAH! Whatever. Just posting it makes me dislike him more.[/
QUOTE]

What an...
Hey wait--maybe he is MY stbx! My stbx did this to me after 20 years of marriage. Now the joy is watching his every move on FB--X is here, X just checked in here, etc. What a jerk. My parents are still "friends" with him on FB and they just are SHOCKED at how blatant he is--and all the stupid comments like what a great life he is having...meanwhile, he is out there trying out that green grass. I laugh at the part: someone more like himself...that I bolded.
I am you. And I really suffered at first. And now he has moved out.
And I feel the same way you are feeling.
And you ARE/WERE a good wife. He did NOT deserve you.
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#15 of 17 Old 09-08-2010, 10:08 PM
 
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Originally Posted by haydn'smommy View Post
No, I work full time. I do all the taking care of the kids, all the cleaning of the house, all the laundry. I would get up at 4am to get ready so I could cook him breakfast and make him coffee and get dinner started in the crockpot then get the kids up and ready for daycare. I am a GOOD wife.
He says my personality is wrong. That he wants someone more like himself (I'm guessing that's angry, hateful, rude, pessimistic, and paranoid) and someone he can get along with better.
BAH! Whatever. Just posting it makes me dislike him more.
He sounds unbalanced. I can't imagine leaving a home where I was loved and had someone who would get up at 4 a.m. plus cook dinner after working full-time. I thought from your initial op that you were a SAHM and his mind had changed about how much he liked that. Sounds like you have gone way beyond good wife there. He sounds like a UAV.
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#16 of 17 Old 09-10-2010, 12:14 AM
 
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I think that is a great thing...just change the ending. You would be a good wife...to a GOOD MAN.
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#17 of 17 Old 09-10-2010, 10:56 AM
 
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I think that is a great thing...just change the ending. You would be a good wife...to a GOOD MAN.
Absolutely right.

I just don't understand where he was the whole time you were getting up at 4am and cooking and doing kid stuff AND had a job... I really think that was a big huge red flag right there that he didn't appreciate you. No one that cared would watch their partner wear themselves out like that while they lolled about in bed - they'd get up and help or at the very least say, "Don't worry about my breakfast, you have enough to do." But obviously he already felt entitled. I would also ask your parents to unfriend him on Facebook - it can be done discreetly without any drama - I think it's only causing you more pain that you don't need. Be glad you're rid of a "man" like that.
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