HELP! toddler calling boyfriend daddy... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 09-08-2010, 11:56 PM - Thread Starter
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so dd's daddy is not present in her life, he lives in another state & we see him only a few times a year, though she does talk to him regularly, she does Love & miss him... he's just not in a good place in his life right now, & is not able to have her at all. dd is 2 1/2, & I left her dad when she was almost 1. I have been dating a guy who is a single dad to a 2yo & a 3yo, we haven't been dating for very long, but dd has called him daddy a couple of times now. I have explained to her that he is the other kids daddy & that her daddy is in CO... we are both kinda worried about it though & not sure what to do. His kids arn't bothered at all about me, but their mother is fully present in their life. Any advice would be much appreciated...

Elisha; happy, working, mountain/river/music, single mamma to Charlotte hearts.gif 03/16/08.

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#2 of 5 Old 09-09-2010, 01:14 AM
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My daughter has gone thru phases at 2 years she was calling my best friends husband "daddy" because that is what she saw his daughter call him.... she was just following along since she did not know what to call him. My best friend and her husband were AMAZING and did not find it odd but they (and I) did make a point of teaching dd what to call him. We did it casually - I made a point of always calling him Uncle X and he made a point of saying come give Uncle X a hug when he called her to him, etc. once she knew what to call him the daddy thing disappeared.

We are now going thru it with dd wanting to call her Grandpa "Dad" because she hears everyone call him that...... so I am trying to be more conscious and call him Grandaddy but I think now at 3.5 years she is actually trying to figure out the daddy concept she she is now in preschool and sees other dads to dd Grandpa is that so I am pondering how to address the heart of the matter this time.

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#3 of 5 Old 09-09-2010, 01:37 AM
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my dd's daddy is FULLY present in her life yet she chose to call my best friend daddy when she was 4. she wished my bf was her daddy because he connected with her better than her own dad. he felt strange at first saying hey you have your daddy, but i said aaaaaah what's the big deal. it shows how much you mean to her. now she is friends with another of my friends who is super good with kids and again she wishes he was her daddy.

so really it isnt about rejection. it more about wishing and wanting their kind of daddy.

i would keep on telling her but not insisting upon it.

my mama best friend has known my dd since she was 6 months old. they are part of our framily and her son and my dd are like siblings. they see each other every week. many a times my dd has called my friend mom. she has not meant to call her mom but it just slipped out. i am v. moved that my dd has someone seh loves soo much. my friend is tickled pink. and i feel really good because if i die my dd will live with my friend and visit daddy as she does now.

so i think its pretty normal kids calling others daddy and/or mommy. plus in your case your dd watches his kids calling him daddy.

dd has outgrown the daddy thing. but once in a while does slip up with the mommy thing.

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#4 of 5 Old 09-09-2010, 04:14 AM - Thread Starter
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yeah, she definitely knows... she calls him by his name. We had the "mommy" mix up when we first came to live with Grammy a year & a half ago... but she got that pretty quick. Tonight when she called him daddy again & I said "yes, he is Their daddy" as I'v explained before, she made a distinct display of calling him daddy. Like "yeah, duh mom, I know, I WANT to call him daddy." It's partly really awkward because we really have not been dating for very long... not even a whole month yet... I feel like it's more along the lines of her needing a daddy in her life, wanting him to be her daddy. She misses her daddy & doesn't really get why he's not in her life. I try to explain... but some things are just not easy to put into toddler coherence... Plus he was never really there for her when he was around, and my boyfriend is very attentive of her as well as his kids. I guess more than anything it really just breaks my heart... I wish her dad could be there for her, I wish we could co-parent... I donno... I guess I'm just a little wigged out by it & still very heart broken over her dad not being there for her...

Elisha; happy, working, mountain/river/music, single mamma to Charlotte hearts.gif 03/16/08.

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#5 of 5 Old 09-28-2010, 02:34 PM
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I feel your pain. My daughter is 5 and she doesn't call my boyfriend daddy, she just calls him by name and that is comfortable for both of them. My 16 month old son has a little more trouble with it. My boyfriend has been more attentive and active in our lives since the boy was 5 months old, than the kids' father. We are constantly correcting him, but honestly, my bf is more father to him than his own daddy.

In your situation, it seems she is looking for her daddy figure and needs someone to fill that role because her own daddy cannot. Just keep correcting her, she'll get the idea eventually. All we can do is continually, gently nudge them in the right direction while trying to repair the damage done by the absent parent...

Jen - Mommy to 2 little heathens: Lexi (5 years old) and JJ (16 Months Old)
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