I posted something similar in the Personal Growth section. This is a little different and I'm just wondering if anyone else has gone through this and how they dealt with it.
My husband and I decided to separate at the beginning of this year. It has been one hell of a roller coaster ride... not a fun roller coaster! I can go back and forth about who's fault it is that our marriage didn't work out, but that isn't going to help. We are both at fault. He was heavily into drugs and has BPD, which has not been officially diagnosed, but I KNOW he does. Anyhow, it makes it very difficult to deal with him.
We probably could have saved our marriage if we had separated right, but nothing was really discussed about where we wanted to go from there and if we wanted to work on things. I figured it was already too late. I started partying every night that I didn't have my daughter and he started numbing himself with opiates. Yea, a very unhealthy separation. That's only the beginning but I won't go any further.
We are both sober now and getting our lives sorted out. So, here I find myself... sad, lonely, depressed, jealous. He has a new girlfriend. He says he wants me to work on myself so eventually we can be together. I can't really see this. I feel guilty because of our broken marriage. I should have been more responsible, we both should have been more responsible.
Now our daughter has to be shuffled back and forth. I feel terrible. I lost sight of what was really important, both of us did. We hurt each other terribly in the process. Our daughter has been great actually! We never fight around her, we keep things as stable as possible for her, and she always knows that we are there for her. Always. Even when we lost track of other things, we always stayed grounded while around her.
Has anyone else dealt with this? How did you deal with these emotions? Guilt, sadness, loneliness, depression, jealousy? I just want to be happy again. I want to wake up in the morning without thinking about him cuddling with someone else and me being alone. I want a good nights sleep! I'm usually fine during the day. Nights are very lonely even with my daughter right next to me. I'm sick and tired of feeling this way.