Question: How much time do you spend with you bf/so? - Mothering Forums
Single Parenting > Question: How much time do you spend with you bf/so?
knitterma's Avatar knitterma 07:45 PM 09-24-2010
I'm curious how much time other single mothers spend with their boyfriends(or girlfriends), and how long you've been together. Do you strictly see your SO when your children are with their other parent? Or do you "blend" the families together? I guess i'm mainly asking about mothers that don't live with your SO because if you live together, i imagine you would see each other every day?

Thanks!

lilyka's Avatar lilyka 12:26 AM 09-27-2010
Well, I have a male "best friend" but we are not dating or anything. Everyone assumes we are and when I tell them we are not they don't believe us. But it really is like we are dating minus the making out

During the summer he spent quite a lot of time hanging out. (he can work remotely during the summer and only works a few minutes here and there). Now we mostly just spend time together on the weekends xh has the kids because he is so busy (having relaxed summers comes at a cost ) Our schedules are such that we get to spend more time together on the weekends xh has the kids. But he sticks around long enough to say hi to the girls when they get home. He really likes them and they like him too. (he is way more fun than me) And my kids met him the same time I did and I have never felt the need to hide him or our close friendship from them.
meco's Avatar meco 10:26 AM 09-29-2010
I tend to compartmentalize my love and family lives for the sake of ease. I am doing so less and less, but I am still not ready to wholely blend the two.

I have been seeing my beau for a year (but on and off before that for another 1.5 years). I spend on average 1-2 days a week with him, but when he travels, we might go a few weeks without seeing one another. We talk, text, send videos and email a lot to otherwise stayed connected.

Right now, I typically only see him when my child is with his father, a friend or family member. But that is also usually the beau's free time as well. Very occasionally, he might come over on a weekday post-bedtime but not be here in the morning.

I tend not to blend the two beyond a social friend level because it's not right now for my life (one day ). Because my child is school aged and spends weekends with his dad, our time together is limited and I like to focus that time on my child. Plus this means I have the weekends already free and take advantage of that time. So circumstantially, this is easier for me.

I think it depends on the situation, on the type of relationship and even the age of the children (I have a lot more child-free time as my child gets older). I think it's about being honest with yourself and working to balance everyone's needs. I know my particular choices would not be ideal for everyone. But it's the best choice for me and my child and my partner right now.
Ceinwen's Avatar Ceinwen 11:13 AM 09-29-2010
Well, I had a unique situation in that my gf was already spending each and every day with my youngest (during the week - she was the lead in her daycare room) We didn't make a big deal out of it when we started dating.

My two kids were 18 months and 6.5 years when we started doing things all together. And we had moved in w/in six months, so it went quickly. I know a lot of people wait longer to introduce their SO - but my kids already knew her well.
Halfasianmomma's Avatar Halfasianmomma 11:22 AM 09-29-2010
I started dating my boyfriend 6 months ago, when the whole custody thing wasn't yet settled. During that time, we only saw each other on week-ends, for about 4 hours, without DD. After I won sole custody, I slowly introduced DD to him by inviting him over for dinner one Friday.

My situation is unique in that I live with my parents right now, so there's very little privacy to be had. I work F/T and so does my bf, though he's a teacher and has a flexible schedule sometimes. My only free time is on week-ends or for a short period after work....so we see each other Friday evenings after work, and daytime Saturday (he sleeps over). He's SO flexible and relaxed, and usually tags along on our week-end shopping errands without any complaint. We generally take DD to the park or to the pool on Saturdays...some Saturday evenings, he has band rehearsal, but sometimes he treks back out to my place for some alone time later in the evening. Sundays is usually when I go dance tango and when bf goes to his parents' house for dinner, so those days are a write off.

Generally, seeing my bf = less sleep, since DD gets up rather early whether or not I got to bed late!
Oh the Irony's Avatar Oh the Irony 02:45 PM 09-29-2010
I'm not currently dating anyone but think it is a great question.

It was really an issue in my last relationship. My kids go to their dads every weekend so I have weekends free. He really wanted all of my free time. Which compressed all the things I do into less time and became quite stressful for me.

It is important for me to maintain "me" time and time for existing friends and hobbies.

When I date again, I think seeing each other once a week on weekdays (meet for lunch or something) and then doing something one night on the weekend sounds perfect. I'm also a fan of compartmentalizing.
knitterma's Avatar knitterma 01:57 PM 10-01-2010
thanks for responding everyone. The reason I ask is i've never actually had a normal, healthy relationship(before this one), nor did I ever see one from my own parents, so i'm never quite sure what is appropriate and what is unreasonable. my bf and i have been together for almost 2 years now. neither one of us is interested in ever getting married again, and living together is not something we want either. i am just getting to the point where i want more of a partner, but i think my bf is not at that point. i think he is totally happy with the "see each other a couple of times a week" model. I was just curious about other couples in a similar situation. thanks!
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