Question: How much time do you spend with you bf/so? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 7 Old 09-24-2010, 06:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
knitterma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 131
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm curious how much time other single mothers spend with their boyfriends(or girlfriends), and how long you've been together. Do you strictly see your SO when your children are with their other parent? Or do you "blend" the families together? I guess i'm mainly asking about mothers that don't live with your SO because if you live together, i imagine you would see each other every day?

Thanks!
knitterma is offline  
#2 of 7 Old 09-26-2010, 11:26 PM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 18,340
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Well, I have a male "best friend" but we are not dating or anything. Everyone assumes we are and when I tell them we are not they don't believe us. But it really is like we are dating minus the making out

During the summer he spent quite a lot of time hanging out. (he can work remotely during the summer and only works a few minutes here and there). Now we mostly just spend time together on the weekends xh has the kids because he is so busy (having relaxed summers comes at a cost ) Our schedules are such that we get to spend more time together on the weekends xh has the kids. But he sticks around long enough to say hi to the girls when they get home. He really likes them and they like him too. (he is way more fun than me) And my kids met him the same time I did and I have never felt the need to hide him or our close friendship from them.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
#3 of 7 Old 09-29-2010, 09:26 AM
 
meco's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: NYC
Posts: 6,816
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I tend to compartmentalize my love and family lives for the sake of ease. I am doing so less and less, but I am still not ready to wholely blend the two.

I have been seeing my beau for a year (but on and off before that for another 1.5 years). I spend on average 1-2 days a week with him, but when he travels, we might go a few weeks without seeing one another. We talk, text, send videos and email a lot to otherwise stayed connected.

Right now, I typically only see him when my child is with his father, a friend or family member. But that is also usually the beau's free time as well. Very occasionally, he might come over on a weekday post-bedtime but not be here in the morning.

I tend not to blend the two beyond a social friend level because it's not right now for my life (one day ). Because my child is school aged and spends weekends with his dad, our time together is limited and I like to focus that time on my child. Plus this means I have the weekends already free and take advantage of that time. So circumstantially, this is easier for me.

I think it depends on the situation, on the type of relationship and even the age of the children (I have a lot more child-free time as my child gets older). I think it's about being honest with yourself and working to balance everyone's needs. I know my particular choices would not be ideal for everyone. But it's the best choice for me and my child and my partner right now.

Teach your children about the global water crisis
Visit Dream Village to learn more | Check out Saved by the Well on Amazon! | SBTW Trailer!
meco is offline  
#4 of 7 Old 09-29-2010, 10:13 AM
 
Ceinwen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: The cold, crazy north
Posts: 2,726
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Well, I had a unique situation in that my gf was already spending each and every day with my youngest (during the week - she was the lead in her daycare room) We didn't make a big deal out of it when we started dating.

My two kids were 18 months and 6.5 years when we started doing things all together. And we had moved in w/in six months, so it went quickly. I know a lot of people wait longer to introduce their SO - but my kids already knew her well.

Full time working mom to two bright and busy little girls! treehugger.gif
Ceinwen is offline  
#5 of 7 Old 09-29-2010, 10:22 AM
 
Halfasianmomma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Montreal
Posts: 3,732
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I started dating my boyfriend 6 months ago, when the whole custody thing wasn't yet settled. During that time, we only saw each other on week-ends, for about 4 hours, without DD. After I won sole custody, I slowly introduced DD to him by inviting him over for dinner one Friday.

My situation is unique in that I live with my parents right now, so there's very little privacy to be had. I work F/T and so does my bf, though he's a teacher and has a flexible schedule sometimes. My only free time is on week-ends or for a short period after work....so we see each other Friday evenings after work, and daytime Saturday (he sleeps over). He's SO flexible and relaxed, and usually tags along on our week-end shopping errands without any complaint. We generally take DD to the park or to the pool on Saturdays...some Saturday evenings, he has band rehearsal, but sometimes he treks back out to my place for some alone time later in the evening. Sundays is usually when I go dance tango and when bf goes to his parents' house for dinner, so those days are a write off.

Generally, seeing my bf = less sleep, since DD gets up rather early whether or not I got to bed late!
Halfasianmomma is offline  
#6 of 7 Old 09-29-2010, 01:45 PM
 
Oh the Irony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: grateful for truth
Posts: 3,880
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not currently dating anyone but think it is a great question.

It was really an issue in my last relationship. My kids go to their dads every weekend so I have weekends free. He really wanted all of my free time. Which compressed all the things I do into less time and became quite stressful for me.

It is important for me to maintain "me" time and time for existing friends and hobbies.

When I date again, I think seeing each other once a week on weekdays (meet for lunch or something) and then doing something one night on the weekend sounds perfect. I'm also a fan of compartmentalizing.
Oh the Irony is offline  
#7 of 7 Old 10-01-2010, 12:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
knitterma's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 131
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
thanks for responding everyone. The reason I ask is i've never actually had a normal, healthy relationship(before this one), nor did I ever see one from my own parents, so i'm never quite sure what is appropriate and what is unreasonable. my bf and i have been together for almost 2 years now. neither one of us is interested in ever getting married again, and living together is not something we want either. i am just getting to the point where i want more of a partner, but i think my bf is not at that point. i think he is totally happy with the "see each other a couple of times a week" model. I was just curious about other couples in a similar situation. thanks!
knitterma is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off