Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Land of the Ice & Snow
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....so right. Having all that IS like being a unicorn, in guy-land....
Two nights ago, I missed my train to go visit a girlfriend's home and suddenly just felt overly weary & emotionally vulnerable based on having very little sleep the night before (horrible anxiety attack/nightmare experience during the night). I got the strongest urge to forgoe my plans and spend the evening cuddled in Cucumber's arms, release the stress, and sleep near him that night. So I called him up. He had just gotten home, had worked 10-11 hrs, had had to skip lunch at work, and had just sat down to a meal. I explained where I was at, and he asked if I'd like him to pick me up from where I was immediately. I said yes, and he promptly left his food and got in his car to come pick me up and spent the rest of the evening & night being sweet & cuddly. Even though we had spend the previous evening together, and the one before that, and had plans to meet 48hrs later. Seeing his uneaten dinner sitting there when we arrived at his place was certainly a touching moment. And this is quite typical, everyday behavior. he's constantly 'at the ready' to notice (& then seize) opportunities to support or help me in whatever way comes up. And when I try to thank him for any of it he's genuinely baffled at what exactly I'm thanking him for, because he can't fathom any other way to operate. If I apologize for being demanding or high maintenance, he refuses to agree that I am those things, and light heartedly laughs it off and honestly thinks nothing of it no matter how much of a prima donna or pouty dork I slip and allow myself to behave like, for a moment.
This guy's ice scraper is a platinum turbo-powered model.
I'd be pretty blind not to interpret actions such as that as romantic expressions. I get that. I just want the occasional "Wow, you look amazing" if I took pains to get dressed up, or "I've missed you these last couple days" when we meet, or a "I feel lucky/happy to be here with you" when other men attempt to get my attention, or stare, in public.
If I try on a cocktail dress in a store alone, for example, I've had perfect strangers stop in their tracks and doubletake with a "Wow!" exclamation, but all I think of is, "I only wish I had that effect on Cucumber." because he has that effect on me. I feel like the wind is knocked out of me somedays when I see him for the first time for a day or two....he's so hot and this is new and quite the rush on my end and....I'm just hopeful that this all isn't one sided.
The other extension of my concerns is that I'm worried that he's not one to ever plan surprises or grand gestures and OH BOY is that my thing. He can't even remember how he proposed to his ex-fiancé (10 yrs ago), to give an example of how earth shattering that production must have been. He's laidback about everything but also, I fear, about milestones and other causes to celebrate in life. I like to make as much fuss as possible, the more elaborate the secret preparations necessary, the more ingeniously thoughtful the idea, to pull off a surprise gesture or gift, the better. It's one of my ultimate ways of saying "I love you." I know I'll be missing something in this life if I'm not with a man who can appreciate that and celebrate life and love in this way.
I want to solve all this, given such promising ingredients present, with open communication and a fair negotation of ways to compromise and meet in the middle on these issues. But my attempts have failed several times.
I love him. More importantly I admire him as a person and feel honored to have him grace my life and take interest in my kids. I think he'll make an amazing, warm, patient, loyal dependable family man.
So many thoughts swirling. I do so appreciate all the feedback from you guys!!!!