Originally Posted by momof4peppers
With abusers, there is a "honeymoon" which cycles between abuse. Sounds like your no-contact has resulted in him "being polite" to throw you off, and get back into your good graces. Before he abuses you again. Watch. the. cycle. repeat.
I agree with this. BUT People can also change and break the cycle of abuse. They have to want it. They have to actively try for it. If he is going to counselling, standing up to his abuser (or walking away) he is trying to change. IT takes more than a few months to prove that to you. It will be a life long struggle for him. With him being Greek male, this might mean loosing everything family, money, et. which important for his well being. The struggle to break the abusive cycle is hard, I have done it but not with out a struggle and moments I wish I could do over. My dad broke the cycle with his second family, because he wanted to. He got help and guidance. His second family cannot imagine him being the way he was with us. For my dad, it helped his second wife was/is a better woman that my mom. My mom is abusive mentally and physically - just like her mother
I do not know your full story. But, I am not going to say no visitation, I don't know enough details. Some people need to do this not just for their own safety but the child, so I won't rule it out. Even though your ex is an ass and you want to put a wall between the two of you your child has a right to know his father and to figure it out himself. This is hard for us moms (custodial parent) to watch. You are not responsible for their relationship. Find out what you
are required to by law about the birth certificate. Not putting him on or denying that you knew who the dad is could
haunt you later. Again a lawyer would be more aware of your state laws.
You do not have to allow him back into your heart or bedroom. You can be very aware of his behavior and "move on". While the child has to develop or not develop a relationship with dad. I am not saying make it easy for him, he is the one that needs to put his name on the punitive fathers list. He is the one that needs to go to court and do things legally. But protect yourself, learn your rights and responsibility. Be flexible enough in legal standings not to screw yourself and your child.
If your ex is Greek get your child's pass port as soon as possible or blocked.
Also, never EVER EVER
use his credit card to pay anything. All it takes is for him to report it stolen and you are screwed. Cash or certified checks only, and log it. Log your interactions. 10/08/10 - X called at 420pm and called me a bitch. The conversation was.
Remember and learn about the cycle of abuse. Figure out why you choice this guy, so you can find a better man. YOU deserve that, your kids do also. Fix yourself.
It isn't a matter of being "fair" but a matter of being legally and morally responsible. It is not about yours or his rights, but the child's rights to know who his parents are.
I would encourage you to be legally proactive to protect yourself. Understand the cycle of abuse and honeymoon phase, which I think he is in.