Coming to terms with being alone... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 10-11-2010, 05:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Long story short and despite efforts made through friends, online dating et al, it looks as if I am destined to be without a partner. I am curious-how do those of you who are alone handle the loneliness?
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#2 of 19 Old 10-11-2010, 07:38 PM
 
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i hate it.

The thought of being alone forever paralyzes me.

I have a best friend who is great but he won't be around forever.

I am not the kind of girl guys like so it looks like I will die alone in th my own filth one day.

totally sucks.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#3 of 19 Old 10-11-2010, 07:57 PM
 
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I don't know if I would equate being alone to being lonely. You can be alone and not lonely, and you can be together with someone and still be lonely. Or, you can be alone and lonely. They're not necessarily tied to each other.

I find that when I get enough friendly attention I'm not that lonely. And different friends serve different purposes. For the whole time I was married I wasn't really allowed to have friends; the only people I was OK to interact with according to STBX were the typical "mommy friends" - moms to basically go to the playground with and talk about mommy things with. I was so lonely. I didn't even know why. I had "friends" and a husband and kids, so what was wrong with me?

Now that I'm seperated I'm much LESS lonely because I've allowed myself to reconnect with people from my past. Mostly male, actually, but it's not a romantic thing. I always got along better with guys. I didn't know how much I missed that. Just some friendly interactions with people I can bs with online.

Right now I don't have any friends within traveling distance so I do miss that, but at least I get social interaction online (with people I used to know in person, so I guess that helps).

As far as being lonely for a man... I don't think it's too fresh because despite only recently physically seperating and still technically being married I haven't been in a real romantic relationship for years. I'm not really lonely for that.

Physically, I can take care of my own needs.
I get random interaction with men I see out and about. Nothing to write home about and I'm certainly not going to pick up a guy when I have two toddlers in tow, but every once in a while I get a flirty look from some guy and that makes my day and boosts my confidence.
I'm starting to find companionship again in friends.
I enjoy being myself as well.
Cuddle affection I get from my kids and dog, though I was never much a cuddler in a romantic sense.
I've come to terms that I've already had one "great love" in my life (not STBX, oddly enough - my first love). He got in touch with me recently and although that's not going to go anywhere it reminded me that yes, I've had that great romantic rush before. It didn't last forever, but I've had it, check that box off the list.

There's some things I miss, sure. Kissing would be nice. Just being able to have the... have the status of being partnered. Having someone that I could call up at 3 am if need be. (My friends would probably not MIND but I still wouldn't feel like that's my place.)

I don't really have a desire to look for anyone at the moment. It's not like guys are knocking down my door anyway but even if they were, I wouldn't want to settle for just anyone. I think being lonely is THE worst reason for getting together with anyone. If you can work out how to NOT be lonely, and you're in a good place even if you're single, THEN you can decide whether or not a man is a good relationship choice.

Not like I have the greatest record with guys, but I do know that I bounced from one relationship to another because I was lonely. I really want to do it differently this time.

And of course even with all that everyone will have a lonely night here and there. I think that's totally normal. But not when it's your default setting if that makes sense.
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#4 of 19 Old 10-11-2010, 07:58 PM
 
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Originally Posted by lilyka View Post
I am not the kind of girl guys like so it looks like I will die alone in th my own filth one day.
What are you talking about? lol Guys don't like just ONE type of girl. There's guys out there who like all kinds of girls. You don't have to be one particular type?!
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#5 of 19 Old 10-11-2010, 08:05 PM
 
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What are you talking about? lol Guys don't like just ONE type of girl. There's guys out there who like all kinds of girls. You don't have to be one particular type?!
I feel the same way she does. I feel like I'm not the kind of girl that guys like. I'm overweight, I speak my mind, IDK I'm just not the same as I was way back when when I met STBX. I was so young and beautiful with so much going for me. I was carefree and always had a smile on my face. I'm just different now, physically and mentally, and I guess I just don't think I'll ever meet someone who will want me the way I am now.
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#6 of 19 Old 10-11-2010, 08:19 PM
 
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I'm sorry to hear that, genuinely.

I know I don't look quite the same as I did before kids, and I'm definitely more assertive personality wise. I'd like to think that those aren't really obstacles to romance, though. (Again, not like I'm looking.)

One of my friends is currently about... I'd say a good 50-60 lbs overweight (she's actually lost some recently, she was about 80 or so overweight I think at her worst). She is so completely forthright it's ridiculous, I'm not modest and I get bashful around her. She's a single mom to three kids.

She gets... SO many men. (And women.) And I typically don't have too much trouble finding men (when I want to, although I'm not looking now) but the men who are into her have absolutely zero interest in me. None. (The feeling is mutual, actually!) One of my college roommates was like that too. But she attracted yet another demographic. And I've had, well I've had lots of friends who weren't typical bombshells. (Heck, neither am I, totally not.) But each friend had men practically fighting each other to get to her. And none of the guys really were interested in any of the other girls. But regardless of what type of person they were, they all had SOMEONE interested in them.

I don't know if I'm making lots of sense here, I'm certainly not trying to make anyone feel WORSE. I just am 100% confident that anyone can find a guy to be interested in them. I'm not saying every guy will be a perfect match or a great guy even. But it's possible. There will always be someone out there.

And yeah, some women have it easier. If they're "beautiful" by society's standards, or charming, or easy, or whatever. But I stand by my point.
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#7 of 19 Old 10-11-2010, 08:45 PM
 
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Maybe you are alone because the universe/god/goddess etc. wants you to love yourself and be accepting of life as it is. How can anyone love you for who and what you are if you don't love yourself? Truly you will attract the best possible partner for you and your children when you are in a happy & content place in your life. It will happen. Just believe.
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#8 of 19 Old 10-11-2010, 10:37 PM
 
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I'm rarely lonely. It might come sometimes but it passes quickly. I was partnered for 15 years so having some time for me is a good thing. It feels good not to identify as a wife or girlfriend. When the time is right someone cool will come along.

I think you are being a bit premature and self-defeating personally. You've been divorced a couple years? Not a long time in the scheme of things. Taking some time to fully heal and develop yourself is really helpful to eventually finding a good partner.

If you continue to feel that way, maybe some counseling or life coaching could help. I think there are even dating coaches. Maybe some feedback would be helpful.
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#9 of 19 Old 10-11-2010, 10:42 PM
 
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I don't particularly love my life as a single person. But I'm so conflicted!!

I've passed on many opportunities to meet men . Partly because I have a distorted view of how " men are" based on those I've known and are in my family. Partly because I truly don't know if I love myself enough to let someone love me (but I'm working on it) And finally, I have too much to do to weed through any more losers.

I am fairly religious. I do have faith that after all the crap I've gone through with my ex, I have some serious rewards coming my way . I can be patient. My kids need a fully present parent right now. I'm the only person who can fill that role.

Though I could really use a good roll in the hay right about now!
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#10 of 19 Old 10-12-2010, 11:59 AM
 
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I don't think you're destined to be without a partner. Unless you're, say, 95 years old or so, there's no way to predict such a thing!

So it doesn't happen for you right now. Be glad. Really! Be glad, because I know soooo many women who have no idea how to be alone. How to feel 100% okay with their own company. They grow up, go to college, get jobs, become their own person.... then get married and seemingly forget they ever were their own person. That they were whole before the marriage, and will contine to be whole afterwards.

From 15 years old on, I always had a boyfriend. Maybe not always a great boyfriend, but from the ages of 15-30 there was only one period, of about 6 months, where I didn't have someone at least waiting in the wings. Then I got married, to an impossible, abusive person - so the relief of being alone after that was unimaginably wonderful. I started to value myself more. And I was busy raising a little kid as a single mom, so wasn't thinking about dating, and didn't have time to. Too busy to miss it. Finally a couple years ago I did get into a relationship with someone I'd many known years ago, but although not abusive, this guy was showing real control freak tendencies - so I've had enough of that, thank you. That ended. And while sometimes I feel like I should reach out and at least put myself in the running to date - the idea turns cold pretty quickly each time. I don't know why - maybe I haven't met the right person - maybe I've just seen too much of the marriage dynamic around me to want that for myself.

And maybe because I've really learned to enjoy my own company, in a way I never would have known if I didn't get divorced. It forced me to finally take a big chunk of time to really "know" myself without seeing myself through some man's eyes. I think everyone should have this time for themselves. I see women around me whose whole identity is wrapped up in their marriage. That doesn't seem healthy to me.

So at the risk of sounding corny, this time is a gift to you. Stop looking for/expecting a relationship. Maybe a relationship really isn't the best thing for you - right now.

We're raised to think that we're only "whole" once we're in a relationship, like somehow that completes the picture. I think that's an easy way out, and has nothing to do with the development of one's character. Like someone else said, "alone" does not necessarily equate "lonely"!
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#11 of 19 Old 10-12-2010, 12:03 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BugMacGee View Post
Though I could really use a good roll in the hay right about now!
oh me too!!! me too!!!

candycat i totally agree with you. alone and lonely are different things.

yes i am lonely. not becuase of a lack of man, but because of a lack of 'support system'. a place that i know i can go to ANYTIME and be ok. i do HAVE a support system who watches out for pieces and parts of me - so i am NOT alone, but i dont have that ONE place. i miss that more than anything.

i am LOVING my life. Really loving it. a partner is no longer my priority - hasnt been for a while.

i have been alone for 6 1/2 years and as each year passes i love who i am becoming.

i am busy, busy, busy involved in things i am passionate about.

i finally am alive - truly enjoying living.

and for the first time truly feeling free. i am living my dreams which are going to take me places where if i had a family that would definitely limit me.

doesnt mean i am not dating. in fact i find i draw a lot of men becoming who i am. many ignore the weight. they are totally fascinated with me speaking my mind. some even called me 'Kali' because i asked him to go home since he didnt have his condoms on him.

but i am totally enjoying my single life. i am loving the freedom to hang out with my dd the way i want to. it has defintely created a deep bond between us which is apparent to many around me.

does that mean i never want to be in a relationship? no. neither do i long for it.

when we were breaking up my biggest fear was my loneliness.

today i find i am not really lonely. for me there is much more to life than just a partner. there is a place for a partner that is empty right now. but it is just a part. not the whole of me.

i go thru stages when i truly miss not having to share in making big decisions. its scary to do it all on my own - and yet extremely empowering too.

old age doesnt bother me. being alone doesnt bother me. i believe that i will be taken care of - or be in a nursing home somewhere.

and anyways men die younger so there is no guarantee i wont be alone just like my mom is.

i will say during the beginning i was extremely lonely (inspite of being doubly lonely in my relationship with a then dh who wasnt there for me at all) but then as i started finding myself and finding all that i enjoy i started having the time of my life.

i was just talking to my friend yesterday. we went to study together after dinner till 2 am at a Univ study center. boy it was good. i got a LOT done. now i doubt i could have done it at the spur of the moment if i had a partner.

my days are LOOOONG and busy and i dont really have time to think of a partner.

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#12 of 19 Old 10-12-2010, 02:06 PM
 
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I truly enjoy threads like this. I love the different responses from people.

Trippingbillies.....sounds like to me you're having a tough time right now. Are you 99 years old and fixing to take a dirt nap? I truly doubt it my dear. Don't give up! If it's meant to be, it will happen. Do you realize how many women are in relationships with men that are truly miserable? They actually want to be single. Right now, you're in a relationship with yourself. How do you treat yourself? You have FREEDOM to live your life the way you seem fit. Love yourself and treat yourself with kindness and when the right one comes along, he'll know how to treat you.

I am a complete woman without a man. I do not feel I need a man beside me or between my legs to validate me. I think if women think that (I've known a lot) they need a therapist and some self-love, not a man.

I was in an unloving and unfulfilled marriage for a long time. I've been divorced for about 10 years now, and will probably never get remarried. I was single for a very long time (and was fine with it) and then I started dating. It's a jungle out there! I've had a boyfriend for about 15 months now, and to be honest, a lot of times I miss being single. If we go our separate ways, I will be just fine. Cause at the end of the day, I have me.

When I was married it was a different kind of loneliness. It was the painful, miserable type thing. I still get lonely from time to time (always have). But it passes very quickly. It's different than when I was married and miserable. I think everyone experiences loneliness some in their lives. I think it's normal.

To be honest, I'm more worried about being poor and old, than being old and alone. Of course, I can fix the poor part, can't I? *smiles*

To the others who said they didn't think they were the type of girl that men wanted.....I've always thought the same thing about myself. Part of it is a physical thing, and I think the other part is a mental thing. I view men very differently than what I did when I was younger. I think both people have to bring something to the table. I'm very strong-minded and I think some men have a problem with it. I'm a nice person and very much a lady.....until I lose my temper. *smiles* Some men don't like that. It's funny how men are respected when they do that, and women are just called bad names. *rolled eyes*

I remember when I got divorced years ago, and my mom and aunts all constantly asked me when I was going to find a man. No one asked me if I was happy or sad. It's like I was nothing cause I was single. I told my dad about it. My dad was an old-school macho, alpha male type. When I told him what all the ladies were saying, he shook his head and said, "you need a damn man like you need a hole in your head". I just loved it! My dad never believed that women needed someone to complete them. Boy, do I miss him.

I think when you're single, you can find out what truly makes you tick. You can figure out what your soul needs to be happy. You can figure out what does your kids need. They are going to be young only once and that's it. We have to ask ourselves what kind of example are we setting for our kids. My daughter and I discuss stuff like this all the time. I encourage her to fulfill her dreams and goals. Marriage may come later and it might not, and either way, she'll be ok.

When I was single, I missed a GOOD roll in the hay sometimes. To me, it let me know everything was still working down there. And God knows, if no man is around, I surely can take care of it myself. LOL

There are many different seasons in life. We must learn too enjoy and grow in who we are. Being single is not a death sentence. But how we view it and deal with it, can feel like a prison. It's up to us at the end of the day.

I'm a single, self-employed, homeschooling mom of 2 great kids. Girl 9/95 and Boy 3/99.
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#13 of 19 Old 10-12-2010, 02:43 PM
 
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i agree that there is someone for everyone. sometimes, we have to take our time and just wait. even if it seems like there is nothing there, it may just take a minute to reach you. you are strong, courageous and a mama, so you've got to be hot! let's embrace the fact that very few of us look the way that we did prior to having children. there i said it.

furthermore, allow me to say that before real grown-up life and a little one came along, i weighed 135 pounds. today? nope. not close to that. but i figure that the man who i will allow to choose me, will love that body because it's a childbearing body. we give life and are beautiful and shapely because of it.

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#14 of 19 Old 10-12-2010, 02:44 PM
 
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To the others who said they didn't think they were the type of girl that men wanted.....I've always thought the same thing about myself. Part of it is a physical thing, and I think the other part is a mental thing. I view men very differently than what I did when I was younger. I think both people have to bring something to the table. I'm very strong-minded and I think some men have a problem with it. I'm a nice person and very much a lady.....until I lose my temper. *smiles* Some men don't like that. It's funny how men are respected when they do that, and women are just called bad names. *rolled eyes*


.
I'm just the same way. I have been accused of, while "sweet", also being very "independent" by a few men througout my life, as if that's a negative thing! Even my last boyfriend and my ex-husband each said that, to which I reminded them that doormats are out there, a dime a dozen, so why don't they go get themselves one. I don't want to be with the kind of man who's threatened by a woman who has her own thoughts or won't put up with poor behavior.

As far as the actual attraction of a man, I have noticed througout life that men are the most attracted to the women who don't need them.
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#15 of 19 Old 10-12-2010, 05:28 PM
 
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This topic has been on my mind a lot. And since I seem to be becoming addicted to self-help books lately, I've found a couple interesting-looking books that discuss the subject, and that I'm considering buying or trying to find at the library. If you're interested, they are...

Living Alone and Loving It

Single: The Art of Being Satisfied, Fulfilled and Independent

I find it helps me to read positive stories/advice from women, mothers or not, who have BTDT.

Mama to DS (5)

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#16 of 19 Old 10-12-2010, 06:11 PM
 
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I didn't date for years because I felt that until I was really comfortable being alone and happy in myself the disfunction and loneliness would cause me to be prey for skeezy men who look for single mom's thinking they will take anything. When I finally started feeling ready I started by flirting online with guys who weren't my type at all to get back in practice and feeling good about myself again. It also helped me to develop a thicker skin. Of course the first relationship ended uncomfortably and with the second I realized I was going about it all wrong. I talked to tons of people and invited guys to coffee who wouldn't have wanted to date me and I didn't want to date them but I just needed to be friendly. Eventually the confidence shined and possibilities started to bloom. I also agree that being overweight does not mean you won't get dates. I tend to be shyer so I didn't date as much but I know lots of overweight women who are more outgoing who date constantly.
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#17 of 19 Old 10-13-2010, 01:41 AM
 
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I am now happily single with a 10.5 month old. Broke things off officially with DP on Father's Day. lol I guess I was tired of faking it. Nuff said.

I am the happiest I've been in awhile. I'm also one of the few women who actually likes being single. I love men. I am faithful in a committed relationship, but I enjoy getting to know new men.

I had DD last November and was still carrying 20-25 lbs of baby weight for months. I worked out off and on during her first 7 months of life, but the weight didn't budge. I realize now that it was partially BFing, but also using weight as a cushion to avoid the inevitable, starting over. I have lost 16-18 lbs in the past 2.5 months and I can't help but notice that it began when I took the reigns of my life and happiness again. I have been putting my needs and wants last and accepting it as a part of motherhood. But I've realized it's not what I want to model for DD.

I want her to be proud of me, not pity me. She's going to have the pleasure of being raised by a beautiful, chic, sexy, intelligent, optimistic woman whom she's proud to have as her mama. I'm redefining what happiness means for me. I'm 27 and I'm so blessed it's ridiculous. Nice home, wonderful kid, great family, great health, awesome friends, stable career/income. I don't make as much as I like to, but I really don't want for anything. I have the opportunity to chart my own path. That doesn't have to include marrying the father of my child and having 2.5 kids with him and moving to the burbs. For me, that could mean traveling the world with my little girl in tow for some trips. I can bilingual as I always wanted to be. Live in another country for a couple years. Take pole dancing classes again. Whatever.

I am too charming and awesome to not meet someone special along the way. Corny as it sounds, I really am that good. It has little to do with looks. It's about how people feel when they are around you. I'll be dayum'd if a failed relationship with someone who wasnt right for me means I'm destined for a lonely life. No need to hate men, I have good men around me who take care of their wives and kids. I chose wrong and didn't value myself enough. Lesson learned! And, yes, I'm dating. I told my friends that I'm not allowed to be in any relationships for the rest of 2010 (at least).

If there is something about yourself that is preventing you from totally loving who you are, change it! Ladies, we have a choice here. Either love the new weight or lose it. If you doing it for yourself isn't motivation enough yet, do it for your kids.

First-time mama due on Dec 3rd 2009!
Update: Baby girl born Nov 19th!
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#18 of 19 Old 10-13-2010, 11:37 AM
 
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Yeah. that.

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Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post
I didn't date for years because I felt that until I was really comfortable being alone and happy in myself the disfunction and loneliness would cause me to be prey for skeezy men who look for single mom's thinking they will take anything. .
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#19 of 19 Old 10-13-2010, 02:58 PM
 
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DCmama01 said

I am too charming and awesome to not meet someone special along the way. Corny as it sounds, I really am that good. It has little to do with looks. It's about how people feel when they are around you. I'll be dayum'd if a failed relationship with someone who wasnt right for me means I'm destined for a lonely life. No need to hate men, I have good men around me who take care of their wives and kids. I chose wrong and didn't value myself enough. Lesson learned! And, yes, I'm dating. I told my friends that I'm not allowed to be in any relationships for the rest of 2010 (at least).


I want to feel like this all the time!!! You sound like you're in a really great place emotionally.
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