How do I get past the "I don't want him, but you can't have him, either" feeling? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 4 Old 11-29-2010, 11:22 AM - Thread Starter
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LOL!  Silly, isn't it??  STBX (I guess) & I have lived apart for about 4 months now, but nothing permanent has been decided and nothing legal has been done (I need to find work/insurance first!).  We're still friendly, he's come down several times to see the little ones and so forth.


He shocked me the last time he was down by not having his wedding band on; I felt so angry & disrespected and it was a complete surprise.  We're still married, not even legally separated, and he never mentioned to me that he'd taken it off.  Beside the point, but it makes me wonder how long he'd had it off and WHY he took it off in the first place.  Was he trying to make a point to me?  Is he trying to let the rest of the women out there know that he's NOT married?  Is it any of my business??




Anyway, his 20th reunion was this past weekend and I saw that he had a new FB friend who he'd met up with again at the reunion.  She's all like, "I hope we see each other again before the next reunion...:)"  OMG.  And he replies, "Every 5 years isn't enough, I'm thinking par-tay more often :)".  Really?  Did he just use the word "par-tay"?  Oy.  And this from a man who's idea of a wild night is getting off the computer long enough to go pee.  I mean, he NEVER wanted to go out... ever.  But, it's making me crazy to think about him dating someone else. 




That's all...  I HATE this living in limbo crap.  I really do wish he'd just wake up & come to his senses...  :p




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#2 of 4 Old 11-30-2010, 02:23 PM
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That's tough. Really tough. Sounds like you want to work it out? I desperately wish me and ex could work it out. He left to go back to his ex-wife (who he had convinced everyone he hated). It broke my heart. So, I feel for you. My advice is two things: 1) the best revenge is a life well lived. Be as happy as possible whenever you see him and he'll wonder why he left and 2) all things happen for a reason. I truly believe that. Perhaps you two were meant to be apart for a bit or forever.  As for the Facebook friend, well, I don't know your situation, but someday she may end up feeling just like you do now after he leaves her. And as for the par-tay comment, well, heck, maybe just the midlife crisis thing :-)  Hang in there. My friends keep telling me it gets easier - I'm hoping that they're right.

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#3 of 4 Old 12-08-2010, 08:58 PM
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I feel exactly the same. Wish I knew what to do.

Single mama to S ~ 6/09

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#4 of 4 Old 12-09-2010, 01:52 PM
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I had a lot of the same feelings and still do towards my crazy and abusive ex. I found for me though, the feelings weren't what I was labeling them as. It wasn't jealousy or regret, it was frustration and helplessness. I was (and still am) furious that I've worked my butt off and into debt to make ends meet and have put mountains of work into my new relationship while X just coasts through. Now he's mooching off a new girlfriend and I so badly want to say something to her or her family but I can't because it could seriously screw up my divorce. Not that I would be taken seriously anyhow, you know what I mean? There are also a lot of feelings of betreyal from all those times he swore to me he would never treat DS like his own father treated him...yet he's done worse!


Practical advice is to delete him from your Facebook so you stop seeing so intimately into his social life. I can't tell from your post and I'm sorry if I'm wrong here, but if you do wind up reconciling, you can always re-friend each other and sort through those feelings later.

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