Devaya, that sounds really nice!! I am an atheist so I don't celebrate Christmas, which means my little one is spending the 24, 25, and early 26 with her dad....this is the first time she'll ever be away from me for that long, and Cyclist and I are spending all that time together. I don't really know what we are doing yet, and I don't really care. I woke up this morning and thought about how things will change once classes start again in January (I'm a full-time student and work part-time, and we've been spending a lot of my winter break together).
Yesterday he said he wants to be with me forever. <3 He hasn't said the "L" word as he is very cautious but I think it might be coming sooner than we both imagined.
He told me he really likes my parenting style and it's kinda strange to me to have a man spend time with me and my daughter, mainly because I'm so used to solo parenting.
The only "problem" I see with this relationship is that he is very reserved about his feelings and I'm the kind of person who needs to be told and reminded all the time.
Oh, I'm rambling.
I hope all of us enjoy a pleasant holiday!! And tell us about your Christmas with LCG, Devaya!!
Love to all <3
That sounds great, Devaya! May you have a wonderful holiday with LCG. ;)
So I went on my first date last night! Tech guy and I were able to meet up for dinner after work, as ex took the kids for his part of Christmas last night. It was a blast! We laughed together so easily and there was never a pause in conversation. He asked how DS was doing at daycare and how my DD's recent rash was doing. It was nice that he recalled those things and that he thought to ask about them. :)
I likely won't be able to see him again for 3 weeks. Which kind of sucks. :( But yes, we are both already planning a second date. :)
Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula
Student, Aspiring CNM
DD ~ 1/7/09 DS ~ 9/22/10
Tell me about it!
But..... Cucumber and I had the slightly difficult conversation about how he just doesn't consider himself the 'type' to have crazy intense in love feelings (and has never felt them, doesn't know what people are even talking about when they discuss them), he cares so so much about me and just hopes he isn't leading me on or disappointing me at all if he never 'gets there' in terms of being crazy over the moon in love. He is fairly certain he's not hard wired to have that kind of emotional intenseness.
And you know what? I feel so much better. I know he respects, likes, and is as attracted to me as he has ever felt about anyone, and he is not a robot, he is very very affectionate, cuddly, warm, and treats me like gold and that can be enough. For right now. Maybe forever. But at least we both feel tightly attached to one another and happy to continue forward, despite the fact that perhaps we aren't 100% a perfect match for a romantic couple, permanently. We discussed that at the very least, we are going to be very dear friends and in each other's lives, permanently. Somehow I feel 'off the hook' in terms of even caring one way or another if he's feeling 'in love' but can't say it or what is he feeling because we've discussed it straight out and he is being honest with me that he feels great about things and cares very much for me and in his life experience wouldn't feel a thing is lacking in terms of a connection with a lovely woman that he's attracted to and has an amazing time with, but he only fears that if what I need is a man writing sonnets about me and standing in my yard with a boom box over his head, ready to shout to the neighborhood about his love, he's not that guy, and maybe he's occupying my time when I could be out meeting the boom-box-type guy. I think those fears were valid, but somehow this week of discussion has emancipated me and I am truly, finally, honestly detached from the outcome and just treasure each moment with a man who is good to me and that I respect and love (as a person, and maybe someday could even be in love with, if we end up getting that far and don't re-label the relationship as platonic but very close friends).
I'm with him and his family right now for Christmas Eve and I am happy to be with someone who cares so much about me, who I feel so close to. His family is also thrilled to meet me and have me here. I get the kids right after Christmas to celebrate belatedly with them and my mom, as we take turns having them on the actual day.
Volleyball seems to have fizzled away. *shrug* that's how it goes..... :))
Hi all, hope you've been having a lovely Christmas time. Butterflymom, that's awesome that you are in a better space with Cucumber, more accepting and enjoying him as he is...for now at least! LorenaAz, that's amazing that Cyclist said he wants to be with you forever!! that's almost better than the 'L' word I'd say... pretty exciting. and Phoenix-Mama, yes really good sign that Tech Guy remembers those details of your life. LCG has admitted to me he has a terrible memory and I often have to repeat myself, (and he repeats himself too) which is kinda annoying but he's a very good listener so I know he is taking it in at the time at least! A pity you have to wait three weeks to see Tech Guy again, is that just down to childcare etc? I am dreading 6 weeks apart from LCG in Feb/March when we have overlapping holidays in other countries (if we're still together then - we' ve been talking about even 'the summer' so I hope so! But you just never know)
Well my Christmas weekend with LCG was everything I hoped for and more. We just have such a great time together, whether its taking very long nature walks (which we did a lot of), or watching X-Factor and laughing at the ridiculous judges and contestants, or having deep soulful conversations or...the rest is X-rated I'm afraid! He is very affectionate and compliments me a lot, which is great cos I so need that. I'll admit right now I think I am in love with him. Haven't felt this way since I was 21 and met the big love of my life - I fell in love with DS's dad 5 years ago, sure, but it was never that incredible, you-feel-it's-so-completely-right, you just want to be with them all the time kind of feeling. So, this both excites and terrifies me out of my head!! LCG has said he is ****ting himelf with fear about how he is feeling about me, and that he has thought about whether I am 'the one'. He said he is serious about me, could easily fall in love with me but he's taking it slow and careful b/c he doesn't want either of our hearts broken and also has DS in mind - as in, us being together will ultimately involve a second person that he has a relationship with, who would be affected by how it turns out.
He seems to have withdrawn now as the last conversation I had with him (I left yesterday morning and spoke to him this morning - he rang me) was very neutral and as if he was just talking to a friend. I said I missed him and he just said 'That's good'. Hhmm. And he sent me a very neutral email with a photo that he'd taken of me this weekend, but again no mention of anything lovey-dovey, which would be fine if that was how he was all along - but its just a contrast. ALthough he said he is so scared of having his heart broken, and that he's 'hiding that behind a fear that he'll break my heart', he also said he's somewhat afraid of me being 'needy' b/c my emotional needs are not met at home as a single mom - he is childless with an excellent friends network so he always has company whenever he wants it (which I must admit I'm jealous of!)
Itr true, neediness has come up big time - have also had a MASSIVE 'come-down' from the whole loved up weekend, coming back to my life as a single mom here, feeling so lonely and down. Starting to feel a lot better now though. HOw do you all cope with the contrast? It's so massive - between having your emotional needs met and being able to follow your heart and enjoy yourself, being a WOMAN in every way, to having to essentially put yourself and your needs on the back burner while meeting your child's? (mine is 3, so the need is still massive). On Sat night when I was at his, he had to go to a family dinner that we'd decided I wouldn't come to, and I was fine about it but ended up getting really maudlin while he was away, all my old feelings of abandonment coming up - from my dad as well as past partners. God, years of personal development and still this ****!
THanks for listening. It is so so so much harder being in a new relationship when you have a child....I must admit it's so hard to not feel resentful and sad about it.
Hey everyone!! Hope you are all doing well. Things are going great with Guitar Boy (GB). The only bummer is that we are both super busy and it is really really hard to ever get together. I am switching my weekends though that Ex takes the girls so that GB and I will have the same child free weekends. That will help a lot. I am still unsure if he likes me as much as I like him but I am trying to just go with the flow and not be clingy. He has made it clear that he likes me but that he wants to go slow and isn't ready to just jump into a relationship because of his children. I like and respect that a lot. It is just hard because I really like him! Lol. Anyway I am just hoping for the best and if it is meant to be it will be. :) He is going to try and come over a night this week when my kiddos are in bed and hopefully we will get to see eachother on New Years Eve too.
to DD 1 & DD 2 & engaged to DF
I'll join in fully in the January thread - I've met a very nice guy. Let's call him the nurse. The nurse and I share lots in common, we can talk (which is something I've never really had in a relationship), he thinks I'm smart, calls just to say hi, bought me dark chocolate, does all kinds of gentlemanly things for me. I like him. We're meeting for a brownie tomorrow after he gets off work before I pick dc up. He is my sister's boyfriend's best friend, and she orchestrated us meeting.
It is so awesome to see so many of you ladies here that totally deserve something awesome coming your way. :)
Well, not seeing each other for 3 weeks didn't work out. lol We talk pretty much all day long through email and text and I actually managed to get my Mom to watch the kids for me so I could see him again. Somehow 6 hours passed before we even knew it!
I had been talking to a few people and this guy and I have just totally clicked and we decided to take things slow, but still make it sort of official between us, as we both want to be exclusive.
I have never been complimented so much in my life. lol I'm a little scared of how awesome this all feels. I'm praying I don't start seeing the bad red flags, but I'm looking for them for sure. But one thing of note... I didn't pick him. lol He was in my quiver line up from okc. He wasn't a type I'd usually go for... as in I tended to pick people before on mostly looks and get hooked into this total lust thing. This guy is not my normal looks type at all, but the more and more I get to know him, and how he is treating me... well it's making him pretty irresistable. lol but yeah I purposefully picked someone opposite of what I would have done... someone who seemed like the nice guy, instead of the badass. So hopefully he stays nice.
Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula
Student, Aspiring CNM
DD ~ 1/7/09 DS ~ 9/22/10
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