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Avani's Avatar Avani 12:16 PM 12-09-2010

I do not have to go down there, at least not until the end of February. However the judge awarded my ex all of xmas break. He has to cover travel both ways. The judge is not supposed to discuss breaks at ex parte's so we weren't expecting(well sort of considering you have to expect anything with crazy judge) that. My lawyer brought up the arrest/halfway house and the judge didn't care. The judge specifically stated that my ex will take good care of the children and protect them from any harm. I'm thankful I can take my finals and not have to travel and be responsible for expenses. I am devastated that I don't get to spend any of xmas with my children. My babies that I birthed and have never missed a single xmas with. I don't want to tell them because I know they are going to be so upset.

 

The mandatory hearing will be overseen by a new judge in February and so will our request to move the case here and also to cover the sactions we are imposing from my ex's abusing the court system. Hopefully at that point we can get some justice. I need to go cry.



New_Natural_Mom's Avatar New_Natural_Mom 12:18 PM 12-09-2010

Can you appeal the Xmas break since he wasn't supposed to talk about it?  And, unless I am mistaken, your ex doesn't know where you live correct?  And there is a restraining order?  How can he get them?


Halfasianmomma's Avatar Halfasianmomma 12:25 PM 12-09-2010

Good god, I'm so sorry Avani. I can't believe the judge said what he did...it almost sounds like you ex was paying him to say that


MissLotus's Avatar MissLotus 12:27 PM 12-09-2010

I think it's absurdly unfair - you indeed should be the one to be able to spend the holidays with your children!  I mean, REALLY.  Why does this "man" deserve that?  How does the judge know your ex will "protect them from any harm"?  His track record hardly indicates that.  Did he get all of their real Christmas break, or did he get his way about the nonsense on the 15th, etc. wherein they would have to miss school and their activities? 

 

Well.  At least SOME of the stuff remained intact - I was afraid the judge would just go whole-hog and reverse everything.  About the visit - can your lawyer appeal?   I mean, if breaks weren't supposed to be discussed/ordered at this hearing, then what the heck.  It would seem she has legal grounds to file an appeal of some sort!  Hang in there, Avani - no matter what, this judge's days are numbered and so is his poor treatment of you and the kids. 


smeep's Avatar smeep 12:29 PM 12-09-2010

hug.gif

 

You and your babies will make it through this!!! Just remember that this is the LAST time that he and Crazy Judge will EVER hurt you and your babies!!!!!!!

 

I assume there's no way to get this overturned at all? Based on Crazy Judge not taking the arrest/halfway house thing into account and the fact that he's not supposed to discuss visits at ex parte? I figure the answer is no, but I had to ask.

 

You're strong, mama, and you WILL get through this!!!!!!!


crystalface's Avatar crystalface 12:32 PM 12-09-2010

That is horrible Avani! I'm so sorry. I can only imagine their reactions when you tell them!!

jaw.gif

I agree that your X is abusing the system. I thought he had to request this visit from the attorney? I will reread that thread incase I missed something.... >.<


crystalface's Avatar crystalface 12:36 PM 12-09-2010

I figured it out and I feel like a dope. greensad.gif


momof4peppers's Avatar momof4peppers 12:43 PM 12-09-2010

That stinks. Did the judge at least give you a return date?


PoppyMama's Avatar PoppyMama 12:46 PM 12-09-2010

Are children allowed in the houses according to the licensing?  Maybe you can call the licensing people for half-way houses and see if this is even allowed and maybe your x can be threatened with having the license yanked for having children in the house.  If there is a registered sex offender living there aren't they forbidden from being in a house with children?  I'm wondering if you can go at this from another angle that has nothing to do with the judge.  What does CPS say about children being in that environment?  I am glad you don't have to go down there and he has to provide transpo.  Maybe he won't even be able to come up with the money since he's been expecting for you to have to pay.


Super~Single~Mama 01:04 PM 12-09-2010


Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post

Are children allowed in the houses according to the licensing?  Maybe you can call the licensing people for half-way houses and see if this is even allowed and maybe your x can be threatened with having the license yanked for having children in the house.  If there is a registered sex offender living there aren't they forbidden from being in a house with children?


YES.  I would start researching this angle.

 

ETA - what was the writ that you were going to file??  Can you still file that to overturn this order?  This is just getting more and more ridiculous.


hillymum's Avatar hillymum 01:20 PM 12-09-2010

What are the chances he is actually going to want to do all that traveling? Especially as the cost is going to come out of his pocket?

 

I'm sorry! I can't imagine how down you must feel about this!


Theia's Avatar Theia 01:28 PM 12-09-2010

hug2.gif


Avani's Avatar Avani 01:31 PM 12-09-2010

We are to meet Saturday morning the 18th at the police station and I will have them back Thursday the 29th. The judge was kind enough(must be the christmas spirit) to allow me New Years and a weekend with the kids before they go back. There really is no appeal here. The judge stated that 96% of the people in family court are pro se (representing themselves) and therefore don't know all the protocol. So he allowed my ex to discuss xmas break due to that. The appeal we were going to file was based on if the judge forced me to miss my finals and make the kids miss school. Any other judge would have thrown this out. I will get New years, I don't have to cover travel (judge actually stated because ex has never paid support I don't have to travel) , I can take my finals, my kids get to complete school and go to their performance. In the New YEar, with the new judge I will kick ex's a$$ in court.

 

The halfway house thing, I just don't know. I will have to figure all that out. I'll start making calls, obviously at this point it won't make a difference but maybe it will by the time we go in for the mandatory settlement. There isn't a registered sex offender in the house. No, grandpa was arrested and convicted of kidnapping and molesting a teen aged girl back in the 70's but it wasn't enough to consider him a registered sex offender. We looked into the case and presented to the judge. Didn't phase him a bit.


doubledutch's Avatar doubledutch 01:45 PM 12-09-2010

hug2.gif  i'm sorry for the losses, but i'm glad it's not as bad as it used to be and so glad to hear that, while you are sad, you do not sound defeated. 


crystalface's Avatar crystalface 01:52 PM 12-09-2010

I hope everything goes smoothly with the break/visitation. om.gif I agree about checking out the halfway house licensing as well, however if the judge permitted it, then maybe it is okay? headscratch.gif


Avani's Avatar Avani 01:56 PM 12-09-2010

Under California law one does not need a license or zoning in order to run a half way home. just found that information. Not sure about kids being around.  

 

I need to go buy the kids a phone with that gps tracking on it so I can monitor where they are and whether he takes them out of state again.


MissLotus's Avatar MissLotus 01:59 PM 12-09-2010

Hmm...I wonder if because a different judge saw it your way, it tempered the evil judge a bit.  Not fair - heck no - and you should have not to be grateful to be able to spend New Years with your own children.  But - evil judge could have awarded that and didn't - plus actually admitted that ex should have the "hardship" of transportation since he hasn't paid child support... that just makes me think he knows he's being watched.  I'm also very glad the kids don't have to miss their performance!  While there is a chance you could make something happen with the halfway house issue, and your cheap lazy ex may decide it's not worth the bother to come pick up all the kids if he actually has to pay for it... even if the kids have to visit him, I would plan a slam-bang Christmas/New Years combo celebration with them that will be lovely and awesome, to look forward to.  At least you'll have a little bit of time to celebrate, and enjoy this while it lasts, Avani's ex, because come 2011 your fun is over!


Virginia Mom's Avatar Virginia Mom 02:16 PM 12-09-2010

Here are some ideas...

 

 

It sounds weird that kids would be staying in a halfway house.........not just registered sex offenders,but others....

Have you checked out the national sex offenders registry? For Virginina, it's on the Virginia State Police website...not sure about others.

 

Can't your lawyer petition a restraining order against the halfway house bc of that man with the sexual abuse past? and force your ex to stay in a hotel? And if he can't oh well, no kids?

 

And what about them being pulled out of school for the visit? IF they are missing school days, that's a truancy issue that can be filed against your ex as well.............

 

Try finding a half way house near you............talk to whomever is in charge................use them as your source of info.............


Goodmom2008's Avatar Goodmom2008 02:26 PM 12-09-2010


Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post

Under California law one does not need a license or zoning in order to run a half way home. just found that information. Not sure about kids being around.  

 

I need to go buy the kids a phone with that gps tracking on it so I can monitor where they are and whether he takes them out of state again.



Unfortunately, I don't think that you are going to be able to do anything.  Anything that is filed will be in front of this stupid judge. 

 

And I think that he will show up, he knows that this visit will make you miserable.  Given that his first plan to do that didn't work out, he's going to be pissed enough to show up.  And he will probably be late in bringing them back. 

 

And he will probably take the phone away from the kids and turn it off. 

 

I am sorry that you are dealing with such a jerk.  He should have his rights stripped away from him. 


MissLotus's Avatar MissLotus 02:47 PM 12-09-2010



I don't know - this is the same guy that files for emergency hearings and then doesn't show, to his own detriment...  Also, he's probably pouting that he has to put on his big-boy panties and actually shell out the money for transportation.  It's definitely good to be prepared for his antics, but on the other hand, he does have a lot of stuff working against him so it's worth looking into all the angles!

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post

Under California law one does not need a license or zoning in order to run a half way home. just found that information. Not sure about kids being around.  

 

I need to go buy the kids a phone with that gps tracking on it so I can monitor where they are and whether he takes them out of state again.



Unfortunately, I don't think that you are going to be able to do anything.  Anything that is filed will be in front of this stupid judge. 

 

And I think that he will show up, he knows that this visit will make you miserable.  Given that his first plan to do that didn't work out, he's going to be pissed enough to show up.  And he will probably be late in bringing them back. 

 

And he will probably take the phone away from the kids and turn it off. 

 

I am sorry that you are dealing with such a jerk.  He should have his rights stripped away from him. 




PoppyMama's Avatar PoppyMama 03:08 PM 12-09-2010

I didn't mean to go back to the judge about the halfway house again I meant to attack from another angle...their livelihood.  If there is no licensing is there any regulation?  Where does the money come from?  Even if he keeps them there this time by working all angles they may never be allowed there again or ex could lose his funding, etc.  You can call the local police and say that you've been court ordered to send your children there but you are concerned regarding the recent arrest and would it be possible for you to be notified if there is any further illegal activity at that location while your children are there.  
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post

Under California law one does not need a license or zoning in order to run a half way home. just found that information. Not sure about kids being around.  

 

I need to go buy the kids a phone with that gps tracking on it so I can monitor where they are and whether he takes them out of state again.



Unfortunately, I don't think that you are going to be able to do anything.  Anything that is filed will be in front of this stupid judge. 

 

And I think that he will show up, he knows that this visit will make you miserable.  Given that his first plan to do that didn't work out, he's going to be pissed enough to show up.  And he will probably be late in bringing them back. 

 

And he will probably take the phone away from the kids and turn it off. 

 

I am sorry that you are dealing with such a jerk.  He should have his rights stripped away from him. 




cycle's Avatar cycle 03:26 PM 12-09-2010

If he doesn't show up to get them on time is there a provision in your order that he forfeits visitation?  Hopefully he won't show or he'll be late and you'll be gone from the police station.  Just make sure you check in with an officer so they know you were there.

 

I would also explore the issues with the halfway house like others have said.  I'm so sorry your kids may have to go visit him.greensad.gif


stephbrownthinks's Avatar stephbrownthinks 03:48 PM 12-09-2010


Quote:
Originally Posted by cycle View Post

If he doesn't show up to get them on time is there a provision in your order that he forfeits visitation?  Hopefully he won't show or he'll be late and you'll be gone from the police station.  Just make sure you check in with an officer so they know you were there.

 

I would also explore the issues with the halfway house like others have said.  I'm so sorry your kids may have to go visit him.greensad.gif



Yes, this! I was thinking the same thing. It seems like he might decide its too expensive and/or too much trouble and might just no show. Then what?


meandmine's Avatar meandmine 04:38 PM 12-09-2010

I echo the question about if he no shows does that cancel visitation.

 

Also, if where he is living is a legally sponsored/run half-way house, then I am almost certain children absolutely cannot be there.  The liability to the people who run the house would be HUGE.

 

If this is some sort of informal arrangement then all bets are off.

 

I am sure there is no way an agency would allow children in an adult half-way house with convicted criminals who are on probation.   Even if the family court judge says it is ok, the agency would/should say "no way, Jose."

 

M


Avani's Avatar Avani 05:00 PM 12-09-2010

He will show. I would bet my life on it. He knows this is going to kill me and that was his only reason for fighting so hard. He wants to tear me down and make me suffer. He doesn't give a crap about the kids. He will leave them with his mom and girlfriend while he hits up the strip clubs and gets high. Guaranteed. Really for him you are talking $200 tops for gas money to make this trip and his mommy will give it to him. He will take cocaine, drive straight here like a mad man, take them home and drop them off with his mama. I've seen him do it several times in the past and this will be no exception. He will be on time, he will let the kids hold onto the phone and call me at their leisure. He may be an idiot but he has extreme intelligence. It's just biased through his mental illness. He wants to appear as the reasonable parent who lets the kids call their mommy whenever they want while visiting. I'm going to go get the GPS tracking phone so at the very least I can know their whereabouts.

 

Enjoy the xmas with the kids ex because this will be your last unsupervised visit with the kids ever. I pray they come home safely and then I can get the new judge to see the truth. Then you can disappear into the vort(ex).


Goodmom2008's Avatar Goodmom2008 05:13 PM 12-09-2010


Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post

He will show. I would bet my life on it. He knows this is going to kill me and that was his only reason for fighting so hard. He wants to tear me down and make me suffer. He doesn't give a crap about the kids. He will leave them with his mom and girlfriend while he hits up the strip clubs and gets high. Guaranteed. Really for him you are talking $200 tops for gas money to make this trip and his mommy will give it to him. He will take cocaine, drive straight here like a mad man, take them home and drop them off with his mama. I've seen him do it several times in the past and this will be no exception. He will be on time, he will let the kids hold onto the phone and call me at their leisure. He may be an idiot but he has extreme intelligence. It's just biased through his mental illness. He wants to appear as the reasonable parent who lets the kids call their mommy whenever they want while visiting. I'm going to go get the GPS tracking phone so at the very least I can know their whereabouts.

 

Enjoy the xmas with the kids ex because this will be your last unsupervised visit with the kids ever. I pray they come home safely and then I can get the new judge to see the truth. Then you can disappear into the vort(ex).



If he shows up high as a kite, you don't have to hand the kids over.  And the cops are right there to do something about his DUI. Even the stupid judge can't get around this if your ex is stupid enough to show up high. 


Super~Single~Mama 05:20 PM 12-09-2010


Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by Avani View Post

He will show. I would bet my life on it. He knows this is going to kill me and that was his only reason for fighting so hard. He wants to tear me down and make me suffer. He doesn't give a crap about the kids. He will leave them with his mom and girlfriend while he hits up the strip clubs and gets high. Guaranteed. Really for him you are talking $200 tops for gas money to make this trip and his mommy will give it to him. He will take cocaine, drive straight here like a mad man, take them home and drop them off with his mama. I've seen him do it several times in the past and this will be no exception. He will be on time, he will let the kids hold onto the phone and call me at their leisure. He may be an idiot but he has extreme intelligence. It's just biased through his mental illness. He wants to appear as the reasonable parent who lets the kids call their mommy whenever they want while visiting. I'm going to go get the GPS tracking phone so at the very least I can know their whereabouts.

 

Enjoy the xmas with the kids ex because this will be your last unsupervised visit with the kids ever. I pray they come home safely and then I can get the new judge to see the truth. Then you can disappear into the vort(ex).



If he shows up high as a kite, you don't have to hand the kids over.  And the cops are right there to do something about his DUI. Even the stupid judge can't get around this if your ex is stupid enough to show up high. 


Yeah.

 

Gosh, I REALLY truly hope your kids are ok.  I'm so sorry you have to go through this right now.  Hold them tight for the next week and change.


cycle's Avatar cycle 05:25 PM 12-09-2010

If you know he is doing drugs can you talk to your lawyer about filing something to require he get a drug test?  I would be calling the police in his town reporting drug use at his house, do it anonymously.  If he is 15 minutes late picking them up I would leave, he is forfeiting visitation.  What will happen if you don't show?  You will get slapped on the wrist, the police won't do anything, the corrupt judge will be gone, I would not let my kids go with him, it would be worth the risk. 


Avani's Avatar Avani 07:00 PM 12-09-2010

First of all I don't go near him at exchanges. Restraining order. I have cops present at the exchanges. He always seems high as a kite. He is super hyper and over talks so it's hard to tell. Second, if I go before the judge requesting drug tests he is just going to see it as another vain attempt by me to prevent/stop visits. He is a convicted drug felon. The judge knows the risk. That is how the judge viewed us bringing up the arrest at the house/half way house thing, and me winning the restraining order...the judge thinks i'm being malicious. If my ex were arrested today for something, if I took it to court I would guarantee the judge would again say I'm just trying to prevent visitation. I can't do anything until next year. Seriously. I gotta take what I got and pray for the safe arrival back of the kids. Next year, new judge, several counts of contempt, the child support division is getting all over my ex's case...there will be consequences. Unfortunatley I have to bide my time until the judge is gone. :(


Avani's Avatar Avani 07:05 PM 12-09-2010

Actually if he is 15 minutes late I can't just go. He would have just driven 1200 miles to get the kids. That would look extremely bad on my behalf to forfeit his visitation due to his lateness after driving 1200 miles. Believe me I would love to do it but my lawyer would drop me immediatley and I can't face any consequences because I have a baby that needs me and a special needs child that needs me outside of my other kids. I can't risk a slap on the wrist or jail time.

 

If anyone has suggestions on how to look up this info on halfway houses that would be great. I have to study for my finals. Just a little bit. All I have found is that they are saying they are sponsored through San Diego Mental Health Services but I haven't quite found a number through there to contact anyone. THey are listed as non profit, government funded social services program that helps drug addicts with housing and getting their lives back together. 


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