January Dating Thread - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 105 Old 01-23-2011, 06:02 PM
 
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I guess I'll join the fray too, even though I'm NON-dating, not really dating.  You may remember that I just left my emotionally abusive husband not quite 2 months ago.  Well, things are going pretty well on that front, no major drama yet.  I finally sent a text to my daughter's best friend's dad.  Way back when my marriage drama started he had offered to cook us dinner sometime (the kids and I), so I wanted to see if the offer was still good.  I also had concerns about his daughter and wanted to offer my support.  Anyway. . . we've been talking a lot.  Neither of us are in a place where we are healthy enough to maintain a relationship and we both know it.  We are just friends.  I love it!!!  I've never had someone be so open and honest with me about their feelings before.  We talk about everything and analyze it to death until we've made peace with it.  Neither of us knows if life will lead us to a place where we can support on another's passions or not but we both acknowledge that a wonderful friend is a gift in itself.

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#62 of 105 Old 01-24-2011, 01:21 PM
 
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Sounds like lots of people are struggling with mixed messages from their guys! 2xand2y, that sounds like a perfect situation when you are still on the 'rebound', esp from an emot abusive relat. It's wonderful to just have that nurturing and honesty (sounds like great communication) and not have to feel the pressure to be in a relat.

 

Well, on the weekend (admittedly after a little cider!) I finally got up the guts to ask LCG whether he considered us to be in a relationship, and he said yes, he doesnt know what 'kind of relationship', but we are in a relationship. Which only partially satisfied me, so I got up the guts to ask him tonight, when we were feeling really connected on the phone, what he meant by that, and said that i needed to know that we were not 'keeping our options open' and that we were just together. That I didn't need to know if it was a 'serious relationship', as only time would tell that, but I needed to know where we stand right now, and whether I could consider us a proper couple. And he said that he feels we both have very high standards and expectations for a relationship and that we are indeed together, and no, we're not keeping options open. Which made me feel a ton better! He said he doesn't know if we are 'the One' to each other yet, but he knows he loves spending time with me. Hhmm... it sounds less good on paper than it did on the phone! He told me it was a big deal for him to take me to his regular dance class and be openly affectionate with me there, and for others in his 'tribe' to see we were leaving together, and he considered that a statement. It was especially interesting as a guy I had a brief fling with in the summer (and who dumped me) was there too and to see the look on his face when he realised I was there with LCG and not another mutual female friend.

 

We had a great time this last weekend - I am so appreciating being with someone who enjoys  alot of the same things I do and that I can go out and do those things with - past boyfriends were just into sitting at home watching TV/getting drunk etc, and I always felt we had totally separate lives. I love that we can go to a dance class and dance with each other and go to dinner and talk and also be in bed together...it's like the whole gamut. Sigh.. I'm just going to enjoy it for what it is and keep enjoying... we are planning a long weekend away together at the end of April.

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#63 of 105 Old 01-25-2011, 07:14 AM
 
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A guy I went to high school with asked me on an overseas trip. We don't know each other well and I was hesitant but went and we got on well and talked about all sorts of things. He told me he "didn't do casual" and was looking to get married. I said I thought marriage was antiquated unless planning to have kids but would like a long term relationship. This was just talking and not about us in particular.

 

After that talk, on our last night in Greece before going to Egypt, he put the move on me and we ended up sleeping together the rest of the trip. (Mind you, we were already sharing a hotel room.) Before coming home, we said we'd give this a go, despite that we live in two different states. I told him I liked my independence but demanded a great deal of attention too.

 

So my problem is that, of course, he is a NICE guy. Handsome, good job, stable. The sex was adequate, like I was getting the same routine everyone else has gotten. And when he did something, he was good but I seemed to be "directing traffic" an awful lot, and not enough in my opinion! And he doesn't talk! "Do you like that?" "Hmm-mmm." Come ON!

 

My whole marriage was sexless and I am rediscovering this side of me that really enjoys the sexual intimacy and exploration. The question is: can I live with this? I mean we are at the very beginning of a relationship in which it should all be new and giddy and there's none of it. I sent him a flirty text yesterday & got no response - part of that no talking thing?

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#64 of 105 Old 01-25-2011, 09:16 AM
 
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My DH and I went on an out-of-country vacation 3-4 mos after we started dating.  To this day I recall that trip as the one of agonizing silence.  We just weren't into our groove as a couple yet.  As to the rest of the not talking, if this is still fairly new, give yourselves time to get comfortable with each other.  Why rush into anything?  Take it easy and see if you get into a groove with each other.  If you are still unsatisfied then move on.  Forum crashing here, but just wanted to say one bad vacation/initial lack of talking isn't a death knell.


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#65 of 105 Old 01-25-2011, 09:23 AM
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Yeah, I'm trying to 'come to contract' with someone who is much more quiet than I am. It's interesting. It's an exercise in acceptance, whereas in the past I would have tried to change the other person and complained a lot. This time I focus mostly on change only with regard to myself. I have decided not to take it personally if he does not reply to everything I say...but it also shows me not to come to terms too quickly, either.

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#66 of 105 Old 01-25-2011, 09:50 AM
 
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OK, so fireman is sexy as he can be. We have good conversation and always find new stuff to gab about, even after 4mos of talking almost daily. The sex is AMAZING. But, OMG, he works 120hrs/wk. There is no time to see each other EVER. We make plans to see each other just to have things come up (like today, I was going to see him at the firehouse and they get a call right before I get there and I get to see him through the window of the truck as they leave). I like him a lot, but between the mixed signals and the never able to see each other, I'm wondering if I need to just let it go.

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#67 of 105 Old 01-25-2011, 10:09 AM
 
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So dating is still rocking.  My guy and I are settling into our relationship quite nicely and we are going to a marriage workshop the weekend before Valentine's Day.  I am just crossing my fingers for the day when we announce that we are dating to our children.  My dd will probably be okay with it.  His?  Well, that my friends is another matter as she is still hoping for the day that her parents will get back together.  I don't knock that.  I was the same way when my parents divorced.  So keep me in your thoughts...


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#68 of 105 Old 01-25-2011, 07:20 PM
 
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How exciting for all of us!  It's definitely an interesting experience -- to date again.  I love reading about all of your relationships ups and downs.  It does seem like it takes a whole lot of frogs to find 1 good matching guy. 

 

Professor and I haven't seen each other for 5 days now.  We keep in touch with phone calls and texts, but our schedules haven't allowed for a meeting.  When he has long teaching days, I have free days and vice versa.  Tomorrow, however, we shall meet after I go out to dinner with a girlfriend of mine.  Tomorrow is also the night that my little one spends with her dad (weds and fris), so I will be able to stay out as late as I want.  That is new to me; to have the freedom to do whatever I want, if only for 1 night.  I'm still nursing and my little one is extremely demanding.  She will turn 2 on Friday  love.gif  and it seems as though our nursing relationship is coming to a close.  Bittersweet.  I'll update after Prof and I meet up again.    Excited!  orngbiggrin.gif

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#69 of 105 Old 01-26-2011, 08:39 AM
 
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I've recently had an a-ha moment, although I've had the same one before and it's not profound.  But here it is: If what I'm looking for is a true partner, that is such a tall order (compatibility on many levels, physical chemistry, emotional maturity, at the right time in his life, etc), it therefore really calls for me to accept that the condition of my life is to be single for what could be a long time.  In the meantime I will look but not with the expectation that I should be finding someone worthy any time soon, or that something is wrong with my being single right now.  Pickiness and urgency do not go well together, so I am trying to accept the patience part in order to hold out for a truly amazing partner.

 

So here's to being single for what could be a long time.  LOL

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#70 of 105 Old 01-26-2011, 09:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by LorenaAZ View Post

How exciting for all of us!  It's definitely an interesting experience -- to date again.  I love reading about all of your relationships ups and downs.  It does seem like it takes a whole lot of frogs to find 1 good matching guy. 

 

Professor and I haven't seen each other for 5 days now.  We keep in touch with phone calls and texts, but our schedules haven't allowed for a meeting.  When he has long teaching days, I have free days and vice versa.  Tomorrow, however, we shall meet after I go out to dinner with a girlfriend of mine.  Tomorrow is also the night that my little one spends with her dad (weds and fris), so I will be able to stay out as late as I want.  That is new to me; to have the freedom to do whatever I want, if only for 1 night.  I'm still nursing and my little one is extremely demanding.  She will turn 2 on Friday  love.gif  and it seems as though our nursing relationship is coming to a close.  Bittersweet.  I'll update after Prof and I meet up again.    Excited!  orngbiggrin.gif


Awww......My ds turned 2 Jan 10th.  He has almost completely stopped nursing (right now he's asking about 2-3times per week), and it is bittersweet.  I also love that the lets me comfort him in other ways though, it's not as physically taxing anymore.  But I miss the closeness we have when nursing.  Ahhh....always growing and changing.

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#71 of 105 Old 01-26-2011, 11:03 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zeta zeta View Post

I've recently had an a-ha moment, although I've had the same one before and it's not profound.  But here it is: If what I'm looking for is a true partner, that is such a tall order (compatibility on many levels, physical chemistry, emotional maturity, at the right time in his life, etc), it therefore really calls for me to accept that the condition of my life is to be single for what could be a long time.  In the meantime I will look but not with the expectation that I should be finding someone worthy any time soon, or that something is wrong with my being single right now.  Pickiness and urgency do not go well together, so I am trying to accept the patience part in order to hold out for a truly amazing partner.

 

So here's to being single for what could be a long time.  LOL



 This is exactly the mind frame I went into dating with... to accept I could stay single, for, well... ever.  lol  Because I was not settling for anything less than what I truly wanted and I had a sort of check list to be met.  lol 

 

A few months after that... I actually met someone.  lol  I had zero expectations, and I'm still sort of surprised to find myself where I am right now.  Totally unexpected.


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#72 of 105 Old 01-27-2011, 08:04 AM
 
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Pheonix Mama- that's awesome! 

 

Thinking out loud here: That's the thing about long odds, it does not mean it won't happen- I think it will. It does not even mean it has to take a long time- who knows!  But it does mean that I shouldn't be emotionally budgetting for it, I should be prepared to be in it for the long haul, so as to be prepared to turn down opportunities that would be "settling." The two guys I saw summer and fall, they were so fun, but not people that I would want to grow old with, I have set my sites on something higher, and yet with my impatience to have a partner made me try to fit those guys into that box.  I guess it's like the glass slipper. I have to bear in mind that since one- or just a small number- would fit, I should be quicker to recognize the lack of fit, and also not go traipsing around the country trying to get people to try it on. LOL

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#73 of 105 Old 01-27-2011, 10:28 AM
 
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I so know what you mean, Zeta.   I was talking to several guys all around the same time, and I can remember thinking, well this one is nice in this way, and this one is nice in that way...  but those two guys did not have every check list quality I was looking for.  They were wicked fun to talk to, and certainly added to the self esteem boost because they were into me.  It was fun talking to them, and flirting, but I had already known there was no real potential there because I was being very scrutinizing in meeting certain criteria. 

 

 

 

I'm soooo excited!  This weekend will be our first weekend getting to spend overnight together!  I haven't slept next to a man I actually liked and felt safe around in soooooooo long.  I have a feeling it's going to be some of the best sleep I've had in years.


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#74 of 105 Old 01-27-2011, 12:20 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zeta zeta View Post

I've recently had an a-ha moment, although I've had the same one before and it's not profound.  But here it is: If what I'm looking for is a true partner, that is such a tall order (compatibility on many levels, physical chemistry, emotional maturity, at the right time in his life, etc), it therefore really calls for me to accept that the condition of my life is to be single for what could be a long time.  In the meantime I will look but not with the expectation that I should be finding someone worthy any time soon, or that something is wrong with my being single right now.  Pickiness and urgency do not go well together, so I am trying to accept the patience part in order to hold out for a truly amazing partner.

 

So here's to being single for what could be a long time.  LOL

I'll drink to that!

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#75 of 105 Old 01-28-2011, 05:11 AM
 
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I'm soooo excited!  This weekend will be our first weekend getting to spend overnight together!  I haven't slept next to a man I actually liked and felt safe around in soooooooo long.  I have a feeling it's going to be some of the best sleep I've had in years.



I would totally not be able to sleep, I'd be so excited!

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#76 of 105 Old 01-28-2011, 05:12 AM
 
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I'll drink to that!

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champagne.gif ching ching!

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#77 of 105 Old 01-28-2011, 05:18 AM
 
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Yeah... except my kids getting sick seems to be striking again...  :(  I'm hoping DD just had a tiny stomach bug last night, or maybe she even got sick due to acid reflux (which the doc is looking into)... If she is fine throughout the day today, I'm still sending her with her Dad.

 

*crosses fingers*

 

I figure if she is still off today, then perhaps the kids won't go until tomorrow, and I can still go out at some point this weekend.  So time will tell...


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#78 of 105 Old 01-28-2011, 10:22 AM
 
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PM - I hope you are able to get your weekend away!  How exciting!!

 

Zeta - I think that's a great attitude!  I'm sort of there as well with accepting being single.  But I also really need to go on a date with someone!  Even if it's just one, so I can get that first date out of the way. 

 

So, I have been messaging back and forth with a guy I met online.  I didn't hear from him for a week and was really disappointed, but then I got a message and he said he had been really sick.  I really like everything I've learned about him so far.  In my last message to him I asked if he would like to meet in person (eek!)  I'm so nervous about it.  But I'm excited. 

 


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#79 of 105 Old 01-28-2011, 11:02 AM
 
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Things with the professor went south rather quickly.  Instead of hanging out on wednesday night as planned, he called me and said we should stop seeing each other before we got more emotionally involved.  His reason?  We just "don't click."  Wow...how lame is that?  I was shocked and of course didn't have a good/witty/quick reply.  Such is life in the dating world, I guess.  I just very much dislike that he asked to meet my little one twice, and wanted to make plans for the summer, etc.  I'm glad I didn't introduce him to my daughter.

 

So...because of this, I've been keeping myself a little busier than usual.  I've been writing a lot, journaling mostly, getting inspiration to go out and photograph, going out with friends (coffee, drinks, walks), made a raw vegan blueberry pie (yummm!).  And tonight I shall attend a dinner party where only ladies are invited -- lesbian ladies mostly (except for me?  I think everyone else is gay).  I know most of the girls going and they are such a sweet and wonderful bunch.  I think it will be wonderful to spend a fun evening without any trace of testosterone around!  thumb.gif   Yes, I'm pissed off to have fallen for his act, and feel like I should know better than to trust...but life goes on and I won't skip a beat!  

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#80 of 105 Old 01-28-2011, 01:02 PM
 
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LorenaAz, I'm sorry to hear that - seems a bit out of nowhere, it was going so well! Good that you didn't in the end get Professor to meet your daughter. It makes me nervous what you said though, about how he wanted to make plans for the summer but then suddenly said 'things didn't click', b/c LCG has been making plans with me up to May and I kind of thought that meant he was fairly confident we did click...sigh, you just never know with guys.

 

Gillian28, good luck! Sounds like a good plan to just get dating going and see where it goes...no need to be heavy about it.

 

Phoenix Mama, I hope your weekend happens! I love that feeling of sleeping beside a man I am into...

 

Bad Mama Jama, a marriage workshop?? that sounds really committed! Hope it goes well...

 

Haydn's mommy, its tough dating a guy who works so much, and the mixed signals sound tough too... hhmm. Pity that the sex is so great though! Good luck making your decision.

 

I am missing LCG, we've had two GREAT phone conversations this week and I was feeling v connected with him, and then nothing the last two days - i know he's just busy, but then I realised he's out the country this weekend so I won't speak to him again till Monday, and that suddenly felt pretty unbearable! Oh well. im' seeing him Wednesday, we wont have much time togther but its better than nothing. I get to see him 4 more times before we then have 5 weeks apart...groan!! I did realise something, though. I've always got together with guys who were unavailable and distant emotionally, so even if we were living in the same house t hey'd not really be 'there' half the time. Now, I'm with someone who appears to be emotionally there,certainly far more emot literate than anyone I dated before, (he used to be a psychotherapist for gods sake, not that that guarantees anything!), and he lives 40 miles away so the distance is there in another way. As in, it will prob take us a long time to get really close because of the big gaps in time. I realised I am actually afraid of dating someone who lives close enough to see me three times a week, for example - even though i Miss LCG and want to see him more. I'm afraid of someone being in my space, I so like my own space! I'm a tricky one to please ;) Can anyone relate? It's like I'm wanting to keep men at a distance in a way, and not give up my independence.

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#81 of 105 Old 01-28-2011, 01:52 PM
 
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Well, I'm in the same boat, LorenaAZ. I talked to fireman off and on all day yesterday (like every day for the last couple of months) and he was saying things like,"I miss you. I want so bad to see you." Then last night he texts me about some major drama with his ex. Then this morning he tells me that he just needs to work things out in his life. He says that things are overwhelming in his life right now and he just feels like he needs to shut out the world and get things together in his life. He says it could be a couple of days, a couple of weeks or a couple of months. He told me he didn't want me to be angry if he didn't talk to me for awhile and that I didn't do anything wrong.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little disappointed and hurt. It's the complete 180 that he did, not to mention ending the phone call this morning with "I'll holler at you later." I just figure that if it's meant to be, he'll miss me and come back. My life will certainly be more quiet without him texting me 50 times/day.

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#82 of 105 Old 01-28-2011, 06:06 PM
 
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What is with these 180-degree men??? I do not get it!  It seems like "He's just not that into you" but a version in which they were really good at turning on the charm and enjoying the good parts until they are suddenly done??

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#83 of 105 Old 01-29-2011, 05:10 AM
 
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I just hate what happened with fireman, but I knew his complicated situation going into it. I'm not too surprised. I do hope that he gets his crap taken care of and looks me up again cause I think we could have had something pretty awesome together, but I'm okay if that doesn't happen. I was already talking to another guy, D, and I'm going to see where things go with him and spend time with my girl friends and my babies and enjoy my single life. I deleted all of fireman's info from my phone so there's no temptation to call or text him and I deleted all his pics so that I don't torture myself with them. I'm moving on.

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#84 of 105 Old 01-29-2011, 06:31 AM
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Well, I was letting Troll talk to me again. I knew better. I always know better. But it was, of course, convoluted and intoxicating. He's still a Troll. If he's middle-age and still a troll, there's no point in thinking that will change, so I'm moving on. I explained his profound inadequacies to a girlfriend, and she expressed incredulity that I'll ever meet someone who represents my standards. It was cool b/c I could honestly say, "I don't really care, I'm not settling!"

 

ETA: What I really got on to say was 'Thanks' to those who mentioned He's Just Not....

 

I watched it last night and it was helpful.

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#85 of 105 Old 01-29-2011, 11:57 AM
 
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Yeah....these 180* men......so conniving and good with their scripts.  I just figured he found another silly girl who believes his staged acts and I became another notch on his belt (the old cow hypothesis - has anyone seen that movie?).  Serves to teach me a lesson. 

 

The dinner party last night was lovely.  After that I went over to cyclist's house for some hot tea and conversation.  [Cyclist has kinda become a fwb, which came in handy when professor broadcasted his news to me.]  And then I came home to my comfy bed and cuddled with my puppy (my lo stays at her dad's fri nights).  This morning I met up with a classmate "bluegrass" at a coffee shop and then we went for a long walk downtown to shoot some photos.  It was nice, I got to walk my puppy and take some pics with nice company (heehee, and he carried the equipment).  So...no new guys, no new dates, still not 100% over professor, but time will take care of that for me.  :)

 

I have a lot of work due in the upcoming months related to my research at the university so I'm going to try and focus on that.   

 

I'm really glad to read that this 180* phenomenon is not an isolated incident that only happened to me.  I was really doubting myself (what did I do wrong type of thoughts) and it's reassuring to know that it's just another bad flavor from the mixed box of chocolates.

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#86 of 105 Old 01-29-2011, 12:32 PM
 
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OK, so now I'm confused mightily. Fireman just texted me. "Thank you for understanding that I need some time. I hope I can get all this over with soon." (meaning the situation with his ex) I sent back, "I understand. I respect your need for time and space. If you decide you want me and have some place in your life for me, let me know." And he responds with, "Oh Jaime, you're still in my life. I just don't want my problems with her to affect you and me." GAH! So, whatever. I care about him. I want to be with him. But, I'm not putting my life on hold. If I'm still available when he gets his crap worked out, maybe we'll have a chance.

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#87 of 105 Old 01-29-2011, 08:20 PM
 
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I just got dropped like a bad habit. gloomy.gif

 

Hopefully Sex and The City Season Five (Carrie's single year), chocolate and knitting can fix this.


 Single mama to two wild and sweet toddlers 2/08
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#88 of 105 Old 01-29-2011, 08:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artlover86 View Post

Hey everybody,

I'm looking for opinions on whether I am being too jealous in my just-over-a-year relationship. G and I met in September 09. It went really well at first, we both liked to party and socialize on the weekends when I could get someone to watch my two girls. One time G went go karting and we met up at afterwards. All night he was telling me how hot this girl was at the go karting place and how they were flirting. I just smiled, whatever.

A while later, at a birthday party he is talking to a mutual friend (female)of ours next to me and starts telling her "If I was single I would f you so hard..etc." I went upstairs and spent the rest of the party sitting on the couch.

A birthday party a month later I meet a girl and we have alot in common, we talked alot that night. A few days later G tells me he found her on fb, asked if she would want to do a threesome with me and him. I looked upset and he said I can't get upset because now that we're together his message to the girl was just as much from me as him.

Anyways, every time he drinks he does something like this and it just tears away at my self esteem. I quit drinking (which isn't a bad thing), but still went with him when he wanted to go out. Two weeks ago, he got drunk and started saying really mean things and I ended up crying. He said he was sorry, he wouldn't drink anymore. Of course, he's still drinking, so I said I just won't go out with him anymore when he's drunk.

I feel so ugly and stupid lately. I love him so much. He's wonderful with my girls, and we had been planning on moving in together soon. I guess, I just want to know if this is my issue? Am I being too sensitive to his comments? I know I am extra-sensitive because I've been in an abusive relationship before.


RUN AWAY from this guy!  Seriously!  He's trouble!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#89 of 105 Old 01-30-2011, 05:04 PM
 
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he was the bad habit.  i'll keep you company. we're worth more than mediocre boys.

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#90 of 105 Old 01-30-2011, 06:34 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DeerMother View Post

I just got dropped like a bad habit. gloomy.gif

 

Hopefully Sex and The City Season Five (Carrie's single year), chocolate and knitting can fix this.



I think the combination of chocolate, sex and the city and knitting should be able to make you feel a little better   HUGS!!!!

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