Ex's girlfriend calling daughter different name - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 12-31-2010, 08:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ex's girlfriend is calling my daughter Kalina Belina Maria Sophia (her name is Kalina Soleil), and I am pretty upset about it. I had a conversation with ex a few months ago about it, and it seemed like he got my point of view, but I found out recently that his girlfriend is still calling her that. I believe that adding names to my daughter's name goes beyond calling her a pet or nickname. I would never consider just calling someone's child whatever I wanted, and think this is really rude of ex's girlfriend. My daughter is only 2 1/2, so she is not even old enough to know that's not really her name, which makes it even more frustrating. Any advice, or suggestions on how to deal with this.af.gif


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#2 of 17 Old 12-31-2010, 08:08 PM
 
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It sounds nicknamish to me.  It kind of rhymes and is a cutesy name.  I would try talking to her Dad about it again. 


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#3 of 17 Old 12-31-2010, 09:13 PM
 
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It just sounds like a silly nickname to me. Maybe the long string of names makes your little one giggle?
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#4 of 17 Old 12-31-2010, 09:56 PM
 
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At 2.5 she knows her name, and she knows what isn't her name - my ds has known that for ages and he turns 2 in 10days.  He also knows the difference between a silly nickname (banana fanna fo finken, me my mo minken, etc, plus TONS others - he has more nicknames than could ever be counted TBH, from both me, his dad, aunts, uncles, grandparents, friends, it goes on and on). 

 

Honestly, I would let it go.  Fight the big battles, this isn't one of them.

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#5 of 17 Old 12-31-2010, 10:17 PM
 
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sounds kinda silly to me too... my dh does the same thing but with totally made up names. 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by tinuviel_k View Post

It just sounds like a silly nickname to me. Maybe the long string of names makes your little one giggle?



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#6 of 17 Old 01-01-2011, 05:23 AM
 
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I think it just sounds like a silly nickname. At 2.5 yrs, she's more than old enough to know her own name. Heck, at 2.5yrs, mine new his entire name and would proudly tell you, but still responded to Bug, Pea Pie, Turkey, and an array of other silly things. I guess I don't see the problem.

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#7 of 17 Old 01-01-2011, 07:06 AM
 
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My DS is 2.5 and he has known what his name is for well over a year-and if someone calls him something he doesn't like to be called, he tells them!  For example, his name is Chester.  If anyone calls him Chet, he yells "That's NOT MY NAME." It's actually pretty cute.  But he has several nicknames, one Grandpa jokes around and calls him Herman, which makes him laugh.  But he knows his name isn't Herman. 

 

It sounds like your Ex's GF is just being goofy, and while it may annoy you, perhaps it's not something that's worth the stress.


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#8 of 17 Old 01-01-2011, 07:08 AM
 
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Sounds like a cute rhyming nickname to me. 2.5 is plenty old enough to know one's own name. Not a big deal unless you make it one.

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#9 of 17 Old 01-01-2011, 08:36 AM
 
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I'm also in the camp of thinking it's falls in the nickname/playful rhyme category. I do hear you that it sounds annoying and overly familiar?? maybe. Like I call my kids 1,001 variations of their name, but maybe it's hitting a nerve because if feels like your prerogative to do that and not hers? I would kind of eyesroll.gif to myself and just let it go. I really don't see it as any different than my sister who only sees my kids a few times a year having ridiculous (to me) nicknames for my kids, but it's just something that is "their thing" yk?

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#10 of 17 Old 01-01-2011, 08:41 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tinuviel_k View Post

It just sounds like a silly nickname to me. Maybe the long string of names makes your little one giggle?


agreed. 


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#11 of 17 Old 01-10-2011, 02:29 PM
 
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Well, *I* get it.  It isn't her name.  It bothers you that someone is not calling your daughter the name you gave her, and instead is calling her a name that you did not give her.  I think that makes all the sense in the world.  It isn't that your daughter doesn't know her name.  It's that she isn't being called that name and YOU're not okay with that.    

 

An aunt gave my daughter a nickname based on her middle name and it infuriated me.  I ended up telling my aunt that it made me upset that my baby was being called a name other than the one I gave her and asked her to stop.  I had to ask her to stop several times before she finally did stop.  I'd recommend talking directly with her and asking her to stop.  Or you could ignore it, but I know I couldn't ignore it.  

 

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#12 of 17 Old 01-10-2011, 02:46 PM
 
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Does your daughter care? I am an occasional re-namer (none of them stick, just sillyness) I call the little boy I sit for Quinndolyn when he needs it ;) He always yells DON'T CALL ME THAT! hehehe

 

I can see if YOU are being called another name all the time, but I don't get the same emotion for having someone call your child a different name.

 

FWIW, my mother, straight up is trying to rename my child. She will call and ask how "her Jackson" is and talk to him like his name is Jackson. Asking "Jackson, do you want a sucker?" or other things. It doesn't even register. My sisters and I laugh hardily at her, and I have told her what I think about the name.


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#13 of 17 Old 01-10-2011, 02:50 PM
 
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It's inappropriate and very rude of her to call your daughter that. You've said you don't want her to be called that; so, it's very odd that she's continued doing it. She's obviously trying to bug you. If she likes nicknames so much, maybe think of one for her? : )

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#14 of 17 Old 01-10-2011, 02:54 PM
 
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I can see how you would be annoyed..for a variety of reasons. But I agree with the other posters that you should let it go, it is not worth the battle. My daughter's name is Eleanor Catherine and my aunt insists on calling her Ellie Cat, even though (or possibly because) she knows it irritates me.

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#15 of 17 Old 01-10-2011, 06:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lynsage View Post

Sounds like a cute rhyming nickname to me. 2.5 is plenty old enough to know one's own name. Not a big deal unless you make it one.



I agree with this.  I made up lots of rhyming nicknames for my dd when she was that age and still do, it is just something fun we do together.  I think it would be hard to see someone who I don't like doing this with my dd though.  My ex doesn't have a relationship with my dd so I don't have to go through the heartbreak of dd forming a bond with him and his gf.  I think you may find it easier to control what you can control, which is mostly limited to what you do in your relationship with your child not what your ex and his gf do with their relationship. 

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#16 of 17 Old 01-11-2011, 07:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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It is annoying because I put a lot of thought into naming my daughter, and I would like her to be called what I named her. I would be just as annoyed if any one else called my daughter by a name I didn't like. Also, I had a very polite conversation with ex, and made a request that they don't call her that. Although it is a simple thing, it is important to me, and it would be simple enough for them to honor my request. I even wonder if they do it intentionally, because they sent her home with art work with that name written on it. As a single mother, everyday I have to compromise on things that matter to me. My children's father has only just begun to play a bigger part in their lives, and I have had to learn to let go many times over. But I am a human being growing just like every other human being. Some things get to me more then others, for whatever reason.


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#17 of 17 Old 01-11-2011, 07:44 PM
 
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I agree that it's a silly, rhyme-y nickname - how does your daughter feel about it?  Does it make her upset?  Does it make her giggle?  Did she ask for it to be written on her drawings?  My DS at that age would sometimes insist that we write things out for him - his name, our names, his full, whole, legal name... and he'd change his mind all the time, embracing and rejecting nicknames.  When his sister was born, he insisted for weeks that everyone had to use her full name (all the middle names included), and around that time he got dignified himself and started correcting people who tried his nicknames - I think if this nickname upsets your daughter, she will let people know, and try to put a stop to it, but mostly I would say that this sounds to me like exactly the sort of silliness to charm a kid your DD's age.

 

I understand that this gets to you, but is it possible that it's part of your ex's (and his GF's) attempts to connect with your daughter?  The long silly name may be a way of making her laugh and of making her feel special - like she's worth the time it takes to say, and write, that whole thing.  I assume that the ex and the GF have limited time with your DD, and that being the case, I would be hesitant to mess with the nickname if it's working that way.  If it helps put DD at her ease with these people, then it's a good thing.

 

On the other hand, if it's upsetting to her, by all means put a stop to it.

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