I totally understand how you feel. It's almost paralyzing, not being able to maintain that control. What helped me was to realize how much of my time and energy I was giving, to my ex no less, over the issue. I gave literally all of my time and energy into battling whether or not his gf could be around our DD, and in the end I wasn't taking care of myself or the kind of life I wanted myself and DD to have. You can't control who he dates/whether they meet your kids. We tried that, and it was ugly and had nothing to do with DD at all, but had everything to do with us. Once I realized that in the end, he was winning anyway because I was spending so much time thinking about/being angry about/trying to do something about the life he was building and had nothing left for myself. Take a deep breath, and focus on YOU. Do you. Make your life. Make the life you want for you and your child. Spend your energy there.
(sort of) single mama to one 7/21/07. student, breastfeeding advocate, writer
I'm new to all this, but this seems really odd to me. If you are dating someone, your children know you are dating, and they want to meet the person... shouldn't you allow that? What's the worry in this situation?
I understand why the OP didn't want her daughter to think her father was going to marry someone he'd been dating for a few months, that it would make her feel unstable. I also understood the distinction between telling the ex that introducing a partner too early could hurt the child and making a legal case out of the issue.
I guess I'm unclear about how it protects older children who know you are dating to stop them from meeting the people you date. I'm not dating yet because I'm not divorced, only separated, so this is all hypothetical for me. Are you concerned that the children will become attached to someone you decide is not serious relationship material?
A friend told me women are so much more protective of their children. She's been divorced since her son was 7 and he's now 25 and she has never, never introduced anyone she's dated to him. My children have asked to meet my dates and I've emphatically stated no and because until I know what kind of person they are and what they might be in my life then the two shall never intermingle.
Divorced mom of one awesome boy born 2-3-2003.