Why wouldn't a dad want to pay cs? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 01-22-2011, 09:50 AM
 
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This is my ex. He earns six figures and regularly receives promotions and raises. He then complains that I am avaricious when I email him that the daycare tuition has increased another $100 or health insurance premium has increased. We don't have anything formal between us; he pays less than what his state would allow and tells me that I am putting him in the poor house with my demands for his money. He actually said that I was jealous of his success and trying to glom onto his coattails, and suggested I develop my own ambition so I can get a better job.

 

For reference, I completed my BA while working full-time and taking care of my infant son. I earn almost as much money as my ex does and he's eight years older than me. Not exactly lacking in the ambition area, ya know? orngbiggrin.gif
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by tree_hugger View Post


I dated a man briefly who whined and griped about paying children support to his ex for their daughter. He earned six figures, and his argument against paying more child support when his income went up was that it only takes X dollars to raise a child adequately, any more over that that he had to pay would just be supporting his ex and her new husband.

 

 

 

 



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Old 01-22-2011, 10:20 AM
 
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That is what I hear all the time.  The ex complains that he/she is "losing" half their income so their ex can continue living the same lifestyle he/she had before the divorce. Then when the one who is paying the support gets remarried and now has to finance 2 households and doesn't consider it "fair". 

 

Unfortunately I see a lot of both around here.  

 

Spouses who stayed home, had club memberships, lavish vacations, lavish homes, lavish cars who after the divorce stay in the big home, continue not working and the ex is expected to continue to fund the club memberships, the vacations,  huge clothing allowances, the big cars all "for the kids". To do so he/she has to live in small apartment that can barely fit the kids, give up the car, etc. Their lifestyle completely changing so the exes can stay the same

 

Then I see the reverse- the kids having give up everything they knew, a parent who fights them continuing private school, nickles/dimes every extra curricular activity and clothing purchase, fights with their other parent over every little thing. The divorced spouse having constantly go to courts to get the basics.

 

Its so sad. greensad.gif Its the kids that pay no matter what.


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Old 01-22-2011, 11:51 AM
 
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I'm not a single mother, but my mom was.  My dad would tell her that she had to come over to his house and have sex with him before he would give her the money.  :(  Some men really are disgusting. :(


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Old 01-22-2011, 02:16 PM
 
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oh yuck, rightkind!

 

I often feel so blessed to have agencies like Child Support Enforcement out there!  Usually goverment agencies rub me the wrong way, but i think CSE is such a good one!  Even though ex hasn't paid child support in ??? (hmm... can't remember last payment - it's been a while!), CSE keeps track of it!  They keep him accountable, and they actually called a hearing for next month!  I'm so excited - I **think** this means I might actually get some child support, which would be a freakin God send right now!!

 

And I'm surprised that the same moron impregnated so many of us!!  My story and reasons my ex has for not paying CS sounds SO similar to you mamas - yikes!  And I don't think PP is entirely off with the anti-feminist-seeming comments - my ex was made to feel so freakin entitled BECAUSE of his mother!  She fully admits to making sure he had everything he wanted growing up (she grew up poor and was trying to compensate) - and he has a VERY skewed view on reality because of his upbringing.  He really does think he's one of the most important people in existance :(


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Old 01-22-2011, 05:41 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by root*children View PostHe really does think he's one of the most important people in existance :(

 

Maybe he is! ROTFLMAO.gif

 


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Old 01-23-2011, 07:08 AM
 
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Dunno *shrug* DP paid dutifully for many years. When DSD moved in with us, her mom and stepdad not only didn't pay CS (now 3 years without it ;) ) but also complained that they got too used to us paying CS, that it was UNFAIR that we wouldn't be sending them anymore checks. Weird. 

 

I don't think it's a "why wouldn't a dad wouldn't want to pay CS", I think it's more of a "why wouldn't any parent want to support their child". I'm guessing some people have a really tough time with doing the right thing, and money take on more value to them than the child, especially when they know that YOU will take care of all necessary bills anyway, so they feel justified in their decision because they know that YOU will do the right thing, and the child will not go without food, and clothing, and rood over their head, etc.

 

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Old 01-23-2011, 11:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Oriole View Post

Dunno *shrug* DP paid dutifully for many years. When DSD moved in with us, her mom and stepdad not only didn't pay CS (now 3 years without it ;) ) but also complained that they got too used to us paying CS, that it was UNFAIR that we wouldn't be sending them anymore checks. Weird. 

 


That is so not cool.


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Old 01-23-2011, 06:43 PM
 
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.


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Old 01-29-2011, 03:45 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kawa kamuri View Post I suppose it's his method of coping with being insane. 


 

Sorry to be OT, but I totally laughed out loud at this.


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Old 01-29-2011, 05:15 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by reepicheep View Post

Whenever I ask for or mention child support, my ex simply tells me that if I am not capable of financially supporting my child, he (the ex) will just take my ds all the time, and his parents will help him.  But they won't help him help ME.  It makes no sense to me, and I am exhausted and it is late, but I really do think they think of that money as going to the mother.  I'm going to come back here when I have had some sleep, this forum served me well when ds was a baby and it looks like it may serve me well through the divorce/single parenting experience.  I am flat broke, I was a SAHM throughout our marriage, it took me 7 months to find a job paying $8/hr.  I am literally at the end of my rope, I cry EVERY DAY about money, I don't know how I am going to make it.  My ex's father is a lawyer so that is peachy for him, he gets free legal representation and I get none.  I know I just hijacked this thread, but I started off on topic!  I just need some advice/support from others who are there or have been there...



Don't ask him for child support.  File with the court to get child support.  If he turns around and files for custody, it will be so obvious that he's only doing it to get out of paying you child support. 

 

Oh, and ask that it is garnished from his wages.  Something tells me that that is the only way he will pay it.

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Old 01-29-2011, 05:18 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NolaRiordan View Post

Don't know if this adds anything to the discussion but I pay CS to my X. Of course I pay the court ordered amount (actually it's garnished from my pay) but I have to say it still irritates me that I have to pay. I have the higher income so I pay the support. I get that. We have 50-50 physical custody so the kids are in each of our households an equal amount of time. The reason it irritates me is be/c my X is fully educated and and qualified to get a job paying at least as much as I make but chooses not to. He chooses to work only part time and at a job that pays less than many others in his field. So because of his choices I have to pay money to him every month and it does not seem fair to me.



Did the court impute full-time income to him? If not, you may want to revisit child support with a different attorney. 

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Old 01-29-2011, 09:04 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by NolaRiordan View Post

Don't know if this adds anything to the discussion but I pay CS to my X. Of course I pay the court ordered amount (actually it's garnished from my pay) but I have to say it still irritates me that I have to pay. I have the higher income so I pay the support. I get that. We have 50-50 physical custody so the kids are in each of our households an equal amount of time. The reason it irritates me is be/c my X is fully educated and and qualified to get a job paying at least as much as I make but chooses not to. He chooses to work only part time and at a job that pays less than many others in his field. So because of his choices I have to pay money to him every month and it does not seem fair to me.



Did the court impute full-time income to him? If not, you may want to revisit child support with a different attorney. 

 

The court didn't order it, but we agreed to an amount of imputation in mediation and the child support was then based on my real income and his imputed income. My lawyer said that was the best way to go. He said there was a risk the judge wouldn't impute him an income since he wasn't working the last several years of the marriage. So I know it could be worse. I try to tell myself that it's the tax I pay for having the life I have now.
 

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Old 01-29-2011, 10:52 PM
 
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speaking only from my personal experience,  it all boils down to "selfish and lazy".

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Old 01-30-2011, 04:46 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post

  • They are just plain selfish and don't want to support a child they created.


This is the case with DS's biodad. Apparently because I could have had an abortion or put the baby up for adoption, which he wanted to do and I chose not to do, he felt that took him off the hook (morally at least) for child support. eyesroll.gif


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Old 02-03-2011, 08:10 PM
 
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For some it's an "out of sight, out of mind" thing.  They can forget they created a child if they don't have to pay for them and think about them.  For us, my oldest child's father has paid for her for 10 years and hasn't physically laid eyes on her or spoken to her in 8 1/2 of those years.  Do I get it?  Nope.  I mean, the man pays his child support.  He lives just 2 hours away.  It's not like I've gone after him because he tried to skip out on paying.  He has consistently paid for 10 years now with only ONE bump in the road.  And when he lost his job recently, he let me know and told me he'd be paying out of pocket until he got a new job and the garnishment kicked in again.  But he has no desire to even call her on her birthday?  I mean, I'm so baffled I can't even be angry.  I just don't understand, can't wrap my brain around it.


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