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Old 02-07-2011, 03:46 PM
 
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I just found out that CPS is close to closing the investigation! they didn't even have a investigator talk to her...they said they don't have the man power to do it :( it's not fair

 

OMG  how is that in the best interest of the child?

 

Have you made a report with local police as a PP recomended. Hopefully  she will pop in again with some advice.

 

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Old 02-13-2011, 04:54 PM
 
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I just found out that CPS is close to closing the investigation! they didn't even have a investigator talk to her...they said they don't have the man power to do it :( it's not fair



Outrageous.  I am assuming you are still continuing with the other individuals who are investigating?  If so, I wouldn't worry too much.  It could be that CPS is leaving it up to them.  In my state, our Child Protection Center which is run by a hospital typically takes care of these cases after receiving them from CPS. 

 

As for the psych eval--you do not need to worry.  This will very likely work in your favor.  You are a caring mama...you are not going to "fail."  The psychologist is going to expect and understand the emotions that you are having.  You wouldn't be having these emotions if you weren't a good mama.  They will know this.  My experience has been that psych evals frequently are good at making the picture very clear for judges.  Please don't worry or feel that you have to be a robot who has no feelings.  You are strong and you will do well. 

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Old 02-15-2011, 05:53 PM
 
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i am so sorry this is happening to you.

it sounds very similar.

and it's hard.

and nothing is ever fair.

 

please contact me if you need someone to talk to. good luck. stillheart.gif


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Old 02-20-2011, 01:34 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am working with everyone involved...As for reporting it to the police, when the call is made to CPS and it involves sexual conduct, it is automatically referred to the police. Although if the police do not feel there is enough to investigate, then they hand it back over to CPS...so reporting it to the police would end up with nothing.

 

I start going for the psych eval in March. The psychologist wanted the 1st appointment to be 5-6 hours! I asked very politely if we could break it up. I informed him I was nursing and that was too long to be away from the baby. I apologized and said I wasn't trying to be difficult.

 

In other news, I have been practicing breathing and saying this chant over and over to myself, so that if I become anxious I can go to that place in my head. I am anxious and I am scared, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

I notice my temper is short too and everything seems so extreme to me. I have no patience and I am just struggling dealing with everything. Last week someone stole my wallet and stole $ from me. I struggled to pay my attorney. My daughter is just breaking down crying or is hypervigilant at all times and I am just struggling dealing with her. I find myself yelling and I honestly do not mean to. She is overstimulating me. I apologized. I feel sick when I look at her and know she is hurting and I didn't protect her.

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Old 02-20-2011, 10:58 AM
 
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This sounds like me. It's so hard and so draining. I feel like I've been battered and it leaves me with little energy to get through a normal day, or deal with normal kid stuff.

Hang in there. Nothing is forever. Everything is meant to be, even when things suck. You can't argue with what is, you can just learn acceptance. I am working on this daily.

Good luck. xoxo
 

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In other news, I have been practicing breathing and saying this chant over and over to myself, so that if I become anxious I can go to that place in my head. I am anxious and I am scared, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

I notice my temper is short too and everything seems so extreme to me. I have no patience and I am just struggling dealing with everything. Last week someone stole my wallet and stole $ from me. I struggled to pay my attorney. My daughter is just breaking down crying or is hypervigilant at all times and I am just struggling dealing with her. I find myself yelling and I honestly do not mean to. She is overstimulating me. I apologized. I feel sick when I look at her and know she is hurting and I didn't protect her.




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Old 02-20-2011, 11:54 AM
 
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In other news, I have been practicing breathing and saying this chant over and over to myself, so that if I become anxious I can go to that place in my head. I am anxious and I am scared, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't.

I notice my temper is short too and everything seems so extreme to me. I have no patience and I am just struggling dealing with everything. Last week someone stole my wallet and stole $ from me. I struggled to pay my attorney. My daughter is just breaking down crying or is hypervigilant at all times and I am just struggling dealing with her. I find myself yelling and I honestly do not mean to. She is overstimulating me. I apologized. I feel sick when I look at her and know she is hurting and I didn't protect her.



I cried for you when I read this. I know you feel like this is your fault, but mama, YOU are not the one who did this to her. YOU are not the parent who hurt her. You are her mother and you love her and care about her  and you wouldnt do anything to intentionally put her in harms way. You may made an oversight, but this is not YOUR fault.

 

I am so sorry to hear about CPS closing the investigation. Has there been any word on how long it will take to wrap it up or how long it will be before he is allowed visits again? Just remember may very well talk to her about the whole thing. If there is some way you could record him talking to her about the fact that he abused her, they will have to reopen the case. I know recordings like that arent good for court, but they cant keep the case closed if they know he has spoken to her about it.

 

I know your mother isnt the most supportiave person right now, but I think it would be better for her to watch DD for a little while every couple of days in order for you to have time to get your head straight. Do you leave DD at home alone? If so, could you leave her for an hour and take a break to help you calm your emotions down and keep yourself from being overstimulated?

 

You are being so strong about this, so dont think you are a bad mom just because you've lost your temper. Everything is super stressful right now, so its understandable.


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Old 02-20-2011, 05:56 PM
 
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my lord, that's terrifying. :hug i'm so sorry  that your daughter annd you are going through this. it sounds like you're doing everything possible to protect your baby. good job, mama. i really, really hope that the system comes through for you two and gives her all the protection in the world. i hopeyou have lots of friends & family for support right now. :hug



I agree with this.  :-(   I can't even imagine.


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Old 02-24-2011, 03:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I cried for you when I read this. I know you feel like this is your fault, but mama, YOU are not the one who did this to her. YOU are not the parent who hurt her. You are her mother and you love her and care about her  and you wouldnt do anything to intentionally put her in harms way. You may made an oversight, but this is not YOUR fault.

 

I am so sorry to hear about CPS closing the investigation. Has there been any word on how long it will take to wrap it up or how long it will be before he is allowed visits again? Just remember may very well talk to her about the whole thing. If there is some way you could record him talking to her about the fact that he abused her, they will have to reopen the case. I know recordings like that arent good for court, but they cant keep the case closed if they know he has spoken to her about it.

 

I know your mother isnt the most supportiave person right now, but I think it would be better for her to watch DD for a little while every couple of days in order for you to have time to get your head straight. Do you leave DD at home alone? If so, could you leave her for an hour and take a break to help you calm your emotions down and keep yourself from being overstimulated?

 

You are being so strong about this, so dont think you are a bad mom just because you've lost your temper. Everything is super stressful right now, so its understandable.


I talked to the CPS investigator again. She has been unable to get ahold of her dad. Which seems odd to me, you'd think he would want to clear it up? He won't have visits again until we go back to court AFTER we each have a psych exam, and even then it's unclear if and when he would have visits. I have no way to record anything. Even then, I don't know how I would accomplish it.

My DD is too young to be left alone, but she has stayed some overnights with my mom. Just time for me to destress even though I can't stop thinking about her. It's so hard to be away from my babies, I miss them like crazy.

I am feeling better about the psych exam. I've been working really hard on breathing and a chant to go to that place if I become anxious. I only become anxious when I think about the future :/

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Old 02-24-2011, 09:35 PM
 
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*hugs* It is heartbreaking that you and your daughter are going through this right now. I hope the psych exam will be quick so you can get it over with. Don't worry about it. You will pass it with flying colors. They're most likely (although I have no background in that) looking for disturbed patterns in thinking and truthfulness. You have absolutely nothing to hide, and all you want are the right things: safety and peace of mind for your children. That's good he is shooting himself in the foot if he is guilty. It will make him seem less credible in the long run.


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Old 03-02-2011, 08:38 PM
 
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I just wanted to echo what so many have already said. 

 

I am sorry you are going through this.  You and your daughter are in my thoughts.

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Old 03-03-2011, 01:04 PM
 
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Victims Assistance in your area should get you an attorney for free!  Ask one of the people to whom you are talking for a phone number.


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Old 03-07-2011, 10:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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well, attorneys just don't work free in this area. period. I called every single family law attorney I could. Luckily my attorney charges $75 an hour and right now he isn't doing anything, so I am not being charged. He emails to communicate, so I save $.

 

I go tomorrow for the psych exam, well the first two hours, so please say a prayer or send good calming vibes.

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Old 03-08-2011, 11:27 AM
 
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Thinking about you today. 


Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

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Old 03-08-2011, 01:26 PM
 
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I just saw this thread today.  I want to tell you I am so very sorry this is happening to you and your dd.  I am praying that things go well today.  HUGS.

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Old 03-08-2011, 01:57 PM
 
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thinking of you and sending peace! goodvibes.gif


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Old 03-08-2011, 04:43 PM
 
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I just saw this thread today. hug2.gif and goodvibes.gif. I can't even imagine what you are going through.

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Old 03-09-2011, 01:20 AM - Thread Starter
 
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so the first part of the psych exam was ok. 567 MMPI-2 test and then a personality test.

I gave a firm handshake and looked him right in the eyes. I tried to act calm, but I am sure he could tell as I could feel his eyes burning through me examining every move I made and analyzing it.

So we meet again on the 24. He sent me with paperwork. I have to write instances down about the allegation and show proof. Which is where I bring in all my documentation.

So stressful. The good thing, he said usually he only looks at one allegation, but he wants to look at 2 in my case, crazy GF and the sex abuse allegation.

He said that if he feels the need, he will want a psych exam for the GF and they'll have to pay for that.

I guess we still have 4-6 more hours of meeting together though :/ the next one to go over my documentation and then a final time so he can go over everything, including documentation my ex turns in....gah I want it done. Then he'll write his report and send it to attorney's.

 

My daughter has turned the corner though. She is always hypervigilant though, but she hasn't been "depressed". She asks a ton of questions about the future though and she does ask if she will have to see him again :/

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Old 04-19-2011, 12:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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so I thought I would update.

 

We have gone through evaluations with the psychologist. We wrap things up the beginning of May. The psychologist wants to interview my daughter :/ we asked why, but I guess he has to.

The GAL is saying he should have visits, that it's in her best interest :(

It's been 4 months. My daughter is still medicated, but she is beginning to act "normal" again? I am so scared. She will finally meet with a forensic evaluator also, CPS finally asked for it.

I am shocked that the GAL is saying visits, especially with all the evidence :(

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Old 04-19-2011, 08:13 AM
 
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UG.  I too am surprised they want him to have visits.  I wish I had advice, but all I can offer is hugs.


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Old 04-19-2011, 08:22 AM
 
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Well I will say in my own experience that the courts are really pro both parents being involved in kids lives regardless of their histories. I have submitted all kinds of proof and shown how dangerous my own ex is and visits were still ordered. In your case I would tell the GAL I would only allow professionally supervised visits in a center with the GAL present until all investigations are complete and I would not budge from that stance.

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Old 04-19-2011, 08:40 AM
 
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((hugs)).

 

I sure do hope they dont give his visits back.


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Old 04-19-2011, 09:50 AM
 
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That is unbelievable.  I am so sorry.  hug2.gif

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Old 04-19-2011, 11:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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 We go tomorrow for a forensic type interview? Its with nurse practioner, who will examine her and also talk with her. I guess the GAL says that because I was present during all disclosures, that they are invalid. I HATE THE GAL.

So finally after 15 attempts, he finally called the CPS worker back. 15 ATTEMPTS! 4 months later he finally contacts her.

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Old 04-20-2011, 06:36 AM
 
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I'll be looking for an update from you about the forensic exam/interview. I cant believe it's taken them so long. Is there any way you could report this GAL guy without him knowing it was you? 4 MONTHS to get back to a CPS worker for a child molestation issue is ridiculous! So, I take it you cant be present for this interview today?


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Old 04-20-2011, 08:11 AM
 
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if this isnt a sign of injustice - i dont know what is. 

 

there HAS to be some sort of way to complain against the GAL to the legal board. 

 

i just cant believe this. hug2.gif


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Old 04-20-2011, 12:45 PM
 
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I'll be looking for an update from you about the forensic exam/interview. I cant believe it's taken them so long. Is there any way you could report this GAL guy without him knowing it was you? 4 MONTHS to get back to a CPS worker for a child molestation issue is ridiculous! So, I take it you cant be present for this interview today?



I just saw this thread today, I am so sorry you have to deal with this mama.....but I agree with Adaline'sMama - you need to report the GAL for failure to do his duty. Maybe your lawyer can request a new GAL? Maybe you can tell the judge?


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Old 04-20-2011, 06:02 PM
 
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Hugs and prayers, Mama.  GALs can really suck.  Your ex is not making himself look good by not calling CPS back.  That, at least, is a small glimmer of hope.  Also, it doesn't really matter that the GAL thinks the interviews are invalid because you were there.  They wouldn't have been conducted that way if it wasn't acceptable.  The *experts* in child abuse should be able to state that.  Hopefully the judge will realize and keep in mind that the GAL is an attorney, not an expert in sexual abuse.  That should hold more weight.  Regardless, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

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Old 04-20-2011, 10:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The interview went ok today. I talked with her first(the interviewer) and we talked about history.  Then she took my daughter back, without me. She told me after that she made a full disclosure. Then they did an exam with a special scope. My daughter freaked out saying "please don't hurt me" over and over and "don't touch me" over and over. She finally settled and let her look. She said that while she didn't see external redness, she did see redness inside which would be a sign of masturbation? She said she believes her 100% and she is shocked this hasn't happened sooner. She also said that she would report everything to a investigator. I guess we'll see what happens next. She'll have her report done next week. She said she would contact CPS. I am going to call CPS tomorrow to ask how her interview with the father went and tell her how the interview went with us today.


 

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Old 04-20-2011, 11:14 PM
 
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I am just reading this and I don't know quite what to say other than to offer a ((((HUG)))) to you and your daughter.  Hopefully this can open the door toward some closure and the healing process for your daughter (and yourself) very soon!


"There are two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way and not starting." - Buddha.
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Old 04-21-2011, 06:51 AM
 
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Oh, OP, Im so glad that there is finally someone in an official position that believes your DD. ITA agree that this exam really should have been done a long time ago. Do you have any idea what the next step is? Are you waiting to find out how the interview with DD's father went? Will they give you any sort of update or is it just more time in limbo where you have no clue what is going on?

 

I think there is no way they will send her for visits after this exam. praying.gif


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