February Dating Thread - let Cupid take aim & surprise us with new Valentines! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 106 Old 01-31-2011, 05:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think many of us need and deserve entirely fresh contenders. Crossing my fingers that we'll all (those of us who don't currently have a guy meeting our needs) find them. Maybe not by V-day, but.... Let's put ourselves out there & let the universe deliver!

I'll ask a February question:

Those of us who are open to a new guy, how do you plan on being visible enough for him to find you? Online profile? Flirting at work or standing in line at the grocery store? Telling friends to set you up? Getting all hotted up & going out? All four methods? Some fifth option I don't know about?
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#2 of 106 Old 01-31-2011, 06:00 AM
 
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I will hopefully be hearing back from my online guy about meeting in person soon!  He was away this weekend so maybe today he will message me :)  I'm excited and nervous about the possibility of going on a date!!!

 

So far my plan for meeting people has been mainly online.  My friends have made a couple of attempts to set me up.  The first guy I just wasn't ready at the time and now he has a gf.  The second guy they invited to a party so I did meet him but I just didn't feel any connection with him.  Oh there's a third guy too but he's just not really long-term relationship material (my friend thinks he would be good for a fling, but I'm not really that kind of person!)

 

I am way too shy to just flirt with random people I meet while out!  I wish I had that kind of confidance though!


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#3 of 106 Old 01-31-2011, 08:27 AM
 
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I joined Okcupid and have been chatting to two guys. One is probably not a good match but the other seems really nice. We've been emailing for almost 3 weeks. I don't want to offer my number and he's not asked for it so we will see.

 

Just before Christmas I started chatting to a guy at the check out line. He was easy to talk to but was having a blind date the next evening. That was a dead end! I think I have a mean look when I go grocery shopping which would scare anyone away. I've been told by a friend that my body language sucks so I have to work on that!

 

I did go one one date about two weeks ago which was fun, but I had a hangover and he was too mature for me, and I too young for him lol.

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#4 of 106 Old 01-31-2011, 10:26 AM
 
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I am not at this point yet but wanted to ask how long after splitting with your ex that you started getting back out there and looking for a new guy friend??

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#5 of 106 Old 01-31-2011, 10:27 AM
 
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hillymum ~ Be sure to answer lots of the match questions... it's actually really helpful to get quiver matches of very good potentials... I met a wonderful friend through okc... as well as my current honey!!!  :D

 

 

I'm totally in love.  I got my weekend, and it just cemented things even more that this man is the most genuine, loving and caring man I have ever met!!!!  Not a red flag anywhere... I got sick Saturday night (stupid freakin fibro)  He TOOK CARE OF ME!!!  Never once even hinted at making me feel bad about it like others would have to me.  As soon as I got sick, he was right there asking me what he could do.  He stayed up most of the night just rubbing my back!!!  Amazing, amazing, amazing.

 

His Mom pulled me aside at lunch on Saturday (he is currently living with his parents while he finishes getting his house move-in able) and she told me how awesome it was to finally see her DS bring home someone who genuinely loves him back and isn't just taking advantage of his giving heart.  She pulled me into a big hug and told me she whole heartedly accepts me and my children!  OMG, melt!  lol

 

My love is planning all these cute daytrips for my kids and I.  He's so excited to get his house finished to have us up for dinner so he can make a sheet fort in the living room with DD.  How cute is that? 

 

I've never been loved or treated like this in my life.  I'm so far above cloud 9 it's ridiculous.  :-D

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#6 of 106 Old 01-31-2011, 10:28 AM
 
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I am not at this point yet but wanted to ask how long after splitting with your ex that you started getting back out there and looking for a new guy friend??


Seven months before I started really talking to people.  But everyone heals/is ready at their own pace.
 


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#7 of 106 Old 01-31-2011, 11:04 AM
 
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PM - That is sooo great!  I am so happy for you :)  Having a guy (and his family) accept both me and my son is something that I worry about, I hope I can have a situation like yours in my future!

 

Martha - my stbx and I have been separated for over a year now (since Dec '09).  It's been a gradual process to get to where I am now and actually up until the last month I wasn't too sure if I was ready.  I am pretty sure that I finally am ready :D


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#8 of 106 Old 02-01-2011, 02:31 AM
 
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I think I'm out of the dating thing this month. The stuff with Fireman just rattled me. 5 months of talking, 2 of those talking 1-3 hrs every night and multiple times through the day, and seeing each other 2-3 times/wk. Then nothing. I know he's got to work on his own stuff with his ex and I respect that cause Lord knows I've had my own ex dramas. But even though he says "you're still in my life; i just don't want my problems with her to affect me and you" I just feel like it's completely over and I need to take some time, lick my wounds and regroup and decide what I want. So, I think February for me will be about ME. I'm going to enjoy my kids, enjoy my friends, spend too much money on books for my Kindle, and reevaluate where I am in terms of dating and wanting another person in my life.

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#9 of 106 Old 02-01-2011, 10:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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What I hate is that you & Fireman didn't decide that *together.* he could have said, "Yikes, a lot of drama in my life this week(or these couple of weeks), so I can't imagine my not being on edge & spewing negative energy towards everyone I come into contact with right now, so, what do YOU think, would it offend you if I just get back to you in a week (or 2), when I'm not tightly wound up about this other stuff and can be a normal human again?"

And you could have answered with, "drop me an email every 3-5 days just checking in and let's put something fun on the calendar to loom forward to that's not for another month, so that gives things time to settle down and life to return to normal before expecting too much from one another, and in that case I see no problem with 'hibernating' our contact level for 1-2 or even 3 weeks while you sort stuff out."

Or some similar respectful negotiation, if you catch my drift.

It sounds like you are in the passenger seat in how you think about how your relationship with the fireman just sorta 'happens to you' where you have no say & your preferences and needs aren't being taken into account, and that's not a relationship at all.

Next!!!!
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#10 of 106 Old 02-01-2011, 12:12 PM
 
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Haydn's mommy, I think ButterflyMom has a point, but I can also see how it happens... I have been in that sort of situation myself. I'm not sure what the answer is.

I'm a little confused, b/c I just read some stuff online(this woman who's written an e-book on the topic of relats) about how to approach relationships with men and it had this check list of stuff 'never to do', b/c it means you are 'chasing a guy'...and it was ALL stuff I've been doing, which if I didn't do, I think I'd just be exactly in the passenger seat, as you say Butterflymom... i.e. 'Asking the man about his feelings about the relationship/ ie where you are 'at' together', 'calling him before he calls you', etc.

 

It also strongly suggests continuing to see other men (openly, not secretly) until you have a firm commitment from the man - a bit like in the olden days when women 'were courted' and then chose the best suitor, sort of thing. Sigh. The idea being that when you continue to date others, you give of a different 'vibe', ie not a needy desperate vibe, that the man you're really interested in can sense. As soon as he knows he has your exclusivity, he loses interest...it's so old fashioned! I can see the woman's point, but I always think, would I want HIM to keep dating other women? Absolutely not, so how could I do it then? Hhmm. She said something about not committing to the man till HE'S committed to YOU. I think that's maybe where I've gone a bit wrong. I mean, LCG was seriously pursuing me, I wasn't interested, then he 'got' me, and now he's a bit hot and cold, ever since I started developing feelings for him. It's not as if I said I was in love with him, and I'm not, but he does know how much I like him. I really just feel more and more clueless about this dating thing, and long for the simple days when I could just get together with someone, get on track with them and know where I stand in weeks! I know, I know, those days are gone!

 

I'd love to know what you ladies think of these ideas, and how you approach it...

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I'm totally in love. 

 

His Mom pulled me aside at lunch on Saturday (he is currently living with his parents while he finishes getting his house move-in able) and she told me how awesome it was to finally see her DS bring home someone who genuinely loves him back and isn't just taking advantage of his giving heart. 

 


Hey PM. How long have you been talking with him? How many actual dates? How many overnights?  I think calling it love is premature. :bag Infatuation, limerance, attraction, connection can all happen quickly--but I do think adult love takes time to develop. The first 6 months is the dreamy time--what happens after that 6 months is what I would start using as an indicator. Having strong feelings quickly CAN be a red flag in itself.

 

What his mother said actually concerns me. It shows he has a pattern of rescuing women. His mother thinks he has been taken advantage of repeatedly. He's giving--that's good. But if he gets tired in 6 or 8 months then all of a sudden it might be you taking advantage of that giving heart.

 

End of reality check. I'm glad you are getting out there. It's fun to have positive attention.

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#12 of 106 Old 02-01-2011, 01:22 PM
 
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I'm totally in love. 

 

His Mom pulled me aside at lunch on Saturday (he is currently living with his parents while he finishes getting his house move-in able) and she told me how awesome it was to finally see her DS bring home someone who genuinely loves him back and isn't just taking advantage of his giving heart. 

 


Hey PM. How long have you been talking with him? How many actual dates? How many overnights?  I think calling it love is premature. :bag Infatuation, limerance, attraction, connection can all happen quickly--but I do think adult love takes time to develop. The first 6 months is the dreamy time--what happens after that 6 months is what I would start using as an indicator. Having strong feelings quickly CAN be a red flag in itself.

 

What his mother said actually concerns me. It shows he has a pattern of rescuing women. His mother thinks he has been taken advantage of repeatedly. He's giving--that's good. But if he gets tired in 6 or 8 months then all of a sudden it might be you taking advantage of that giving heart.

 


PM - I really didn't want to be the one to say this, so I'm glad someone else did.  Can you go back to that book I made you read and check out the profiles of abusive men again?  There is one that is known for rescuing women.  I'm a little worried about how fast this is all going.

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#13 of 106 Old 02-01-2011, 01:31 PM
 
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I heard back from my online guy and he would like to meet this weekend - eek!!  He actually sent his phone number but I really don't want to call.  I am soo not a phone person.  I am excited about going on a date but I'm nervous too.  And I'm feeling unsure about how he would/will handle being in a relationship with someone with a child (he has no kids).  He knows I have a son.  But it is a whole different reality once you have a child and I'm not sure he will get it.  I guess I will see what his attitude about it is when I meet him in person.  Does anyone else have experience dating someone without kids? 


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I think I'm out of the dating thing this month. The stuff with Fireman just rattled me. 5 months of talking, 2 of those talking 1-3 hrs every night and multiple times through the day, and seeing each other 2-3 times/wk. Then nothing. I know he's got to work on his own stuff with his ex and I respect that cause Lord knows I've had my own ex dramas. But even though he says "you're still in my life; i just don't want my problems with her to affect me and you" I just feel like it's completely over and I need to take some time, lick my wounds and regroup and decide what I want. So, I think February for me will be about ME. I'm going to enjoy my kids, enjoy my friends, spend too much money on books for my Kindle, and reevaluate where I am in terms of dating and wanting another person in my life.


After reading your other posts about Fireman, I think this seems like a REALLY good idea. Hugs.

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#15 of 106 Old 02-02-2011, 06:21 AM
 
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devaya, can you make a checklist from that resource?
 

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, b/c I just read some stuff online(this woman who's written an e-book on the topic of relats) about how to approach relationships with men and it had this check list of stuff 'never to do', b/c it means you are 'chasing a guy'...and it was ALL stuff I've been doing, which if I didn't do, I think I'd just be exactly in the passenger seat, as you say Butterflymom... i.e. 'Asking the man about his feelings about the relationship/ ie where you are 'at' together', 'calling him before he calls you', etc. 

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#16 of 106 Old 02-02-2011, 08:56 AM
 
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Zeta Zeta, do you mean you want me to post the full checklist on here? Or are you questioning whether it's a good idea to do it.. not sure!

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Quote:
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I'm totally in love. 

 

His Mom pulled me aside at lunch on Saturday (he is currently living with his parents while he finishes getting his house move-in able) and she told me how awesome it was to finally see her DS bring home someone who genuinely loves him back and isn't just taking advantage of his giving heart. 

 


Hey PM. How long have you been talking with him? How many actual dates? How many overnights?  I think calling it love is premature. :bag Infatuation, limerance, attraction, connection can all happen quickly--but I do think adult love takes time to develop. The first 6 months is the dreamy time--what happens after that 6 months is what I would start using as an indicator. Having strong feelings quickly CAN be a red flag in itself.

 

What his mother said actually concerns me. It shows he has a pattern of rescuing women. His mother thinks he has been taken advantage of repeatedly. He's giving--that's good. But if he gets tired in 6 or 8 months then all of a sudden it might be you taking advantage of that giving heart.

 


PM - I really didn't want to be the one to say this, so I'm glad someone else did.  Can you go back to that book I made you read and check out the profiles of abusive men again?  There is one that is known for rescuing women.  I'm a little worried about how fast this is all going.


didn't wanna say it, but i've been a bit worried about this too.  sulkoff.gif

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#18 of 106 Old 02-02-2011, 05:13 PM
 
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PM come back!!!  We don't want to upset you, which is why all of us were hesitant to post, but we are worried.  Only b/c we care about you and your precious babies.  I so wish you could move into your own place - I think that would be so good for you.

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#19 of 106 Old 02-03-2011, 03:47 AM
 
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Zeta Zeta, do you mean you want me to post the full checklist on here? Or are you questioning whether it's a good idea to do it.. not sure!



if you could post the checklist?  I am intrigued.

 

This is one thing I think I'm realizing, from what you are describing, plus the "he's just not that into you" stuff I've seen:

 

If you are taking the initiative on connection/communication/commitment issues that's a bad thing.  I used to think that was considered a bad thing just because you seem needy, which never sat right with me because I always just want to be myself, but what I'm realizing is that the real issue there is that if he is not already doing those things, he's just not that into you, and you should look elsewhere.  so whereas i used to think i was supposed to just hang in there with it and keep my mouth shut, what i think the advice is really is to take note of those things being missing and hold out for them- with someone else.

 

not sure if i'm making any sense!

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#20 of 106 Old 02-03-2011, 06:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Zeta you make tons of sense. I like that.
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#21 of 106 Old 02-03-2011, 09:16 AM
 
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*shrugs*

 

I've read the books... still do, on a weekly basis, the checklists, what to watch for stuff, in several different books.  Plus talk to my counselor about it.  She doesn't think it is premature at this point.  She is cautioning to remember to not run off and move this soon.  lol  But, she told me this week she thinks I'm more aware than I ever have been and more assertive and independant.  She has her fingers crossed about this guy.  She said to her it sounds like him and I both had crappy deals in the relationship department... and it genuinely sounds like two nice people have finally met up. 

 

So there's her professional opinion.

 

 

I do realize we are still well within the honeymoon all roses stage... but I can also say that in every relationship I have had, looking back, I saw major flags this early on and was just too dumb to do anything about it.  Beleive me, I'm looking and testing.

 

Can't I just be happy?  It's been sooooo long since I've been happy. 


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#22 of 106 Old 02-03-2011, 09:26 AM
 
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Can't I just be happy?  It's been sooooo long since I've been happy. 



Yes, you can be happy.  But are you happy b/c your HAPPY, or are you happy b/c you so desperately want to be happy?

 

Remember that with the "rescuer" you won't see red flags this early - they'll come later when he wants a favor and says, "but remember all those favors I did for you?  You need to pay me back for them now by doing this for me."  Or something similar.

 

And what his mom said sounds really weird.  Especially this soon - I mean, how many women has she said that too before who seemed great at first, and then changed her mind later b/c of what he said about them?  I wouldn't trust a guy who has a spotty relationship past - especially if all those relationships ended b/c the woman was the crazy one.

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#23 of 106 Old 02-03-2011, 11:55 AM
 
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I'm genuinely happy.   :)  I wasn't desperately wanting to be happy.  In fact I felt I was pretty happy with life when I started looking to date.  I had no expectations going into it.  It started out as more or less something to do when I was bored and ex had the kids.  lol

 

As far as him doing favors and down the road using it to hold over me or something?  He hasn't done any favors for me.  Not once has he mentioned rescuing me from my life and he has seen first hand how "awesome" my parents are.  I really think if he was that type, he would have mentioned or tried pushing a move by now.  I just don't get that vibe from him. 

 

And neither him nor his Mom painted any of his ex's as crazy.  Unappreciative, yes.  The last would rage at him because he refused to pay HER credit card 6 months into their dating relationship.  I don't think it's just a story either.

 


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#24 of 106 Old 02-03-2011, 01:44 PM
 
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PM - I'm glad you are happy :)  I'm not very knowledgable of all the red flags or things to watch for.  It sounds like you are putting a lot of thought into things though. 

 

A lot of you on this board have so many things to watch out for.  I haven't been in an abusive relationship (my stbx was an asshole at the end, but in general he was not an abusive person).  Maybe that makes me a bit naive and I should read that book that is recommended here! 

 

Things are going slowly with my online guy.  I think I might call him tonight, if I can gather the courage.  He sent me his phone number 2 days ago, in case I wanted to chat.  A friend of mine says she prefers for the guy to make the first phone call, but I don't really get that.  I think I would like to so that I can do it when I'm ready (and when my ds won't be screaming in the background lol!)  I am hoping to meet him in person this weekend but we haven't decided on any plans yet.


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I guess I'm the only one who doesn't see red flags here.  shrug.gif    But I don't have any background info on this relationship; such as how long you've been seeing each other, etc. 

 

I just feel very happy for you.  And I'm glad you have found someone who treats you well and is considerate enough to care for you when sick.  A friend of mine did that for me at the beginning of this week, and it really makes one feel fortunate to have friends like that.  hug2.gif

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I'm totally in love. 

 

His Mom pulled me aside at lunch on Saturday (he is currently living with his parents while he finishes getting his house move-in able) and she told me how awesome it was to finally see her DS bring home someone who genuinely loves him back and isn't just taking advantage of his giving heart. 

 


Hey PM. How long have you been talking with him? How many actual dates? How many overnights?  I think calling it love is premature. :bag Infatuation, limerance, attraction, connection can all happen quickly--but I do think adult love takes time to develop. The first 6 months is the dreamy time--what happens after that 6 months is what I would start using as an indicator. Having strong feelings quickly CAN be a red flag in itself.

 

What his mother said actually concerns me. It shows he has a pattern of rescuing women. His mother thinks he has been taken advantage of repeatedly. He's giving--that's good. But if he gets tired in 6 or 8 months then all of a sudden it might be you taking advantage of that giving heart.

 


PM - I really didn't want to be the one to say this, so I'm glad someone else did.  Can you go back to that book I made you read and check out the profiles of abusive men again?  There is one that is known for rescuing women.  I'm a little worried about how fast this is all going.



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What is the name of the book on abusers again? I am intrigued by the rescuer one you guys are referring to. My ex-fiance would be so generous, and he would never make a big deal of it at the time, but OH BOY as soon as I was upset with him for something, or if he wanted something, all those chickens would come home to roost.  He would leverage what he had done- or threaten to take away what he had offered to do-- so I had no stability, and, he hoped no voice of opposition.  It was totally a way (unconsciously, I'm sure) of gaining leverage in the relationship.  I finally realized that the only thing harder than doing everything on my own was doing it with his "help."  It took a long time for the leverage side of that dynamic to show up, and it got meaner and more over the top as time went on.  For a long time I was just thinking, hm, this seems to be too good to be true, and that did worry me a bit, then in the second year or so the other shoe dropped.

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#27 of 106 Old 02-04-2011, 04:18 AM
 
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I have only known him since November.  I was very selective on who to talk to from the dating site.  The dating site actually matched us based off of our compatibility answers, and he was put into my match quiver several times.  I didn't send him a note right away... He wasn't a type I usually go for... and the more I thought on it, I thought, hey!  Maybe I should message him because he isn't a type I usually go for!  Breaking the cycle and all that.  lol  I did like that we had a ton in common, and the big hot topics that are important to me in politics and religion we answered the same, so that was another good thing.  His profile was ridiculously funny and had mention to some old school geeky/gamer type things, which is another passion of mine.  The only silly hang up that kept me from messaging right away, because I wasn't instantly attracted to his pictures.  I've gotten burned by going off of looks before.  :p  lol  So, I decided to message him.  And I am so glad I did!!!

 

We sent some lengthy notes back and forth before we graduated to instant messenger.  We chatted near nightly on there for awhile and kept finding more and more that we had in common and we could easily keep a conversation.

 

I talked to him via email/instant messenger for a few weeks before I decided to meet him in person.  We didn't actually meet in person until we had already been talking for a month's time.

 

When I did meet him in person, there really was that instant connection.  I immediately felt at ease with him.  We met at an Irish pub and the poor waitress had to keep coming back over because we were so engrossed in conversation immediately that we were forgetting the menu.  lol  It was the best first date of my life.  We laughed the whole night and just had a ton of fun. 

 

We continued to talk daily through email and we both ask each other some pretty thought provoking questions.  I know him better than I've ever known my ex.  Sad, really... but ex never wanted to talk.  Tech guy actually talks with me, and we can have respectful banter across the board on many topics.

 

I have seen him weekly since meeting him. 

 

He has been compassionate through all the recent goings on with my children.  He was a preemie himself, and he faced many physical challenges due to complications from being a preemie.  He is strong and a fighter, like myself.  One of the things that definitely made me fall in love with him.  He had a rare complication where the tendons in his legs did not grow and he had to have several surgeries as a child.  The doctors actually told his parents he would never walk.  But him and his Dad didn't hear it, and they worked everyday on building his leg strength once they could and the casts were off.  He walks now.  :)  As he says, he may have learned to walk later than most, but he did it.  :)  He has such a strength within him and such a love and appreciation for life.  Something, only most people acquire when they are given challenges to rise up from... I share this with him in my own unique challenges with fibromyalgia and leaving abuse.  Both of us take the time to appreciate life, and "stop to smell the roses" so to speak.

 

I know it seems soon... believe me.  lol  I have come too far to throw all my work away to get into another abusive situation, so I've been keeping my eyes wide open, and I discuss everything with my counselor.  And so far, she thinks things are sounding very good and genuine.

 

I don't feel scared or like I need to hold anything back with him... and I don't.  The freedom to really be myself and share my thoughts without punishment is AMAZING! 

 

Thank you for being concerned for me though.  I do appreciate it.  :)  *hugs*  And I like the challenge.  It makes me really dig within myself and make sure I'm seeing reality.  And I really believe I am.  I know how it was with ex... I know we had fights from early on, and I'd sit and sort of re-create in my head... oh maybe we fought because he just feels that strongly about me... blah blah bah.  lol  Many know the drill.  ;)  But this relationship is not like any I've ever had.  It's pure, open, and genuine.  There is no pressure, no anxiety.  No chaos.  I don't feel like I have to save him from anything or take care of him.  This is also something I had to be on the watch about since I'm a co-dependent by nature.  It's quite refreshing not to have to mother someone.  lol  :)

 

I'm sure I've rambled long enough.  lol  But, yeah... I'm totally happy, and yes, in love.  :)  (and still being cautious) ;)


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#28 of 106 Old 02-04-2011, 06:39 AM
 
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Originally Posted by zeta zeta View Post

What is the name of the book on abusers again? I am intrigued by the rescuer one you guys are referring to. My ex-fiance would be so generous, and he would never make a big deal of it at the time, but OH BOY as soon as I was upset with him for something, or if he wanted something, all those chickens would come home to roost.  He would leverage what he had done- or threaten to take away what he had offered to do-- so I had no stability, and, he hoped no voice of opposition.  It was totally a way (unconsciously, I'm sure) of gaining leverage in the relationship.  I finally realized that the only thing harder than doing everything on my own was doing it with his "help."  It took a long time for the leverage side of that dynamic to show up, and it got meaner and more over the top as time went on.  For a long time I was just thinking, hm, this seems to be too good to be true, and that did worry me a bit, then in the second year or so the other shoe dropped.


"Why does he DO that?" by Lundy Bancroft.  Amazing book.  Definitely check it out. (most library's have it I think, so you don't even have to buy it)

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#29 of 106 Old 02-04-2011, 07:50 AM
 
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Thanks Super Single Mama- I just requested it from my library.  he's just not that into you- movie and book- are already there waiting for me.  It's so good to be able to see the patterns.  it always feels so particular and individual, and when I suddenly see the archetypical pattern shining through, it is always so astonishing! 

 

I do not ever recall being so truly content to just be on my own.  I really went through withdrawals in Nov/Dec, I could literally feel the acute ache of loneliness.  But now I am content.  I would rather have a sweetheart, but It's a strange and wonderful experience to feel truly complete and balanced without one. I wonder if I became intrigued by someone if that would throw off the balance.  Anyway I'm enjoying the peace.  It's empowering to have my energy for myself and not wrapped up in some story about a man.

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#30 of 106 Old 02-04-2011, 08:42 AM
 
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Originally Posted by zeta zeta View Post

Thanks Super Single Mama- I just requested it from my library.  he's just not that into you- movie and book- are already there waiting for me.  It's so good to be able to see the patterns.  it always feels so particular and individual, and when I suddenly see the archetypical pattern shining through, it is always so astonishing! 


No problem!!  That book really changed my life, and knowing what I know now is only going to benefit me!  I love recommending it in the hopes that it helps other women just as much as it did me!!

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