dating a "sensitive" man - Page 9 - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#241 of 277 Old 03-31-2011, 12:43 PM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Yes, update us please!
philomom is online now  
#242 of 277 Old 03-31-2011, 02:24 PM
 
sapphire_chan's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 27,769
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by darcytrue View Post





My cell phone will not block incoming calls

When I was getting a lot of calls from a business, I saved their number as zzzzjunk and gave them a special ringtone: silent.

 

In that case, I was able to report them to the FCC and get it sorted out, but it took a few weeks and I never heard the phone ring for them even though my call log had a dozen times of them calling.

 

In your case, you'll want to note down all the times he's called, and record any voicemails without listening.

sapphire_chan is offline  
#243 of 277 Old 04-06-2011, 12:20 PM
 
mimim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 2,559
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Darcy, are you still in his clutches?

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
mimim is offline  
#244 of 277 Old 04-06-2011, 01:20 PM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,439
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post

Darcy, are you still in his clutches?

Please update.. we worry about you.
philomom is online now  
#245 of 277 Old 04-07-2011, 08:42 AM
 
lmorin01's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 11
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Darcey, we're all worried about you. Can you post an update?

lmorin01 is offline  
#246 of 277 Old 04-07-2011, 09:32 AM
 
BabyBearsMummy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Canada
Posts: 838
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

 

Darcytrue I hope you and your children are doing well hug2.gif

BabyBearsMummy is offline  
#247 of 277 Old 04-07-2011, 03:44 PM
 
bananabee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 52 Post(s)

Ditto. Wondering how you are.


Living happily and embracing adventures.
bananabee is online now  
#248 of 277 Old 04-11-2011, 01:06 AM
 
NannyMcPhee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 99
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Any word?

NannyMcPhee is offline  
#249 of 277 Old 04-13-2011, 08:29 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Hope Darcy is OK and too busy enjoying a happy, healthy spring to deal with the internet.

zebu likes this.
AttunedMama is offline  
#250 of 277 Old 04-13-2011, 11:28 AM
 
lmorin01's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 11
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

I'm worried :(

lmorin01 is offline  
#251 of 277 Old 04-13-2011, 03:25 PM
 
bananabee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 52 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by lmorin01 View Post

I'm worried :(



I know. Me too. :( I hope she's okay.

 

We really should make this thread a sticky for others to find who are dealing with the same kind of situation.


Living happily and embracing adventures.
bananabee is online now  
#252 of 277 Old 04-13-2011, 03:28 PM
 
bananabee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 52 Post(s)

I just looked at her posts, and she wrote some on 4/2/11, so hopefully she just forgot to update us.


Living happily and embracing adventures.
bananabee is online now  
#253 of 277 Old 04-14-2011, 05:59 AM
 
mimim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 2,559
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by bananabee View Post





I know. Me too. :( I hope she's okay.

 

We really should make this thread a sticky for others to find who are dealing with the same kind of situation.


We should, because it's all too common.


I'm afraid that I know very well (from experience) why she's not updating us. greensad.gif

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
mimim is offline  
#254 of 277 Old 04-14-2011, 10:54 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by bananabee View Post





I know. Me too. :( I hope she's okay.

 

We really should make this thread a sticky for others to find who are dealing with the same kind of situation.




We should, because it's all too common.


I'm afraid that I know very well (from experience) why she's not updating us. greensad.gif

I vote we start a brand new thread with the same info, non-specific to any individual.

 

AttunedMama is offline  
#255 of 277 Old 04-14-2011, 12:14 PM
 
bananabee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Indiana
Posts: 4,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 52 Post(s)

I think reading this thread has more impact than just reading organized info. JMO


Living happily and embracing adventures.
bananabee is online now  
#256 of 277 Old 04-14-2011, 12:29 PM
 
Lucy Alden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 404
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by bananabee View Post

I think reading this thread has more impact than just reading organized info. JMO


Especially since this thread so clearly shows the pattern of abuse and manipulation that women encounter.  Its just so textbook :(

 

Darcytrue, just know we are here rooting for you.  Come back when you can.  There is no shame here, just loving concern.

mimim and bananabee like this.

lather, rinse, repeat
Lucy Alden is offline  
#257 of 277 Old 04-15-2011, 05:32 AM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy Alden View Post




Especially since this thread so clearly shows the pattern of abuse and manipulation that women encounter.  Its just so textbook :(

 

Darcytrue, just know we are here rooting for you.  Come back when you can.  There is no shame here, just loving concern.

 

I agree with all of that...I just feel that Darcytrue needs to say it's ok first.
 

 

AttunedMama is offline  
#258 of 277 Old 04-15-2011, 09:18 AM
 
Petronella's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Metro Vancouver
Posts: 283
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by AttunedMama View Post



 

I agree with all of that...I just feel that Darcytrue needs to say it's ok first.
 

 

 

This is a public message board.  Darcytrue doesn't own the thread, and she's totally anonymous anyway.  I agree with the PP that the discussion in this thread contains very important info, and should be read, in its present order, by as many women as possible.
 

 

Petronella is offline  
#259 of 277 Old 04-15-2011, 09:26 AM
 
Spring Lily's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Posts: 662
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lucy Alden View Post

Darcytrue, just know we are here rooting for you.  Come back when you can.  There is no shame here, just loving concern.

Just thought this deserves repeating.

Darcy, I hope you don't feel ashamed or embarrassed, even if you're back with him or things have gotten worse. We are here for you either way.

Spring Lily is offline  
#260 of 277 Old 04-15-2011, 09:29 AM
 
Phoenix~Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Lehigh Valley, PA
Posts: 5,306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by bananabee View Post





I know. Me too. :( I hope she's okay.

 

We really should make this thread a sticky for others to find who are dealing with the same kind of situation.




We should, because it's all too common.


I'm afraid that I know very well (from experience) why she's not updating us. greensad.gif


I sadly have to agree...  I'm worried too... and yeah... I know when I would get wishy washy with my situation with ex... I wouldn't always post, because in the back of my mind, I knew.  I knew the whole situation was messed up... and yes, I was totally embarassed to have stayed and made excuses for so long. 

 

If you are still reading Darcy... please know there is NO SHAME!  We are here to support you and help uncloud your mind.  So many of us have gone through what you have.

 

*hugs*  Hope you are doing okay. 
 

 


ribbonpurple.gif  Proud Single Mama, Birth & Postpartum Doula

Student, Aspiring CNM 
treehugger.gif  DD ~ 1/7/09   shamrocksmile.gif  DS ~ 9/22/10

Phoenix~Mama is offline  
#261 of 277 Old 04-15-2011, 09:41 AM
 
Lucy Alden's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 404
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by Spring Lily View Post

even if you're back with him or things have gotten worse. We are here for you either way.
 


This is so important.  Abusers want us to feel ashamed and cut off from support.  We are here and will remain here.  We have your back.

bananabee likes this.

lather, rinse, repeat
Lucy Alden is offline  
#262 of 277 Old 04-20-2011, 10:40 AM
 
lmorin01's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 11
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Still no word? Hmmmm, very worried.

lmorin01 is offline  
#263 of 277 Old 04-20-2011, 11:57 AM
 
DanishMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Denmark
Posts: 943
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)

Me too! I keep looking for an update. OP, I hope you and your kids are safe.

DanishMom is offline  
#264 of 277 Old 04-21-2011, 04:39 AM
 
GranoLLLy-girl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2005
Posts: 1,150
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

Psycho is as psycho does.  Amen.

mimim likes this.
GranoLLLy-girl is offline  
#265 of 277 Old 04-22-2011, 06:18 AM
 
lmorin01's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Posts: 11
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)

?? You mean him or her or both?

lmorin01 is offline  
#266 of 277 Old 04-22-2011, 07:20 AM
 
mimim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 2,559
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by lmorin01 View Post

?? You mean him or her or both?


Him. Him. He's the psycho.

Or at least I think so based on only having heard her side of the story.

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
mimim is offline  
#267 of 277 Old 04-24-2011, 02:12 PM
Banned
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 311
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by lmorin01 View Post

?? You mean him or her or both?




Him. Him. He's the psycho.

Or at least I think so based on only having heard her side of the story.


 

At this point, I say 'both'. If psycho is as psycho does, and  *IF* the OP is systematically unable/willing to take charge of her own life (even with support and others doing free therapy for her), then.....I may be going UAV in this, but I've got to call a spade a spade.

 

 

(ETA the ever-important word "if", which I did not mean to leave out in the first place).

AttunedMama is offline  
#268 of 277 Old 04-24-2011, 05:28 PM
 
mimim's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 2,559
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by AttunedMama View Post


 


 

At this point, I say 'both'. If psycho is as psycho does, and  *IF* the OP is systematically unable/willing to take charge of her own life (even with support and others doing free therapy for her), then.....I may be going UAV in this, but I've got to call a spade a spade.

 

 

(ETA the ever-important word "if", which I did not mean to leave out in the first place).


You've never been involved with someone like this have you?

I have. It does make you crazy. I'm incredibly ashamed of how I allowed myself to be treated, for continuing with this person for as long as I did, for repeatedly allowing myself to be manipulated into reconciliations, and for being capable of caring about somebody with so little respect for me, but he is the one who created the situation. I failed to protect myself from it and participated in it with him, but I didn't instigate it. If you go back to the beginning of this thread, you will see that it's the same story for the OP, who needs support and not name calling.


Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
mimim is offline  
#269 of 277 Old 04-24-2011, 05:45 PM
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Cover letter he!!
Posts: 6,548
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post


You've never been involved with someone like this have you?

I have. It does make you crazy.


Oh man, it made me so crazy I didn't know which was up let alone down!  It's a cycle thats incredibly hard to break, and on average it takes a woman 7 TIMES to leave an abusive relationship permanently.  7.  Thats ALOT of times, and really is indicative of how crazy making the cycle is I think.  It's really hard to see someone go through it, and not blame them, b/c on the outside its so obvious - but when you're in the middle of it everything is so unclear.  It's so hard to see whats going on, and so hard to understand why abusers act the way they do - b/c it doesn't make sense!  It's as though they are completely inhuman. 

 

I don't blame the OP though - she is not the one creating the abusive cycle, its her (hopefully) ex boyfriend.  Blaming the victim is also one way that society unintentionally perpetuates the cycle of abuse.  Instead of getting angry with the abuser, people get angry with the victim for putting up with his crap.  It's a pretty human response, but the more human response would be to get angry with the abuser so that they know they can't get away with what they're doing. 

bananabee likes this.
Super~Single~Mama is offline  
#270 of 277 Old 04-24-2011, 05:53 PM
 
insidevoice's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,329
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)


Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post



Quote:
Originally Posted by AttunedMama View Post


 


 

At this point, I say 'both'. If psycho is as psycho does, and  *IF* the OP is systematically unable/willing to take charge of her own life (even with support and others doing free therapy for her), then.....I may be going UAV in this, but I've got to call a spade a spade.

 

 

(ETA the ever-important word "if", which I did not mean to leave out in the first place).




You've never been involved with someone like this have you?

I have. It does make you crazy. I'm incredibly ashamed of how I allowed myself to be treated, for continuing with this person for as long as I did, for repeatedly allowing myself to be manipulated into reconciliations, and for being capable of caring about somebody with so little respect for me, but he is the one who created the situation. I failed to protect myself from it and participated in it with him, but I didn't instigate it. If you go back to the beginning of this thread, you will see that it's the same story for the OP, who needs support and not name calling.
 


It's very complicated to try to understand how women end up in these situations.  I know that from the outside looking in, you can't fathom why someone would stay and keep being drawn back in, but it happens to savvy, intelligent, strong women  every. single. day.  It isn't because they are desperate, and it isn't because they have done something wrong.  We can not further victimize people like this, we need to place the blame firmly where it lies, and that is solely in the hands of the abuser.

 

It takes time to realize that the pattern IS a pattern, you keep seeing the good person- and you know we all have a bad day here or there.  Abusers manipulate everything, they undermine any strength a victim has, they are crazy-making.  Fir anyone to blame the victim simply supports the abuser's statements that if the victim was only different/better, he wouldn't have to be this way. 

 

For people so completely disempowered, it is just as bad when the people wanting to help tell her they know her life better than she does.  We can tell her what we see, and we can tell her we will be here when she is ready to make decisions, but to judge her for this situation is completely unacceptable. 

 

One of the biggest reasons women never ask for help is because they are ashamed, and they fear the judgments cast when they make known whats happening. To be judged as weak or wrong for someone else's behavior is simply intolerable.  It's no different than blaming the rape victim for wearing a skirt or being out after dark. It is not now and never will be, her fault that this man is behaving badly. 

 

insidevoice is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off