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Old 02-07-2011, 12:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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title pretty much covers my question! my husband and I split about 2 weeks ago and he is curently working at a job where he brings home about 350/week. he will get a raise soon he says and housing is included in this job but he is choosing to stay with his parents and pay them 50/week for rent and this includes food and everything. I am currently only working 1 day a week and get about

100$/week. I will get back to a 45 hour work week in 2 months (i'm a gardener) and make a good paycheck but not enough to cover my current rent and all utilities. He is agreed to pay for my car and insurance (comes to 300$/month) and says that's all he can afford and all he can send. This doesnt seem right to me though. I mean it does help but is that really all he should be paying for his kids a month?? His big argument is "this is what I wanted" meaning the seperation and I think he is trying to show me I cant make it on my own and will be begging him to come back!

so what is the general CS payment? he said 25% of your income but I think he just pulled that one out of thin air :/

 

I should add I have tried to find another job for myself until April but have not had any luck. I have 2 small kids who would need daycare and that is expensive! I cant find a temp job that would make it worth it. My plan is to get the tax return back ASAP and use that to cover back rent and then some and pay up on the bills and then some to get me through until my job starts back up. but now the ex says he wants some of the money to buy things he NEEDS. The bills we owe are his too, he was living here when we couldnt pay rent and bills and I feel that if he cant afford CS that this money should all come to me and the kids, am I right in thinking this???

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Old 02-07-2011, 12:57 PM
 
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Google "child support calculator new hampshire" (if thats your state of residence, otherwise substitute your actual state).

 

In NY, for one child its 17% of the non-custodial parents income (basically, it gets more complicated for people in high income brackets, but we're not there at this point), I'd guess NH is somewhat similar.

 

Have you filed in court?  You may want to.

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Old 02-07-2011, 02:04 PM
 
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Martha27 it sounds like you are going to have to file for court ordered child support.

 

You might have to take legal action to have your ex pay for his portion of the past bills too. Although in all cases this might not be possible.

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Old 02-07-2011, 03:43 PM
 
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Wait, have you seen a lawyer?  Never get your legal advice from an ex!  Make sure you get the facts from someone representing YOU - i.e. get legal advice, plus I would assume that if you are divorcing you will be filing something anyway.

 

He may be right that child support for two children is 25% in your area (that should be easy to Google as someone else said), but what lil' darlin' forget to mention is that many times, non-custodial parents are also responsible for health insurance for the children plus at least half of childcare costs.  Oh and have I mentioned possible maintenance (alimony), plus half of his assets (if he has any, and if you choose to go that route)?  Also, he can't stick you with bills that you both owe.  Also, you may request that he pay for part of your legal costs.  There are a lot of options, thus the need for legal advice.

 

Oh, and, he doesn't get to choose how much money to send you and tell you what it's for - he gives you his percentage and that's that, his control ends there.  Regardless of "who wanted" the separation, the children need and deserve to be provided for. 

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Old 02-07-2011, 09:06 PM
 
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It's really hard to get a good answer on this one. According to my state's calculator, my X should only have to pay $50/month (I SAH) which is ridiculous (It maxed him out at 70% of daycare when I was still working). Every lawyer I've spoken with since starting this journey has advised me to just ignore the calculator because no sane judge would order such a tiny amount from a non-custodial parent who makes enough money to solely support themselves. Apparently our particular finances just don't fit into the neat little calculation and judges understand this. I haven't gotten there yet though, so I couldn't say for sure.

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Old 02-08-2011, 05:45 AM
 
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File for temporary child/spousal (if you are working and making as much as he is, chances are it will only be child support that is ordered) support and custody.  It will probably be more than $300 a month.  The court isn't going to care what his expenses are when it comes to calculating child support. 

 

And when paying bills, housing (includes essential utilities) and food comes first.  Don't pay any debt that is in his name, and let him know that he is responsible for paying that debt. 

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Old 02-08-2011, 07:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks everyone for the replys, this is all very helpful! I really have no idea what to be expecting but all my family and friends have been telling me it is not enough for him to just pay the 300$/month for my car and insurance. He just doesn't think the kids are all that expensive and says he refuses to pay anything for MY personal living expenses b/c I brought this on myself *eye roll*  he says he will not pay 50% of all my bills but I didn't ask him to do that I just know that 100% of my paycheck is going to be going to the kids so why should he only have to do 25%??? 

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Old 02-08-2011, 04:10 PM
 
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you said he makes $350 a week which works out to a little more than $1400 a month.  And you only have on child.  Not to be a huge downer but $300 sounds about right (if not generous).  My xh makes about $5000 a month plus has everything paid for by his business.  He barely pays $1000 for three children.  I get alimony but that has nothing to do with his income.  That was a pay off (he agreed to alimony so I wouldn't go after my half of the business).

 

Here they factor in income from the first job, how much he is paying for insurance for the kids (since the state covers it he has to pay a little extra child support) , travel expenses for visitation (a non issue since he lives about 2 miles from me) etc.  Also how much I am making (with a base of full time employment at minimum wage.  I made much less than that but they had to count that as a minimum.)  And I was expected to work.  I could not kick back as a stay at home mom and expect to get more child support for it.  Even though I had been a stay at home mom for most of our marriage.


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Old 02-08-2011, 05:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We have 2 kids and the biggest thing is he will soon be making more like 500$/week and thinks he should keep paying the 300. I guess the main problem i'm having is I just don't like his attitude about it when we talk. It makes me a bit nervous especially what he might plan to do with some of the tax money, he mentioned something about buying a computer for himself with some of it... :/

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Old 02-08-2011, 07:24 PM
 
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You need to file in court asap.  In my state I'm entitled to 50% of his income AND he has to pay for medical support.  This doesn't mean that's what I get but that's what I'm entitled too.  For your own sake, you need to go to court and get a specified court set amount that he will HAVE to pay. 

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Old 02-08-2011, 07:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSlingMama View Post

You need to file in court asap.  In my state I'm entitled to 50% of his income AND he has to pay for medical support.  This doesn't mean that's what I get but that's what I'm entitled too.  For your own sake, you need to go to court and get a specified court set amount that he will HAVE to pay. 



Do you have one child?  That sounds REALLY high to me - what state are you in?

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Old 02-08-2011, 07:47 PM
 
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I do have one child.  As I said, it's not what I'm getting but according to my research and my lawyer, it's what I'm entitled too.  ATM, we get about 25% and he's supposed to have been providing medical support for over 13 months since the order went out but he has yet to do it so we're still on medicaid.  He thinks he should be paying less than 10% of his income but that's what court is for I suppose.

Quote:
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheSlingMama View Post

You need to file in court asap.  In my state I'm entitled to 50% of his income AND he has to pay for medical support.  This doesn't mean that's what I get but that's what I'm entitled too.  For your own sake, you need to go to court and get a specified court set amount that he will HAVE to pay. 



Do you have one child?  That sounds REALLY high to me - what state are you in?



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Old 02-08-2011, 08:40 PM
 
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I think he is pulling that number out of thin air. Child support is usually calculated based on a formula that takes into account each person's income and parenting time. My CS is only about $150, but my ex also has to pay 51% of daycare and medical costs also so he is supposed to be paying more like $400 a month rather. His payment was based off of him making minimum wage (which was $5.15/hr when I divorced in our state) for 40 hours a week because he was unemployed when we divorced and they go off of what the unemployed person would make working minimum wage for a full time job so that is a very low amount to pay and if I took him back to court to get it recalculated I would get a lot more because our minimum wage has jumped significantly. He is very behind right now. I think you should get a good family law attorney and have them work out the visitation and child support arrangement. If your state doesn't include medical and child care expenses in their formula then I think you should request that each party pay half of those costs. You can have it enforced by taking him to court and getting a lean against anything he owns, any inheritance money he may someday get, his tax returns, and eventually his retirement money (even if it is just from social security) if he doesn't pay what he is required to pay. Make sure you save all receipts. 

 

Once a court order is in effect your state might have a department set up for child support enforcement.  In my state they automatically garnish wages for CS and for back CS if necessary once the non-custodial parent gets a job.  They can and do garnish up to 51% of the wages if there is back support or if the person cuts back on their hours and they can't get the full amount.

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Old 02-09-2011, 06:58 AM
 
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I guess I'm confused if you plan to seek legal advice, or just let him dictate what happens.  You have legal rights, but you need to get a lawyer and enforce them.  Waiting around to see what this person does out of the goodness of his heart is not wise.

 

 

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Martha27 View Post

We have 2 kids and the biggest thing is he will soon be making more like 500$/week and thinks he should keep paying the 300. I guess the main problem i'm having is I just don't like his attitude about it when we talk. It makes me a bit nervous especially what he might plan to do with some of the tax money, he mentioned something about buying a computer for himself with some of it... :/



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Old 02-09-2011, 09:49 AM
 
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before you go seek legal help see what is going to happen when you work full time. 

 

i cant remember what your custody is (even if its not legally established). when you start working - if its 50/50 and you make more than him, then you might have to pay him.

 

so look at the big picture of what is the potential and then figure it out.

 

and yes after that i would look at legal help. if he is going to be so beligerent setting everything up legally would be your best bet. 

 

however if it is 50/50 the amount you might get if you end up making less than him is going to be not that much. 

 

unless one of you makes unrecorded income that the other might find hard to prove. 


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Old 02-09-2011, 09:58 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Martha27 View Post
  My plan is to get the tax return back ASAP and use that to cover back rent and then some and pay up on the bills and then some to get me through until my job starts back up. but now the ex says he wants some of the money to buy things he NEEDS. The bills we owe are his too, he was living here when we couldnt pay rent and bills and I feel that if he cant afford CS that this money should all come to me and the kids, am I right in thinking this???

 

I don't know the legal answer. Is the refund coming back to you? Is it in your name or both names? I would at least get a consult with an attorney and ask this question. You don't want to do something that will end up biting you later...And I would stop talking to him about a CS amount. I would file for it and get whatever you are legally able to get. He doesn't make a lot of money so a ballpark of $3-500 is probably on target. You mention 100% of your income going to kids but only a small percentage of his. Remember, he needs to feed, house and clothe them when they are with him too. And as others pointed out he will be responsible for part of childcare and medical expenses as well.
 

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Old 02-09-2011, 12:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Martha27 View Post
  My plan is to get the tax return back ASAP and use that to cover back rent and then some and pay up on the bills and then some to get me through until my job starts back up. but now the ex says he wants some of the money to buy things he NEEDS. The bills we owe are his too, he was living here when we couldnt pay rent and bills and I feel that if he cant afford CS that this money should all come to me and the kids, am I right in thinking this???

 

I don't know the legal answer. Is the refund coming back to you? Is it in your name or both names? I would at least get a consult with an attorney and ask this question. You don't want to do something that will end up biting you later...And I would stop talking to him about a CS amount. I would file for it and get whatever you are legally able to get. He doesn't make a lot of money so a ballpark of $3-500 is probably on target. You mention 100% of your income going to kids but only a small percentage of his. Remember, he needs to feed, house and clothe them when they are with him too. And as others pointed out he will be responsible for part of childcare and medical expenses as well.
 


Funny thing is when the kids will be with him they will actually be at his parents and they will actually be the ones feeding and housing the kids! but yes I see your point :) the refund will go directly onto our shared bank account but he knows what we have to use it for and I do think he will use it the right way...fingers crossed!!

I am planning to wait a little longer to file for divorce and CS legally. I have a lot going  on right now figuring out finances and I just want to get the tax return and get some stuff paid up to date before I  bring more paper work and bills into the situation. I do have a friend who is a lawyer and has a husband who's a lawyer so I will talk to them about some of the legal matters to get some advice on how best to go about it.

 

Thanks again for all the help!!!
 

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Old 02-09-2011, 03:57 PM
 
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If you have not filed anything he IS entitled to use that money in any old way he wants.  I would go ahead and completely separate your bank accounts.  once you do file for separation or divorce get a temp order of child support right away.  It will be adjusted once the divorce is finalized and you can have it adjusted if anyones income changes.


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Old 02-09-2011, 04:51 PM
 
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Yes, final a temporary order of support immediately.  That was one of the biggest things I should have done but didn't.

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Old 02-09-2011, 05:49 PM
 
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That's actually what we have I think since our divorce isn't final.  And yes, separate your accounts!

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Old 02-19-2011, 06:29 PM
 
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another vote for filing right away.  we are getting way more under the temp order than we will in CS if this thing is ever finalized.  it was not really relevant whether or not he had enough money to live on- in fact he can't afford a place and pay our mortgage and bills, so he is staying with a relative.  it was in the best interest of the kids to stay in our house, and I was a sahm, so he's paying for everything except food under the temp order.  i'll probably end up with 500 in CS for 2 kids.

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