UPDATE ON SPERM DONOR - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 12 Old 02-13-2011, 08:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My daughters' sperm donor and I split when I was 6 months pregnant, he was abusive, a compulsive liar, and cheated on me while I was pregnant and I got an STI. He was there when she was born, it took him 3 weeks to sign birth certificate. He saw her when she was 3 months again, then we went to child support, he saw her the first 7 months of her LIFE then he disappeared. He hasnt given me child support since then. Attorney General hasn't found him since 01/2008. He got a friend of mine (the girl he cheated on me with pregnant) and her son was born on 08/08. He hasn't seen him either since he was born. Recently he got a hold of her and wants to see her son that is now 2 yrs old. I have since then been married since 07/2008 and have a son with my husband. We want my husband to adopt my daughter, we have gotten mixed reactions from attorneys. WE are scared because my daughter doesn't know her sperm donor (she is now 4) . He is a convicted felon and is a compulssive liar.  called Attorney General and they said if he shows up i have to let him see her or take her whatever the court order says. My local police department says that they cant force me unless a judge orders me... I'm currently a student and my husband is the only source of income so I don't want to pay an attorney to do something he cant do. Any advice/help is appreciated.

 
ON 2/12/10 My husband and I found out where he was working so we went to see what his plans are with my 4 yr old daughter. He was shocked that we were there and ignored us for about 30 minutes.... then he had no choice than to talk to us. He claims that he knows if we go court he will loose because he abandoned her. Of course he tried to blame me for everything that happened (although he cheated on me with my friend and now has a 2 1/2 yr old with her that he doesnt see or support either) I found an affadaviat online to sign over his rights. I gave him a week to sign if not my attorney would serve him. He said he wants to be my daughters friend only! Does anyone know: If he isn't going to fight me if I still need to get an attorney?
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#2 of 12 Old 02-13-2011, 10:58 AM
 
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1. Sperm donors are wonderful people (or broke college students...) who make the choice to help other people have children. That dude is not a sperm donor. I know it may seem ok to you to call him that but it really isn't.

 

2. Don't talk to him directly. Talk to a lawyer and find out what needs to happen to be absolutely sure he can't take your daughter without your consent and how your partner can adopt. There is no reason you need to show up at his work. Has it occurred to you that you just outed him as a deadbeat dad to his employer? Maybe he will try to fight you for custody just to back up whatever horrible story about you he is now making up for his co-workers. I know you are angry at him but this is no longer personal.

 

3. "He said he wants to be my daughter's friend only" I can't believe the idiotic stuff these guys can come up with.

 

4. There are some resources for free or cheap legal advice. Find them. Call around and ask. I think many people don't seek out lawyers because they think it will be too expensive but it has been my experience that, in most cases, the actual bill is not that bad.


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#3 of 12 Old 02-13-2011, 11:18 AM
 
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nak

thank you for clearing that up about what a sperm donor is, i don't like when people confuse the two things.

if i were you i would contact him again on your own. if your husband wants to adopt her then i'd ask a lawyer what needs to be done so he can do that.
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#4 of 12 Old 02-13-2011, 02:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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soso-lyn= Let me clear it up.... He basically got me pregnant and cheated on me. He hasn't supported my daughter in any way: emotionally, physically, or financially. I was 21 and pregnant. I always had to work when we were together cause all he did was try to live a dream of riding a motorcycle and camping out whenever it got dark.  The reason I went to his work was because he has been running for 3 years. He paid child support $1.00 to get his warrant removed. On 2/12/11 My aunt was doing an event at his job and he kept trying to make her give him my number. ( he knows how to get in contact with me, since he had just been at the girls house he cheated on me with, not once did he mention me our my daughter) anyways he said that he would be there till 7 and i could stop my anytime. So we went since he is trying to act STUPID about how to get a hold of me. He knows where we live and my husband has the same number he did 3 yrs ago!! Anyways he has become IGNORANT the passed 3 yrs and has no idea that it has been that long. HE claims that he was gone for only 10 months but I have documentation and numerous police reports of not showing up to visit. MAke a long story short he said to give him papers on where to sign.

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#5 of 12 Old 02-13-2011, 02:47 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Ohh and by the way he would never try to get custody since he straight up told me that he cant take care of himself much less a kid. And he bitched at how much he will have to pay me and the other girl.

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#6 of 12 Old 02-13-2011, 03:17 PM
 
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Oh, I don't doubt that this guy is an absolute horrible father and that you need to do whatever you can to protect your child. That is why I advised you to get a lawyer and not talk to him directly. My comments about sperm donors were meant to make you stop insulting sperm donors by calling that pathetic dude "sperm donor". 

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#7 of 12 Old 02-13-2011, 03:24 PM - Thread Starter
 
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well lets see he would give her air freshners to play with when she was 3 months old, i have an outfit where he wrote on her with permenant marker, i have recordings where he would say he was gonna take her into Mexico and never let me see her.  Hmmm.... The proof is there it's just about catching him before he runs again.... ohh and he is a convicted felon he was caught with 110lbs of cocaine and didnt tell me about it till he was in jail.... ohh and he snitched on people and are probably looking for him.

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#8 of 12 Old 02-13-2011, 03:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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And sorry about the sperm donor thing, thats the way an attorney referred to him several years back. I know that real sperm donors help many people! :)

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#9 of 12 Old 02-15-2011, 08:51 AM
 
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For an issue as big as custody I think you need to speak to a lawyer. This is not something you want to mess up! A form from the internet is unlikely to be adequate for him to release all claims on her and allow your DH to adopt. Now, the ex-bf might be very eager to waive his rights, as he will no longer have to pay child support. From the sounds of it, adoption aside, it may vbe a very good idea to get him to waive all parental rights, as he hardly seems like someone you want popping back into your life *ever*.

 

Good luck!~

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#10 of 12 Old 02-15-2011, 09:02 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by annekevdbroek View Post

For an issue as big as custody I think you need to speak to a lawyer. This is not something you want to mess up! A form from the internet is unlikely to be adequate for him to release all claims on her and allow your DH to adopt. Now, the ex-bf might be very eager to waive his rights, as he will no longer have to pay child support. From the sounds of it, adoption aside, it may vbe a very good idea to get him to waive all parental rights, as he hardly seems like someone you want popping back into your life *ever*.

 

Good luck!~


Yeah, termination of parental rights is not a straightforward form that you can just print out and turn in.  At the very least it would need to be signed in front of a judge (I would think).  You really need to speak to a lawyer about this whole mess.  This isn't something you want to do "halfway" - you need to do this the right way, the first time.  Get a lawyer for you and your dh, and ask about him adopting your dd, and how your ex terminates his rights.  Termination of rights is MUCH more difficult than just turning over custody.

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#11 of 12 Old 02-15-2011, 09:41 AM
 
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I agree that this is something where you want every i dotted and t crossed.  Get a lawyer and consider it money well spent.

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#12 of 12 Old 02-16-2011, 08:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi! Went to see an attorney, it is definately do-able but Texas law sucks!! WE hired an attorney, Basically gave me a similar form of what I had gotten online. It will run about $3500 if he doesn't fight back. If he does then the cost can be UNKOWN!. If no problems we will have to pay filing fees, background check on my husband, possibly have to hire an attorney for my 4 yr old daughter, and maybe a social study. If we have problems with her bio dad then we have to pay all the mentioned costs mandatory plus hire an attorney for him as well.  Thanks for everyones advice and I will keep u all posted to see how things go!

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