Name change help! PLEASE HELP! He'll be dragging me to court as soon as he can! - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-26-2011, 08:18 AM
 
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also, let's not forget that plenty of women don't know who the fathers of their children are. it's not impossible or even wildly unusual for someone to have two or more possible fathers. the court can't prove that she knew he was the father, so the court can't act on that assumption.

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Old 03-26-2011, 08:52 AM
 
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Exactly because isn't she married and living with her husband still? There is the possibility the man isn't the biological father therefore why establish a relationship beforehand without proof?

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Old 03-26-2011, 10:05 AM
 
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Originally Posted by josybear View Post

also, let's not forget that plenty of women don't know who the fathers of their children are. it's not impossible or even wildly unusual for someone to have two or more possible fathers. the court can't prove that she knew he was the father, so the court can't act on that assumption.



There's a difference between not knowing and knowing.  And then there's the pesky little fact that if she goes to court and lies under oath, she's breaking the law.  Not a good idea.

 

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Old 03-26-2011, 10:08 AM
 
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Scenario number one would likely cause court ordered visitation to begin - its not in a child's best interest (ever pretty much) to be removed from a loving parent and placed with someone the child has never met and doesn't have any sort of relationship with.  THEN - if the mother refuses to facilitate visitation, doesn't cooperate with the court order, but the father really wanted visitation and was showing up at all the times designated, but was being turned away - THEN the court would think seriously about flipping custody.  I can't see it happening at the very first court date though, not if the child has never met the other parent.



Scenario number 1 is more likely to end up with a custody change, maybe not right away, it would be a gradual change while the other parent establishes a relationship that the mother refused to allow to happen.  And it's kind of hard for the other parent to meet the child if the mother is REFUSING to let him.  A court is going to take that into consideration. 

 

It could also end up with the other parent being awarded more parenting time than what is in the child's best interest. 

 

It really is better to not refuse visits.  It dirties your hand.  And gives the other party's claims more credibility.   Now and in the future. 

 

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Old 03-26-2011, 03:29 PM
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Scenario number 1 is more likely to end up with a custody change, maybe not right away, it would be a gradual change while the other parent establishes a relationship that the mother refused to allow to happen.  And it's kind of hard for the other parent to meet the child if the mother is REFUSING to let him.  A court is going to take that into consideration. 

 

It could also end up with the other parent being awarded more parenting time than what is in the child's best interest. 

 

It really is better to not refuse visits.  It dirties your hand.  And gives the other party's claims more credibility.   Now and in the future. 

 


There's something to be said for this, no doubt. If she explains to a judge that he is abusive to her, hopefully that will weigh in to understanding why she does not engage with him...However, it sounds like Mama DOES engage with Biodad and that he's scrambled her around quite a bit already. Hopefully, any visitation will be minimal and supervised, and Mama can get some counseling to let go of some pain and trauma.

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Old 03-27-2011, 08:36 AM
 
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Too much drama and stress for a mother with a newborn. For your sanity IMHO cut communication. Keep a detailed written record of all interactions. With a controling ex the best practice is turn a deaf ear to their attempts of manipulate you. He is under the impression he still has control over you and he does not. Enjoy life with your sons and if he ever actually takes this to court worry about it then. But it all seams like empty threats made by a man grasping at straws.

 

 


This precisely.  You shouldn't be dealing with this "person" while still getting to know your tiny little brand new baby.  Cut him off completely and enjoy those first moments with your babe.  

 

Deal with the situation if it ever materializes in the form of a court document. 

 

Congrats on your beautiful baby boy!!!!   love.gif 

 

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Old 03-27-2011, 06:54 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kblackstone444 View Post

Just got served two days ago.  For Paternity (with name change) and for Visitation.  Custody was crossed out on the docket, but that scares me- with visitation, I will have to legally hand him over to his father and without custody, then I'm not sure I'd be able to legally get him back if his father refuses to return him.  In the process of getting a court appointed lawyer.



Ok, they don't award visitation without custody being determined.  He's probably asking for visitation, but NOT custody - which is most likely why custody was crossed out.

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Old 03-09-2012, 12:04 PM
 
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i'm in the EXACT same situation, kblackstone.  please keep me updated on how things are going for you!

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Old 03-09-2012, 12:22 PM
 
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I am confused how he can file when the child has not been proven to be his.  Regardless, no court will force you to change your baby's name to his biological father's, even if paternity is proven.

 

This all sounds really, really awful and scary.  I hope you have good support and legal representation.

 

I was sued for full custody of my older son when he was about 6.  His dad actually never followed through on the suit, but I think it took ten years off my life.  It turned out just to be a scare tactic, and boy, was it scary.


 sleepytime.gif I got tired of my signature, but I still love my children and husband and miss my little brotherkid.gif

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Old 03-28-2012, 11:42 PM
 
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I echo the words of many other mamas, stop communicating with him. Unless he comes from money, it seems unlikely that he will pursue custody. As I think you already know, he wants possession, not a relationship with you or the baby. That's how abusive men operate. And, they're always the "victim," as you have probably already heard him profess a number of times. Remind yourself that he isn't really the victim, no matter what he's been through provides no excuse large enough to justify his bad behavior. 

Hoping the best for you and your family! I know it's difficult. well, difficult is an understatement. :-/ Still hoping for the best possible outcome.

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Old 03-29-2012, 01:12 PM
 
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(OP has not updated this thread in over a year.  Zombie thread ...)


DD 2/08
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Old 03-30-2012, 05:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Goodmom2008 View Post

The courts can't determine custody without first establishing paternity.  The custody will be heard after this is done later.  Either way, get a parenting plan signed off on by a judge before any unsupervised visits. 



Actually, they can. I don't know how this happens, but I've seen it happen to a friend of mine. It's probably unusual, but it can happen.

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Old 04-03-2012, 12:12 AM
 
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I have been reading on here through my whole pregnancy, I'm due next month. Your post made me sign up so that I could respond to you. It's quite possible that we got knocked up by the same guy. (kidding but not really)

 

I know it's hard but don't be scared. You are very lucky that you are in Massachusetts. This state favors moms. You would have to do something outrageous in front of the judge for that baby to be taken away and daddy would have to prove that he has been an active, caring and supportive parent to this child. I feel like the name change issue would just be looked at as petty by the court. They look for what is in the child's best interest. If you are breastfeeding it is a plus because you cant be away from your baby for too long.

 

On Custody:

http://www.masslegalservices.org/system/files/Chapter+09+Final.pdf

Also Read

Chapter 7 - Paternity

Chapter 8 - Child Support

 

In Massachusetts when a child is born to an unwed mother she has sole physical and legal custody of that child even if paternity has been established. The father has no rights until the court decides otherwise and even when the father has to pay child support it still does not grant him visitation or custody. 

 

Stay strong and don't engage with him. When you end up in court you'll see a mediator. Let the mediator help you.

 

::hugs::

good luck mama.

 

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Old 04-03-2012, 11:59 AM
 
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I think you should just cut off contact with him.

If he takes you to court to get his name on the birth cert then deal with it then.

He's obviously not the kind of man you want around your child. Hopefully it will be such a long drawn out process he will get bored and move onto his next victim.

I'm sorry you are dealing with this greensad.gif stay strong mama x
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Old 04-03-2012, 12:01 PM
 
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Oops just seen the date of the thread!

I wonder how it turned out for the op
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Old 04-06-2012, 11:55 AM
 
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I want the OP to clarify in her original post what it means that this baby was the result of his controlling ways?

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Old 04-06-2012, 11:59 AM
 
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Ah, OP hasn't even posted anything in five months. Zombie thread indeed! I hope all is well with her and the little one.

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Old 05-08-2012, 02:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by Mama Soltera View Post

I want the OP to clarify in her original post what it means that this baby was the result of his controlling ways?

 

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Ah, OP hasn't even posted anything in five months. Zombie thread indeed! I hope all is well with her and the little one.

 

I don't always get a chance to get online these days.  I'm doing well, the baby is doing great, as is my older son.  We are getting on with our lives and only have to deal with the father on occasion.  The father (and I use that term loosely) has supervised visitation and has had it twice a month for about 4 months now, but he is beginning to lose interest, reschedule, cancel, etc.  Hopefully...

 

Anyways, to clarify and answer your question, EVERYTHING about my relationship with the baby's father was the result of his controlling ways, even his conception.


I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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