March Dating Shenanigans - Spring is in the air.... Scintillating Surprises? Serenity? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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#121 of 142 Old 03-30-2011, 08:00 PM
 
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So happy for those of you in healthy relationships!!!  Yay!!!

 

My jaw is still on the ground from something the text-guy wrote today.  I misunderstood something he texted earlier today.  He responded explaining what he meant in a really nice way.  I responded later saying I felt like an idiot for assuming rather than asking what he meant.  His response?  "Yep.  You should.  I have no tolerance for assumptions" jaw2.gif

 

OMG!!!  I responded "Wow.  I have no tolerance for being treated with anything but respect and kindness" and immediately unfriended him on fb.  Wow.Just.Wow!!!!!  Should have taken all of your advice and dumped him when he gave me the "don't fall in love with me" line.  Can I puke now?  

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#122 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 04:04 AM
 
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Oh, Moochie!  *hugs*  That guy sounds like a real piece of work.  What a UAV.  I'm so glad you immediately unfriended him though!!!  You certainly don't need to be talked to like that!  And this early on... ugh... scary what he'd be saying a few months down the road!


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#123 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 05:08 AM
 
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 I responded "Wow.  I have no tolerance for being treated with anything but respect and kindness" and immediately unfriended him on fb. 



That was awesome. Sorry you went through that, but I'm glad he showed his true colors early on, and I'm so so so glad that you responded in the way you did.

If he tries to come back around, don't give him an inch.

 

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#124 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 07:43 AM
 
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He's apologizing this morning. Super sweet, yadda yadda. Want to respond in a way that ends it but without pissing him off in case he is not right in the head. Any ideas? Was thinking of saying something about his warning not to fall in love with him and that I'm trying to protect myself from heartbreak later on...
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#125 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 08:42 AM
 
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I wouldn't lie about it. I don't think you really owe him much explanation. I'd just say something like, sorry, things aren't working out between us. Don't leave it open to debate. If you start talking about protecting yourself from heartbreak, that leaves an opening for him to promise that he won't break your heart, blah blah blah. I'd just say it's not working and you've decided to break it off. End of story.

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#126 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 08:43 AM
 
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He's apologizing this morning. Super sweet, yadda yadda. Want to respond in a way that ends it but without pissing him off in case he is not right in the head. Any ideas? Was thinking of saying something about his warning not to fall in love with him and that I'm trying to protect myself from heartbreak later on...

I'd say, "Thanks for the apology, but I am moving on now. Good Luck!" What a creep.
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#127 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 09:24 AM
 
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My new motto since leaving XH (our divorce was final yesterday- kinda weird since we still get along great as friends) is that if someone can't give me the minimum of respect, honesty and kindness I'm outta there.  My question though is under what circumstance do you give someone a 2nd chance?  Or do you ever give a 2nd chance?  (not that I'm thinking of it with this guy just asking in general)

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#128 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 10:14 AM
 
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I've given too many 2nd chances in my life time that have cost me far too much.  I don't give 2nd chances anymore.  It's not that hard to talk to someone respectfully.

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#129 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 10:48 AM
 
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I give 2nd chances. But not 3rd. (Or, I won't any more. I gave my last guy about 100 chances.) Text-guy has already had a 2nd chance after the "don't fall in love with me" comment.

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#130 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 10:49 AM
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Don't give him free therapy. Just tell him you're no longer interested. That's it. If he wants your analysis, he can send cash upfront.

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#131 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 11:03 AM
 
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Don't give him free therapy. Just tell him you're no longer interested. That's it. If he wants your analysis, he can send cash upfront.


lol.gif

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#132 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 12:03 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AttunedMama View Post

Don't give him free therapy. Just tell him you're no longer interested. That's it. If he wants your analysis, he can send cash upfront.




lol.gif



Thanks, it is kind of funny...But I am utterly serious.

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#133 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 12:43 PM
 
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I don't think you should give a guy a second chance for something he did that CLEARLY reflects his character and mindset. He's only apologizing to you to get into your pants. You nailed it in your reply about respect. Life with a guy like that would be constant turmoil.

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#134 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 02:11 PM
 
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this probably is not the case here, and/or maybe i am a huge jerk, but i would totally say that in a teasing way. if someone apologizes to me for something that's no big deal (like a simple misunderstanding) i would typically say/email/text, "you should be.  you're bad."  okay, probably followed by something like, a smilie face and "no big deal!"  but still . . . any remote possibility that he was being a dork?  or is that kind of teasing unkind and disrespectful no matter what?  in that case, i'm lucky to have any friends.

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#135 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 02:13 PM
 
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Thanks, it is kind of funny...But I am utterly serious.


Oh, yes. I totally agree with you. Excellent advice. Worth posting twice.


But funny too.

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#136 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 02:14 PM
 
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this probably is not the case here, and/or maybe i am a huge jerk, but i would totally say that in a teasing way. if someone apologizes to me for something that's no big deal (like a simple misunderstanding) i would typically say/email/text, "you should be.  you're bad."  okay, probably followed by something like, a smilie face and "no big deal!"  but still . . . any remote possibility that he was being a dork?  or is that kind of teasing unkind and disrespectful no matter what?  in that case, i'm lucky to have any friends.


This is a good point. Was he being sarcastic? In a funny way and we missed it?

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#137 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 02:28 PM
 
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I dunno...given what you've already said about this guy, he seems like the type to casually say unkind things and then be like, hey, I was only joking, can't you take a joke? Me personally, in my own life, I'm kind of over that.


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#138 of 142 Old 03-31-2011, 03:16 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by doubledutch View Post

this probably is not the case here, and/or maybe i am a huge jerk, but i would totally say that in a teasing way. if someone apologizes to me for something that's no big deal (like a simple misunderstanding) i would typically say/email/text, "you should be.  you're bad."  okay, probably followed by something like, a smilie face and "no big deal!"  but still . . . any remote possibility that he was being a dork?  or is that kind of teasing unkind and disrespectful no matter what?  in that case, i'm lucky to have any friends.



I thought of this and would have thought it was a joke if he followed with a smiley face or lol or other indication.  He does joke around a lot.  Or maybe he has foot-in-mouth disease lol!  Anyway I sent him a text today saying thank you for apologizing, told him that I'm torn as to how to proceed, that I like him and have fun with him but that comment and the don't fall in love warning have made me pause and think.  That I am hesitant to continue with him if his heart is that locked up.  That I have had my share of heartbreak and disappointment also and realize that is always a possibility when getting involved with someone but that I don't want to get into something with him if I know up front that is the only possible outcome.  I told him I would love to hear his thoughts and left it at that.  Curious to see if/ how he responds.

 

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#139 of 142 Old 04-01-2011, 07:16 AM
 
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I thought of this and would have thought it was a joke if he followed with a smiley face or lol or other indication.  He does joke around a lot.  Or maybe he has foot-in-mouth disease lol!  Anyway I sent him a text today saying thank you for apologizing, told him that I'm torn as to how to proceed, that I like him and have fun with him but that comment and the don't fall in love warning have made me pause and think.  That I am hesitant to continue with him if his heart is that locked up.  That I have had my share of heartbreak and disappointment also and realize that is always a possibility when getting involved with someone but that I don't want to get into something with him if I know up front that is the only possible outcome.  I told him I would love to hear his thoughts and left it at that.  Curious to see if/ how he responds.

 


 

Oh hon... I'm sorry... but this just reads as a HUGE invitation for him to play mind games.  He already seems the type... you just invited him and gave him keys to your vulnerable heart by telling him you have heart break and are torn on how to proceed... if he is the type many of us are thinking he is... he is going to totally use that and play into it to manipulate you.  :-( 

 

If you find yourself second guessing yourself and having any little flags pop up... there is REASON for it.  Giving him the power to comment on why you are torn over him... it is just asking for trouble, honestly.  *hugs* 
 

 

 

@ DD ~ If he did not tack on the "I have no tolerance for assumptions" and followed the first "you should be" with a smiley of some sort, then possibly, it could be seen as one of those tongue in cheek jokey things... but that line, "I have no tolerance for assumptions" just comes across as a total pompous UAV thing to say... I have heard my ex say crap like that.

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#140 of 142 Old 04-01-2011, 08:41 AM
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Oh hon... I'm sorry... but this just reads as a HUGE invitation for him to play mind games.  He already seems the type... you just invited him and gave him keys to your vulnerable heart by telling him you have heart break and are torn on how to proceed... if he is the type many of us are thinking he is... he is going to totally use that and play into it to manipulate you.  :-( 

 

If you find yourself second guessing yourself and having any little flags pop up... there is REASON for it.  Giving him the power to comment on why you are torn over him... it is just asking for trouble, honestly.  *hugs*


This. Phonenix~Mama said what I've been wanting to say since yesterday.

 

I did this over the last "relationship" I dealt with. He would do the most ridiculous behaviors- blatant garbage...standing me up, gaslighting, anything to get me on the hook, then was systematically unavailable for my reasonable requests for time/connection. I spent entirely too many of my precious hours responding to him, saying stuff like "You write to me with deep overtures, then disappear. Then I call you and you tell me that I disrespect your boundaries. It seems to me that you don't really love me but you enjoy keeping me on some sort of hook. Do you have any thoughts on this?"

 

 

dizzy.gif This is what engaging in that sort of exchange does to a good Mama. Don't go there. Like my ex-loser, this guy is in need of too much repair, whether he deliberately desires to hurt you or is an unaware PowerTrip Troll.

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#141 of 142 Old 04-04-2011, 07:41 AM
 
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I know it's April but I am just returning from a trip and catching up. I really enjoyed the last week's posts. 

 

MM: "Wow.  I have no tolerance for being treated with anything but respect and kindness"   THIS is such a powerful statement.  May we all have this policy and may it be adhered to absolutely! 

 

Also you all are so funny.  You make me smile!!

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#142 of 142 Old 04-04-2011, 04:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moochie Mamma View Post

My new motto since leaving XH (our divorce was final yesterday- kinda weird since we still get along great as friends) is that if someone can't give me the minimum of respect, honesty and kindness I'm outta there.  My question though is under what circumstance do you give someone a 2nd chance?  Or do you ever give a 2nd chance?  (not that I'm thinking of it with this guy just asking in general)



This happened to me. I gave the guy the analogy of Monopoly and the get out of jail free card. There is only one in the deck. Once you have used it that is it. If the guy screws up twice early on - especially if it's the same issue - move on. I understand misunderstandings can happen but if you've already set the expectation the first screw up, then don't tolerate more.

 

Personally I would have trouble trusting a guy that acted like that. I think he is showing hints of his true colors.

 

 

 

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