Any other single parents to special needs children here? - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-08-2011, 12:08 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am the mother of a 4 year old ds with mild ASD and a 7 year old dd with scoliosis. Just trying to see if any other parents here are going through the stresses of raising special needs children alone? Sometimes the pressure gets so hard that I wonder if anyone else knows what I am going through or understands what it's like to be me. The only way I think anyone else could possibly understand is if they were in my shoes. Even my children's father who only has them every other weekend does not understand, he is living with his parents and has their help when the children are with him. I have no one here to help me. I am dating a wonderful man who wants to help, but he lives 30 miles away (gas prices are not helping the situation) and we are both in school, plus he works two jobs. He tries so hard to relate and offer advice, but I still don't think he will fully understand until he has to experience it the way I have. We are slowly planning a future together, but there is still always that possibility that things won't work out (I try to be optimistic but with all my responsibilities I have to keep a realist point of view as well) so I try not to put all my hopes in the future I am just thankful for his companionship and willingness to help when he can. For now I am just trying to survive and make it without even having the resources to find a job other than occasionally babysitting or sewing for friends. My son is only in school 12 hours a week and there are no after school services for free in this area so that I can find a job outside of home to hire me for the hours I am available. I have tried putting myself out there advertising my babysitting services but have not found work that way, and I want so badly to use my seamstress skills to make money and feed my creative side but I have no time in my schedule to even begin without sacrificing time for school and children and domestic responsibilities. My ex does not make enough money to pay more than $600 a month in child support so my parents are helping out and that makes me feel even worse. If I went to live with them it would save money, but they live 300 miles away and my children would not get time with their father and would have to leave their schools and friends... I am taking online courses to get my associates in Psychology for now. By the time my son is in school full time I will have my degree and will be ready to get a full time job, but until then I am literally in survival mode and just trying to make it from day to day without losing my head... 

 

So, if anyone else can relate please let me know I'm not alone! 

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Old 03-08-2011, 02:07 PM
 
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Me.  I'm having too bad of a time right now to post much, but I'm here, in the boat, with you!  <3

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Old 03-08-2011, 02:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Sorry you are having a tough time right now. I'm sure whatever it is I can probably relate! Thank you for taking the time to respond. I was beginning to feel like maybe I really am alone... I'm thinking about you and sending you vibes for strength and courage right now! hug2.gif

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Old 03-08-2011, 02:32 PM
 
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im here with you. i have a 4 year old with autism and everything that comes along with it, and a 6 year old whos pretty high needs. their father lives on the other side of the country.

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Old 03-10-2011, 07:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Well I am happy to share experiences and advice with you ladies. I have single friends, and I have friends with special needs children. Only one of those has both like me, and her son has ADHD. We are lucky, he is a month younger than my dd and they get along wonderfully! They say they are going to be married some day because they are best friends. I'm glad that my dd has a friend to talk to who is going through the same thing. My ex and I even split at the same time as my friend and her ex so we really are going through this together, but her ex actually takes her son every other week for the whole week. I wish my ex could take our children more than every other weekend. He doesn't even do extended holiday visitations. I'm starting to feel like I need more time to myself so that I can appreciate my children more. With all of their needs it is so hard to find time to myself and gain my sanity back some days.

 

What is the worst time of the day for you all? For me it is the morning. I have never been a morning person, so that does not help. My son is at a point where he can dress himself, but he does not always want to do it before his ride comes to pick him up. He will then have to rush through his breakfast and then if I have to send him off to school without completing his morning routine then he usually has a bad day school. I sometimes wake up with the anxiety that I'm going to have to push him to get it all done in time. I could just do it all for him, but then what is the lesson in that? He is capable of doing it and I do not want to make him think I will be doing it all for him forever... Any suggestions? Share your worst times too, perhaps we can help each other come up with solutions to help keep calm and cope with the stress while showing our children how to stay calm and cope as well? 

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Old 03-16-2011, 11:12 AM
 
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I'm here.

DD is 2 and currently has no "official" diagnosis, but we are utilizing EI services for global delays. We just had an eval with a developmental pediatrician last week and it is looking like we're probably dealing with autism.
Ex is in the picture - he loves her to death and has her once a week but I spearhead the effort of getting DD services and specialist appointments, EI playgroups, etc. I take her everywhere, do everything, and it's exhausting. He participates as much as he knows how but he's got his new life to live and can't be bothered to call me back or respond to my texts when I'm trying to share information with him.

I live with family because her therapy schedule pretty much eliminates the possibility of me having a "real" job with "real" hours. I do work 2 days a week for a local farm, representing them at farmer's markets. Not nearly enough to survive, but I am surrounded by a network of wonderful people who know just how hard we're working and pitch in when they can.

I've been dating someone for over a year now and have a lot of inner conflict about the relationship. In some ways it makes my life easier, but in others it makes things harder. I have this tendency to push everyone away when I experience things that are difficult so I'm not really sure where things are going or if I want them to continue going anywhere.

: single mom extraordinaire, keeper of eew since 02/09
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