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#1 of 10 Old 03-09-2011, 02:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My husband and I are newly separated (again) and working out this new lifestyle. He moved in with his parents 1.5 hours away, so our agreement is that he is to have the kids every other weekend. He has stated that he likes it better down there so he is looking for a job and a place in that area instead of trying to get himself settled closer to the kids.

 

So, sports are really important to my son and he was signed up for baseball (as he does every year) before we separated. We just got the practice schedule and they have practices on sundays from 1-3. (in addition to two days during the week). He normally drops the kids off at 4 on Sunday anyway, so getting him to practice just requires him to come to the area a few hours earlier and take the kids to the ball park.

 

He is saying that is too much to ask and he won't be taking him to practice. We don't have any legal agreements yet, but I am wondering what the legal expectations are in a situation like that. Would it be expected of him to facilitate activities like that or is he right in saying that he shouldn't have to be involved and he can do what he wants on his weekends?

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#2 of 10 Old 03-09-2011, 02:22 PM
 
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Well a couple questions come to my mind.  How old is your DS?  Is he old enough to 'voice his opinion' to either the judge, attorney, guadrien ad lideum, or his dad?   Also are the practices mandatory?  Just saying in my house (and im a single mom) sundays are family time and no classes, clubs, practices etc are scheduled on sunday.  So if ds was into sports (and hes not) and the team was practiing on sunday DS wouldnt be there anyway.  My son is 10 and fully understands this.

 

This may be something you want to write into the custody agreement.  "who ever has the children is responsible for getting them to scheduled activites"   Keep in mind if STBX signs the kids up for swim team in his town you could be required to drive them to his town for practice as well.(just an example)  So this is one of those battles you need to think about.


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#3 of 10 Old 03-09-2011, 02:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My son is 8 and baseball is very important. When i told him that he would miss practices on his dad's weekend, he said he didn't want to go visit him anymore. We haven't met the coach yet.. I doubt practices are mandatory, but it is an expectation that they try to come to as many as possible and since the alternative is sitting around and watching TV, I think he should be there. I could understand if they were on a Sat and would require an extra 3 hours of driving, but as it turns out, they are on Sunday when he is coming up here anyway.

 

 

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#4 of 10 Old 03-09-2011, 05:41 PM
 
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Well from dads point of view he is missing 3 hrs of 'his' time.  Just playing devils advocate here, maybe dad has plans in his town for Sunday?  Maybe dad just wants to hang out at his house on Sunday ya know?  This could be one of those things were dad makes decisions on his time and you decide what happens on your time. EOW isnt that big of a deal, missing 1 practice every 2 weeks-if i understand correctly.


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#5 of 10 Old 03-09-2011, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How is he missing 3 hours of his time? He will still be with the kids the same amount of time, just at the ball field. He really doesn't do anything with them but sit around his parents house and watch tv, so I don't think this is interfering with any plans that he has. One of the reasons we are divorcing is because he is completely lax in doing anything with the kids (even though he was supposed to be a stay at home dad). If we were still living together, he would not get him to practice, so it's just more of the same... The only reason I care is because my son is upset about it... and I don't feel like the kids should have to miss out on activities that they like to do (and are used to doing) because of this situation...

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#6 of 10 Old 03-09-2011, 07:24 PM
 
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I disagree with this. Part of parenting is doing stuff with and for your kids for their benefit, not yours. He should suck it up and bring his son to practices; the OP would have to do so were practices on her time.
 

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Originally Posted by zebra15 View Post

Well from dads point of view he is missing 3 hrs of 'his' time.  Just playing devils advocate here, maybe dad has plans in his town for Sunday?  Maybe dad just wants to hang out at his house on Sunday ya know?  This could be one of those things were dad makes decisions on his time and you decide what happens on your time. EOW isnt that big of a deal, missing 1 practice every 2 weeks-if i understand correctly.



 

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#7 of 10 Old 03-10-2011, 03:20 PM
 
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I am on the other side of this.  My xh wants to sign the kids up for sports but it just doesn't fit into what little family time we have now (thanks to custody agreements).  No we are not doing anything great and exciting but it is family time.   I am not giving up any of my family time so one child can participate in a time sucking team sport while the rest of us sit around not doing anything.  But it goes both ways.  He keeps them from church, even holy days, and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.  Well  I could take him to court but that opens up a can of worms and likely will not be successful.  My children are older and I was told their opinions absolutely do not matter to a judge.  Maybe the oldest (14) but certainly not the younger ones.  It sucks but that is the reality of divorce.

 

So he is not obligated to take him to sports practice.  Sports and how they fit into your lives is now something you and him will have to agree on.  You can try to get it written into the custody agreement but I wouldn't count on it.


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#8 of 10 Old 03-11-2011, 12:19 PM
 
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He isn't with his son when he's at practice, he's on the sidelines.  even if it is similar to what he'd be doing at home it is still his time with them.

 

If Sunday was the ONLY practice time I'd fight him on it, but every other week missing 1 out of 3 practices I would let it go.  

 

As a pp mentioned if he signed the kids up for something in his town that was during YOUR time would you be willing to give up your time for them to take them?

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#9 of 10 Old 03-11-2011, 12:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I understand to point of view of the posters defending his side. However, this is something that is very important to my son and something that he has always been able to do. I could care less about it personally, it's just because my son cares that I do. My whole goal in this deal is to disrupt their lives as little as possible.

 

As to the question about him signing them up for things on my time -- bottom line yes, I would take them to those activities if I could and they wanted to go. But there are a few points about it that I want to make anyway. #1 they don't live in his town, so why would that be the appropriate place for them to do activities unless they took place while they were down there (and remember, he is making the conscious choice to stay far away instead of establishing himself close to where his kids live). Also, I am not asking him to make a special trip to go to these practices. If they took place on a Saturday where he wasn't driving up here anyway, I would totally not expect it to happen. But the fact is, it is Sunday afternoon when he will be driving up here anyway so it is not out of his way.

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#10 of 10 Old 03-11-2011, 05:03 PM
 
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Try to get it into the custody order. I can't see a judge looking kindly on a father not helping his son get to the practices that started BEFORE the father moved away. Since it's so important to your son, if his dad really cared in the slightest about connecting with him, he'd talk to the coach and see about getting involved in the practices. Y'know if sitting on a bleacher watching his kid do the kid's favorite activity is so much less connecting than sitting on a couch watching TV.

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