I just saw a video of my ex's new girlfriend... - Mothering Forums

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Old 03-21-2011, 02:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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...carrying my son in her Ergo on a nature hike. And curled up reading a story to him and her kids. And generally being really sweet to my little boy. And to top it all off, I read her natural parenting articles online. And she's a homebirther and breastfeeding counselor.

There are a lot of things I can say about my ex, but I gotta give him credit, he has good taste in women.

Now to pray that he stays in AA and they don't break up...


Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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Old 03-21-2011, 02:57 PM
 
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...carrying my son in her Ergo on a nature hike. And curled up reading a story to him and her kids. And generally being really sweet to my little boy. And to top it all off, I read her natural parenting articles online. And she's a homebirther and breastfeeding counselor.

There are a lot of things I can say about my ex, but I gotta give him credit, he has good taste in women.

Now to pray that he stays in AA and they don't break up...


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you are amazing!  that could be tough for a lot of mamas to see, but i love that you are seeing it from your little man's perspective.  (not that i'd fault you for feeling a twinge of sadness.)  how lucky for him that she's so cool!

 

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Old 03-21-2011, 03:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Nah, I'm totally stoked. We've been split up for more than two years, I have a wonderful new boyfriend, and I've been hoping my ex would find a good woman. Despite the bad stuff that went down, he's not a bad human being at his core and he does a lot better when he has someone keeping him on track. I feel 100 percent comfortable letting DS go to his dad when she's doing the supervising.

I'm not a jealous mama. DS and I have a ton of wonderful people in our community and I love seeing him building healthy relationships with good people. He's social and thrives on it. Plus this woman has five kids of her own that she homeschools -- I don't think she's going to try to step into my role and poach my son's love, lol, and if she does, she's got a heck of a lot more energy than I do. She just seems like someone who genuinely cares about kids and has the same kinds of philosophies that I do when it comes to parenting. (In fact, now I'm wondering if she's not on MDC...) Anyway, it's a huge relief, really. 

I've been in a semi-stepmom role with a previous boyfriend and his son and I truly cared about that little boy and did the best by him that I could.That little boy's mom and I worked really well together and had a good relationship. I know she was glad that I was in the picture, because of issues with her ex. So I kind of get what it's like on the other side.


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Old 03-21-2011, 07:24 PM
 
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That is so great. I think that is the best any of us could probably hope for. Your DS gets to be around his dad, you get a break, and your son is with somebody responsible and nurturing. Awesome. I would totally offer to watch all the kids so they can have date nights and hope they get married.


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Old 03-21-2011, 09:16 PM
 
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i do wish my ex's gf had a kid - i feel like it would help her understand a lot. but while i'm not this lucky i am very lucky because she loves my son so very much and he loves her and she is fun and creative with him. 


  

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Old 03-21-2011, 10:28 PM
 
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I know a local family that's got a similar level of awesome going.

 

It's tough when relationships don't work out, but it's got to be so much easier when everyone involved is a kick-ass parent that you'd let babysit your kid in a heartbeat.

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Old 03-21-2011, 10:39 PM
 
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aww mamajen isnt it wonderful. 

 

ex is no longer dating his exgf but they are still great friends. TG because dd can continue being in touch with her.

 

she takes such good care of my dd. whenever she travels (seh does a lot) she gets dd something. she cooks dd's favourite food (sushi), takes her to plays that we cant afford, pays her to help her when she broke her arm (like raking the leaves in teh backyard). she is not the maternal kind but she genuinely cares for dd and makes dd feel loved and wanted. 


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Old 03-22-2011, 02:18 PM
 
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Ah, thank you for that Mamajen.

I too am grateful that my ex chose well. She's young, doesn't have kids, but she's getting her MS in social work and really, genuinely cares about DD's well being. Hell, when we have specialist appointments, she gets in touch with me about how it went before ex does!

I still struggle with some things surrounding our relationship and it's not always an easy road, but in the end, like you, I'm surrounded by a fabulous community full of love, and my DD is not lacking for anything at all!

Yay for not being bitter!!

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Old 03-23-2011, 01:04 AM
 
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I adore this and hope to get to this point.  It is hard to trust her when I am not allowed to meet her or know where my son is at when he is with her.  I have a feeling that this is more my Ex than her, so I am just trying to see myself getting to where you are at.  Thanks for giving me some hope.

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Old 03-23-2011, 05:59 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by *MamaJen* View Post

...carrying my son in her Ergo on a nature hike. And curled up reading a story to him and her kids. And generally being really sweet to my little boy. And to top it all off, I read her natural parenting articles online. And she's a homebirther and breastfeeding counselor.



Wow, this sounds like a really nice dream!  I am glad it's your reality.  I never thought about this possibility and it gives me hope.


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Old 03-23-2011, 06:18 AM
 
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that's really wonderful that you can be happy that your little one and your ex have someone so wonderful in their lives.  it would be hard for me to really like another woman being in my kids' lives and being witih my ex even though it's been a while since we've been apart.  that's really commendable of you.


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Old 03-25-2011, 02:22 AM
 
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that's so awesome! I have the opposite situation here...I am the girlfriend who carries my boyfriends daughter around and snuggles up to her on the couch reading stories at night with my kids, too :) 


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Old 03-25-2011, 12:38 PM
 
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I don't belong in this forum, but occasionally come here for certain threads.


This one caught my eye, and I actually started to cry when I read your first post. I so, so, so wish my ex would find an SO like this (well, in broad outlines - he came out of a closet a few years ago, so he's not going to get together with a homebirther, for instance). It's too late to matter for ds1, as he's 18, but it would be good to see him with some stability. But...he's a long way from getting his life together that much. *sigh*


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Old 03-26-2011, 01:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, I got to meet her, and she's absolutely a lovely person. She and ex were picking up DS to go camping with DS's godfather and his fiance who are in town for the weekend. Her mom is watching her kids, but she decided to bring along her three year old so DS would have a play buddy, which I thought was really nice. We hung out and chatted for 20 minutes or so and it was very comfortable and non-weird. I made sure to throw in a casual reference to my BF.

She and ex were actually high school sweethearts until her family moved to another state, so it's really sort of sweet that they're back together almost 20 years later. 

Please all join me in a fervent prayer that 1.) she will marry my ex, because this is really the best possible scenario that I could imagine and 2.) all of you wind up with equally awesome gf/stepmom figures in your kid's life.

Now I'm off to get some stuff done and get ready for a night out with my boyfriend that doesn't involve paying a babysitter and coming home by 11. :)

 

ETA: Oh, and I forgot to mention the most important thing...DS was obviously happy to see her and comfortable around her. He was interacting with her in kind of the same way that he does with my boyfriend.


Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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Old 04-05-2011, 08:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Please all join me in a fervent prayer that 1.) she will marry my ex, because this is really the best possible scenario that I could imagine



 

Wow, those MDC prayers are powerful stuff. She's pregnant, and they're getting married next Saturday. It's fast for sure, but she really is a lovely person and I'm truly glad she's going to be DS's stepmother, and the mother of his baby brother or sister. We had a nice long chat today and I feel good about things. She and ex both seem really happy about the way things have turned out.


Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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