how to protect children from their abusive father during visitation - Page 2 - Mothering Forums
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#31 of 37 Old 10-16-2013, 07:24 AM
 
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I am terrified I am facing the same future with my children. Sending them to visitation with their abusive father. They do no want to go, they have done the interviews and told the truth,
it seems like no one listens to them but me. What can we do? there must be something....

I am so sorry you are going through this; it must be terrifying. greensad.gif I sincerely hope you can get someone to listen to your children and take them seriously, and that they can get the help and protection they need. hug.gif

Michelle, wife to DH, and momma to DD16, DS15, DS12, DS10, DD9, DD7, DS5, and baby girl born Christmas Eve 2013!
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#32 of 37 Old 10-17-2013, 05:06 AM
 
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They have done forensic interviews, gone to therapy, told the truth; and the guardian ad litem dosent believe them.

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#33 of 37 Old 10-17-2013, 08:22 AM
 
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They have done forensic interviews, gone to therapy, told the truth; and the guardian ad litem dosent believe them.

That's awful! Is it possible to get a different guardian?

Michelle, wife to DH, and momma to DD16, DS15, DS12, DS10, DD9, DD7, DS5, and baby girl born Christmas Eve 2013!
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#34 of 37 Old 10-17-2013, 05:24 PM
 
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It is possible. However, this person has been assigned to my case, by my judge. So, to go to him and ask for someone else is like questioning his judgement. Not a good idea.

My attny says to just stay patient and follow her instructions; however, how do you do that when you are threatened with the fact that your kids my have to go back.

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#35 of 37 Old 12-25-2013, 01:21 PM
 
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Hi, I read your comment on the this thread, and I know it has been some time since you posted this, but I am in the same situation. My husband abused both myself and my son. He mostly abused my son as he knew this to be the best way to hurt me. Being a mother is my whole world. He would put my son in a cold shower with his clothes on and hold him in there as discipline and slap,hit, jerk, shove, our son until I would intervene. He wouldn't hit me as much. mainly just the psychological games, manipulation, veiled threats with weapons, wouldn't let me leave a room, etc. My question for you is that I parent a lot of the same way you have described. I speak to my son the same way you have written explanations in your post. I believe in being honest, helping them understand and validating their feelings. My son is 8 and we have a 4 month old baby. I left the marriage when I was 9 months pregnant. We have a TPO, ex-parte, but in response to receiving it he filed for divorce. (which I was having an attorney draw up papers, but I had to go ahead and get the TPO for safety concerns). Anyway, my husband now has supervised visitation. He is now allowing his mother to take full control of this situation.....and his mother is a MAJOR control freak. She is very sneaky and mean and will hurt anyone, just like my husband, in order to feel that power and control. Anyone including my children. They have violated every portion of the TPO without coming in direct contact with me. My son called me while at visitation crying and as we were talking he began screaming "No, No, No" and then the phone hung up. I don't know what to do? What do you tell the child in this situation. he has always relied on me to intervene and "save" him and now I can't. I feel SO helpless. I know he sits over there wondering why I am not helping. This is the HARDEST thing I have ever had to do, but worst of all, I could Not imagine being a child looking at my parent and grandparents doing things. He hates it. He hates how they treat him. He hates going over there. How in the world do I help my child? These people are ruthless. they will go to ANY extreme to get away with their evil acts. I am scared.

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#36 of 37 Old 12-25-2013, 03:00 PM
 
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Hi. You need to bring your son to a good child psychologist for evaluations and -- this is key -- regular visits. The psychologist must know you and your son well -- you need ongoing 3rd-party expert corroboration of what you're seeing.

 

Beyond that, you'll have trouble. Talk to your lawyer about (a) getting the TPO enforced in spirit as well as in letter; (b) realistic chances for you to move a substantial distance away, if you'll have support there. It's very sad but sometimes the only way to minimize risk is to leave. He will no doubt continue to try making your life hell, and his mom will join in, but with luck something else will distract them. The biggest help is that your son gets less vulnerable with every passing day.

If your lawyer is not strong on protecting women and children from DV, btw, you need to find another lawyer.

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#37 of 37 Old 02-08-2014, 09:54 AM
 
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Im so sorry you are going thru the same thing as we are. I have no good answers; except educate yourself, document everything, get the kids into trauma counceling, contact DFCS anytime

you may think your kids are being harmed or abused. You have to remember you are their safe place, their strength, you bring life into them, as he tries to bring the darkness. They will be stronger and will love you so much for being there to protect them. As a strong mother, you become a better mother. This article is wonderful and has helped me so much. I read it over and over.

I will pray for you and your kids. I am still in the middle of mine as well. Just waiting for the call that says that I have to take my kids to him. I just pray.

http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/verbalabuseinrelationships/2012/12/coparenting-with-an-abuser/

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