conisdering single parnethood - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 04-24-2011, 04:16 PM - Thread Starter
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Hi all,


my dh and I were signed up to start IVF this year when we found out that he's teminaly ill.  I'm 30 and really don't wish to contemplate trying to find a new relationship after his death.


so our options now are:


go ahead with the IVF and parent with and then without dh,


wait till after and then try to cnocive with feitlity treamtments alone.


wait untill after and then adopt.


I have to admit that I have always though children did better with two parents but now I'm wodnering how true this is.  I have an incredible support network.


I hope I don't seem callous thinking about all this but obvioulsy we need to make a dession on the IVF and it helps me to visualise my future options so I'm not mouring the loss of chance to parents as well as my dh.


I guess I'm just wondering if some of you could talk to me about single parenthood as it's something I've never contmplated.





Missing my dh everyday candle.gif and hoping there is a brighter future for me out there

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#2 of 5 Old 04-25-2011, 06:45 AM
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Oh mama, how awful.  I truly wish you and your dh all the strength in the world in dealing with this.  Is there a chance of recovery?  If not, how long does he expect to live?


These are things I would consider before making any decisions on having a child.  It seems like right now your dh needs a lot of help and care and bringing a baby into the mix at this moment might be very difficult.  This is just my opinion, but I would wait to do the IVF treatments myself.  It's less complicated and less emotionally brutal, IMO.


But to answer your question, I don't believe a child needs two parents.  A child needs a stable, loving home, ideally with a whole bunch of grown-ups to love and take care of him or her.  So, if you have a supportive family and friend network, I don't see any problem.  Sure, it's a harder road than being happily partnered, but that's life.



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#3 of 5 Old 04-25-2011, 10:38 AM - Thread Starter
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thanks there really isn't any hope of recovery as far as we can c and we don't know how long he's got.  may know more later in the week.

Missing my dh everyday candle.gif and hoping there is a brighter future for me out there

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#4 of 5 Old 04-26-2011, 05:37 AM
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I'm so sorry to hear about your dh.


Trying to put myself in your shoes, I would think that having him be a part of some of it, the planning, or the early pregnancy, might be something that would bring you both joy.



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#5 of 5 Old 04-26-2011, 06:33 AM
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Im so sorry that is terrible : (  I don't think a child needs 2 parents especially with a great support system you have. Although I think I would talk to your DH and see how he feels but I think it would be easier to start treatments after his passing so you can devote all your time to him and his care. But on the other hand a baby during that time will bring joy. He may want to be there for as much of the pregnancy and baby time that he can. Such a tough place to be. Praying for guidance for you and your husband.

~Katie~ married to J, mom to DD- A 13 yrs ,DS- L 7yrs , and my little nursling DD2- R 5yrs.


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