conisdering single parnethood - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 04-24-2011, 04:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi all,

 

my dh and I were signed up to start IVF this year when we found out that he's teminaly ill.  I'm 30 and really don't wish to contemplate trying to find a new relationship after his death.

 

so our options now are:

 

go ahead with the IVF and parent with and then without dh,

 

wait till after and then try to cnocive with feitlity treamtments alone.

 

wait untill after and then adopt.

 

I have to admit that I have always though children did better with two parents but now I'm wodnering how true this is.  I have an incredible support network.

 

I hope I don't seem callous thinking about all this but obvioulsy we need to make a dession on the IVF and it helps me to visualise my future options so I'm not mouring the loss of chance to parents as well as my dh.

 

I guess I'm just wondering if some of you could talk to me about single parenthood as it's something I've never contmplated.

 

thanks

 

silverbird


Missing my dh everyday candle.gif and hoping there is a brighter future for me out there

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#2 of 5 Old 04-25-2011, 06:45 AM
 
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Oh mama, how awful.  I truly wish you and your dh all the strength in the world in dealing with this.  Is there a chance of recovery?  If not, how long does he expect to live?

 

These are things I would consider before making any decisions on having a child.  It seems like right now your dh needs a lot of help and care and bringing a baby into the mix at this moment might be very difficult.  This is just my opinion, but I would wait to do the IVF treatments myself.  It's less complicated and less emotionally brutal, IMO.

 

But to answer your question, I don't believe a child needs two parents.  A child needs a stable, loving home, ideally with a whole bunch of grown-ups to love and take care of him or her.  So, if you have a supportive family and friend network, I don't see any problem.  Sure, it's a harder road than being happily partnered, but that's life.

 

 

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#3 of 5 Old 04-25-2011, 10:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks there really isn't any hope of recovery as far as we can c and we don't know how long he's got.  may know more later in the week.


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#4 of 5 Old 04-26-2011, 05:37 AM
 
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I'm so sorry to hear about your dh.

 

Trying to put myself in your shoes, I would think that having him be a part of some of it, the planning, or the early pregnancy, might be something that would bring you both joy.

 

 

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#5 of 5 Old 04-26-2011, 06:33 AM
 
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Im so sorry that is terrible : (  I don't think a child needs 2 parents especially with a great support system you have. Although I think I would talk to your DH and see how he feels but I think it would be easier to start treatments after his passing so you can devote all your time to him and his care. But on the other hand a baby during that time will bring joy. He may want to be there for as much of the pregnancy and baby time that he can. Such a tough place to be. Praying for guidance for you and your husband.


~Katie~ married to J, mom to DD- A 13 yrs ,DS- L 7yrs , and my little nursling DD2- R 5yrs.

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