Update on court for those not in the private forum.. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 08:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I had court over the last few days and I finally got my final orders. My ex was given the kids for the weekend with the condition he let me speak to them daily. Then our hearing was placed for that Monday. I gave the kids their own cell phone which was promptly shut off when I dropped them off. I didn't hear from them again. When it came time for the hearing at 1:30 on Monday and my ex hadn't shown I was hysterical. 20 minutes into the hearing my lawyer told the judge we were extremely concerned for the children's well being and that I hadn't heard from them once. The judge immediately ordered my ex's rights terminated and that the kids be returned to me immediatly. We were waiting for the judge to sign an order so we could go file kidnapping charges and then my ex strolled in. At this point I was bawling and screaming that my kids were kidnapped and where were they. I was telling the judge that he gave my ex the weekend to run off with them and they could be anywhere. My ex walks in and says sorry the kids are all vomiting non stop and I couldn't find anyone to watch them. The judge put the orders on hold and we began the testimony. My ex refused to give an address of where the kids were located. He literally stated they were in some cabin at some state park. He refused to give the last names of the people watching them. The judge kept repeating he was very worried about the children's well being. Then my ex saw that his ex girlfriend and the mother of his other child was present. She had flown up for my hearing. That freaked him out. She went on the stand and when my lawyer started questioning her about the abuse he had done to her she lost it and was crying uncontrollably. My ex asked her the most ridiculous questions. Like isn't it true you have a thryoid condition that makes you paranoid and lie uncontrollably? Seriously. My ex kept pointing to me and his ex throughout the hearing saying we were liars, there was no abuse, and we were just gaining up on him. He also said all of the police reports filed on the domestic violence against her and I were all falsified and he was the true victim. After 4 hours of testimony the judge demanded the children be returned to me immediatly because he was very worried for their well being. He told my ex to take them to the local police station right away. The judge then sent in 2 extra balifs to protect me and his ex. My ex stormed out ranting and raving and calling us shameless. I drove to the police station immedialty and requested a police presence. After 2 hours of waiting the police started calling him. He told the police he never realized he was supposed to return the children, he provided them with a fake address, and the police told him he had 20 minutes to show or they were coming for him. He immediatly showed up. The kids were exhausted and starving. They told me their dad refused to feed them because starvation was the only way to get over the flu. The next day I had to return for the next hearing. Now my lawyer got to question my ex. My ex really lost it during his testimony, He got really angry and started yelling out that this was a witch hunt. The reason why he says the kids phone was shut off was because their phone was stolen out of the car. He said his friend borrowed the car and that during that time my kids phone and his friends phone was stolen. Now keep in mind that I recently filed a violation of restraining order charges against my ex due to the high volume of threatening/harrassing text messages and they were all on the kids phone. During him questioning me on the stand he had asked if I had taken pictures of the text messages and I said no they were all forwarded to the D.A. He said well then your case won't stand because you could have edited them. So that phone was "stolen". Then the kids inform me that his friends phone was returned. Some man named "bud" bought it from someone and returned it. But my kids phone was nowhere to be found. So in court my lawyer is quesitoning my ex. Why didn't the kids have the phone? Why did his friend have the car? Why was his phone mysteriously returned within hours? Why didn't my ex call me from his own phone?  It was clear the theft was staged by my ex. My ex was so angry and just rambling on and on about how he was the victim of abuse not his ex's and he just loved his kids so much. My lawyer was like well then why have you never paid support in 4 years? My ex actually told the court that his only income came from his marijuana grow operation and his homes which were used as sober living facilities which were full of drug convicts. I'm not kidding.

 

In the end the judge ordered that my original court order from 2007 be reinstated. He can have the 1st weekend of the month, 6 hours each day, professionally supervised at a supervised center and he pay all the costs. He must enter into the 52 weeks batterer's program that was ordered in 2007 but that he never did by June 9th and provide proof or all of his visitation rights will be terminated.

 

Finally. This is proof to keep fighting for whatever you believe in. I never gave up in my fight for the courts to see how dangerous and crazy my ex is. My lawyer kept saying that we had to wait for him mess up. And he did. Unfortunatley my kids had to go through a horrible weekend with him and I had to suffer through thinking my kids were kidnapped but in the end my ex did show how dangerous he was and that he should not have children unsupervised. It took me 4 long years in court. Now my kids will be safe from his madness. Thanks to you all for the continued support.

 

 

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#2 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 08:22 AM
 
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oh Avani. THANK YOU for posting that detailed update. I'm SO relieved that the courts finally saw this his b.s. and granted you supervised visitation. Thank you god!

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#3 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 09:16 AM
 
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I'm so glad to read your update. You are an amazing mama to fight so hard to protect your children.


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#4 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 09:24 AM
 
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FANTASTIC news! Im so sorry you and your kids had to go through hell and back again.  Thank you so much for updating us.

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#5 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 09:59 AM
 
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That is such a relief!  I am so happy for you!

 


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#6 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 10:04 AM
 
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I am just so incredibly thrilled for you. You out lasted insane judge and insane exes luck and now you get to cuddle those kids and feel safe. Congratulations.
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#7 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 10:32 AM
 
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Oh wow, Avani! What a horrible weekend for you and the kids but I AM SO GLAD that your ex messed up so horribly in from of the court and the judge. They finally are seeing him for who he is, and thank God for that. I am so happy for you and your kids that you got what you needed from the court after all of this time.
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#8 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 11:20 AM
 
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Thank you so much for posting the update!

 

That sounds sooo very scary. Thank goodness you and the kids are okay.

 

Honestly, while it sounds like your ex's behavior made things more scary, it was good that he wasn't able to fake being a rational man.

 

SUPERVISED VISITS ONLY!!!!  (And he has to PAY for them, so they probably won't even happen.)  YOU WON!!!!!!

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#9 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 12:12 PM
 
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#10 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 02:34 PM
 
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Thank you for the update!!! I'm so glad to see this ending for you & your kiddos and thank goodness everyone is now safe!


treehugger.gifAnd you who seek to know Me, know that the seeking and yearning will avail you not, unless you know the Mystery: for if that which you seek, you find not within yourself, you will never find it without.treehugger.gif

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#11 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 03:03 PM
 
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You are an inspiration to me, Avani. You went through 4 years of this?! I am so relieved the court finally saw his true colors, and your children will be safe! Thank you for sharing your story.

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#12 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 04:28 PM
 
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Ok, so since it is so obvious that he staged the phone theft, the evidence you DO have of the text's WILL be admitted into evidence.  (evidence rules state that if someone destroy's evidence that would be used against them whatever is had of them can come in anyway - so the forwarding of the text's to the DA should work just fine.) So, he's SOL there.

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#13 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 04:39 PM
 
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I am so sorry that you had to go through this.  But am happy for you that you don't anymore.  You are one strong person.

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#14 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 04:56 PM
 
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I've been following your story intermittently for a long time now. I'm so, so, so thrilled to see that this is over, and you have your kids home and safe. *whew*

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#15 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 05:59 PM
 
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This is great news, I'm so happy for you and your kids!


~Teresa, raising DS (Jan. 02) and DD1 (Jun. 04) and DD2 (Dec. 11) with DH.

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#16 of 42 Old 04-28-2011, 06:06 PM
 
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I'm so happy for you, the insanity you've had to deal with was just, well, insane.  Congrats!

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#17 of 42 Old 04-29-2011, 06:58 AM
 
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Thanks for posting the update!  I am so happy that things finally worked out and that your children are safe.  Hopefully he will stay out of your (and their) lives forever now.


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#18 of 42 Old 04-29-2011, 01:12 PM
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Sweet mama. Now that it's over, watch yourself for signs of major post-stress let-down. Please take care of you.

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#19 of 42 Old 04-29-2011, 01:56 PM
 
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So glad to hear that your former order was reinstated and that your children weren't harmed. What a long, hard road!


K. Michelle ~ Single, working (and still homeschooling) Mama to dd (S) 8/02 and ds (A) 9/07
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#20 of 42 Old 04-29-2011, 02:48 PM
 
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Your strength and stamina is admirable and inspirational.  I was following your story and have been worrying for you too.  You won, and also your kids won b'c now they won't have any additional memories of weird and uncomfortable and scary weekends.  That's so great!  

 

Not to be Deb Downer, but truthfully they may eventually go thru feelings of being upset b'c they don't have their dad, but as a kid who was there and has terrible memories including dad disappearing and my sis and I sleeping on the mosquito-filled porch for several days, or going without food for 3 days in a row b'c dad disappeared, or having to be around a house of drunk people for the whole weekend, etc etc etc.  I'm so happy that you put a stop to all of what could have been such sad parts for them.  When the time comes, and they ask why you stopped their dad from being abl;e to see them... which, even in supervised visits, he'll surely fill their heads with how terrible you are for not letting them see him... I wish you strength to find the way to communicate to your kids that you did it for the love of them only.  That will be tough.  I'd love to join in and say "yay, it's finally over!" But you probably already know that it's far from over.  So I wish you strength in what is to come along with my huge kudos for you being so strong and tenacious for your kids' sake.  I'm not a praying girl, but I'll be praying for you in the years to come.


"When the external begins to define the internal, instead of the internal defining the external, one begins living as a mortal rather than as a universal being." ~ unknown
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#21 of 42 Old 04-29-2011, 02:58 PM
 
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Just want to add that, even though this mama has been successful in protecting her kids from their unstable and harmful father, the kids will still be losing their dad.  In reality it just isn't as sweet as it seems.  The OP's kids lost their dad.  And the OP is still going to have a lot of emotional trauma to handle over the next many years.


"When the external begins to define the internal, instead of the internal defining the external, one begins living as a mortal rather than as a universal being." ~ unknown
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#22 of 42 Old 04-29-2011, 03:16 PM
 
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the OP's kids lost their dad years ago when they had to flee in terror from his abuse. To be protected from that abuse will now give them the space to heal from it. Yes, it's sad when a parent fails his kids to the point that they need to be away from him, and it's horrible that they now have that past to heal from but they are now safe to do that healing and that is what is sweet.


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#23 of 42 Old 04-29-2011, 05:39 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by number572 View Post

Just want to add that, even though this mama has been successful in protecting her kids from their unstable and harmful father, the kids will still be losing their dad.  In reality it just isn't as sweet as it seems.  The OP's kids lost their dad.  And the OP is still going to have a lot of emotional trauma to handle over the next many years.


Not nearly as much emotional trauma as if visitation had been allowed to continue.  Not even close.  The children were staying with known convicts and sex offenders when they visited their "dad".  This guy isn't unstable and harmful, he's psychotic and dangerous to an extreme.

 

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#24 of 42 Old 04-29-2011, 08:06 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by number572 View Post

Just want to add that, even though this mama has been successful in protecting her kids from their unstable and harmful father, the kids will still be losing their dad.  In reality it just isn't as sweet as it seems.  The OP's kids lost their dad.  And the OP is still going to have a lot of emotional trauma to handle over the next many years.



As someone who had an abusive father, I wish my mom was able to do what Avani had been able to do for her kids. 

 

Her kids aren't losing  their dad.  Hard to lose that when he wasn't a dad to them. 

 

And whatever they go through because they don't have a dad, Avani is more than capable of helping them deal with it. 

 

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#25 of 42 Old 04-29-2011, 10:29 PM
 
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I wish that my mother had 1/10 of your strength, integrity, and determination to protect your children.  You are a very good person.  Thank you for posting publicly for those of us who otherwise will just miss it.


My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#26 of 42 Old 04-30-2011, 06:38 AM
 
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#27 of 42 Old 04-30-2011, 09:28 AM
 
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I know that things read in various ways to people on public message forums, but don't misunderstand what I said above.  Yes, Avani can handle her kids' situation.  I'm saying that, as a person who came from that type of childhood experience, bad and neglectful parent, but still missed them and had a tough time when they were denied visitation after year of awful visits, and have dealt with emotional issues b'c of the whole situation, etc.  I'm acknowledging to Avani, that it may be far from over and I was wishing Avani strength.  Of course I'm not advocating their dad at all.  It's a crap situation all around.  And I am extremely proud of Avani for doing this for her kids.


"When the external begins to define the internal, instead of the internal defining the external, one begins living as a mortal rather than as a universal being." ~ unknown
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#28 of 42 Old 04-30-2011, 05:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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That is a syndrome of some sort. Where you become attached to those who abuse and torture you. At least my kids will be alive and they are raised in a nice home within a wonderful community of people who truly care for them. And if my ex does visit now at least a trained psychologist can watch his every freaky move. Even then I'm not sure they will be safe.

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#29 of 42 Old 05-01-2011, 07:04 AM
 
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HI, IM A SINGLE MOM WHO LURKS OCCASIONALLY ON THIS FORUM BUT DOES NOT POST MUCH. 

JUST WANTED TO SAY-

THE 'DAD'  IS ALLOWED TO VISIT, UNDER RESTRICTED CIRCUMSTANCES, AND THANK GOODNESS.   BUT HE  CAN STILL BE IN THE CHILDREN'S  LIVES IN WAYS THAT ARE SAFE FOR THEM. WHERE IS THE LOSS? NOTHING BUT GAIN HERE.

 

WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT INCOMPETENT JUDGE THAT WAS THERE BEFORE?  WAS HE EVER ACCOUNTABLE?

 

IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU AVANI.  THANKS FOR LETTING US KNOW.

 

 MAYA

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#30 of 42 Old 05-01-2011, 03:44 PM
 
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What a long road you've traveled.  I'm so happy for you!


Happy single mama of Girlchild (10) and Boychild (9).
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