Out of control & it makes me sad, mad (vent!!) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 05-09-2011, 03:06 PM - Thread Starter
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I had to move out of state to pursue a job and the training that goes with it. I gave the kids to the X - mostly in hopes of him getting tired of being a full time dad and being more amendable later to my original visitation agreement. I needed to take this job so I can support myself and the children. He was all for it up until the middle of our separation.


I asked him to bring the kids to the place we'd be staying for Mother's Day weekend - 90 min drive for him, I drove 6 hours. He refused so I had to drive to get the kids and back again to drop them off. He refused my request to meet me halfway between states to exchange the kids for school/summer breaks.

Ok, so I've read up that I have to pay all travel costs. I get that, but I think he's being unreasonable making me drive all over.


Looking at my DD FB account, I saw she friended someone I thought was inappropriate so I went to delete it and found the password changed. He also changed it on her email. I had asked if she got a certain email from me and she said no. So I think he's deleting my emails to her and now shutting me out from accessing her accounts. She told me today to talk to him about it. A whole lotta good THAT will do.


Divorce was final weeks ago and I naively thought the fighting would stop but he seems to be worse and I take it as limiting my time and access to the children.


Just a side note - when I went to pick up the kids, the live-in gf was there and turned her back on me, grabbing up the kids and hugging and kissing all over them in front of me. I thought it was entirely classless and juvenile. What kind of woman - and a mother at that - would show that kind of disrespect? Did she consider how she'd like it if someone did that to her kids?


Just trying to get it off my chest so it doesn't eat me up with sadness.

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#2 of 6 Old 05-10-2011, 07:13 AM
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hug2.gif  i'm sorry.  that sounds really difficult.  i wish there was something more helpful i could say.

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#3 of 6 Old 05-10-2011, 10:19 AM
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I am sorry, I can not imagine how upsetting that must be. My friend is about to let her ex keep their children for the whole of the summer to see how she feels about him being the primary physical costodian (???so sure thats not the right wording) and I can't help wondering if it would mean she would lose the children in the long run. Such a hard decission to make. My heart does go out to you!

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#4 of 6 Old 05-10-2011, 01:37 PM
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I wouldn't like those circumstances, either. 


I know in some cases people simply can't help it - but if there's any way at all to avoid it, it's wiser not to give the other parent custody unless you're prepared to lose it permanently (you may not lose it permanently, but it does increase those chances).  I see in the OP's post that divorce has already been finalized, yet the visitation agreement is still in flux? so not sure if it was part of the divorce agreement or not.  If it's still fluid, I would really think twice about this.

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#5 of 6 Old 05-10-2011, 09:23 PM
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Big hug.  

Mom to two terrific kiddos, affirming every day that the Universe is unfolding as it should and all is well...

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#6 of 6 Old 05-15-2011, 06:35 PM
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Can you set up an account and only give her the password for it so she and you are the only ones who can access it?  If e-mail is out of the question then I suggest calling daily instead.  In my state divorces with children come with an automatic list of things you can't do to the other parent and one is restricting phone access.  You might want to consider giving the kids a tracphone to use to communicate with you so he is not able to claim that he can't afford to let you call the kids.  If he does block your access through e-mail and phone then you should bring him back to court (start saving now just in case) and press for the court to insist he allows you access or for more custody.  If he makes a habit of blocking your access you may have good grounds for regaining complete custody of them. 

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