I would like to begin by apologizing for how long this post will probably be, but I am really desperate for the most informative answer I can get. Even if you just tell me a better forum I could find answers for my custody-related questions, I would be very grateful to know!
Here goes: My husband Marco and I have been married for 3 months, he has a nearly 6 year old boy with his ex-wife, I have a 3.5 year old girl from a previous relationship, and we're pregnant with our third (but our first together) child. We are looking to get custody of his son because we feel that his mother is putting him in increasingly unsafe conditions and we would like to make sure nothing bad happens to him.
He was with his ex-wife for a couple years, they had their son, they were married for 3 months, and then the ex-wife divorced him. The reason she left him was because she was cheating on him with a TON of guys (Marco told me that one night he came home to find his wife, his not even 2 year old son, and another man in his house and it was obvious there was stuff going on) but even before they got divorced she became pregnant by Marco's COUSIN. Messed up I know. So right after her divorce was finalized, she married the cousin. (It was no surprise that the cousin did this to Marco, since he had knocked up two of his other friend's girlfriends too) Anyways, she ended up cheating on the cousin too and divorced him (who couldn't see that coming) so Marco and his cousin are friends again but I do NOT allow his scum-bag cousin into my house, he sickens me.
Now the part I came into the picture was when she was still married to the cousin. Since the time I've been with my husband, she and her two sons (the older one being my husband's, and the second one is his cousin's) have been living with a "player", a "drunk" and currently she's with a very "abusive" man who's in jail for the second time. Let me also add this little detail: all these men are undocumented aliens from Mexico. Her personality is very much manipulative and I believe she's attracted to foreigners because they can't speak English and she sort of takes advantage and likes to control them. But the guy that was ALWAYS smashed and starting S*** with us I might add, got deported to Mexico after getting arrested for DUI for the millionth time! The guy who has been in and out of jail for beating his wife (yes he's still married) hasn't started anything with us yet but he hasn't been in the picture for very long, and frankly he looks a little embarrassed every time I see him, I don't blame him but I really wonder how he can stomach being Mexican #45643 that she parades around like her idiot lover.
So her recent boyfriend that has been living with her for just a few months is ALSO getting deported back to Mexico. She spent $5000 to bust him out, and now he's back in and about to be sent away. We're terrified about the next man she'll be living with, since her choice in men just seem to decline! We are tired of idley standing by and watching my husband's son be exposed to these horrible people. Her attitude is becoming increasingly nasty as well. Even though the parenting plan is that my husband gets his son on Sunday's, if she feels like being a B she wont let us have him. AND we have been taking him from Friday nights to Sunday nights because she likes to go party and get drunk (and cheat, boy does she love to do that when her boyfriend's are in the slammer), but some weekends she'll tell us no, not because she's a good mom and wants to be with her son (we found out she actually was leaving him at her mom's house) but because she loves nothing better then to show off her status. Meaning, she has to routinely remind us that SHE is the mother and SHE has custody and we better appreciate any drip of kindness she shows us.
Now the really hilarious thing is that my husband pays plenty of child support right now but she's been demanding extra, even though NO JOKE, we have him more than she does!!! Mostly her mom takes care of her children and she doesn't pay squat for him, so it's really starting to piss me off that she thinks she has a right to threaten, demand, and bully us when she is honestly the worst person I've ever met and absolutely does not deserve more money from my husband (she says it's for their son but what a load of BS since she spent $5000 on bailing out her recent BF).
I have told my husband that her actions are unacceptable and she has CLEARLY been in contempt of court by not giving us his son on Sunday's but she's so good at being evil I think that my husband feels that it is hopeless to try for custody. I am dreading the day that his ex-wife moves in with a real bad person and something will happen to my step-son, I don't want to wait for something to happen, I don't know what we can do. It breaks my heart and every time the little boy goes back to his mother's house I feel like my stomach drops just thinking that he could get hurt or who knows!
Oh, I almost forgot this part. The boy just recently went to his regular Dr. for his shots and the dr told the ex-wife that she should take him to a therapist since he seemed to be acting funny, or it was something along those lines. So the ex-wife calls my husband and tells him he better get their son to a therapist since WE are the ones causing problems for the little boy. Basically she said that because I'm pregnant, the boy needs counseling. OK, out of all the different men he's been living with in the past year, a pregnancy in a steady relationship between his dad and step-mom is the cause of his stress? Alright, fine so we did the work finding a counselor and then a day before the appointment that my husband made for him and his son, she says she's going. She refuses to let my husband take their son in, and then she never showed up for the appointment. Typical. Well finally they go to another session and guess what she tells the therapist? She's concerned because ONCE in a while, very RARELY, my step-son comes with me to work at my family's coffee stand for a couple hours while his dad plays soccer. That to her, is a real safety issue. Oh, and she's concerned about the fact that one time at night, my step-son saw rats on my parent's property (he was in the car and rats ran in front of the car), OK, safety issue, no mind the fact that my parents have a FARM and there's bound to be some rodents. So now, I don't ever let him in the coffee stand, and I never take him to my parents. But this is the kicker, she told the therapist these things (it's the only thing she could think since she KNOWS we take good care of him, but she's trying her hardest to make it sound like we are responsible for any emotional issues) BUT my husband didn't say anything to the therapist about what concerns him about what she does! Not even the fact that she lied to his son about her BF being in jail (first she told him that he had to work all day and all night) and then she TOOK him INTO the jail to visit this guy. WTF??? Because, that's totally normal for a 5 year old boy, to go visit a man at jail that he barely knows but that has been living with him for a couple months.
Maybe you can all tell that I am frustrated with my husband because he seems to allow her to manipulate him. I want to take some action and I want to motivate him into protecting his son. I love this boy like my own, if any harm were to come to him, I wouldn't tell my husband "I told you so", I would simply just leave forever. Even though we have our other two children that we dont have to deal with these issues, I still would never forgive my husband or his awful ex-wife OR anybody else (including myself) who KNEW that something could happen, but did nothing about it.
So my question is, what can I do? Who do I talk to? Do we have a chance of getting custody? I want to break down and cry when I think about all the work and money this will take but nothing is more valuable than this child's life! Please help us... Thank you.
Happily married to my DH Step-mom to a very smart 5yo boy and a mommy to a 3yo princessPregnant with my second baby due 7/27/11 Planning on my second too!
I don't have any experience with custody issues, but if I were in this situation, I would be documenting everything.
That way when you and your husband do ask for custody you have proof that she is unfit. Also. he should be keeping track of the amounts of child support he is giving her. Hopefully you can get your step son out of that situation soon.
Lovin my sweet babygirl 3-17-10 and expecting another in March!
Your husband should probably start by documenting the times when she is offering more visits, calling the police and having her charged each time she refuses him a visit on the Sundays he has visitation rights, and getting a lawyer to file for more visitation. I am not sure what can be done beyond that but a very good family law attorney should be able to get him a lot more visitation rights so he can provide more normalcy. Many judges tend to frown on parents keeping their kids away from each other so filing those charges each time will make give him a paper trail to prove that your husband wants the visits and is being denied the visits, that is something that will probably prove very useful in court.