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#31 of 56 Old 06-14-2011, 11:52 PM
 
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I have to agree with Rubelin, Butterflymom. I really hear your anguish on this as I have been in this place before...I honestly don't think I could stick out not asking 'the question' for near on a year though. As Rubelin said, we'll be here for you whatever happens! I know it's not easy.

 

I have a couple of dating site 'etiquette' questions, since I'm new to doing dating sites actively (was on them before, but got so little response that I never really had anything 'going on'). The one guy I'm having emails back and forth with, has only asked ONE question about me- my  name - all the rest is just answering my questions (not that I've been interrogating him or anything, just making normal conversation) and in quite a 'flat' way. Yet his first email (he initiated contact) was all 'wow, what an amazing profile you have, i really enjoyed reading it' etc. We seem to have a lot in common and he's said several things about his viewpoints on life that SO gel with me and my values, yet I'm not sure if he's really interested or not - it feels a bit one way. It's so hard for me to gauge these things in email format b/c I'm good at reading body language etc, and that's all absent of course. What do you ladies with more dating site experience think?

 

Also, if a guy messages you and you look at his profile and for some reason are not intersted, do you reply to him and say no thanks etc, or just ignore? I've done a mixture of both, and one guy who I said 'no thanks' to, then started this whole back and forth email thing with me which I stopped quite soon, I didn't see the point in getting to know him when I got certain vibes from him that I didn't like. I'm a bit of a polite people pleaser so it seems harsh to just ignore people, (unless they're obviously just creepy pervs!) but I'm prob being naive here!

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#32 of 56 Old 06-15-2011, 08:42 AM
 
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Butterflymom, you've waited long enough on Cucumber. Is there a chance that you are putting off "the talk" with him because you are expecting to hear the answer that you don't want?

Devaya, I don't answer emails from guys who I'm not interested in, unless their message is really interesting. I'd like to reply to all the polite guys who just aren't my type, but I'm too lazy to keep up with that and lots of them take ANY response as encouragement. Also, I take replies that don't directly encourage a response with questions, etc, as a sign that there isn't too much interest.

I went with Philosophy Guy to a concert in the park on Sunday. The music, the crowd, the weather and everything else was really perfect and I had fun, but Philosophy Guy was kind of boring. I imagine that I will see him again sometime, but if I'm not looking forward to seeing him at this point, then I doubt this is going anywhere really. Oh well. It was exciting for like three days there.

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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#33 of 56 Old 06-15-2011, 08:49 AM
 
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hazeldust, I would make sure to bring up plans like that in conversation, but not necessarily come right out and say it. Just don't hide it at all.

 

Devaya, I write back to anyone who sends a thoughtful note and that is actually a decent match, and, not surprising, guys who are a less than 70% match are the only ones who send stupid, "how R U, wanna chat?" types messages. The lame ones just get deleted but if there's an indication that they actually read my profile and really are interested but I don't share their interest, I will write back to say thank you but I don't think we are a good match, no other explanation because some guys will argue with you ('cause, yeah, that's the way to win the girl =P ). It helps to get a thicker skin if you're gonna do online dating =)


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#34 of 56 Old 06-15-2011, 09:29 PM
 
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Devaya, I write back to anyone who sends a thoughtful note and that is actually a decent match, and, not surprising, guys who are a less than 70% match are the only ones who send stupid, "how R U, wanna chat?" types messages. The lame ones just get deleted but if there's an indication that they actually read my profile and really are interested but I don't share their interest, I will write back to say thank you but I don't think we are a good match, no other explanation because some guys will argue with you ('cause, yeah, that's the way to win the girl =P ). It helps to get a thicker skin if you're gonna do online dating =)



yeahthat.gif

I tried OKC for a little while, and went out on one date. It was nice but I was throw for a loop when we got to the end. It seemed like he wanted to kiss me, so I avoided that by hugging him(I just wasnt feeling itorngtongue.gif) Then he asked me if I wanted to go out again. I said sure, and then changed my mind(later, and let him know thru a msg.Im SUCH a wimp!). It was kind of weird because my profile stressed that I was looking for a serious partner, and his was the opposite, so I was under the impression that it was a very casual date. I guess its good to be very clear about what you want and expect. I got off after that because I realized I didnt know how to handle a situation like that, which, in retrospect makes me kind of a weenieSheepish.gif.

On a different note, I've been texting with Daddi-O. I told him about my plans, and he told me that he is going to settle some land that his dad has, here, which I thought was totally awesome. It was weird because we msgd back and forth a bit and finally I asked him if he wanted to spend some time with me. He said he'd love to. But then he told me he is seeing someone out of town, and changed his mind. I know he is really taken with me, and I really want to get to know him. I think he was really excited to hear that I was wanting that, but I feel like ive inadvertently thrown this weird monkey wrench into his life. He told me he has to do some soul searching. I really really want to find someone to partner up with, and suddenly I am seeing him in a whole new way and seeing the possibilities. For now im just going to leave it alone.


Happiness despite misery is a great victory, I think...

caffix.gifSingle coffee loving and making mom to fencing.gifds, age 12, hamster.jpg dd, age 10, dog2.gif dd, age 7, flowerkitty.giftigress, cat.gifquinn, hyena.gifblack cat, and wool.gif beatrice the spider. Yeeehawww!!!

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#35 of 56 Old 06-18-2011, 06:24 AM
 
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So I have been trying to get into the Lounge to discuss some things that maybe aren't entirely appropriate for general viewing but I can't seem to figure out how to do that.

 

Anyway- I am on Match and Cupid. I've met 3 guys on Match that I actually cared enough to have email conversations with and now it seems like I just keep seeing the same guys recycled over and over again in search results. Ever since I decided that I was not going to take this too seriously but instead just chat and meet people and see what happens I have been really enjoying online dating!  I figure worst case I meet nobody compatible but I have something to do all summer just looking. Maybe I'll meet some nice people and find a hiking buddy or some new facebook friends- lol.

 

So anyway- Guy #1- Tennis Coach is a high school teacher and seems young and energetic but has never been married, no kids and doesn't seem to have much to talk about beyond work and tennis- LOL. He's also a self proclaimed preppy. Doesn't seem to be my "type" really. But he's nice and I'll probably meet him if I'm still looking in August. He spends his summer in Florida so he won't be around again until then. 

 

Guy #2- Respectable Dad- is in Real Estate and has two pre-teenagers. Lives out in the country and is very busy. His kids live with him and visit their mom so he is very hard to meet up with! we have been talking for a couple of weeks and want to meet but have not been able to yet. I really liked him at first- he's very active- bikes, runs, works out and cooks and cleans! LOL But the more I talk to him the more unsure I get. I am a firm believer in meeting quickly. Talk for a week then if there's interest- get together. Because communication by email and texts is too easy to misunderstand or misinterpret. And frankly I just don't want to waste time chatting with someone forever who I may not even be interested in at all after we meet. But anyway- I would meet him too if ever we can find a time when neither of us have the kids.

 

Now we get to #3- Bad Boy- never have I gone for this type before. Drives a big truck, tattoos, watches Nascar every Sunday- lol. His photos drew me in- really looking hot in one but like a regular guy/dad in all the rest. So we winked at each other and chatted for a few days. The conversation got very personal at one point and then we started flirting. On a whim we decided to meet on a Friday night at 10 pm- yikes! And that was the beginning of the end. blush.gif We've been seeing each other ever since but only for sex really. We chat by text now and then- sometimes just about our days but often about our plans for each other next time we meet. When conversation turns to other things he is actually kind of boring- but that could be the texting more than him- because when we're together and talk I don't think he's boring- lol. And when we're together- fireworks! I have never done anything like this before ladies- EVER. I feel like someone else has taken over my body- it's so strange- so out of character for me that I don't think friends or family would believe me if I told them. I wouldn't believe me! This is a side of myself I didn't know existed. In fact I don't think it DID exist until recently. And I am just having fun. Open to whatever comes. He seems to have the same expectations- or lack of expectations. I do hope to find LOVE though. I read other's posts about being in love or really feeling they love someone and I really want that again.  So I am still looking- but just having a little fun while doing it. I'm going to see him again tonight- a REAL date this time. We are going out to dinner- we'll see if we can actually carry on a conversation- lol.

 

Anyway- I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends or family about this so I am confessing it here! They don't even know I'm doing the online dating thing. I did tell my therapist and a coworker- not about the sex but about the dating. So thanks for letting me confess here!

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#36 of 56 Old 06-18-2011, 08:37 AM
 
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Woo Turtle thumb.gif  fun is good, just be careful (I get really fertile when I'm gettin' it on a lot!)

 

Tonight, in anticipation of my 40th bday tomorrow, I am attending a "Manifest Your Soulmate" seminar. Should be fun and hopefully will help me stay in a happy, hopeful, lovey state love.gif


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#37 of 56 Old 06-19-2011, 06:00 AM
 
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Ha ha ha- thanks for the concern Rubelin. We are safe and pregnancy is the last thing I am worried about. He is snipped and I haven't been able to stay pregnant since I had my son. I guess I could still GET pregnant though and the miscarriage would disrupt things a bit- if we weren't being safe, and he wasn't snipped.

 

Anyway- it has been fun but I think I'm getting close to being done with it. We went on a real date last night and I found myself totally bored by him. It was a bit of a turn off- lol.

 

Respectable Dad sent me his phone # yesterday and we texted a bit. He suggested we meet this morning for coffee but we both went out last night and have busy days and left it open to playing it by ear.

 

Manifest your soulmate? That sounds cool. Where did you hear about that?

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#38 of 56 Old 06-19-2011, 09:30 AM
 
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Happy Birthday, Robin!!!! partytime.gif Manifest a soulmate for me too!

Turtle, are you going to stop seeing Mr. Sexy now that you know you don't like him on a non-physical level or wait until the sex gets as boring as his personality?

I half-heartedly agreed to go out with Philosophy Guy again tonight, but I'm thinking about canceling. I'm just not in the mood to hang out with him. He makes me carry the whole conversation. I think he used up all his talking points the night we first met. He's nice, cute, we seem to share enough values and interests, and lives 6 blocks away, but I have no passion for him at all. He texted me a few minutes ago to say good morning and my automatic reaction was: eyesroll.gif I feel like such a bitch for wanting to blow him off. I know I'm too picky and should give him a chance, but I'm starting to resent the effort I'm putting into this.

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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#39 of 56 Old 06-19-2011, 06:56 PM
 
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Oh, and Robin? Will you teach me how to manifest Jeremy Scahill? He's my ideal man. Except that he lives in New York. Pout.

Anybody else have an example of your ideal?

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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#40 of 56 Old 06-19-2011, 11:17 PM
 
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So, the seminar was put on by my friend, Kathryn Alice, who is a "love guru". She has a book called "Love Will Find You" and does these seminars (mostly teleseminars nowadays) on finding your soulmate, dating for your soulmate, deliberate creation, etc. Her book is pretty cool and I've done a bunch of her other teleseminars but she's back home for the summer and only doing a few seminars while she's here and I wanted some in person stuff to give me a good trajectory to staying hopeful and happy about this dating stuff. It was really lovely to see her and it was a great energy in the room with about 100 other people (90% women in this one but she said the Dating one in a couple weeks is more balanced, don't know if I'll do that one yet). Anyway, you can check out her stuff on her website http://kathrynalice.com  She teaches in different cities and also has some certified coaches that work with her (though I think she's the best) . I've got some recordings of free programs she's done - pm me with your email address and I can send them along. I listen to her guided meditations often, they've really helped me get out of my bad funks this last year.

 

Molly, it only works to manifest your own soulmate, silly. Unfortunately, you don't get to order up someone specific, but it's good to look at those you are naturally attracted to, since there is definitely something to that.

 

my "ideal" is Jason Segal, but he's probably not really right for me at all (besides that he's 10 yrs younger). I started a folder of pics of actors I'm attracted to, just to give me some ideas about what I'm looking for. I also have a list of all the traits my soulmate will have, and one of the things he will love about me, since knowing what a catch you are is the most important part winky.gif

 


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#41 of 56 Old 06-20-2011, 01:57 PM
 
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Molly- I seem to change my mind daily! Lol But I think I'm going to get together with him one more time and have a very frank conversation regarding where we stand. I want to make sure he is okay with our relationship staying purely sexual- no strings attached. And when it's not working anymore for one or both we talk about it and move on. If that's not gonna work for him then we can end it now.
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#42 of 56 Old 06-21-2011, 07:58 AM
 
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Oh, and Robin? Will you teach me how to manifest Jeremy Scahill? He's my ideal man. Except that he lives in New York. Pout.

Anybody else have an example of your ideal?


i have a terrible crush on jake gyllenhaal.  eat.gif

 

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#43 of 56 Old 06-21-2011, 10:09 AM
 
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Hello! I've been on the cusp of single parenthood for a long time, lived with my mom for several months before reconciling with my ex, then we called it quits way last summer but still lived together (ie planned to split but weren't dating other people) until this spring. . I've been in my own place for about a month and a half now, and I love it, though I am on very rocky ground financially and just don't have solid footing anywhere in sight. So that's one strike against me being ready to date, but wow I need male attention! An acquaintance from college/ friend of a friend who is randomly now a coworker piqued my interest earlier in the month, but he is waiting around for someone else to make up her mind so I stepped right back down from that one. Then suddenly, this past weekend, an old flame was rekindled and wow was it intense as ever. I have no idea how to date, what to expect, how a relationship progresses, etc. Scary! lol.

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#44 of 56 Old 06-22-2011, 12:12 AM
 
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I'm finally back.  I've been super busy with wrapping up and presenting my research, college graduation (yay, biology!!), my 2.5 yr old not having daycare for the summer, being outside and enjoying this gorgeous weather with new friends....

 

SoccerCoach, the super incredible everything-in-common single dad who moved in with me 2 weeks ago is no longer in the picture.  He put up an act that he couldn't keep up 24/7, so once he moved in the whole shebang came crashing down.  He was a vegetarian (eats meat), he quit smoking last year (he smokes), he's super active (a chore to get him out of bed before noon), he's clean and neat (always left a mess in the kitchen), he loves gardening and growing his own food (black thumb), he prefers to ride a bike to driving a car (never once mentioned it, I had to suggest it or he never would have ridden a bike while here), digs attachment parenting (more like Hitler for children), a man of his word (rarely followed through with what he said he'd do) lol........ and the list goes on and on and on and on.  This guy is addicted to arguing, but when we were dating he was always the person with the mask, so kind and easy going.  Living with him I realized I'd never be able to have a functional relationship with him.  And we had both agreed that it was going to be on a "trial basis."  So this past Saturday he flipped out because he was loosing at Scrabble and he didn't have a word......that was the last drop.  Such immaturity and lack of self-control.....really....Scrabble?!  And he turned it into a full blown argument, well, he tried....I couldn't help but laugh.  That night I handed him my laptop after I had made him a u-haul reservation to pick up a moving truck on Monday.  I told him to fill in the payment section with his credit card info and that things weren't working out, and he should move out on Monday.  He agreed.  Sunday night the apologies and pleading, the promises of behaving better, accepting fault in having lied to me about what he was really like, etc. took place.  But it was so blatantly obvious that we would never work out in the long run that it was easy to stand my ground.  So he moved out yesterday.  He came to get a few things that he left behind today and I didn't even give him a chance to talk.  Handed him his things, small talk for 2 seconds to be cordial, and bye have a nice night.  Weird thing is; he's staying in my little city.  He had moved here from the big city (he has family there) and now he's staying here.  It's a wonderful little city, but I wasn't expecting him to stay.  He had registered in school here and is all set to go for fall classes, so he told me he's too lazy to start the whole fin aid process and paperwork at a different college.  Whatever.  I'm feeling great about having ended the relationship.  But feeling really stupid and naive about not having been able to see through his bullsh$t.  This hasn't been the first time someone has painted themselves out to be a certain way, for me to later discover it was just a front to get me to like them.  A single Mama from here suggested "If the Buddah dated," and I read it a few months back.  Now I'm thinking back on all the great advice in that little book.  :)  Thanks to whomever recommended it!  

 

Does anyone have any practical advice on how to spot a liar/impostor?  

 

Other than that, I'm keeping busy with my little one, working on my research, getting ready for grad school in the Spring (GREs, finishing the application, etc.), tending my plots at the community garden, volunteering for food not bombs....just going back to life as it was before SoccerCoach.

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#45 of 56 Old 06-22-2011, 07:37 AM
 
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Does anyone have any practical advice on how to spot a liar/impostor?  




http://www.thefrisky.com/post/246-12-signs-youre-dating-a-loser/

 

http://www.askapril.com/dating-tips-how-to-know-your-dating-a-loser-1025.html  (this one is specifically about liars!)

 

http://www.firstloveyou.com/dating-a-loser.html (dunno how helpful this one is, but it's funny!  includes "Ditch The Stalker Mini-Guide")

 

http://counsellingresource.com/lib/therapy/self-help/loser/ (more serious, this is the one i was thinking of, although it is geared more toward abusive losers . . . which your guy may very well have turned out to be, so don't feel stupid - feel smart for ending it when you did!!!)

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#46 of 56 Old 06-22-2011, 08:52 AM
 
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Ugh, Lorena, that sucks. Don't feel stupid for not seeing through him sooner; feel proud for seeing through him as fast as you did and sending him away once you realized how he had manipulated you.

I think one big warning sign that most of these types display is rushing the relationship. They seem to fall in love immediately, because there is no depth to their emotions. How long were you guys dating before he wanted to move in with you?

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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#47 of 56 Old 06-25-2011, 11:42 AM
 
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Back with an update. :) The flame seems to be sticking, on the way to something steady. We touched base on Monday and just exchanged a few nods over facebook during the week (both working full-time). I was itching to hear from him as the weekend drew near, finally initiated contact with a text on Friday evening and he later called me back; after a forty five minute conversation we decided to get together even though by then it was the middle of the night :P So we're pretty much doing the same thing this weekend that we did last... meeting again tomorrow night (when the little one is with her dad). I feel great about it, but let uncertainty and doubt creep in at times. It's so intense and pleasurable I'm scared, ya know? That I'll become dependent on it and get hurt, or make poor decisions, or just screw it up... some combination of the above. I guess it sounds pretty lusty. It is. But he's also a genuinely nice guy, and it's already clear that we are both way better at communicating than we were the first time around, five years ago (we're still young, we were very young then). So I have high hopes, but moderate expectations... as long as I can keep my head on straight, I will have no regrets even if this doesn't evolve into the long term thing I eventually want.

 

I definitely still need to work on loving and valuing myself, thanks for the links, doubledutch! thumbsup.gif

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#48 of 56 Old 06-26-2011, 12:58 PM
 
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Thanks ladies.  Those links were helpful, Doubledutch!  Mimim, I'll try to look at it that way so as to be a little kinder to myself.  

 

I'm back where I was before him.  Doing things with my friends, volunteering, growing food in the community garden....my little one loves to go and pick her own strawberries.  <3   

 

I found out through a friend that he's talking poop about me and telling my friends he dumped me because I'm crazy  shake.gif  I honestly feel bad for him at this point.  He sent me a very mean (curse words and all) email this morning at 5am.  I think he's just trying to get a reaction from me.  But he's wasting his time because I don't play games and he's never gonna get one.  I saved the email in a special folder should I ever need it (legal reasons maybe?  idk, something told me to save it just in case).

 

Anyway, I volunteered my kitchen today for food not bombs and all the food came out delish!  Got to meet up with some new people and other friends.  And Monday will put me back in the usual M-F work routine.  My little one started with a new nanny and they've totally hit it off!  love.gif

 

Hope everyone has a splendid week!

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#49 of 56 Old 06-27-2011, 04:56 AM
 
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Wow- so much going on here! Can you believe it is already the end of June? Soon we'll have to start a July thread!

 

I am still seeing Bad Boy. In fact we saw each other twice this weekend- unprecendented! I went to his house for the first time. And met his son- by accident- he didn't call to say he was on his way home like he was supposed to. Luckily we were decent by then. LOL. Surprisingly both days were very pleasant and involved many hours spent together. I still don't see this as a "forever" kind of thing but I am enjoying it in more ways than one now!

 

I do need to have a talk with him though. The night we had our "date" where I said I was bored and wasn't sure this would work out- he had asked me how the online dating was going. I said I wasn't on much- no time- which was true. But I didn't tell him that I had been talking to two other guys since around the time he and I started talking.  He has made comments in a joking way about my other boyfriends- and he has talked about a woman he dated who was dating someone else at the same time- and how much he was hurt by that relationship. So I need to tell him where I stand very clearly. I have no problem doing that- should've done it one of the times he brought this stuff up- but honestly- it took me a while to realize that he is probably trying to figure out where he stands here. So now I just have to figure out how to bring it up. Or wait till he brings it up again.

 

Oh yeah- and I met respectable dad.  We met for a late lunch and a drink. We have a lot in common. It was kind of funny. As we were talking I found myself saying me too or me neither quite a bit- and he did the same. It was a pleasant lunch. Not sure what's next with him. I texted him the next day to see how he was and we chatted a little. I think I am going to step back and wait for him to initiate next. If he's interested enough to maintain contact then I will continue- otherwise I may just let it go. That's how I'm feeling right now anyway. I can't juggle two guys- I'd have to start lying and that's just too hard!

 

 

 

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#50 of 56 Old 06-27-2011, 09:49 AM
 
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Turtle, don't lie to them if you start seeing two guys. Only do it if they are both okay with it. And I totally know how you feel about letting it go if he doesn't pursue it. I generally feel that way about most of the men I meet, unfortunately.

Lucifugous, what makes you afraid of getting hurt? Just past relationship issues or something about this guy specifically? It sounds like your open expectations are really healthy though.

Lorena, I hope he leaves you alone. You aren't going to answer any angry (or apologetic or pleading or...) emails are you? I bet he will keep trying to get a rise out of you for a while.


I met somebody when I was out a few weeks ago and had a fascinating random conversation with him. I gave him my number and he called a few days later and I agreed to go out with him, although I couldn't for the life of me remember if I was attracted to him or not, because I was just enjoying the conversation and not flirting or anything. So anyway, I met up with him a few nights ago and was very surprised to find that he is sooo cute. But, he talked a LOT. Like a LOT. I will definitely go out with him a few more times, but if he really talks that much all the time, I will tire of him quickly. I'm hoping that he was just nervous, because there are tons of things that are really cool about him and it's been so long since I met somebody that I was attracted to physically and intellectually. We shall see.

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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#51 of 56 Old 06-27-2011, 10:07 AM
 
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Yep there is loads going on here! Lorena, I am sorry things didn't work out, that sounds really rough. Hugs to you! Turtle2who, sounds a bit complicated with the two guys thing...I've been in similar situations before and it was hurtful for all concerned in the end, but it can happen so easily! Think honesty is def the best thing....

 

Summer is turning out pretty good for me... I have met someone amazing and am really excited, as well as terrified! I actually met him a year ago and we connected a little bit (at a camping holiday), but for some reason I didn't think he'd be interested in me because he's 14 years older than me (this was before I dated LCG who was 25 yrs older than me, and realised this is really not a prob for most guys ;)) and because he lives 2 1/2 hours away. A month after we met last year, he contacted me on a dating site we were both on - we were a match on the site - and I replied but that was that. i thought he was just saying hi because we'd met IRL and still didn't think he was interested. Anyway at the same camping holiday last week, we connected again and it soon became apparent he really likes me... and before that, I realised how much I liked him when I saw him being affectionate with a female friend and wondered if she was his girlfriend, and felt my heart sink at the thought that she might be (she turned out not to be). Anyway I shall call him the Carpenter  - and the freaky thing is, on my soulmate manifestation list I actually have something about having a yurt together,and he just happens to build yurts! He also ticks every other box on my list except living close by... but we've talked about how we are both looking for somewhere else to live and feel like where we are now is not 'it'...we've been in contact several times a day since I returned from the camping holiday (email and Skype), and we are meeting sort of half way in another city this weekend, where we both happen to be going for other reasons but have some spare time to connect. I'm both excited and nervous!

 

He is warm, affectionate, soft, funny, loving - I've seen him with kids, he has a lot of kids in his life although none of his own, and he's really loving and patient with them - and really into spiritual growth and being in nature, but also very grounded. A few people at the holiday know him well too and were singing his praises. He's been very honest and open with me about his feelings and I love that I don't feel that insecurity I had with LCG and others, of always wondering what's really going on... and I really respect him for the fact that he hasn't tried to take things further than kissing and cuddling despite our obvious attraction to each other, and opportunities to do a lot more....it makes me feel like he sees all of me and not just a sexual object. He confessed that he had looked me up on FB and looked at my pictures on there every now and then over the last year, (we weren't FB friends but you can see pics that other friends have posted), and I thought that was really sweet (rather than stalker-ish). It feels like the time is right...I'm so over 'bad boys' and LCG was such a catalyst to realising how much trouble I have letting love in. So this is scary...someone who is really 'there' and real and open and not just flattering me and saying the right things to get me in bed. 

 

So....watch this space! I have a good feeling about this one ;)

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#52 of 56 Old 06-27-2011, 09:57 PM
 
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Mimim, I'd give him a chance to mellow out.  He might have been nervous, or he might have a lot to say at first, but might quiet down a bit once he gets all the main stuff out of the way.   ?    Or not   :)

 

 

Devaya, Carpenter sounds great!  I hope you 2 enjoy each other's company while you get to know each other better.  He sounds like a great guy, from your description.   :)  Good luck!

 

As for me....I will be getting together with my friends on Wed evening and I'm sure they will ask about the whole SoccerCoach closing chapter.   Some of them have asked to set me up on dates, but I'm really not interested at the time.  I might be interested in a flipper, though......    whistling.gif
 

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Lorena, I hope he leaves you alone. You aren't going to answer any angry (or apologetic or pleading or...) emails are you? I bet he will keep trying to get a rise out of you for a while.
 
No way!!!   I almost got a fleeting thought about it today, but it got quickly pushed out of my mind by logic.  He's been running into more of my friends (small small small city) and they tell me he keeps mentioning going back to his big city after August (after his summer class ends).  We'll see what happens.  I really hope he goes back.  He's trying to befriend my friends and turn them against me ---- so childish and vindictive ..... but my friends know better.
 
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#53 of 56 Old 06-28-2011, 12:42 PM
 
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if you're on the private dating thread, then you already know this, but . . .

 

i had lunch today with a guy friend.  it was really nice, but i'm not sure if it was a date or not.  even if not?  i still kinda think something could happen there.  i hope so - i need some fun.  oh, we ate at a vietnamese restaurant, and my fortune cookie said something like, "your love life will be happy and harmonious."  so that was awesome, lol.

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#54 of 56 Old 06-28-2011, 03:20 PM
 
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I'm not sure what I said that gave the impression that I might lie about dating two guys. No, no no. It has only gone this far because I started talking to these guys at the same time and one moved faster than the other. And the one that moved faster didn't seem to be anything more than a fun fling. But as we see more and more of each other and now that he seems to be fishing for info I realized that I need to tell him where I stand. Which is- I am still on the sites, talking to guys, maybe meeting them, and if anything seems to be going any further than that I will let him know. I would never have sexual relations with more than one guy (unless they knew and were okay with it! LOL) But I don't think there is anything wrong with talking to and meeting lots of men- I mean listen- I am a free woman after 7 years with the same guy and not much dating before him. I was so career focused and had very little self confidence in the dating department. So I am having fun! Now if he's not okay with that- I guess I'll have to think about whether I'm willing take a break from the sites to see where this goes. As far as the other guys I talk to and meet- they should know I am talking to and meeting other guys! That's what you do on these sites! I don't feel I need to explain myself to anyone unless they ask directly or I am seeing them repeatedly and there may be an assumed committment. But yes- I plan to talk to him about this next time I see him. It's not something I am comfortable texting him about or even talking on the phone. That's a conversation I'd like to have face to face. This makes me wonder though- Do you just expect that if you are seeing a guy repeatedly that he is not seeing anyone else? Or do you have a conversation about it at some point? And what point is that?
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#55 of 56 Old 06-29-2011, 11:38 AM
 
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Lucifugous, what makes you afraid of getting hurt? Just past relationship issues or something about this guy specifically? It sounds like your open expectations are really healthy though.


Both! I crave so much attention. For a day or two before & after seeing him, it's like I'm wrapped in a warm blanket, ya know? Now it's mid week, I know I probably won't hear from him for a couple more days, and I just want to be held, lol.


 

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This makes me wonder though- Do you just expect that if you are seeing a guy repeatedly that he is not seeing anyone else? Or do you have a conversation about it at some point? And what point is that?

 

I bring it up kinda early, I guess, casually.

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#56 of 56 Old 07-03-2011, 08:07 AM
 
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Lucifugous, I know the feeling. Just be cautious, because if you have a feeling that something is not right, whether it originates with you or with him, you are probably right. And hey, I just noticed that we are neighbors! wave.gif

Turtle, I agree with lucifugous about bringing up dating statuses early. I don't assume anything, but if I haven't had a conversation about exclusivity, I know that they might be seeing other people and I behave accordingly as far as hygiene, etc, goes. It's really best dating practice to be as transparent about all of this as possible.

I have a date tonight that I'm really excited about!!! It's with yet another (sigh) new guy and we clicked very nicely when we met earlier in the week. So far I haven't found anything I don't like about him, even the fact that he has dogs, which normally is a turn off for me, but I met his dogs and they are really nice. orngtongue.gif He suggested that we have a picnic and late night swim at the lake tonight and I really can't think of anything I'd enjoy more. I've already changed my mind about 3 times on which swimsuit I will wear and it's been ages since I did anything other than pull on random clothes and trip on out the door at the last second for a date. Swooning a little. Hope I don't end up disappointed again.


July thread coming soon. Can't wait to hear how things are going with Butterfly and Cucumber...

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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