Anyone else resent Fathers Day? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 26 Old 06-16-2011, 08:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Because I sure do!! The boys and I put together a really nice photo framed collage of single photos of each boy and then all three together. I also encouraged them to make cards. This weekend is with dad so he will get these gifts on FD. Guess what I got for Mothers Day....nothing!!! Is this the same for all single moms? if so, it sucks!!!

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#2 of 26 Old 06-16-2011, 08:16 PM
 
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i think it's the same for all moms :(  My first mother's day I got a "why? You're not MY mom"

 

just wow...

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#3 of 26 Old 06-16-2011, 08:29 PM
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I sort of resent both Mothers and Fathers Days. I don't care about either one, and it gets really old to hear people ask me what my family did for either day, and when they hear that we don't bother to observe those days, they act all shocked and appalled like I just sacrificed a goat or something.

 

But yeah, as a single mom you'll pretty much get the shaft on lots of things. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt.

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#4 of 26 Old 06-17-2011, 05:44 AM
 
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My ex isn't involved so I'm not planning any special thing for ds to make for him.  And my ds is only 2 so he wouldn't care anyway.  Mother's day does get a little annoying just because when your kids are young it is mostly a holiday for a husband to celebrate his wife (ads for buying jewelery, flowers, etc.) and all the fb comments about breakfast in bed or other surprises.  Not that I need gifts for being a mom but it is a little annoying that I don't get them because I'm single.  Oh well!  My closest friends always wish me a happy mother's day so that's nice, I just need to convince one of them to come make me breakfast in bed :P


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#5 of 26 Old 06-17-2011, 07:17 AM
 
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it doesn't really bother me.  as others said, ex never did anything for mother's day anyway, so it's not about being single for me.  the kids made a craft project for their dad at preschool.  i'm not doing anything more than that - because if i did, then i probably would feel resentful!

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#6 of 26 Old 06-17-2011, 08:37 AM
 
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I don't really resent it...and I like to celebrate my dad.  :-)  We kinda had more of a "grandfather day" celebration (yesterday in fact, since DS will be with XH this wkend).  Like doubledutch, my DS did a father's day craft at preschool and that is what he is giving his daddy.  No effort on my part, although in future years, I will encourage DS to make a card or something.

 

But yeah, the ex made no effort to help DS do anything for me on mother's day, nor did I really expect it.  Starting next year, I'm planning to totally takeover my own mother's day celebration.  ;-)

 

 


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#7 of 26 Old 06-17-2011, 09:40 AM
 
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my ex is big into gifts so he always makes sure the boys get me something for Mother's Day and my birthday, where I'm usually the one slacking on getting things for him.

 

The only thing that I really resent about Father's Day is that it's on my Birthday this year, and Father's Day is a big deal in Ex's family so I have to share my kids on my birthday =P  It hasn't fallen on the exact day in 11 years, the year my oldest was born, but it's still a holiday that overshadowed my personal day for my entire marriage. (my family doesn't really care about those "hallmark" holidays)


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#8 of 26 Old 06-17-2011, 07:00 PM
 
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I actually like celebrating Mother's Day and Father's Day. We all go out together with our extended family and friends and celebrate life. When my dd's dad was in the picture after the split I did not do anything for him and he did not do anything for me. I don't think it's the ex's job to do anything for the other parent on these days or other holidays. 

 

I think celebrating the day in your own way is a great way to spend it. Resenting it won't help at all in my opinion. :)

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#9 of 26 Old 06-18-2011, 12:29 AM
 
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DS celebrates fathers day for ME.... since he views me as both the mom and the dad around here.... its kinda sweet.

I wish hallmark realized the tangled web of 'mothers day' and 'fathers day' and such.

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#10 of 26 Old 06-18-2011, 05:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by babygirlie View Post

i think it's the same for all moms :(  My first mother's day I got a "why? You're not MY mom"

 

just wow...


Me too! And that was when we were together and he still loved me.

 

Now though- I talk to my son about Father's Day and his Dad's birthday and Christmas ahead of time. We talk about things daddy likes and what kind of gift would excite him. Then we work on putting it together. I have him make his dad a card and we wrap it all up. I DO NOT see this as something I am doing for EX. This is something I am doing for my son. Teaching him how we think about and treat others whom we love. I do not want him to be like his dad. His dad doesn't even get his parents or sisters cards or anything for ANY day. The first Mother's Day I was with him I suggested a plant for his mom and he said "we don't do that in our family." Funny- everyone does it but him!

 

I don't get too disappointed about mother's day. My son made me a sweet card and very cute little love messages on post it notes on mother's day. He also made me breakfast in bed- a granola bar a banana and a juice box in a bowl- LOL. So I got a good laugh and a sweet memory for mother's day!
 

 

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#11 of 26 Old 06-18-2011, 07:16 AM
 
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This year - definitely!  X has really not been treating dd well & I totally resent him & therefore the day this year.

 

x & I have been separated for about 6 years & we have both been good about encouraging dd to pick gifts/making something for the other parent.  I agree with the pp who said it's about teaching dd how to treat others.  Since Christmas though (since x has a gf) he hasn't done anything meaningful, except my bday when he stopped off at the supermarket because dd wanted to get me flowers.  Dd made him a card at school & she hasn't asked to get him anything this year so I'm leaving it at that. 

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#12 of 26 Old 06-18-2011, 07:22 AM
 
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I honestly don't care about either of them. If it takes one day to show appreciation for mom and dad then you can just through it out the window with the rest of the year.

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#13 of 26 Old 06-18-2011, 09:58 AM
 
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I love this thread.  I'm not sure how to handle my son's dad and have been taking the no action approach for now.  (My son is 2.)  I guess as my son get's older, I'll have to face the absent dad thing, but for now father's day is about my dad and my grandfather.  (so there!)

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#14 of 26 Old 06-18-2011, 06:21 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by turtle2who View Post



 

Now though- I talk to my son about Father's Day and his Dad's birthday and Christmas ahead of time. We talk about things daddy likes and what kind of gift would excite him. Then we work on putting it together. I have him make his dad a card and we wrap it all up. I DO NOT see this as something I am doing for EX. This is something I am doing for my son. Teaching him how we think about and treat others whom we love. 

 

 

 

absolutely!  this really hit the nail on the head for me.  I make sure to steer my girls in the right direction for lovely thoughtful gifts for their dad for fathers day and birthday and christmas and all that stuff every year.  I don't personally buy him a gift from ME.  These gifts are all labeled from our girls to him.  And that's how he treats holidays for me as well.  These gifts aren't gifts we give each other but gifts that show our girls that we are still a family and still love each other and we recognize special occasions with gift-giving in some form.  They have questioned it before and questioned me directly whether I love daddy or not and I always reply that I love him very very much and he's very much a part of our family even though we don't all live together and doing something special for him for father's day is our way of showing him how important he is in all of our lives.  I don't want them to see themselves as coming from a "broken" home but from two homes overflowing with love.
 

 


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#15 of 26 Old 06-18-2011, 06:48 PM
 
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THis is my first Father's Day as a single mom--- FD is also the one week since he said he didnt love me anymore nad wanted to leave. I feel resentful helping the kids pick him a present and card, etc b/c they are celebrating a man who broke up their family! (no, i expressed none of this to them or around them). Hopefully, next year it will be better. This year, did he ask me to spend time with them? No, i made the plans for htem to go with him

 

What did I get for MOther's Day this year? He suggested we go out to eat as a family....and I paid for it.

 

 


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#16 of 26 Old 06-19-2011, 10:15 AM
 
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I don't do anything for Father's Day. My kids give their dad, my dad, and my step-dad cards or projects that they made and that's it.

However, I am also entirely relieved to not have to celebrate Mother's Day any more.

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#17 of 26 Old 06-20-2011, 05:30 AM
 
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I resent it.  I didn't have DD make a card or anything for him.  I grudgingly said Happy Father's Day to him when he came to the house to spend time with the kids, only because I didn't feel like dealing with the drama if I had not said it...  *sighs*

 

But it sucked saying it.  A Dad?  Really?  He shows up for a few hours here and there when it's conveneient for him.  He doesn't know ANYTHING about DD.  I happened to be in the kitchen when he was making DD a sandwich yesterday for lunch and he's putting mayo on it!  I have told him DOZENS of times she does not like mayo!  So I reminded him again, and he's all suprised... again... "really?"  *sighs*

 

I also don't have a good relationship with my Dad ... at all.  And I have to get him a card, or else there would be even more drama and stress that I can't deal with right now... and it's always the biggest challenge picking out that card.  Picking up all the ones reading about, "what a great role model you are, Dad..."  It's a stab of pain.  I usualy get him a humor card of some sort. 

 

Yeah... I'm not the biggest fan of Father's Day.

 


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#18 of 26 Old 06-20-2011, 08:25 AM
 
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i lied!  i said i wasn't doing anything for ex for father's day, just having the kids give the projects they made at school.  well . . . ds1 really wanted to make more stuff, so that's what we did saturday.  we went to the craft store for popsicle sticks, self-adhesive magnet strips, and accidentally bought little clay pots (for 60 cents) and silly monkey pirate stickers.  they made magnetic picture frames from the popsicle sticks (and drawings to go into them), painted the pots, made pictures with the stickers, and then we used the popsicle sticks to make god's eyes just because we were having so much fun.  we put all their little treasures into the big fugly easter baskets they got from mil.  they were very proud.  i didn't resent it at all, and i guess it was because as turtle2who said, i was doing that for my kids - not for ex.

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#19 of 26 Old 06-20-2011, 10:44 AM
 
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i ignore Father's Day for the most part.  i send my love the the man that raised me, but my dd hasn't seen hers since 2007.  one year though, she made me a Father's Day gift at daycare and that really touched my heart.  other than that, nada.  i do often flash back to the first Father's Day after my dd was born and it just turns my stomach.  i recall asking the ex to come get her out of the bat with me and he grunted and said it was Father's Day and he shouldn't have to do anything.  i responded that the day is a celebration of parenting not an excuse to just sit on your censored.gif...  so that is my memory of the day with my ex and the feeling that i have surrounding it.


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#20 of 26 Old 06-28-2011, 03:53 AM
 
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I agree with the pp who said it's more for husbands to appreciate their wives. I used to be so sad that those kinds of things never happened in our house. (I also got the "you're not MY mother" comment.) It was just another reminder that, to be blunt, my marriage sucked and I wasn't... well, that I wasn't as lovable as the rest of the wives. I don't know how accurate that was, in hindsight, but that's really how I felt when I heard what other husbands did for Mother's Day. My kids were in preschool this spring and they made lovely Mother's Day gifts for me, with all the artistic finesse a 3 and 4 year old can muster, lol. I was so happy and fuzzy about it. So this year I don't resent the day quite so much. wink1.gif I didn't go out of my way to celebrate what a great dad the kids' father is.

Incidentally in our faith we have a holiday that is dedicated to all parental figures. Well, it's not quite dedicated to them, but there are eight holidays through the year and each has a certain age group that is more highlighted - like on new year's infants are honored, on other holidays it's young people, or elders, etc. There's a day that celebrates the householder age, which I guess would be typical of the mothers and fathers in most growing families, but it's not specifically about their parenting duties but about celebrating all their contributions, hard work, etc. But that would be the appropriate day for kids to show them honor - and they're being honored by the rest of the community, not honoring one another - as in it's not a husbands-giving-wives-jewelry kind of day.

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#21 of 26 Old 06-28-2011, 03:57 AM
 
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I guess I also don't know what preschools do about the kids who don't have fathers around. Last Christmas they made a present together for the parents and wrapped them, and most of them were addressed to both mom and dad, but mine was addressed just to me. (A few others were, too.) I wonder, if the kids were still in the same school for Father's day, how they would have handled that. I'm positive we weren't the only family there to not have an involved father for the kids.

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#22 of 26 Old 06-28-2011, 07:40 AM
 
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ex and i feel the same way about those kind of days - bdays and f/m's day.

 

its not a big deal to us. initially we both recognised those days and at least helped dd make a card. now its helping dd do what she wants to do. 

 

no i dont resent it. mainly coz dd is excited about it. 


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#23 of 26 Old 06-28-2011, 10:05 AM
 
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I honestly don't like to do anything ON these days. Everything is over crowded and over priced just because people feel they need to do something special. Mother's Day was schedule on XH's day and he seem surprised when I let him take her. I felt sort of strange too because I got so many Happy Mother's Day comments and I didn't have my dd. It almost made me feel like a bad mother for taking dd before that day instead of on it. Instead I took dd the weekend before (when it wouldn't be crowded), took her to my parents, and we all spent a lovely day together on the water.

 

As for gifts I helped dd put together a card for XH but that's as far as I have taken anything to him. I didn't even get a happy mother's day so I'm not planning on doing anything unless dd does it in preschool or asks to.

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#24 of 26 Old 06-29-2011, 09:33 PM
 
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i used to laugh at my friend M. when she always bought her own holiday, birthday and Mother's day presents, even the cards! year after year.

 

then i got divorced.


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#25 of 26 Old 06-30-2011, 11:55 AM
 
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ah for fathers day i let the kids go with their dad even though it wasn't his weekend to have them...  He took them to the zoo.  I find out later from friends who are still on his facebook of his post.

 

He said it made his father's day when our son pointed to an elephant and said mommy. 


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#26 of 26 Old 06-30-2011, 01:13 PM
 
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Oops, I totally forgot about it for the second year running! Last year X got huffy (b/c he does actually usually get me a card for Mothers Day), but this year he didn't mention it b/c he hadn't got me a Mothers day one. I am not fussed about it, it may become more of an issue when DS is older (he's 3) but I've always found these occasions forced and corny, (and commercial) though it is interesting to hear a bit on this thread about other cultures' recognition of these things. I sort of leave it to the preschools/nurseries to sort something out, and this year they, weirdly, didn't do Father's day, just Mother's day - perhaps because there are one or two children without fathers in their lives, and they were just trying to be sensitive to that. 

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