Any single parents with a lodger/housemate? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 06-28-2011, 08:46 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi I was wondering if there were any single mums with experince of living with a child and a lodger, housemate or other similar situation?

 

I'm planning on becoming a single mum but so far am not keen on living alone.  Any thoughs or experinces greatfully received.


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#2 of 11 Old 06-28-2011, 09:35 AM
 
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i live in a college town, and if i had another bedroom, i'd rent it out in exchange for a certain number of hours of childcare per week (a low number - like 6).  i think that would be awesome. :)  i would have a harder time with another independent adult who might have the idea that they're sharing the entire house with me, but i could see it working out with the right kind of person, or even another mom if i had the space.  but i don't.

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#3 of 11 Old 06-28-2011, 09:44 AM
 
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I explored it a bit because I had a friend that was moving into new house about the same time I was looking to move. I decided against it because I had concerns about things kids do like leave toys out, make messes, etc. I didn't want to feel like I *had* to constantly pick up and keep things tidy. I tend to be a relatively laid back parent and only really stop things that are safety issues. I wasn't sure how someone without a kid would view this and didn't want to feel like the bad roommate for constantly making messes, having a kid be a kid, etc.

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#4 of 11 Old 06-28-2011, 10:01 AM
 
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My cousin lives with me. Right now she doesn't work (she will be a high school senior this year) so she doesn't help me with any bills. However, she does watch my daughter up to 20 hours a week. I work a part-time job from 5:30-9:30 3 to 5 days a week and she watches my DD whenever I work during the week. My mother keeps DD on the weekend if I have to work. I like having someone else live with us, it is better than being alone, but I do find it annoying sometimes when her friends come by.

 

I have set rules, like no friends over until DD is asleep (usually around 7-7:30). No taking my DD anywhere other than home (she has to pick her up from daycare). She has to keep her own room clean and when I am not home, she has to pick up the rest of the house. 

 

I don't think I would like having someone I didn't know come in to live with us. It would have to be family or a close friend that I knew well before I let them be around my daughter at home every day.

 

 


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#5 of 11 Old 06-28-2011, 11:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the replies.

 

Mess is certianly an intresting issue.  Money is not a critical part of the equation for me so I would proably look at hiring a cleaner with some of the money I'd earn.

 

Someone I know well is defintly my prefered option OTOH It would be about a year or more beofre any baby might be here so that would provide time for a stranger to have become a friend (or to have moved out).  I'm lucky in that I own the home so any lodger would not have rights the same as a tenant and I could give them short notice to leave.  I have also thought about a mother but it might be worse with diferent parenting styles and I might feel more reluctant to make a mother and childhomless if we didn't get on.


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#6 of 11 Old 06-28-2011, 05:30 PM
 
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I considered it when trying to work out my post-separation budget. The separation is about to occur. I made a lot of budget adjustments and still have some small things I can take out. I am hoping to avoid renting out a room. One, I like having a guest room. Two, I feel like the house is "full" with me and the kids and I just don't want a stranger moving in. I also think that it will be confusing to the kids in the face of having their Dad not here. I also like my privacy, don't want to worry about the kids being noisy, me walking around in my underwear, or the kid's messes. If I have to do it, I will - but I hope to avoid it. I ended up putting it towards the bottom of my financial coping plan. I also wonder who in their right mind would want to rent a room with  a single  mom and two little kids...

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#7 of 11 Old 07-03-2011, 06:43 PM
 
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I was the roommate for 2 years.  It was awful.  DS and I shared a house with a very good friend of ours and it just did not work out.   We/I was the renter and the 'owner' didn't do house upkeep, lawn, mainteance etc.  The owner thought I was there for maid service.  DS never was able to have friends over.  Things went downhill rather quickly near the end.

 

I wouldn't do it either way, either renting your room, or being the renter.


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#8 of 11 Old 07-04-2011, 08:40 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Silverbird View Post
 
I'm lucky in that I own the home so any lodger would not have rights the same as a tenant and I could give them short notice to leave. 


I wouldn't bet on that.  At all.  In my state (and I bet in many other states as well), if a person is living in a home, even if they don't own it and there is no lease, and they have no other place to go, its very difficult to get them out.  I would talk to a real estate attorney who does lots of landlord/tenant work to make absolutely certain that you could kick them out, and how much notice you would need to give.

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#9 of 11 Old 07-05-2011, 12:48 AM
 
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yes we have been doing so for the last few years. 

 

one worked out really well but she had to move. another one didnt work out very well. another one was ok. the situation we are in now is going very well.

 

its a decision dd and i made together. actually dd asked for it. she found it terribly lonely being just us at home. 

 

presently i live with the homeowner (i've known him a few years) and another friend whom i've known a few years too. it helps that all 3 of us get along really well and help each other out. we reciprocate a lot. like while i do most of the cooking, one of them helps with picking up dd sometimes, another helps by giving us rides places. 

 

yes it does have its ups adn downs but dd and i have found even with its downs we still prefer to live with others rather than just the two of us. 

 

it really helps to be open minded people. somedays the house is picked up, some days its not. when someone is going thru stuff the other person picks up the slack. 

 

days when i want to be alone i just stay in my room. 

 

i dont think i will ever go back to living alone. 


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#10 of 11 Old 07-05-2011, 01:09 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Super~Single~Mama View Post





I wouldn't bet on that.  At all.  In my state (and I bet in many other states as well), if a person is living in a home, even if they don't own it and there is no lease, and they have no other place to go, its very difficult to get them out.  I would talk to a real estate attorney who does lots of landlord/tenant work to make absolutely certain that you could kick them out, and how much notice you would need to give.



Thanks but I've looked into this and in the UK as long as they don't have any kind of sepration from the rest of the household (ie own frount door) it really is the case.  I worked in the housing advise department for a day too.  I would certianly double check but basically if they have no-where to go thats the housing departments problem and I don't think you need any notice but my friend who has lodger has a contract for two weeks notice.

 


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#11 of 11 Old 07-05-2011, 07:56 PM
 
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Just chiming in to say I share with my sister. The house we used to live in was awful for it - it was very difficult to work round all the uses we wanted to put a rather small space to and we both felt cramped. We're currently with parents and it's a big house but with six people in it, it is also cramped - and in 2 months, we move into our new house, which has a much better division of space and is a decent size for us.

 

What we needed to make the share arrangement work was separate living spaces. Neither is exclusive, but one will be the kids and will have toys, mess, dog, cats and the other will be adult orientated and won't have the pets. So sis can watch DVDs when she wants and I can still sit somewhere comfy with the kids in my area. I wouldn't rent out a room unless there was enough living space.

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