Photos of ex still up? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 12 Old 07-02-2011, 07:05 AM - Thread Starter
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Our walls were freshly painted and then we separated.  My walls are still bare.  I'm ready to start getting that part of my life back together.  I have a couple of  "sets" of photos that incude my spouse.  Though I feel they are good to have up for my children, it seems a bit odd to me.  Did you leave them, remove them?  This is a fairly amicable split by the way.  He is here regularly to see the kids etc.

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#2 of 12 Old 07-02-2011, 07:54 AM
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I still have about three photo's with him in but if I removed them it would be obvious so they remain. When we move I will not put them up again. I will actually pass them on to him as they are just him and the kids.

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#3 of 12 Old 07-02-2011, 05:49 PM
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Yeah, I have a frame that holds five photos hanging on my wall, and one of them is of DS with his dad (whose face is kind of covered by a hat). I've sort of thought about taking it down, and I did pull down a couple photos of my ex and I together. But like yours, it was an amicable split, and I feel like DS deserves to have photos of his dad around. If I absolutely couldn't stand my ex and was sick at the sight of him, I would for sure pull down the photos. But in this situation, I'm fine having it up.

Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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#4 of 12 Old 07-02-2011, 06:04 PM
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There is a copy of our engagement photo in the boy's room. I consider it theirs and they asked to keep when I asked about it. Of course, I rarely see it, since my Big Kid has so much crap on his dresser winky.gif

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YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#5 of 12 Old 07-07-2011, 09:44 PM
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I have a few pictures on the fridge.  We never had an family portraits done, and I haven't even hung up any pics since we've moved.  But my 4 year old dd likes seeing the pics on the fridge.  I leave them there for her.

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#6 of 12 Old 07-09-2011, 10:21 AM
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I never had any pics of ex and I so it was a non-issue for us. I have 1 picture of ex and ds right after ds was born. That is in ds's baby box thing. When he's older, he can do whatever he wants with it. Ex's wife gave ds a couple pics of their 2 kids. I let ds do whatever he wanted with them (last I saw, they were in the bottom of his closet in his bedroom).

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#7 of 12 Old 07-09-2011, 01:07 PM
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My plan is to put pix up in DD's room if they have him and her in them, or even just him. Unless he becomes violent, in which case I would not want her to think of him as her dad, esp because I would NEVER allow him to be alone with her. If that were the case, I wouldn't want to leave her alone with pictures of him because it would give her a lot of material for daydreaming when I send her to her room if she's giving me an attitude. Kids tend to idealize the absent parent anyway, and pictures of him looking handsome and smiling, rather than the surly unkempt version of himself that he normally is, would just be misleading. I would still stick them in a box for her, along with other memorabilia for her to have when she's a teenager and wants to know about her dad.

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#8 of 12 Old 07-09-2011, 03:18 PM
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I left ex any pics of him with his kids or our ds. I do have a series of pics I framed of ds when he was tiny- one has his dad in it too. I will keep it up because it is a really cute pic and I have only good memories of that period in our relationship. I also ended up with a family picture of the five of us the first time we took ds out when he was a newborn. I put that in his room. The pic of ex and I on vacation together deliriously happy before ds was born- went in ds's memory box.  All the others are in virtual photo albums on the computer. I have no plans to delete them and no plans to print them either.



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#9 of 12 Old 07-09-2011, 03:34 PM
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I had a couple in or bedroom and they live in my dresser (it is a great pic of the girls and me...if I could figure out a way to photo shop him out...).  Otherwise that is all we had up.  As a general rule there were very few pictures of us as we were rarely together and even if we were somewhere in public he never wanted me around him.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

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#10 of 12 Old 07-10-2011, 10:37 AM
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I have a lot up, in pretty much every room -- I was getting ready for the Guardian ad Litem's visit and putting them everywhere, then the kiddos liked it.  I also have up pictures of his family.  I just took a bunch and put them in the kiddos room for the summer, since they are with their dad...

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#11 of 12 Old 07-13-2011, 06:23 PM
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ours has been a difficult situation, so i just keep pics of my ex and his family in a photo album. i keep the ex's pics separate from the rest of the family in the book, because my girl wants to see pics of her Grammy and cousins more often. i let it be her choice who/when she wants to see.

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#12 of 12 Old 07-24-2011, 03:24 PM
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My DD (4.5) and I have moved several times since the split 2 years ago which made it much easier for me to take down those pics.  I did however put 3 in her room, 2 were taking when she was 7 days old (one of me and her and one of him and her so they match) and one of all 3 of us in happier times.  I wasn't so sure about that one because it feels fake to me now, but I want her to know that we really loved each other once upon a time.  She likes having them there and it isnt weird anymore.  i think if your kids are older and the pics are out in the open you should discuss it with them.  Ask them how it would make them feel if you took them down and explain your feelings at seeing them everyday.  Maybe they could choose a favorite to leave out and the rest can go their rooms.

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