July Dating Thread - Independence Days! We're not giving our sweet freedom up lightly....! - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: Are you ready, right now, to meet a candidate for a lifetime commitment?
Yes! I hope the guy in my life right now would get down on 1 knee! 4 12.90%
Yes, if the right guy makes himself known in an unmistakable way & sweeps me off my feet. 5 16.13%
Maybe, I'd have to see how it felt if I met a promising candidate. 4 12.90%
Maybe, but I have a feeling my list of requirements will be a tough bill to fill so I'm not holding my breath. 4 12.90%
Nah, not this minute. Having too much fun or need more healing/growing time. 7 22.58%
Nope! Last thing I want at this point in my life. Ask me in a couple years! 5 16.13%
I will never marry again. 2 6.45%
Voters: 31. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 50 Old 07-03-2011, 08:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Are you ready to give up your freedom, and the independence that goes along with being single? The freedom in parenting as you please in your own home, even? Why or why not?

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#2 of 50 Old 07-03-2011, 08:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm at my mom's on holiday & Cucumber flew over last night to join me but got stuck in his connection airport overnight so tomorrow he'll meet my relatives!
Last week I was at his mom's and it was lovely. Gosh his whole family is grinning and cheering us on none too subtly. Their blessings would never influence Cucumber, though.
Let's see...!
I'm daydreaming about what engagement ring I would most want! Smack me somebody!!!!
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#3 of 50 Old 07-05-2011, 01:17 AM
 
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Wow Butterfly, sounds very warm and gooey :) :)

 

The poll is very timely as i had just been doing some journalling on my ambivalence around relationships....writing on the topics 'Why I like being single', 'What I'm afraid of in relationship', and 'Why I want a relationship'...very revealing. I had a lot to say on the first two but it was the third category that left me with a really good feeling...my feelings of wanting a long term committed relationship definitely outweigh the wanting to keep my independence etc. This is after 2 years of single parenthood - I don't think i'd have said the same even a few months ago. Of course I anticipate I will feel some grief and loss of my single parenthood/unpartnered life, but with every passage from one stage of life to another there is loss,even if it's what you want most in the world.

 

I had a lovely weekend with Carpenter. We are both really feeling it, and saying it, and I'm just generally very loved up. Yet there is a part of me that's at a slight distance from it all, that finds it hard to take in. After all the heartbreaks of the past couple of years...my heart and gut say this guy is It, but my head has other ideas. It's a tad confusing. Between us it just feels as if we've been together for ages, but not in a boring way...in a comfortable, familiar way. This is so different from the painful push-pull tug-of-war kind of romantic relationships I've had for the past 10 years. I'm stepping into the unknown with this one. It's like, if it feels good and there's no edge of pain, it must be suspect!

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#4 of 50 Old 07-05-2011, 01:45 PM
 
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Funny guy and I have been spending a lot more time together. I recently purchased a new dog and he volunteered to take him during the day since he works at home and the dog needed help to transition. He says he enjoys his company and wants to keep taking him. Since he has been watching my dog it's been very natural to just pick him up after work too so he's been over at my place nearly every kid free day I have. The downside is that before I had been involved with some things I had wanted to do and they have ended so I need to go out and look for new things but that will mean pushing back on our time together. I really enjoy the time together but I also need to make sure I have enough time to myself for my own things when my dd is gone. He's been great and constantly grabbing me and kissing me, doing sweet things (like walking the dog when he wakes up at 6am and getting bagels), etc.

 

The one thing that has really been bothering me about funny guy if I get these comments from time to time on my weight. I have a bit of a belly after dd and could stand to lose a little weight but I'm not obese. He started by calling me "mi gordita" which is a term of endearment in the Hispanic culture. But everyone once in a while he calls me a ball of gum and gets a pretty bad look from me. I'm not sure if he does this for a reason or what. Then last weekend he asked me who is the chunky monkey. I responded it better be the dog (I have a bulldog). He has also joked about me being a fixer upper since I have changed some of my clothing and he thinks the look is a lot more attractive than what I was wearing (I was stuck in a rut of clothing that my controlling XH has approved versus what I enjoyed wearing). Now funny guy like to crack jokes all the time and that is something that attracted me to him - his humor. But these comments bother me after going through a controlling, emotionally abusive marriage and a verbally abusive relationship before that. Am I reading too much into this? I would love some feedback on this since I still question normal sometimes. I'm also a bit bothered that we've been dating for about 9 months and I gt a lot of "you're the best thing to happen to me" comments but not things like I love you.

 

This is actually quite an interesting poll because I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I want in my future. I do want a relationship but am not sure I want to go through marriage again. I wonder about the ability for two people to happily sustain a marriage for the long haul. I know so many couples in unhappy marriages or divorced and I don't want to go through either again. At the same time I worry about what kind of life that would bring me and what kind of example I would be setting for my dd.

 

 

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#5 of 50 Old 07-05-2011, 02:08 PM
 
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great poll!  i voted "nah . . . " because i do need more time for healing, but i also WANT to be having a lot more fun! 
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZoeyZoo View Post

 

The one thing that has really been bothering me about funny guy if I get these comments from time to time on my weight. I have a bit of a belly after dd and could stand to lose a little weight but I'm not obese. He started by calling me "mi gordita" which is a term of endearment in the Hispanic culture. But everyone once in a while he calls me a ball of gum and gets a pretty bad look from me. I'm not sure if he does this for a reason or what. Then last weekend he asked me who is the chunky monkey. I responded it better be the dog (I have a bulldog). He has also joked about me being a fixer upper since I have changed some of my clothing and he thinks the look is a lot more attractive than what I was wearing (I was stuck in a rut of clothing that my controlling XH has approved versus what I enjoyed wearing).


ugh, that's not cool.  has he ever gotten more than a bad look?  i would flat out tell him that i don't like it and don't want to hear it.  that just would not make me feel good and there's no reason for it.  he can be funny and playful without being hurtful.

 

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#6 of 50 Old 07-05-2011, 03:05 PM
 
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Well, I voted for the getting down on one knee. love.gif The Incredibly Nice Guy and I have been dating for nine months now and it's going freaking great. Honestly, my mind is made up. We've had some really really preliminary conversations about marriage. I don't think we're quite ready to get engaged yet, but I really feel like it's coming before long, hopefully before the end of the year. We're going on vacation together in a couple weeks and I'm beyond excited about it.

He's just such a great guy. He's smart, sweet, he treats me and my son with such consideration and kindness all the time without fail. He lives his life in a good way. He has a master's degree and a good career, as well as cool artistic hobbies and cute geeky interests. We share a value system and aesthetic, and we have a crazy amount of mutual friends stretching back years -- with all the people we know in common, it's actually crazy that we never met before last year. He was even friends with my sister like 15 years ago. I respect him, I'm excruciatingly attracted to him, I enjoy him, and I've just slowly grown to deeply care about him. He wants a family and thinks I'm a great mother. All my friends like him and like us together. I'm excited about sharing a life with him.

 

ETA: Ha, I just went back and found the first post I wrote about him back in October after our first date. Everything I wrote back then was spot on about him.

 

Hi. I think I'm back.
I took some serious time off of dating, jeez, almost a full year ago. I got really smitten with the jazz composer, who talked this huge talk and turned out to be a total narcissist with a girlfriend. I put some serious time into self-growth and trying to figure out and break old patterns.
In the spring, I met this incredibly nice guy. He's close friends with two separate groups of my friends, and I'm kind of surprised we hadn't met before. All of our mutual friends have nothing but glowing things to say about him. He's cute, in a tall, skinny geeky kind of way, and incredibly intelligent, and educated, and just really, really nice. We went on about three dates and I really enjoyed his company, but about that time things with my ex went haywire and I think I just wasn't ready. But I kept on thinking about him a little bit, and thinking he was exactly the kind of guy I needed to be with, and beating myself up a little for letting it slip away. He was out of town all summer doing a work project (he just finished his masters degree).
I didn't date at all over the summer, and my life was crazy busy taking classes I needed before grad school started. Then I went to this professional conference at the end of July and met this cute young reporter (he's like, seven years younger than me ) who lives a couple hours away from me. I wound up hanging out with him and a bunch of people from his paper that night, and we had this terrifically fun night on the town, and then we went back to the hotel to talk about politics. We stayed in touch after the conference, and he wound up coming down to visit me every two or three weeks over the last few months. We obviously weren't going to be soul mates, but we enjoyed each other's company. It was warm and affectionate and a lot of fun, in a kind of Stella getting her groove back sort of way.
So anyway...I went to my friend's daughter's first birthday party a couple weekends ago, and the incredibly nice guy was there. We wound up talking almost the whole time, and I was reminded again of how much I just really liked him as a person. At the end of the party I kind of shyly said something about how we should hang out at some point. But I was the one who let it fizzle out the first time, and I wasn't sure if he would want to try again.
This weekend, cute young reporter guy was supposed to come visit me, but he called on Thursday really apologetic saying that a bunch of his friends were going camping, and could we postpone it until next weekend? And I said that wasn't a problem.
So...I texted the incredibly nice guy, and asked him if he wanted to get together. And he said yes. And we went out last night and had the best time ever, just talking and talking and talking. We share so many of the same core philosophies and believe the same things. And then we kissed. We picked up DS from the babysitter and went back to my place and we kept on kissing for literally two hours straight. Nothing (much) more than that happened, and we actually had a conversation that we both liked each other a lot and didn't want to rush into anything. It was so incredibly good, though. It actually was kind of terrifying how raw and vulnerable and honest it felt.
So, yeah. He texted me today saying he had a wonderful time and we're hanging out again either Tuesday or Thursday, depending on my work. And I sent the cute reporter boy a message telling him how much I enjoyed hanging out with him the last few months, but I met someone and I wanted to give it an honest shot and see where it might lead.
So I'm very, very, very cautiously optimistic that this could be the start of something good. The one crappy thing is that he just finished his masters and he's applying for jobs all over the country, though he wants to stay in this town if at all possible.
So anyway, I've had a smile on my face today.
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by ZoeyZoo View Post

The one thing that has really been bothering me about funny guy if I get these comments from time to time on my weight.



That's not cool. Have you talked to him about it?

 

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Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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#7 of 50 Old 07-06-2011, 07:52 PM
 
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Marriage is the last thing I will ever want but someday I may shack up.  I have so much freedom to be myself now though and I really don't want to have to change our lifestyle to accommodate a guy.  I have my child and don't want more, I have friends, and sex was never really all that great even when it was very good so there is really more to lose than gain if I were to get married.

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#8 of 50 Old 07-07-2011, 06:58 AM
 
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Never been married and wouldn't be at all surprised if I never do.  Just never had that need. Knew from a very young age that I wanted kids. But marriage- nah.  However, I am open to it if the right person came along and we loved and enjoyed each other THAT much and he wasn't okay with just shacking up together forever- LOL.  So what I am saying is- I want a relationship- a long term committed relationship- and if that means marriage then so be it.

 

I am still seeing Bad Boy. Unfortunately I feel that the sex has fizzled a bit- in that he is basically letting me do all the work- if you know what I mean- and not putting much effort in himself.  But we have been spending more time together and talking and texting- which is good and bad I guess. Good because it's fun having someone to check in with and talk to at the end of the day. But bad because it complicates things.  I don't see us together for the long haul- like a pp said- it's more of a Stella getting her groove back kind of thing.  And I've never been good at the "breaking up" part of relationships. Which is I think why I have avoided them in the past! LOL  It was easy to break up with EX because things had deteriorated so completely that I was pissed at him and had been for years. But breaking up with a nice guy who's just looking for love and companionship and in the meantime wants to spend some time with me while he's looking. I am still doing the online dating thing but he's not. So I guess that's why I feel like I may meet someone I feel like dating before he does.

 

In fact I'm talking to someone new now.  Let's call him Cookie Guy. In his profile he said he's good at making chocolate chip cookies and later on he mentioned not being able to live without coffee. So I emailed him to say his profile made me hungry! We went back and forth for days in a flirty one liner kind of way. Last night he sent me his phone number. I'm going to text him today. He's 4 years younger than me!

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#9 of 50 Old 07-07-2011, 07:17 PM
 
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Well, I'm just perplexed. Things were burning hot with the Flame and he seems to have.. errrmm... disappeared off the face of the earth. Well, that'll do wonders for my self confidence. In the very short time we were (back) together, we had great fun catching up and sharing details about our lives which have changed so dramatically over the last five years. The sex was more than uplifting (much unlike the couple of micro-flings I'd had since my ex)... I'd really say it was healing for me. So I'm trying to stick to that whole no regrets attitude but really, wth... we've been friends for the better part of a decade and you don't bother giving any explanation for blowing me off?! He is flighty/busy and may get back to me yet but in the meantime yea I feel blown off and I dislike being left to wonder why. It's hard enough to put yourself out there!

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#10 of 50 Old 07-07-2011, 07:22 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucifugous View Post

Well, I'm just perplexed. Things were burning hot with the Flame and he seems to have.. errrmm... disappeared off the face of the earth. Well, that'll do wonders for my self confidence. In the very short time we were (back) together, we had great fun catching up and sharing details about our lives which have changed so dramatically over the last five years. The sex was more than uplifting (much unlike the couple of micro-flings I'd had since my ex)... I'd really say it was healing for me. So I'm trying to stick to that whole no regrets attitude but really, wth... we've been friends for the better part of a decade and you don't bother giving any explanation for blowing me off?! He is flighty/busy and may get back to me yet but in the meantime yea I feel blown off and I dislike being left to wonder why. It's hard enough to put yourself out there!


How long has it been since you heard from him?

 


 

 

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#11 of 50 Old 07-07-2011, 09:33 PM
 
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My sister has told me that my "picker" is broken.  I think she's right.  I'm about to give up on men.  I'm 43 (but am often mistaken for late 20's- early 30's) and the only guys I seem to attract are much younger than me (the 3 guys I've dated since my divorce are 24, 30 and 26).  I hereby vow not to date anyone else younger than 35.

 

The latest:

 

I had a really fun date with a guy (26 yo) Saturday night, met him out tonight, he tells me how he has a "hot date" this weekend with a woman he met the other day. WTF!!!!!!!???????? I left and went home.

I ran into text-guy (30 yo) on the 4th (he totally blew me off a month ago) and he had the nerve to ask me to put sunscreen on his back for him!  I put a bunch on my hands, slapped them on his back so he had hand prints and said "there ya go!".

 

The 24yo (I used to call FWB) is now one of my closest friends.  Who woulda thunk it?


Yep, I'm about done with them. My sis is right... my picker is broken. Someone help me fix it please!!!

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#12 of 50 Old 07-07-2011, 09:36 PM
 
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Oh and to answer your question, I chose nope, ask me in a few years... like when my kids are grown.  

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#13 of 50 Old 07-07-2011, 09:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lucifugous View Post

Well, I'm just perplexed. Things were burning hot with the Flame and he seems to have.. errrmm... disappeared off the face of the earth. Well, that'll do wonders for my self confidence. In the very short time we were (back) together, we had great fun catching up and sharing details about our lives which have changed so dramatically over the last five years. The sex was more than uplifting (much unlike the couple of micro-flings I'd had since my ex)... I'd really say it was healing for me. So I'm trying to stick to that whole no regrets attitude but really, wth... we've been friends for the better part of a decade and you don't bother giving any explanation for blowing me off?! He is flighty/busy and may get back to me yet but in the meantime yea I feel blown off and I dislike being left to wonder why. It's hard enough to put yourself out there!



So sorry to hear that.  I just don't get why guys do that either.  irked.gif

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#14 of 50 Old 07-08-2011, 06:36 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Moochie Mamma View Post

My sister has told me that my "picker" is broken.  I think she's right.  I'm about to give up on men.  I'm 43 (but am often mistaken for late 20's- early 30's) and the only guys I seem to attract are much younger than me (the 3 guys I've dated since my divorce are 24, 30 and 26).  I hereby vow not to date anyone else younger than 35.

 

The latest:

 

I had a really fun date with a guy (26 yo) Saturday night, met him out tonight, he tells me how he has a "hot date" this weekend with a woman he met the other day. WTF!!!!!!!???????? I left and went home.

I ran into text-guy (30 yo) on the 4th (he totally blew me off a month ago) and he had the nerve to ask me to put sunscreen on his back for him!  I put a bunch on my hands, slapped them on his back so he had hand prints and said "there ya go!".

 

The 24yo (I used to call FWB) is now one of my closest friends.  Who woulda thunk it?


Yep, I'm about done with them. My sis is right... my picker is broken. Someone help me fix it please!!!



I think guys in that age range are just in a very different place. Your idea to stick to dating men over 35 is a good one I think.

 

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#15 of 50 Old 07-08-2011, 11:14 AM
 
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I talked with funny guy and he seemed shocked I was taking it so hard and that he was joking. He said if he really thought I was fat he wouldn't be making jokes about it. Tried to equate it to calling tall person shortie. He said he didn't have any bad intentions and just because others may have doesn't mean he is. Outside of this issue he is always there for me above and beyond what I ask. He is constantly thinking of ways to make my life easier and giving to me. This feels so different to what I'm used to... walking on eggshells, giving too much, etc. Not sure if I'm anticipating he will be like my EXs and there will be some major flaw that I'll overlook or if this is a real issue. Would love some outside opinions.

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#16 of 50 Old 07-08-2011, 11:58 AM
 
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okay, but is he going to stop?  at this point, if he does it again, he sucks imo.

 

i came back to edit / add more because this is bothering me, zoey.  i can read your post two ways.  in one way, he explains himself while apologizing and will not do this again.  the other way is that he explains himself while minimizing and will do it again.  the second option is not okay.  it's great that he meant to be playful and sweet, but he really needs to understand that his intention is only half of the equation and that if you don't like it, it's no longer playful and sweet.  you know? 

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#17 of 50 Old 07-08-2011, 03:55 PM
 
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Turtle- it had been since the Monday morning the week before when he thanked me profusely for breakfast, kissed me deeply, and left to go home and get ready for work. So, ten days and change! He also completely disappeared off of social media for just under two weeks, which he hasn't done for more than a couple days in a row for at least a year.

 

But he's got great timing, can you tell I'd about given up? Last night, the Flame sent me a short but sweet apology, work has been crazy, and he looks forward to spending time together when it dies down next week. I became very excited but resisted replying yet. I'd prefer he not have such a strong effect on my emotions, too late lol. I like that I've had time to think about what I want and need from this, but if that kind of interval without contact happened frequently I don't think I would be happy in that kind of relationship. So, proceeding cautiously, but excitedly!


 

Quote:

Originally Posted by Moochie Mamma View Post

My sister has told me that my "picker" is broken.  I think she's right.  I'm about to give up on men.  I'm 43 (but am often mistaken for late 20's- early 30's) and the only guys I seem to attract are much younger than me (the 3 guys I've dated since my divorce are 24, 30 and 26).  I hereby vow not to date anyone else younger than 35.

 

The latest:

 

I had a really fun date with a guy (26 yo) Saturday night, met him out tonight, he tells me how he has a "hot date" this weekend with a woman he met the other day. WTF!!!!!!!???????? I left and went home.

I ran into text-guy (30 yo) on the 4th (he totally blew me off a month ago) and he had the nerve to ask me to put sunscreen on his back for him!  I put a bunch on my hands, slapped them on his back so he had hand prints and said "there ya go!".

 

The 24yo (I used to call FWB) is now one of my closest friends.  Who woulda thunk it?


Yep, I'm about done with them. My sis is right... my picker is broken. Someone help me fix it please!!!


Hang in there! I believe that when we treat ourselves well, we will attract the guys who will, too. ...but wow does a man have to walk a fine line to be family-friendly AND sexy!

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Moochie Mamma View Post

Oh and to answer your question, I chose nope, ask me in a few years... like when my kids are grown.  


 

Sounds smart to me!! But I checked the "if the right person.. see how I feel" :) I might like to have more kids some day but the next time around I wouldn't let it happen unless we were in a more secure relationship and financially stable situation.

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#18 of 50 Old 07-08-2011, 04:00 PM
 
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Zoey- I could see it going either way, too. Agree that if he was minimizing and continues to make comments, that's not right!! But it sounds like, hopefully, he'll adjust his behavior now that he knows how you feel!

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#19 of 50 Old 07-09-2011, 09:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Cucumber said he loves me!!!
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#20 of 50 Old 07-09-2011, 12:43 PM
 
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I've been seeing my guy for 8 months and have broken up a few times over this very issue. I start wanting my freedom back and yet I love him and can't imagine my life without this guy in it but at times just want some ME time instead of all my kid-free time being spent with a man. So we have had our issues during the past 8 months since meeting up. I think I made the mistake of meeting this guy before my divorce was final. I should have been single for a while and given myself a chance to heal some and see where I wanted to go as a single mom again. I feel stressed often and trapped at times and I don't like that feeling but I also know I want this person in my life. But I'm in no way ready for a marriage proposal. He would know this too I would hope! I am looking at (in my mind anyway) at LEAST 3 years or more of dating this person before taking it to that extreme. That's mainly because I want to finish college, secure and commit to a great job (hoping on that one anyway) and get my son out of high school and my littlest one IN to kindergarten. lol...ah yes, I have soooo much going on I don't know how I do it most days.


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#21 of 50 Old 07-10-2011, 02:03 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Butterflymom View Post

Cucumber said he loves me!!!


Yay Butterfly! So happy for you :) :) :)

 

I'm all glowing and loved up, Carpenter came down for the afternoon and night (he's still here till tomorrow morning) and wow, wow, wow. We are just so synced with each other in so many ways. And we sealed the deal too and it was lovely :) Tonight will be interesting - my son coming back from his dad's and dealing with that whole situation. I've chatted to DS about Carpenter being here (he met him at our holiday) and we negotiated a sleeping arrangement that DS is comfortable with, but you never know until the actual situation happens how he's going to react. He's just realised recently that his dad and I not living in the same house is an unusual situation and has been asking a lot about it, so in a way the timing is a bit poor. 

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#22 of 50 Old 07-11-2011, 10:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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He asked me if I want to have a baby and has basically just wiped out the last months of doubt and angst in a few days.
We are serious and will be planning a future in less & less vague terms from now on, I'm certain.
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#23 of 50 Old 07-11-2011, 10:44 AM
 
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Woo for butterfly! love.gif I'm so thrilled for you, sweetie!


Robin~ single, work-at-home momma to my WonderBoys
YoungMan (6/00) & LittleBoy (6/04)
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#24 of 50 Old 07-11-2011, 01:34 PM
 
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Butterlymom - I'm so happy to hear that! I remember how uncertain you've been with Cucumber.

 

 

 

Thank you to those who commented about my situation. I do believe that funny guy was minimizing it and I'm not quite sure what to think about it. I would write him off as selfish but he totally isn't and does so much to make life easier for me and my family. Everything is about me; not him which is such a positive difference in comparison to many others I'm known. This is our only sore spot.

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#25 of 50 Old 07-11-2011, 01:59 PM
 
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you deserve better, zz.

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#26 of 50 Old 07-11-2011, 07:13 PM
 
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That's awesome, butterfly!


Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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#27 of 50 Old 07-11-2011, 08:00 PM
 
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So happy for you Butterfly!

 

Met Cookie Guy for coffee yesterday and we talked for 3 hours!  We've been texting ever since. Going out again tomorrow night! Excited to talk to him some more. Tons of activity on the dating sites all of a sudden. I've been talking to another new guy and got an email from one today who looks really interesting. I can't keep up with all this.  Think I need to block my profile until I sort these guys out! lol

 

Bad boy and I have been having a lot of fun lately. We've talked very honestly about past relationships and what we are both looking for in future relationships. He actually said that he appreciated my honesty from the start- that I told him I was just looking for fun with him and nothing more. And he has said that he wants only the same from me. But I'm starting to not believe it.  

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#28 of 50 Old 07-17-2011, 12:22 PM
 
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A question: What do you do when someone who you've just started seeing has a birthday approaching? I really like him so far, but we are definitely still at the stage where it's very unclear what will develop between us. If it was my birthday, I'd prefer to just have him say, "Hey, happy birthday. How's your day going?" or whatever, but I'm wondering if it would be better to get him a little gift.

Rainbow.gif ~ Molly
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#29 of 50 Old 07-17-2011, 01:12 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post

A question: What do you do when someone who you've just started seeing has a birthday approaching? I really like him so far, but we are definitely still at the stage where it's very unclear what will develop between us. If it was my birthday, I'd prefer to just have him say, "Hey, happy birthday. How's your day going?" or whatever, but I'm wondering if it would be better to get him a little gift.


 

What about a tiny gift? Something like, I dunno, a fancy chocolate bar or a mixed CD that you made? A lighthearted card? You could offer to buy him a move ticket or a cocktail out somewhere? I think it's nice to acknowledge birthdays but at the very start of a relationship you definitely want to keep it chill. I kind of wrestled with that a little bit with the Incredibly Nice Guy. We had only been dating around two and a half months when Christmas rolled around. We both finally admitted to each other that we wanted to get the other a little gift but we didn't know what was appropriate, so we made a pact to get each other an inexpensive book.


Jen, journalist, policy wonk, and formerly a proud single mama to my sweet little man Cyrus, born at home Dec. 2007 . Now married to my Incredibly Nice Guy and new mama to baby Arthur.
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#30 of 50 Old 07-17-2011, 07:08 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mimim View Post

A question: What do you do when someone who you've just started seeing has a birthday approaching? I really like him so far, but we are definitely still at the stage where it's very unclear what will develop between us. If it was my birthday, I'd prefer to just have him say, "Hey, happy birthday. How's your day going?" or whatever, but I'm wondering if it would be better to get him a little gift.


I like the buy him a drink idea, I'd probably go with that one or just say happy birthday to him.

 

My dating scene is still all talk and no meeting! aaarrgghh I need to find a babysitter! Next week I have to send my kids to my parents b/c they're daycare is taking a week off so hopefully I will get to meet some of these guys I have been chatting with then. I have moved on to texting with one guy but he lives the farthest away and I'm not sure how much we really have in common :/ we'll see though maybe he is the best match!

 

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